Chapter 7: Similarities

"Because….because…" I shook my head again. "Because no one ever asked me if I wanted to be both! Because when I was both, I wasn't happy. I couldn't make friends at school, and I didn't know how to act around the animals. I didn't have someone to tell me how to be a wolf. But I did have someone to help me be a human, so that's what I am. That's all I've tried to be, for years. And until today, I've been good at it, and...and...I've been happy. And there's nothing wrong with that...Right…?"

Iozen took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "In the end, it seems that's for you to decide." I relaxed slightly, letting out some of the tension I hadn't realized was there. "Just know that when the Lord of the land returns, I'm sure that he'd welcome you here."

I was glad to have a new question to ask, to change the topic off of thoughts and questions that were hurting my head. "Who is this Lord?"

Iozen looked contemplative for a moment, and just as I was beginning to think he wasn't going to let the previous subject drop, he answered me. "He is a very powerful beast who is in charge of this land. There are many other lords that vary according to which town you live in."

"...There's more than one town?"

Iozen looked at me in amusement. "You didn't think that alley was the only entrance?" I blushed in response, and he attempted to hide a smile. "The world of Beasts is as large as the world of Humans. There are entrances everywhere, though some are harder to find than others. I haven't travelled very far, but even I have seen that there are beasts in other towns that are incredibly different from the ones here. There may even be other's like you."

The thought was shocking, to say the least. "Others…? But...my dad was the only one left."

"It could be that he was the only one as far as he knew...though I couldn't say for sure. The Lord is well versed in things like this, so we could ask him when he returns."

"Do you know when he'll be back?"

"It could be days, or it could be weeks. He's never very specific."

I frowned a little. "He won't send a message or something?"

Iozen chuckled a little. "If he did, he would reach us before the message did. He's quite fast, even in his old age."

I didn't really understand, but I could only guess that the Lord was some sort of Cheetah.

I sighed. "It would be nice to know...but I have a lot to do back home. I can't stay here forever."

"You don't need to stay forever," Iozen stood, "But it's rather late. Why don't you stay here for the night, and we can show you how to get back and forth to Jutengai tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow…." It was late, and even if I did end up getting back to the alley I'd come through, it wasn't exactly close to my home. I bit my lip. "Thank you, but…" I glanced back toward the room Ichirohiko and I had argued in. "I'm not sure it would be a good idea."

Iozen glanced that way as well and sighed once more. "Don't worry. That outburst was very unusual. The topic is just…"

"Sensitive?"

He nodded, and while I wasn't going to ask anything more, he continued anyway. "You have the ability to choose who and what you want to be. You asked that I imagine what the past was like for you..." He trailed off, seeming indecisive. He closed his eyes a moment, and when he opened them again he'd obviously made a decision, though there was a deep regret presented in those eyes. "You told me that you didn't hate wolves. But imagine that you did. You hate wolves, so you decide that you don't want to be one, and you live as a human instead."

I nodded for him to continue, not really sure what he was trying to tell me.

"Now imagine that you hate wolves….but when you discover you are one, you don't have the ability to change that."

I scowled in confusion before it dawned on me. Now imagine that you hate humans, but… "You mean that he…? But why? How?" I hadn't meant to pry, but the curiosity got the better of me.

"It's my fault on every account. I'm sure you'll hear everything eventually, if you keep coming around, and I'd prefer if you heard it from my family...but it's much too long of a story for tonight. Just know that my son has had a difficult time."

"So I've been told…" I said softly.

He didn't breach the subject again, and for a bit the two of us stayed there in the quiet, just watching the stars. Anyone that happened by probably thought it to be a peaceful, relaxing sight….something to calm the mind and clear thoughts. But the truth was that while on some level it was peaceful and relaxing, my mind was anything but calm. For maybe the thousandth time in the last few hours, my thoughts were racing. Endless questions that proved to have elusive answers.

About Iozen and what happened with his family.

About Jutengai and how my family never knew a place like this existed.

About beasts.

About wolves.

About humans.

About me.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Late into the night, I found myself staring at the white ceiling of the unfamiliar room.

Iozen had let me stay in the same room I'd woken up in. I'd never said I'd actually stay the night, but I knew trying to make my way home in the dark just wasn't going to go well.

Besides that, I was tired. Even knowing I was in the house of someone I hardly knew, I was almost eager to go to sleep. Though, with the excitement that had found its way into my life, I guess my mental fortitude could only last so long.

Which was why it was surprising, and a little frustrating, to find myself completely awake. I'd closed my eyes and tried every trick I could think of to get myself to sleep, but nothing was working. I kept trying to keep my mind blank, focusing on silly things, like how unused the room seemed, or how firm the mattress was.

But my head didn't agree with what I was trying to tell it, and instead the events of the day continued to replay, on and off, as I attempted to ignore them as soon as they started. Sadly, not only was this not working, but I was getting increasingly frustrated about it, which only served to wake me up more.

I eventually sighed deeply and gave up. Either I tried to keep it up and got no sleep, or I could try to sort through the mess in my head and maybe be able to sleep after. Maybe.

The first thought that came was unexpected. It was of my dad.

My mother had told stories of him, after he was gone. It was easy to recall the stories, of things they did together, of how they met. It was easy to close my eyes and see the picture still sitting in its place at home, and easy to remember nights when she'd sit there in front of it. Nights when I would sit there too.

I wasn't a very calm child, and it wasn't until I started school that I'd become more reserved. Yet there were still times, in between running around, where I'd stop and look at his face and think.

Sometimes I'd wonder what advice he could give us that we were going without…Especially when I had no idea what I was, what I wanted to be. I wanted him to show up and give me the answers that mom just didn't have.

And sometimes I'd wonder how different things would be if he were with us. Especially if it was a rough day, when I'd seen other children with their parents. Even most of the animals that lived nearby had two parents looking after them. It wasn't that I thought he'd do a better job than my mom, but wouldn't everything have been so much easier if he was there too? I know it would have been better for my mother, who missed him so much, but his children needed him too.

But most of the time, when I'd leave the house for school, and I would tell the small shrine, which had become the representation of my father, goodbye...I'd take a second to stare at his face, and take the details in. I'd press that image on top of the foggy figure in my mind, doing my best to remember my father.

In a way, I had thousands of memories of him. But at some point, it became impossible to differentiate between what was something that I remembered, and something that my mom had told me so many times I'd just pressed it into my mind.

Mom had told the story about the day she found out dad was a wolf. How he'd changed in front of her, and that it didn't change how she felt about him. A part of me always thought of how romantic it was, and that, one day, I'd be in love, and something similar might happen.

Well, something similar did happen, but much sooner than the little girl I was had imagined. When I showed Souhei what I was, he didn't react badly at all. And at that moment, when all was done and it hadn't made him think less of me...I really believed he would be who I'd end up with. But while the event was very special, I was a child. And children grow out of crushes.

Maybe it would be lying to say I'd never thought about it after that, but...when we got older, we ended up in different schools, and though we've kept in contact over the years, it seems like we'll only ever be close friends.

And even though I'd been on dates here and there, I hadn't shown the wolf half to anyone else.

Until I showed it to several people in the last few hours, anyway.

But my father, as far as my mother knew, had never gotten very close to anyone besides her where they lived before. Not more than occasionally going out with coworkers, at least.

And they definitely didn't know his secret.

In a way, he was like me.

But in another, he was entirely different. From what I knew, he was who Iozen should have met. My dad lived with my mom as a human, but he also let himself be a wolf. And he was happy that way.

But he'd died as a wolf.

Maybe, if he hadn't been trying to be two different things at once, he would still be around. And maybe that's why mom never gave us that option. Maybe she was afraid something like that would happen to us.

Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't. But with only one person to base the statistics on, I couldn't really blame her. Besides, in the end, it didn't really matter that there was a way to be both. Neither of her children had been indecisive about what to be.

He made his choice.

I made mine.