A/N: kind of an epilogue. I've held onto this for two years, had to publish before it died in my WIP folder.

The date was December 1, the day after Thanksgiving, at 8:34 in the morning. Aka Black Friday, a suitably menacing name for an intimidating day. At the food court of the local mall, a certain table burned with focus and determination, making little children in strollers cry and even the strongest shopaholics veer away.

Nami punched the cheap plastic table she was standing over. "Alright, everyone. Luffy's still on his way, but in the meantime, let's go over the plan. Usopp, status report."

"Midnight shopping with Kaya was a success, Great Leader Nami." Usopp saluted with a jitter, his extra-large latte spiking his system. "I got three vacuum cleaners, a new lamp, Sanji's sound system, ten gaming systems in preparations for post-holiday ebay auctions, a soldering iron, two voice recorders, four usb drives, and that disturbing singing Christmas tree. Also, I'm so broke right now, it's not even funny, so you better pay me back."

"Only within your own financial limits, though," Kaya said with a yawn, leaning on Usopp's shoulder.

Nami waved her hand. "Already have the cash prepared. Sanji!"

"Right here. Nami-swan is so thoughtful, always buying what this pitiful servant wants."

"Alright, here's the game plan." Nami ignores Sanji and unfurls a map of the shopping mall. "Usopp and Kaya, you take the third floor's furniture department, these clothing stores, and the jewelry store. Here's the shopping list. Keep in mind that we're looking for a sofa to replace the one Luffy broke last week. And if there's no free delivery, then just WALK away."

"How am I supposed to know what styles you want?" Usopp places his hand over Kaya's forehead to prevent her from falling off his shoulder and faceplanting the table.

"Take pictures and send them to me. I trust your preliminary judgment. Luffy and I-"

Sanji's heart breaks with a tinkling chime.

"Will take all the clothing stores on the first and second floor. Sanji, you're restocking the kitchen and…actually, I have a special mission for you."

"Yes?"

"There's someone who will be coming along to help with the shopping, and I need you to…assess how trustworthy he is."

"Whoa, what?" Usopp looks outraged. "I thought Black Friday shopping was an our-house-only kind of thing! No outsiders! Luffy said so!"

"Does that include me?" Kaya looks into her boyfriend's eyes with a pouting frown and tired, bloodshot eyes that makes for a destructive puppy-dog look. Usopp gurgles out something that doesn't belong to the English language.

"Exactly," Nami smirks evilly. "Now that we've established that significant others are the exception, then there's no problem at all!" She holds up her phone for the three to gawk at.

Mikanthief0703: It's already 10, Luffy. Where are you? More importantly, WHERE IS MY DAMN CHAPSTICK?!

PirateKing: sorry nami XD

PirateKing: sumthin came up, so Im staying at someones place toniyt.

Mikanthief0703: Um, ok? That explains nothing whatsoever.

PirateKing: Its fine, its fine. Imma meet you guys at the mall tomorow, alright?

Mikanthief0703: 8 am. And you better not be late!

PirateKing: Dont worry, I wont be!

...

Mikanthief0703: Luffy, wake up! You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago!

PirateKing: GAH! Sorry Nami, I overslept :o

Mikanthief0703: DAMN RIGHT YOU OVERSLEPT. Now get over there before I find you and KILL YOU MYSELF.

PirateKing: Alriht, alright.

PirateKing: Can I bring Zoro too?

Mikanthief0703: Who the hell is Zoro?

PirateKing: My boyfriend!

The mall shoppers within twenty feet of the table jump in shock from the resulting screams.

"That explains why you're not mad at Luffy for being late," muses a now awake Kaya. "Usopp, dear, you alright?"

Usopp seems to be having a mini meltdown, his anxieties multiplying exponentially and escaping his already hypersensitive little brain. "Luffy…relationship…can't…"

"That idiot. Who picks up random bums off the street in the middle of the night and calls them 'boyfriend'?" Sanji's looking away from the table, trying to pretend that he doesn't give a shit about his fellow housemate.

"My thoughts exactly. But you're going to have to your grievances up with the real thing." Nami points, and they follow her finger.

"OOOIII You guys!" Luffy's waving his arm like he's trying to dislocate it out of its socket, and with the other arm he's dragging along his new beau. Their first impressions are wary at best.

Muscles? Check.

Abnormal shade of hair? Check.

Eye scar from knife fight? Check.

Furthermore, his expression makes it abundantly clear that he is not a morning person, and he is probably not amused about being lead around like an animal.

"You guys are already here! Awesome! This is Zoro! We're going out now! Nami, what are we-"

"Would you slow down a minute?!"

"Ow!"

Nami throws the furled map back on the table. "Nice to meet you, Zoro. I'm Nami. This here," she gestures, "is Sanji, my boyfriend, Usopp, and his girlfriend Kaya. Not sure what Luffy told you about us yet…"

Zoro stares them down, like he's trying to assess their character. Or he's trying to commit their faces to memory. Or he's a predator looking for his next meal. Hard to say, what with his annoyed expression. "Just that you guys live up on Foosha Street."

"Honestly that's more coherent an explanation than I would have expected. Well, we're off to a bit of a late start with the shopping, so I'm sure we can manage introductions later." Nami turns. "Luffy."

"Yeah?"

"You're coming with me."

"…AGAIN?!" Luffy becomes utterly distraught. Zoro glares at Nami. Which makes Sanji glare at Zoro.

Nami pays it no attention. "Should I go into a detailed explanation, right here, right now, of why I'm making you do this?"

Luffy shakes his head furiously. "No, that's fine."

"Good. Now come on, we're already half an hour late because of SOMEONE AND THEIR BOYFRIEND." Nami takes pleasure in watching the two faces blush furiously. "Zoro, am I right? You're going with Sanji."

"Wait. Why the hell am I-"

"Yeah, why is Zoro going-"

"Luffy. Do you really want Zoro coming with us?"

Nami almost expects Luffy's head to fall off with all the shaking. He turns to his significant other. "Zoro, will you be ok?"

Zoro looks at the various expressions staring at him, then at Luffy's worried one. He had no idea what to expect when he had been rudely woken up this morning, but he attempted to take it in stride. "Sanji's the blonde one, right."

"Yeah, and Zoro's the mosshead."

And try his best not to kill off Luffy's friends in the first hour.

After they walk out of earshot of the others, Luffy turns to Nami in despair. "Why Nami?"

"One," Nami explains with rehearsed ease, "you're the same size as me. Two, I don't have enough time to search for AND try on clothing. And three, you were late, so this is part of your punishment." And four, she thinks you look adorable in girl's clothes, but Nami knows that saying so would ensure that Luffy never come shopping with her again.

Luffy lets himself be dragged along by Nami. "No pictures."

"No pictures."

"And you feed me later."

"Mall food, and we'll go to a buffet for dinner."

Luffy finally decides to stop wallowing. "Alright, let's get this over with!" He marches like a soldier going off into battle.

Nami laughs. "You dork." As they walk, Nami notices a whisper of a change in Luffy's demeanor. Is he…happy? That can't be right, he's always uncontrollably happy. Yet there's a glitter in his eyes, and he's looking…

Forward.

She gapes. "You're not afraid of making eye contact anymore."

He smiles and nods his head, but doesn't elaborate further.

"So…Zoro-chan."

"That's Zoro-sama to you."

"Cyclops."

"Dartbrow."

Sanji tries a different tactic. "Just how old are you? You look you're going through your midlife crisis, what with that punk getup"

"I'm twenty-one, you bastard."

"Really." Sanji taps against his chin thoughtfully. "You know, Luffy may be legal, but he's always looked young for his age. You're probably going to get called a pedophile when you start going out with him."

"Doesn't matter. Luffy's fine the way he is. Don't go making him uncomfortable over something stupid like that."

Like you're one to talk, Sanji silently fumes. You've known him for less than 24 hours. "Right, right. Thanks for the concern, Mr. Pedobear."

"WHAT?!"

Nami browses at the clearance section outside the changing room. After the initially burst of hysterical excitement about THE soulmate, she was reconsidering the situation. "I'm just worried about you. I know that you're psyched about meeting your soulmate and all, but sometimes it just doesn't work out."

Luffy peeks over the 7-foot curtain, and Nami doesn't even bother being surprised that he could climb up there. "You worry too much Nami." Then he drops back down with a clap of his sandals that has probably echoed to the front of the store.

Nami exhales her frustrations. He can't help it, Nami, she reminds herself; he's an idiot when it comes to love. Besides, you can't get mad, or you'll get thrown out again. "I'm just saying that soulmates aren't a certainty for happily ever after. Just look at the rest of the world. Just look at me and Sanji! We're not soulmates, and we're doing just fine."

"Oh yeah. How's that going?"

She looks at Luffy who's climbed over the curtain again. He's projecting an I-don't-give-a-damn-about-relationships air, but the eyes give him away. He'll always worry about his friends. Any chance of hurt or heartbreak, and he'll find the right side to comfort, sometimes choosing both at the same time. She shrugs. "Fine. He's noodling around, worshiping the very ground I walk on. Same as ever."

"But you seem to get more annoyed whenever he talks to other girls." He laughs and catches the cardigan that Nami throws at his head. "Now that I think about it, it's all because of you that I got to meet Zoro. So thank you for wanting that chapstick!"

"Really?" Nami is almost horrified at the realization that Luffy's happiness had hinged on something as trivial as her dry lips. "Just what kind of thanks are we talking about?"

"Anything you want!"

Nami looks at Luffy's face. It speaks of rainbows and sunshine and baby kittens, like he's the happiest person in the world right now. And all of Nami's devious intentions just fizzle out. "Just try not to run off until the end of the day, alright?"

"You got it." He returns to his small room, making rustles behind the curtain. "…Lingerie?! Are you serious, Nami?!"

"Come on. Unlike you, I need something other than fate or destiny to keep my man around."

"…I'm not wearing the underwear."

"Fine, fine." Nami waits for a minute to tick by on her watch, then slides behind the curtain while checking her phone. "Ah, by the way. Sanji passed by a chocolate store. You want anything?" She glances at Luffy casually, fighting on the urge to both squeal and laugh into the curtain. Luffy's wearing the lacy bra from the lingerie set, along with a navy skirt. They go almost inappropriately well with his thin, lightly toned body. She covertly snaps a picture on her phone, and just in time. Luffy tilts his head, staring at the ceiling. Then he lifts the bra off in one clean motion and throws it over the curtain. "Hey! I was probably gonna buy that!"

"You know those little reindeer keychains that poop chocolate? Ask Sanji if they have them. I'll give one to Chopper."

"Got it. 'Sanji-kun.'" She draws out each syllable as she types. "Look. For. Those. DISGUSTING. Pooping. Reindeer. Keychains. Thanks. Kiss mark. Kiss mark."

Sanji swears to himself that if he and the Pedobear get mistaken for a bickering gay couple one more time, he won't care what Luffy thinks. He's going to shove Zoro down an empty escalator. He makes eye contact with Usopp, who's just walking out from a women's clothing store with Kaya, and suddenly smirks.

"I was mildly surprised," he starts out of the blue. "I mean, Luffy doesn't usually go for guys like you."

Zoro stops. "But he-"

"But what? He's 19; he can choose who he wants to get close to. I mean, physically, you're his ideal type. But usually we find him hanging out with guys who are, I don't know. Kind. Considerate. Show him a lot of affection. Introduce themselves to his friends pre-emptively. Don't think you're special just because you're his current boyfriend, alright?" And Sanji walks ahead with a jaunt in his step.

Excusing himself from Kaya, Usopp sighs heavily as he walks forward. He reminds himself to never try to get the upper hand on Sanji. Though, to Sanji's credit, he had made sure that Usopp would be there to clean up the collateral damage of his prank.

"Sanji's right, you know." Usopp claps Zoro on the shoulder, trying to ignore the hurt and confusion on the taller man's face. "You'll figure it out eventually, but Luffy has multiple strong, kind, considerate, affectionate…" He enunciates the next word clearly. "Brothers."

It only takes 3.5 seconds Zoro to turn a murderous shade of puce.

"I'M GOING TO BREAK THAT DARTBOARD IN HALF!"

He chases after the hysterically laughing blonde.

They break for a quick lunch, getting kicked out of the food court after Luffy's stolen one too many free samples (not that Zoro was blameless, the no-good enabler). Then, because Nami really didn't need Sanji and Zoro trying to get themselves arrested, Zoro was bunted off to Usopp and Kaya as they headed toward the furniture store.

However, Kaya's the only one who ends up shopping. Zoro and Usopp are wandering the aisles when Usopp asks Zoro some bland questions while getting grunts in reply. Finally Usopp screams, "Ok! So I have something to say, and there's no convenient way to segue into it, but I think it needs to be said if you're dating Luffy."

Zoro raised a single eyebrow with interest. "Go on."

So Usopp gulped. And paused. After a whole minute of silence, with Zoro getting steadily more irritated, Usopp finally started talking about finding his soulmate Kaya, which did nothing for Zoro's patience, but then.

"Everyone was so happy for me, it took a while for me to notice that Luffy wasn't there. Eventually I managed to find him on the roof, moping. And then he asked me weird questions like, is finding soulmates contagious? Was he going to find his, now that I had found mine. And really, that kinda popped my bubble, so we got into a bit of an argument, until he blurted out that he was… Well, it's not for me to tell."

"That he's ace?"

"No, he's Luffy. What are you talking about? I'm joking, brother jokes. Please don't kill me. So yeah, you know he's asexual? Then you probably know why it was freaking him out so much. Then he asked me what I would have done, if I were in his shoes. So I told him, I said that it would… take some compromising. But I think we could do it. Kaya…She makes me feel stronger, braver, like I can do anything. She's perfect, but only because her imperfections don't mean a thing to me. And I…I trust her enough to know she feels the same for me."

"I stared into the slightly hopeful gaze of my best friend and said, 'There's nothing wrong with you either. You're perfect the way you are.'

"But see, I should have continued along that line of thought. I should have mentioned Luffy's thirst for adventure, his undying loyalty to his friends, his beaming smile, and the countless other reasons why I loved him like a brother.

"But instead, I changed the subject, all because the conversation was making me feel out-of-place, and I always have to make everything into a joke. Because I was a coward.

"I said, 'Besides, I mean, really? Just because Kaya and I met, doesn't mean you'll get the same luck. There are more than seven billion people in the world, the majority of which are inaccessible to you. The chances of you finding your soulmate are like a drop of water in the ocean!'

"After a pause, Luffy agreed. 'Yeah. Chances are I'll never meet them.'

"'Uh-huh.'

"'And they'll never meet me.'

"'Yep.'

"'They could live their entire lives happily, even without me.'

"'…I guess so?'

"Luffy nodded, his confidence returning to him. "They can still be happy. I'll make sure of it.'

"'Uh, Luffy?'

"'Thanks, Usopp!' then he reached down and, gripping the top of his windowsill with one arm, he somersaulted back into his room.

"And that marked the beginning of Luffy's self-imposed wariness. Afterwards, no matter how much arguing and begging and rationalizing I tried, he wasn't able to change his mind.

"Like any other new situation, Luffy managed to adapt. 95% of the time, he was pure and simple Luffy: a glutton, a goofball, and a bouncy ball of energy. It was the subtle things that changed, the ones that only the people who were around him constantly could pick up on, and even then, they couldn't help but wonder if they were just seeing things.

"He started talking into his food when he was around strangers. He didn't go out quite as often, brushing off curious 'why's' with lame excuses. Eventually, it got better. He learned to maintain his eye contact at around the collarbone level. But nothing was ever quite the same.

"Luffy didn't know he was worrying us. Conversely, his friends didn't know how worried they should be. And when they asked me what I thought about Luffy's weird new habits, I didn't know what to say. Because after screwing up my friend on such a fundamental level, the least I could do was make sure that no one else could find out the truth and hurt him again."

"So he ended up dragging you into his worries." Zoro's deep voice breaks Usopp out of his reverie.

"Don't make it sound like his fault," Usopp snaps. Then sighs. He wants to laugh at how weirdly appropriately the current scene is. He's sprawled on a comfy leather sofa, with Zoro hunched over the neighboring armchair. If only Zoro had some reading glasses and a notepad, then they would make the stereotypical, "how are you feeling now" therapy session.

"Sometimes it just tears me apart," he quietly admits. "Half of me wants him to just find his soulmate and get the torture over with. Half of me is trying to accept that he may be this frightened of himself for the rest of his life."

So this guy also had it tough, Zoro thinks to himself, and he makes his decision. Originally, he was going to follow Luffy's lead about explaining everything to his friends, but he decides to cut this guy some slack. "You know, there is an easy solution."

"What." Usopp really can't help his resentful tone.

"Maybe his soulmate is asexual too."

"Of course." Usopp raises his hands to cover up the shrill overhead lighting. "And she's going to come falling out of the sky someday-"

"He."

Usopp's arms become rigid. "He?"

"He," Zoro repeats with a smirk. "And yeah. He is."

Usopp blinks at him.

Blinks at him again.

Starts sniffling.

Then he jumps off the sofa, clinging to the other man with a chokehold. "I just…I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW, MAN!"

"Urgh…" Zoro frantically tries to rip the human koala bear away by tugging at the lapels of his jacket. He hears a click go off.

"Oh my," Kaya giggles from a few feet away, holding up her phone that's obviously just used to take a picture. "Only your first day as a couple, Zoro-san, and you're cheating on Luffy with my boyfriend."

At 5:30, everyone meets up at the mall fountain as agreed. Kaya shares her covert pictures with everybody, much to their amusement. Luffy is less amused. He sidles up to Zoro and hugs his beefy arm, glaring at Usopp. "Usopp. Keep your hands to yourself. And Kaya."

Usopp sputters, his face red. "You did not just say that!" He looks around at his friends. "Did you hear what I just heard? He expressed romantic inclinations, he made a reference to being 'touchy-touchy', he's being possessive; Luffy doesn't do 'possessive'!

"Except with meat," Sanji says.

"And now with Zoro, apparently," Nami says.

Zoro frowns slightly. "Should I be happy about that?"

"I should say so. Walking meathead like you."

Zoro's eye twitches. "That's it."

It should be said that by this time, Zoro and Sanji had been separated from their significant others for most of the day, forced to interact with stranger and engage in the exhausting capitalist exercise that was Black Friday. So tempers were frayed, and it was only expected that their ensuring fight would destroy a wing of the mall and get all their friends temporarily banned from the mall. Nami was furious. Luffy was cackling wildly, as always.

"That was awesome! What's next?"

Nami clutched her head. "How about let's go back and do the rest of our shopping on the internet." Sanji growled at Zoro, posturing like an alpha male who refused to let strangers into his territory.

"What do you mean, there's more shopping?" post-caffeine Usopp moaned. A smiling Kaya dragged her boyfriend along.

Luffy clutched Zoro's hand. "Ok, see you guys! Me and Zoro are gonna chill at his house."

"Oh we are?" An exhausted Zoro said.

"Yeah we are. " Luffy moved closer to link their arms naturally, like they'd been dating two years instead of two days. "And you're gonna sleep, cuz you look super tired."

"I wonder why?"

"And I'm gonna raid your snack supply then kick your ass at Mario Kart-"

"Oh you're on!" Zoro started walking faster.

"No Zoro, the bus station's this way!" Luffy giggled, dragging Zoro toward the opposite direction. "Geez, how are you gonna drive on Rainbow Road if you don't even know where you're going in real life?"

"Stupid. I don't have to know where I'm going, so long as I'm following you." Zoro didn't hear Luffy reply. He turned to see the kid blushing, his wide eyes shining with some emotion. They were so mesmerizing to stare at, Zoro could feel himself turning red. He cleared his throat, and started to walk faster. "Of course, that's when I can take a blue shell to your ass!"

"Ah! No fair!" Luffy laughed.

"Psh, all's fair in love and Mario Kart."

The couple chatted on, unaware they were being watched by their friends.

"They totally forgot about us."

"Yeah. Isn't it adorable? I think Luffy's got something special there."

"Like hell. Musclehead like him, acting like soulmates? Gross."

"Oh Sanji, you poor baby, you stupid eggplant. Let me tell you a story…"