Author's Note – This is a fairly AU story. The basic concept is that Voldemort never rose to power in the first place. There is no war, no prophecy, and Harry had a more or less happy childhood. A lot of things are different, but a lot is the same. Just bear in mind I know a lot about Harry Potter and the universe – any changes are most likely intentional.

As well, this is a very character and dialogue driven story. There will be very little in the way of plot. And I think it's important to remember that these are 17 and 18 year old boys we're dealing with, and for the most part, 17 year old boys tend to say and do some pretty immature things. In no way do I agree or condone some of their statements or actions.

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September 1, 1997

It was the night of September 1, and Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was silent. The train had arrived full of teenagers hours ago, the first years were sorted, the feast was finished, and the sleepy students ushered to their beds. In the highest room of the tallest tower, the seventh year Gryffindor boys were partaking in an ancient and vaunted tradition.

"I'm telling you, mates. Lavender is, hands down, the hottest girl in school," Seamus Finnegan said, sitting at a low table in the center of the room and rolling a joint. He was a small boy, with straight brown hair and an easy, wide smile.

"You're really going to pick your girlfriend?" Ron Weasley asked. He was tall and lanky, with bright orange hair and freckles. He lay in his bed, tossing a quaffle in the air, his beat up trunk still unpacked.

Seamus grinned. "Not my fault I have good taste," he said. "Name someone hotter."

"There's Ginny," Dean Thomas said as he organized his records in the corner. He was a tall, black boy with a shaved head. Ron threw the quaffle at him, and it hit his head. "Oi!"

"That's my sister, prick," Ron said.

Dean grinned at him. "Doesn't mean she's not fit," Dean said. Ron grumbled and fetched his quaffle. Dean shook his head and selected a record. He placed it on the turntable, and bass heavy hip-hop filled the room. He stood up and stretched. "Fine, how about Bones?"

"Now we're talking," Ron said. "Those tits, man – biggest in the castle."

"I think," Neville Longbottom said between grunts. "That honour belongs to Bulstrode." Neville finished his pushups and straightened up. He wasn't particularly tall, but he was beefy, with short blonde hair and an open face.

The other boys shuddered when they thought of the large Slytherin girl. "Fine," Ron said. "Best tits in the castle."

"Too true," Dean said. "Though I gotta say, Pavarti was looking pretty good on the train."

"Plus she has a twin," Harry Potter said and pulled a bottle of firewhiskey out of the bottom of his trunk. He had messy black hair, round rimmed glasses, and a handsome rugged face. "That's always a plus."

He set the bottle on the table, and conjured five glasses. His roommates gathered around as he poured a shot in each. As one they raised them. "To Gryffindor," they called, and drained them. Harry poured another round. "To tits," they called again, and drank. They all sat down at the table.

"So, the Patil twins?" Seamus asked. "Ambitious."

Harry shrugged as he poured out sipping portions. "We're kings of this school, we have our pick of the litter," he said with a wolfish grin.

They laughed. Neville grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill. At the top, he wrote down 'The Hottest Girls at Hogwarts – 1997'. "So, we have Lavender, Ginny, Susan, and the Patils," he said. "Who else?"

"Take my sister's name off that list," Ron said with a glare.

"Sorry mate," Harry said. "She might be off limits, but she's fuckin' hot."

Ron threw the quaffle at him, and he caught it easily.

"Okay, who else in Gryffindor?" Neville asked, before an argument could start.

"I got one," Harry said. "Might be a bit controversial, she's only a fifth year – Romilda Vane."

Dean grinned. "Good one," he said. "Put her down, Nev."

Neville nodded. "That's it?" he asked. The other boys shrugged. "Okay, what about Hufflepuff?"

"Besides Susan?" Ron asked. "I don't know."

"Oh, there's Jones," Harry said. "Gotta love a quidditch player."

"I don't know," Neville said. "She kinda looks like she could kick your ass."

"And that's not a little bit hot?" Harry asked.

Neville laughed. "You've got problems," he said, and wrote down the name.

"Alrighty," Seamus said. "That's it for the Puffs? Not a lot of talent there."

"But the talent they do have," Dean said with a wistful smile. "Alright, what about Ravenclaw?" Neville pinked up a bit, and Ron went beet red. Seamus and Dean noticed this immediately.

"What's going on here?" Seamus asked.

"You two have crushes on some Claws?" Dean asked.

"Butterflies in your stomachs?"

"Could it be true love?"

"Shut up," Neville said, his face completely pink now. "It's nothing like that. Just … I may have noticed Lovegood."

"Loony?" Seamus asked loudly. Neville glared at him. "Sorry. Luna. Huh, now that's an odd choice."

Harry tapped his chin and took a sip. "She could be hot, though, once you get past all the," he said, and waved a hand. "You know."

Dean nodded with a grin. "Yeah," he said. "Plus you know she'd be a total freak. Good choice, Nev."

Neville turned a darker shade. "It's nothing like that," he said. "Just, I think she's interesting."

"No argument there," Seamus said with a laugh. "Add her to the list." Neville nodded, and Seamus turned to Ron. "How about you? Who's your Ravenclaw Love Bunny?"

Ron was still bright red. He opened his mouth, closed it, then slurped down his firewhiskey.

"It's no use, guys," Harry said. "We won't get anything out of him when he's like this."

Neville shrugged. "Well, if Ron won't talk, then I guess that's it," he said.

"Not so fast," Harry said. "We're forgetting a very important segment of the Hogwarts population."

Seamus, Dean, and Neville glanced at each other.

"Teachers?" Neville asked.

"Hogsmeade?" Dean asked.

"House elves?" Seamus asked.

"Nope," Harry said with a grin. "Slytherin."

Four expressions of open mouth shock greeted this announcement.

Ron finally found his voice. "But Harry," he said. "They hate us."

"They hate you," Neville said.

"You spent a week in the hospital wing after our last Quidditch match against them," Dean said.

"We weren't sure if you'd wake up," Seamus said, and thought for a moment. "Who were you thinking?"

Harry's grin grew wider. "Greengrass," he said.

His four dorm mates sat back in stunned silence. Daphne Greengrass was more that hot – she was beautiful. And richer than hell, too. She carried herself with a poise and dignity that couldn't be faked. You didn't just date a girl like that, you courted her.

"Bloody hell," Ron said quietly. "And I thought I was mad for going after Granger."

Dean, Seamus, and Neville turned their incredulous stares to Ron, who quickly turned bright red again as he realized he said that out loud.

"Granger?" Neville asked.

"Head girl Granger?" Dean asked.

"Never-had-a-boyfriend-might-be-a-lesbian Granger?" Seamus asked. Dean smirked, and Neville smacked Seamus.

Ron seemed to be fighting an internal battle, but looked back defiantly. "Yeah," he said. "What of it?"

The other four boys glanced at each other.

"Nothing," Dean said. "She's… cute?"

"Her hair is a lot better this year," Neville said.

"And she, uh," Seamus said, and faltered. "Sorry, I got nothing. Mate, she's all, like, a genius and bows to authority."

"And you don't," Harry said

Ron turned on him. "What? You don't think I'm good enough for her?" he asked.

"Mate, no," Harry said. "Just, you guys don't especially have a lot in common. I think you'd be better off with someone else."

Ron stood up. "What does that mean?" he asked.

"It means it's never going to happen, mate," Harry said. "Sit down."

Ron remained standing. "It's a lot more likely than you and Greengrass," he said.

Seamus and Dean looked at each other. "That sounds like a Rogue's Bet," Dean said.

Harry glanced at them, then raised his eyebrows at Ron. Ron bit his lip, but stared back at him.

"It is," Ron said. "Rogue's Bet – I'll get together with Granger before you get together with Greengrass."

Harry stood up, and walked over to Ron. "Very well," he said. "No sabotage, no interference, nothing underhanded."

"Agreed," Ron said. "Stakes?"

Harry furrowed his brow. Money wasn't fair – he had it and Ron doesn't. A personal slave wasn't as appealing as it once was, and they had all the porn and liquor they wanted. He grinned as he thought of something.

"A tattoo," Harry said. "Of whatever the winner wants, anywhere on the loser's body. Except face, neck, and hands."

Ron stared at him. "Agreed," he said.

They shook on it.

"Great," Seamus said. "Now that that's out of the way, can we please focus on what's really important?" He held up a joint.