A/N: A silly little plot bunny that came to me one day. Not sure if I will ever continue it, but I might as well put it out. Enjoy!

Albus Dumbledore was a very busy man. Be it managing the affairs of Hogwarts, preventing an incompetent minister from running wizarding Britain into the ground, or keeping a certain pupil of his from dying horribly, he always had something to do.

Which was why, instead of pursuing his hobby of lemon drop tasting and sock-gathering, the aged headmaster was at his desk, looking over the rather small list of applicants to the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, or more specifically, staring at a sheaf of mostly empty parchment in hope that a second name would appear under the first. Unfortunately, no amount of staring could magically conjure up a suitable applicant, and with a heavy heart, Dumbledore decided to bite the bullet, as the muggles say.

Popping a comfort lemon drop into his mouth (of a rather nice variegated pink flavor, he absentmindedly mused), he began to write.

Dear Gilderoy Lockhart.

It is with great regret that I must inform you-

No, that would not do.

After finding myself bereft of alternatives, I come to you-

No, not that either.

YOU WIN DAMN IT! YOU CAN TEACH THE DADA CLASS!

Satisfied that the appropriate message was conveyed, he called for Fawkes, who fluttered over to take the letter. Unfortunately, Dumbledore realized too late that he had forgotten to fireproof the parchment, and with Fawkes being a bird made primarily of fire, the letter was soon burnt to a crisp.

Groaning softly in despair, Dumbledore extinguished the few glowing embers that remained before they could set fire to the rest of his desk, before patting an apologetic-looking Fawkes on the head.

"Don't worry, my old friend, it's not your fault." He murmured. Fawkes chirped in response, before vanishing in a burst of fire.

The bird returned moments later with a large crate in its talons. The sight caused Dumbledore's eyes to light up in glee. With a flick of his wand, the crate opened, revealing hundreds of small bags, each full of small, yellow candies. On a completely unrelated note, Citrine and Coco's Confectionary Commissary was no closer to finding the mysterious lemon drop thief than they were twenty years before. Dumbledore knew that it must be terribly inconvenient, but he also knew that it was much cheaper to steal them in bulk.

"Thank you Fawkes, you always know how to cheer me up!" Dumbledore exclaimed, pulling a bag out and popping one of the candies into his mouth, finding it to be an excellent ponderosa vintage, while Fawkes went to roost on his head.

However, no amount of lemon drops could bring him another suitable DADA applicant, and as such, Dumbledore began to write to Lockhart again. Then, he paused. Perhaps he was a bit too hasty in making his choice. After all, school would not start for another month or so! There could be any number of applicants out there, procrastinating in the submission of their applications! Yeah, that had to be it!

With a hopeful sigh, Dumbledore leaned back in his chair. Making difficult choices was rather tiring, after all.

Suddenly, with a deafening 'CRACK!' something else appeared into the room with him. Jumping to his feet, Dumbledore drew his wand, but lowered it as he saw just what had occurred.

In the center of the room stood a rather portly man, whose distinguished moustache and confident bearing immediately showed him to be a rather distinguished gentleman.

"Ho ho! That certainly was something! Say, do you know the fastest way to Beacon Academy?" The man asked, his tone jovial. Unsure of what to say, Dumbledore just stared until the man spoke again.

"Ah, but where are my manners! Professor Peter Port, Huntsman extraordinaire at your service!" The man introduced himself.

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Professor Port. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am the headmaster of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where you now find yourself. Unfortunately, I have never heard of a Beacon Academy, so I am afraid I am unable to direct you there." Dumbledore replied.

"Nonsense, you must have heard of Beacon Academy! Why, it is the premier training academy for huntsmen and huntresses in all of Remnant!" Port replied.

"Remnant? I'm afraid I am unfamiliar with the term. Is it a muggle nation?" Dumbledore asked, subconsciously readying an obliviate.

"Never heard of Remnant? What sort of..." The man trailed off as something caught his eye outside. The night was particularly dark, and the stars were twinkling in all their glory. However, the moon still shone bright over the Hogwarts grounds, and that is what caught the man's attention.

"Hmm, it seems as though Beacon is further than I thought..." The man murmured, the jovial tone leaving his voice. Even his moustache seemed to droop.

"For what it's worth, Mr. Port, I am sorry I am unable to provide you with any assistance." Dumbledore said, drawing the man out of his funk.

"Ah, no worries! I am sure I will be able to find my way back some day!" The professor replied.

That was when an idea occurred to Dumbledore.

"Say, Mr. Port, you said you were a professor, am I correct?" He asked.

"That I am!" Port replied.

"I see... What are your thoughts on teaching a class on self defense?" The man's moustache seemed to perk up at that.

"Why that sounds like a marvelous manner of passing the time until I can find a way home! What sort of self defense are we talking about?" The portly man exclaimed.

"Well, you know, against dark wizards, dangerous magical creatures-"

"I would be happy to!" Almost before those words had left the man's mouth, Dumbledore snatched up a few pieces of parchment from his desk.

"Alright, sign here, here, here and here. Then, read and sign this waiver." He said excitedly. The other man gave the waiver in question a cursory glance before signing his name in all required spaces.

"I'm-"

"YOU'RE HIRED! I'll explain the job to you later, after I write a quick letter to a certain... colleague of mine." Dumbledore said rapidly, shaking the younger man's hand.

"O-Okay then..." The man began, but Dumbledore was not listening, as he pulled out another sheet of parchment.

Dear Gilderoy Lockhart.

I'm afraid the position has already been filled.

SUCK IT!

Albus Dumbledore.

Remembering to fireproof it this time, he gave it a quick read, and after much deliberation, faintly crossed out the second part of the body and gave it to Fawkes, who vanished away to deliver it with great gusto. With that taken care of, he turned back to his newly-hired Defense professor, who was staring at him with a mix of curiosity and apprehension.

"Now, where was I? Oh, right, the job description. Now, the first thing you need to know is..." And with those words, he led his new hire into Hogwarts, ready for an interesting new year.

A/N: So yeah. Short and simple, hopefully not too poor in quality, and maybe getting another chapter if I feel like it and have the time. I hope you all have enjoyed this one?-shot!