Thus the attempted kidnapping of Goombella was foiled by Vivian and her new friend Birdetta. The Koopa clan wouldn't be bothering them again any time soon. However, when Vivian grabbed the Crystal Key, the curse ended up dragging Birdetta back to the Palace of Shadow, too! What will become of her?

And what about the other groups after the Crystal Keys, namely the dastardly X-Nauts and the lovely Rosalina? There's an inevitable confrontation on the horizon...

On the campus of armless, chestnut/mushroom people, the space princess and living doll-man were apparently considered weirdos. It was so strange for passerby to be stealing glances at Rosalina's arms for once.

Rosalina and *$!? were making their way down the halls of the University of Goom's history wing. After walking halfway across campus, though, they ended up stopping to rest at a bench beneath a sign reading "History of the Our People" with a picture of an ancient 8-bit Goomba.

"I'm sure the Crystal Key is around here somewhere, my lady," said *$!?. "Multiple students have all reported seeing a Goomba wearing it as a necklace."

Rosalina shook her head. "There are thousands of Goombas on this campus. It's like navigating planets without a star map. The chance of stumbling across the right one is astronomically-"

"She stole my key necklace! She stole my key necklace!"

Suddenly, the entire hallway was filled with a rising wail. Rosalina and *$!? traded disbelieving glances before following it to its source. What they discovered was a pink-haired, glasses-wearing Goomba student hugging a green-haired, glasses-wearing Goomba professor whilst sobbing hysterically.

"Shh, it's alright, Goombich, it's alright," murmured the professor.

"That purple witch came up to me and snatched it for no reason!" Goombich let out a deafening sniffle. "It was a HUGE microaggression! I'm literally shaking right now."

"There, there." The professor nuzzled Goombich's side. "Instead of taking our final exam, you can spend the class period in my office. There's a plate of cookies waiting for you, and I've got twenty tabs of puppy videos pulled up on the computer. I'll just give you an A."

"Thank you, Professor Moonmoss!"

Right before waddling off to the office, Goombich was stopped by a curious Rosalina.

"Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear," she said. "I'm so sorry your necklace was stolen. By any chance, did you see what the thief looked like or which way she went?"

"Oh, she was a purple ghost girl with a stupid hat." The recollection, evidently, caused Goombich to go from heartbroken to bitter in the blink of an eye. "She ran off too fast for me to follow her."

"A purple ghost?" Rosalina turned to confer with *$!?. "That sounds like a minion of the Shadow Queen – a being of pure dark matter."

"By the stars!" *$!? gasped. "We have to stop her!"

"I agree." Rosalina turned back to Goombich. "Ma'am? My friend and I are on a quest to vanquish the very same evil who stole your Crystal Key. Once we've defeated this purple demon, we promise to return your stolen-"

"WHAT did you just call me?" Of that statement, Goombich had heard only one word.

Rosalina stumbled back, startled. The last thing she'd wanted to do was offend someone. It may have been a long time since she'd lived in a castle, but she still remembered her royal manners. "I- I appologize, sir."

This only made Goombich squeal even louder. "I'll have you know I am CAELGENDER, which is a gender of OUTER SPACE and THE STARS that is FAR BEYOND EARTHLY COMPREHENSION!"

"Really? That's fascinating!" Rosalina said earnestly. "I've traveled the stars for centuries, and I've never heard of such a-"

"IT'S NOT MY JOB TO EDUCATE YOU!" Goombich stomped the ground to emphasize the point. "You just implied there are only two genders, when there are actually sixty-three trillion four hundred eighty-two billion nine hundred sixty-four million one hundred fifty-seven thousand nine hundred twenty-two! Your attitude is transphobic, misogynist, trans misogynist, racistogynist, trans racistogyphobicnist and- and- uh..." The tirade faltered for a moment.

Off to the side, one of Goombich's friends, a somewhat skinny Goomba guy with a baggy t-shirt and unusually high voice, offered, "Trans misandrist?"

Goombich looked at him like he was speaking in tongues. "What?"

"T-Trans misandrist." The Goomba guy shrank under Goombich's glare. "You called her transphobic, which means she hates all trans people, right? Not just transwomen-"

"That's not a real thing!" Goombich snapped. "You can't make up stupid words to describe whatever you want! And it's 'trans women,' not 'transwomen!' Saying it as all one word implies it's a different and lesser form of women, whereas saying it as two words doesn't imply that at all, SO IF YOU FORGET THE SPACE YOU'RE BASICALLY A MONSTER!"

"B-But I said it out loud. How could you even tell-?"

"YOU DIDN'T PAUSE FOR AN ADEQUATE LENGTH OF TIME BETWEEN SYLLABLES! NOW GO FLOG YOURSELF UNTIL YOU LEARN TO BE A PROPER ALLY!"

"Yes, Goombich..." The guy slinked off.

There was a moment of silence.

"Goodness," said Rosalina.

This caused Goombich's attention to return to her. "And what's with your outfit, anyway? A dress? Seriously? Don't you realize those are constructs of a heteronormative patriarchy designed to objectify and oppress you?"

Rosalina looked at her turquoise gown. "I wove this dress myself while I was living in outer space lightyears away from civilization."

"INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY! INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY!" Goombich ran off down the hallway, shrieking.

As the Goomba rounded the corner, Rosalina turned to give *$!? a sour look. "You know, I used to regret only visiting this planet once a century."

Space. The final frontier. Well, except for alternate dimensions, since multiverse travel was developed after space travel. So really, space is more like the penultimate frontier. The point is, it was very large and formidable. But outer space also had an unquestionable beauty to it. From up here, the planet below looked like a swirling disk of clouds and water and grass and mountains – plus the unfathomably massive glob of butterscotch pudding that comprised the terrain of the Pudding Continent and the scrumptiously boundless slice of cherry strudel that did likewise for the Strudel Continent.

But we're not focusing on the planet right now. No, we're focusing our attention on the moon that orbited it. The moon was barren, yellow, and dead silent – As you probably know, sound can't travel in space, except of course for the sound of Crump and Grodus screaming as they gave the moon a new crater.

"Uhhh..." Lord Crump dragged himself out of the crater and dusted himself off. "We did it! We're alive!"

"It's a good thing I had enough money left over from my Grodus Chronicles check to pay those Bob-ombs to blast us here," said Sir Grodus's disembodied head. Then he said, "OW! THAT SMARTS!" because the Bob-ombs had also fired his little red wagon after them, and it'd taken a second to land.

"Now then, sir, let's see what state our moon base is in." Crump loaded Grodus's head onto the wagon, and without further ado, he pulled his master over the bumpy terrain, towards a domed structure looming over the horizon.

"Try to walk a bit faster, would you?" Grodus gave a weary glance over the side of his ride. "I think that lunar rover over there is giving me bedroom eyes..."

The next few minutes passed in silence, save for the squeak of the wagon's wheels.

"Man, it's lucky our moonbase remained intact after all those explosions that traitorous AI caused." Behind his goggles, Crump's brow creased. "Strange that the Crystal Stars' magic would cause the base to reform… Super convenient for people who like to backtrack, though." As he spoke, Crump dug something out of his pockets. "And once we're back home, we'll be able to use the X-Naut's advanced technology to put this to good use..." He held it up for Grodus to see.

In Crump's gloved hand was a glimmering, golden key shaped from crystal.

"Ha! At this rate we'll have all the Crystal Keys in no time!" said Grodus. "Who'd have thought I'd find one in the belly of that Chain Chomp from earlier?"

"It must be fate, my lord. Proof of your greatness."

"I like that answer!"

The two of them shared a deep, hearty evil laugh:

"Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh!"

"GAAACK ACK ACK ACK ACK!"

Vivian groaned as she peeled her face off the carpet. Once it was freed, she took a good look at her surroundings and realized they'd landed back in the palace room with the portrait of the nightclub. In fact, Vivian's look was a little too good. With a jolt, she realized that her hair hadn't fallen over her eyes, which of course had to be immediately corrected.

Vivian was just letting out a sigh of relief when she spotted a certain pink prehistoric reptile standing beside her, glancing around in alarm. "Vivian? Where are we? What happened?"

"Birdetta!" Vivian ran – floated, whatever – over to her. "Oh no! You must've gotten sucked into the return portal by accident!"

Birdetta didn't look particularly enlightened. "Return portal?"

"It's a long story," spoke up Goombella, who was busy putting her helmet and jacket back on. "Basically, Vivian and I were exploring the Palace of Shadow beneath Rogueport when we got trapped in here by this really, really big, stupid, ugly-"

"-door, which got sealed shut by an incredibly intelligent and handsome ghost," cut in a voice.

The trio yelped and shot their heads skyward. Floating by the rafters was a withered, blackened used tissue with a voice Vivian was learning to dread.

"Yeah, about your pal Barney the Dragqueensaur there." The Black Ghost nodded to a glowering Birdetta. "I kinda forgot to mention this when I was layin' out the ground rules of our little arrangement – a hundred percent my fault – but anyone who explicitly helps you collect the Crystal Keys gets subject to the same curse as you clowns."

"Oh, that is so not fair!" Goombella yelled up at him.

"I know. I'll be crying myself to sleep tonight." The Black Ghost didn't bother hiding his laughter as he vanished from sight.

The moment he was gone, Vivian turned to give Birdetta a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Birdetta! This is all my fault! I never should have dragged you into this!"

"It's alright, hun, it's alright." Birdetta gave Vivian's pink hair a reassuring stroke. "I've been on my share of adventures. It's nothing I can't handle."

"If you're sure..."

But Vivian didn't have long to dwell on this before the room was filled with a brilliant white glow. It faded after a moment, revealing that the portrait of The Mushy Mushroom was gone. In its place was yet another picture of a beautiful, pink-haired human girl. Only this time, the princess was clearly older, probably in her late teens. She was still beautiful, but in a gaunt kind of way. Her eyes had grown dull and sunken, and her hair had gone from curly to scraggly. Vivian assumed her adult front teeth had grown in by now, but this couldn't be confirmed, as the princess's mouth was locked in a tight frown.

"Geez, she's seen better days," said Goombella.

Vivian didn't hear her. She was too busy staring at the poor woman in the portrait. Without thinking, Vivian touched a gloved hand to the canvas – which, as before, caused their surroundings to spin and distort in a whirlwind of magic. The withered construction paper of the palace walls became shiny and clean, but this time, there wasn't an overabundance of sunlight. Vivian looked out the window to confirm it was overcast.

"Okay." A dazed Birdetta stuck her incorporeal hand through a desk. "Now I really don't know what's going on."

"We'll explain later," Goombella said quickly. "This is some kinda flashback, and it's probably super important, so we need to be quiet and pay attention until it's over."

"Um, alright, then..."

This time, the flashback magic had brought them to what was undoubtedly the princess's bed chambers. She had one of those super fancy beds with the curtain around it, but right now the princess was seated at an ornate desk nearby. She was hunched over a heavy-looking tome, squinting in the light of a candle that trembled in her hand. Vivian inhaled sharply at the sight of her. That portrait hadn't captured just how gaunt and feeble the princess was.

The door opened, and another girl stuck her head in the room. "Excuse me, um, Your Highness, but the other girls and me wanted to know if you could come hang out with us and stuff? There's a huge party going on at the beach right now-"

"I have to study," the princess said, her eyes fixed on the page. "Don't interrupt unless it's important."

"I understand..." The door shut back, and the princess continued her studies in silence, as if nothing had happened.

"I knew those parents were going to ruin her!" Goombella would've shaken her fist if she'd had one, but then the door reopened, and Vivian hurriedly shushed her.

Into the room stepped a Toad servant carrying a tray of food. "My lady?" Her voice was soft as velvet and twice as pretty. "I brought you your supper. It's Shroom Roast with Jammin' Jelly. Your favorite." Strands of brunette hair poked out from underneath a white mushroom cap with orange spots. The Toad was exceptionally cute – not to mention quite tall for her species – but something about her seemed boyish. Vivian couldn't put her finger on it, but somehow the Toad didn't seem totally at home in her gothic maid uniform.

"I'm not hungry, Bolete." The princess didn't spare the meal a glance.

Bolete stood her ground. "With all due respect, ma'am, the king ordered you to eat."

"Oh, well, if the king ordered it..." Vivian hadn't realized it was possible to eat food sarcastically, but by golly, the princess managed it.

"The king is worried about you, Your Highness."

"Really? That's unlike him," the princess said dryly enough to wither the bite of mushroom on its way to her mouth. "Is he feeling alright?" She gave the maid a look. "Don't tell me he asked you to say that just so I'd feel sorry for him?"

Bolete went pink. "W-Well, he didn't ask me to say it in so many words, but, err, I can tell he's concerned for your well-being." She paused, then added, "We all are."

The princess raised an eyebrow. "I was under the impression the rest of the staff had forgotten I existed. Are you sure it's not just you who's concerned for my well-being?"

Bolete's pinkness had become full-blown crimson. "I-I admit I have been fretting over you an awful lot lately, m-ma'am. I suppose I simply hate the thought of you withering away to nothing and tarnishing your unmatched beauty." When it dawned on her exactly what had come out of her mouth, Bolete put a hand over it.

Now the princess was giving her an even stranger look. "Hmm. Well, you're certainly less dull than the other servants. I wish you could stay and… fret over me a bit longer, but I do need to finish memorizing this incantation. For the good of the kingdom and all that."

"O-Of course, my lady." Bolete made her way to the exit.

But on her way out, Bolete spotted something. Her unusual height for a Toad allowed her to see things all the way on the top shelf. "Huh? What is this? It's beautiful! I never noticed before." The object of her admiration was covered in dust and hidden beneath some half-opened books, but it was nevertheless entrancing.

The princess abruptly lost her place on the page. "Oh. That. It's supposed to be a music box, but it won't play anymore." She stared at her desk. "My mom was the only one who knew how to fix it."

Bolete opened her mouth… and then the room spun around, and the trio was back in the older, mustier version of the room. Vivian almost cried out in shock – She'd forgotten the outside world existed for a minute.

"Whoa! So this place is supposed to be a bedroom?" Goombella waddled over to where the fancy bed had been a second ago. There was nothing there now but a moth-eaten mattress.

"Well, that was fascinating and all," said Birdetta, "but if someone could catch me up on what the heck is going on here…?"

"Oh, right, sorry, Birdetta." Goombella turned back to her. "First off, that girl seems to be the forgotten princess of the ancient sea town before it got dragged into the earth."

"Right." Vivian nodded. "And we need to collect more Crystal Keys so we can learn what happened to her."

Goombella laughed. "And, y'know, to break the curse and escape the palace and stuff."

"Right, right." Vivian's gaze wandered back to the portrait. "That too."