Omake #1: The Ultimate SasuNaru Shipper

Kisame watched with exasperation as the genjutsu'ed Nara dazedly slid the paper and pen across the desk to the impassive Uchiha beside him.

"Damn, Itachi, overkill much?" Kisame asked. "I thought we were in Konoha to scout out the Jinchuriki's weaknesses- not make bets on her doomed love life!"

Itachi was heedless of Kisame. He was too busy signing away his life savings. He flourished the pen, and with a dramatic turn, deposited the paper within the Nara's stack under a quickly applied genjutsu. Finally, he turned impassive eyes towards Kisame.

"Hn."

"Don't you Hn me! We have a mission!" Kisame exclaimed.

"Hn!"

"That's bullshit and you know it. There's no way you're going to triple your payouts from this."

"…Hn."

Kisame blinked. "Wah- your mom and her mom were friends?... Oh! So you think, just because your mom thought they would end up together, that they will?"

"Hn."

"I don't know- seems like flawed logic to me… But I guess 'destined rivals' is the usual basis for romance when your shinobi." Itachi shrugged in response, but there was a smug smile dancing across his lips.

Together, the duo departed the salon, out onto the streets to complete their mission.

However, unexpected complications arose.

"Tsukyomi." Itachi murmured, plunging Kakashi into the deep recesses of his genjutsu. "And now..." the Uchiha whispered, "face your worst nightmare!"

Within the mindscape, two figures spiralled into being. One was instantly familiar, though somewhat older than Itachi was used to. Naruto looked to be about eighteen, and had grown into quite the beautiful woman. The man next to her though… Who was that?

Brown hair, brown eyes, nose scar… Wait… That couldn't be- Umino Iruka? The chuunin that once egged the Uchiha compound, and got away with it by finding a loophole in Konoha's laws?

Itachi blinked. Then froze with horror as the two figures turned towards each other… And began to passionately make out.

"Noooo!" Kakashi cried. Itachi flinched away from the sight as well, heedless of the third spectre of the genjutsu that flashed into being and swore to kill Kakashi for 'breaking his promise'. Itachi quickly cancelled the illusion and turned furious eyes upon the Hatake.

"For making me see that monstrosity, feel the wrath of the Uchiha!"

Xxx

Itachi narrowed his eyes upon Sasuke, who lunged at him with an enraged cry. Itachi easily dodged the younger boy's opening strike, and with a lightning fast manoeuvre, pinned Sasuke's arm to the wall via a kunai that he had impaled upon the younger Uchiha's arm guard.

"Foolish little brother…." Itachi murmured. He turned his eyes towards Naruto, who was furiously glaring at him, then back to his brother, who was also glaring at him. "You are too young for a love hotel… But good work. Maybe your existence is not so meaningless after all."

Naruto blushed tomato red. "Love hotel?!"

Sasuke, on the other hand, paused in his struggles to free himself to flash a cocky smirk at the older Uchiha, who returned it with a nod of acknowledgement. "Hn."

Itachi smiled. Everyone else in the hallway, including Kisame, flinched at the sight, despite the battles that were ongoing. "The Bet is as good as mine… Now- Tsukyomi!"

Xxx

Nara Hideyoshi shuffled through the bets sprawled across the table in front of him as he and his clansmen cleaned up the now defunct paperwork. Manic laughing periodically engulfed the room as the sheets were set aflame in the nearby incinerator, or used in rampant target practice.

Actions like these, only a few weeks ago, would have been considered sacrilegious. Now, however, they were practically therapeutic. The Bet, after all, was over- the victors paid and the losers extorted. They could finally trash everything.

A piece of paper resting on top of the stack that Hideyoshi carried to the incinerator caught his eyes. The writing was strangely warped, but a quick "Kai!" corrected that. The form proudly proclaimed, "Naruto and Sasuke: 18 000 000 Ryo; Uchiha Itachi." Hideyoshi blinked at the massive sum, then snorted. With a careless toss, he shunted the lost bet into the flames before him.

.

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Omake #2: The Ultimate SasuNaru Hater

"…kura, of course, was delusional the few times I bothered to listen to her- there's no way Naruto is in love with Kakashi. Ever since I saved her on the wave mission, I'd seen her, giving me these looks, thinking she was being so subtle- but I know what asking for a spar means. And always talking about our time in the academy… she clearly was reminiscing on how great I was, and was finally seeing me in a different light! Don't even get me started on the time I caught her writing her 'name', which was too short to be Uzumaki, and scribbling it out; U-something Naruto. Obviously Uchiha. And…"

Orochimaru's eye twitched.

It had been like this for months. The young Uchiha who was going to be his vessel was clearly delusional. He would, whenever the opportunity presented itself, rant about the object of his affections, and her 'clear love for him'. How the idiotic boy missed the obvious evidence to the contrary was beyond Orochimaru.

He, after all, had seen more than his fair share of the Uzumaki's actions that proved beyond a doubt where her affections really lay…

-Naruto yelled at Sasuke for nearly handing over the scroll to Orochimaru, and angrily screamed, "I'm not going to let you ruin the chuunin exams for me! I need to impress Iruka!"-

-Orochimaru received his report from one of his many spies that littered Konoha, and narrowed his eyes at a set of lines in particular- 'The Jinchuriki has eaten with her old academy sensei, Umino Iruka, no less than fourteen times in the last week alone. Despite training with Jiraiya of the sannin and preparing for the chuunin exams, she still goes (sometimes completely) out of her way to engage him in conversion…'-

-Naruto beamed from the stadium grounds, ignorant of Neji's prone body lying at her side. Orochimaru tracked her gaze, which was fixed completely and utterly on none other than the smiling Umino Iruka. The Sandaime, at Orochimaru's side, laughingly brushed off a suggestion that the Uzumaki had developed a crush on the Hyuuga she had defeated, and extolled her blooming relationship with the last Uchiha. Orochimaru suppressed the urge to facepalm at his once-sensei's stupidity-

…Honestly, Orochimaru had no clue whatsoever how so many, including the Uchiha before him, had missed the facts that were practically slapping them across the face like a woman Jiraiya had scorned. It was just so obvious.

"…ra, but there's no way Naruto could ever like that red-headed weirdo. The odds of that are even less than her having a crush on Iruka-sensei. Ridiculous! And…"

Orochimaru turned from Sasuke, who was oblivious to said snake-summoner's lack of attention, to share a commiserating look of despair with Kabuto… Who was taking notes?

"Kabuto." Orochimaru hissed. "What are you doing?"

Kabuto slowly lifted his head from the notepad that he had been furiously writing on. His eyes skidded away from making contact with Orochimaru's. "Ah, Orochimaru-sama, I'm… I'm collecting evidence for research purposes?"

Orochimaru narrowed his eyes. "You've caved, too, haven't you."

Kabuto sheepishly shrugged. "Sasuke is a gold mine for information on The Bet. It's clearly not him that Naruto will choose, because of his brother-complex, but based on his rants, I think I can figure out the true answer, and win The Bet! Think of all the surgical equipment I could buy with that money, Orochimaru-sama!"

Sasuke continued to drone on, unaware of their conversation as he extolled on the 'destined relationship' between himself and Naruto while practising his weapons' accuracy.

Orochimaru closed his eyes, and internally screamed. Ever since that blasted chuunin exams, a new… Trend had worked its way through Oto's ranks. It had started with only a few genin, yet slowly but surely, it had infiltrated the thoughts and actions of nearly every shinobi in his village. Orochimaru, of course, had held out against the latest fad, along with Kabuto, his trusty minion.

…Until recently, that is. Dammit, Kabuto!

Though he didn't have any hard evidence to prove his thoughts, Orochimaru was sure that this godforsaken bet that had captured his shinobi's attention was the work of Hiruzen. Even in death, after Orochimaru had finally defeated him, that old ape was still getting the last laugh.

"…en she pulled this one prank, using chickens, I subtly acknowledged her. Later, after the Hokage had chewed her out, she seemed dazed, but I heard her, going on and on about 'precious people' and 'never realizing it was love'- clearly, my noticing of her finally got through that thick skull of hers. Now, she just has to wait till I'm ready to accept her feelings. I have another goal to accomplish first, after all, before I can restart my clan-"

Orochimaru groaned, and threw up his hands in a despairing gesture. "When! When will it end?!" he cried.

Kabuto cringed, then lifted his glasses with his right index finger in a nervous gesture, while his left hand clutched protectively around his intel on The Bet. "Ah, Orochimaru-sama, I'm sure it's just hormones. He just thinks he's in love with her."

These words did little to placate Orochimaru. If anything, they made his skin pale drastically, and crushed his very soul. The man's eyes went blank as he stared at his future vessel.

If it's just hormones, does that mean that I'll be in love with the vile little demon when I take Sasuke's body?

The question would haunt him every day for years to come, all the way up until his death.

.

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Omake #3: Meanwhile, in the Afterlife…

"This is an outrage!" Minato exclaimed. He furiously turned towards his wife, who raised an eyebrow at his anger. "Kakashi promised me- and there he is now, giving Iruka the go-ahead? When I get my hands on him, along with that chuunin-"

Kushina hmff!ed, and turned away from her husband, her long red hair whipping around to smack him in the face. As he spat out the lingering strands that had caught in his previously ranting mouth, she glanced over her shoulder and drawled, "Honey, you know I love you, but this is the thirty-sixth time this day that you've made death threats involving Iruka- enough is enough. I'll be with Mikoto, when you finally get your head out of your ass. She's comforting Itachi, and probably needs some help."

Minato watched Kushina walk away with despondent eyes, and sighed as he turned down to view the continued chaos that Konoha was experiencing. What he saw caused despair to once again enter his soul. Buildings being destroyed, a cult growing in strength, a gang switching leaders- and worst of all, a man finally caving into temptation for Minato's little girl.

It was even worse than the day Maito Gai had discovered green spandex, which Minato didn't even think was possible. (Dear Kami, the green- and still, this took the cake!) He was glad that he wasn't alive to deal with the hellish nightmare in action.

…Though, if he was alive, he could give that chuunin a piece of his mind-

"Minato!" A loud voice interrupted. A heavy set arm swung around Minato's shoulders, the sudden force nearly sending him tipping forward. Minato turned reproaching eyes on the man beside him.

"Jiraiya-sensei…"

"Lighten up!" Jiraiya interrupted, once again. "Here you are, getting your panties in a twist over nothing, while missing the beauty of what's about to happen. Naruto is going to finally find happiness with the man she loves!"

Minato paused. He stared down again at Konoha, which was currently smoking thanks to the fires in the shinobi housing sector. His bland gaze returned to Jiraiya.

Said man waved away Minato's pointed look. "So what if there's been a little chaos? Things will work themselves out… And when they do, the newest Icha Icha will finally be released!"

Minato blinked. "That's… A strange leap in logic… Why?"

Jiraiya smirked. "With Naruto's sex-life amped up thanks to that chuunin, she'll have enough creative juices to power her through at least a dozen novels, obviously!"

The blonde beneath Jiraiya's arm froze.

Jiraiya casually detached his arm from the man that slowly began to emanate killing intent, and turned tail and ran, a smirk blooming across his face.

"JIRAIYA!"

Jiraiya raced on, pausing only slightly in his mad escape to cheerfully call out to a despondent Uchiha currently being comforted by two women.

"Suck it, Itachi! Perverts win again! SasuNaru can burn in shipping hell!"

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Omake #4: Shippers' Anonymous

"Thank you all for what you've shared today," the speaker said, turning warm eyes around at the overwhelming number of people crowded in the small room. Though there must have been at least eighty chairs, there was nearly double that standing as well. "We've made some serious progress in the past few weeks, especially Kiba, who has finally returned from his soul searching trip to Kumo, and Chouji, who no longer faints at the word 'rame-'"

"WE KNOW I DON'T- THERE'S NO REASON TO SAY IT."

"…Ah, yes, Chouji," the woman awkwardly acquiesced. She cleared her throat, and turned to take in the room once more. "It is with great pleasure that I allow Hanabi to take the floor, as our final scheduled speaker."

The brown haired girl in question awkwardly rose from her chair, and walked with hunched shoulders to the limited space at the center of the room. She lifted her head, and with dead eyes, mumbled, "My name is Hyuuga Hanabi. And I am a victim of The Bet."

"Hi, Hanabi," the rest of the room droned back.

"I wasn't one of the ones who lost my life savings to The Bet, like Izumo," said man sheepishly shifted in his chair, "or one of the die hard shipper's that couldn't handle the reality of their ship not setting sail. Honestly, I couldn't give a rat's ass- I used to be a NejiNaru shipper, and afterwards, The Bet lost its appeal to me.

"No, it wasn't the betting itself that ruined my life- I only had a small obligatory sum in place on Hinata. It- it was the aftermath that made me come here- and Hinata's rage."

The rest of the room shivered. Kiba, in the back corner, carefully prodded at the most recent of bandages around his head that had resulted from mentioning Iruka in the presence of Hinata, and made the sign against evil.

Hanabi nodded at their reactions. "She's gone bonkers. Last week, I found her 'Restoring Sunshine' list, which is a list of ninety-three different assassination plans to dispose of Iruka. Five days ago, I had to stop her from jumping him while he and Naruto were on one of their dates. And yesterday, she wouldn't stop mumbling in the night- she didn't go to sleep, she was too busy repeating, over and over again, 'Death to IruNaru'. I didn't sleep a wink. And I have to keep living with her, and am stuck mitigating the damage. There is no escape."

The crowd watched with varying degrees of sympathy as Hanabi's eye began to twitch. They were all in the same boat, though some probably had it even worse that the Hyuuga.

Ino, after all, still couldn't stay in Konoha without getting at least five death threats a day- she and Shino had wisely continued to travel as the rest of the populace cooled down.

The brown eyed woman leading the session nodded thoughtfully. "Admitting your problem is the first step to overcoming it- we're proud of you, Hanabi." The rest of the crowd murmured their agreement, and Hanabi jerkily made her way back to her seat. "Is there anyone else that has something that they would like to share, before we wrap up for the day?"

Most of the shinobi nervously shifted in their seats, but one confidently stood. Shizune gave a determined bob of her head as she finished rising from her seat. "Yes- I know it's been a long day, and I wanted to save this for the end so that we could all leave on a good note." Shizune gingerly made her way to the center space reserved for speakers, and spun slowly in a circle to take in all the occupants. "As you all know, I worked as Tsunade's personal assistant for a number of years. As such, I developed a near-unparalleled understanding of Konoha's filing system. Using this, along with certain… Skills, I was able to successfully solve the problem of The Beast."

As one, the entire room gasped. Shizune solemnly nodded, before giving an edgy smile. "What a coincidence, that the previous diplomat to Suna caught a case of the Sun-Lily Cactus Itch. A new diplomat needed to be found… And isn't it just perfect, that Nara Shikamaru is already courting Temari of the sand? He's the perfect fit… And will be leaving within the weak for his new, permanent, mission."

Silence descended. Then, the room exploded with applause.

"WE'RE FREE! FINALLY FREE!" Genma cried.

Kotetsu grabbed the cabbage merchant at his side, both of them crazily jumping from their chairs and dancing around with their hands joined. "FREEDOM!"

"Shizune, you incredible woman you!"

"You are too kind, too pure for this world!"

Shizune blushed under the praise.

Kankuro, however, remained frozen in his seat. He, along with the few Suna shinobi that were in Konoha that had dropped in for the Shippers' anonymous meeting, were petrified.

"Oh shit." Kankuro whispered.

His words were unheard though- the Konoha residents were too busy drinking the free liquor that was always provided at the traumatic weekly meetings.

(Shippers' Anon would continue for the next thirty six years to deal with the fallout of The Bet. It was a good thing that one of Ino's reparation funds for initiating the 'Day of Betting Hell' was drafted towards continuing to pay for the booze.)

A/N: It's been a fun ride, but it's finally done. Thanks again to everyone who reviewed, favouorited, and followed this story, and sloughed through basically 80 000 words. You're the real MVP's. I DID go back and put the edited chapters in, complete with fancy chapter titles and some reworkings, so no need to go to AO3 to check out that. If anyone is interested, I DO have a few other stories I could publish, though there is no guarantee that they will be finished. Anyways, that's it. Hope you enjoyed it :)