Autumn leaves in fiery hues blazed abundantly in the acres of trees around her. Elizabeth freed her lengthy curls and let them tumble down over her unbuttoned flannel shirt and white tank. The rocky shore of the lake beckoned and had she not just finished an afternoon long hike, she would have indulged in a leisurely walk before sunset. She sank into an Adirondack chair on the deck and started unlacing her well-worn hiking boots. The past year had been difficult at best and she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this relaxed, the last time she'd been able to dig out her favorite blue jeans. She tugged off her boots and her socks, allowing them to fall haphazardly to the floor before settling back to enjoy the warming rays of the late afternoon sun.

She stretched out, the sight of her painted nails brought a smile to her face. Her recent pedicure was a luxury of this visit to the states. She'd been avoiding the color red for months, but she'd been tempted by the crimson hue hinting at the colors of fall that had exploded all around her. In the yard beyond her wiggling toes, a stone fire pit wielded the promise of s'mores later that night. One of the horses whinnied from the nearby stable and she found herself wondering what could possibly make this day better. Cupboards suddenly rattled from inside the lodge. Ah yes. Wine, she mused. The perfect way the settle into the sunset.

Her ears suddenly perked. They were at least a mile off the main road, but she could hear the unmistakable whirl of a car engine. A moment later, a black Jeep Wrangler stood out against the colorful forest of trees, winding down the curvy drive towards the lodge. Her hands gripped the sides of her chair so tightly her knuckles started turning white. The housekeeper and the stable hand had already departed for the day and they weren't expecting anyone else that night. There was only one other person who could possibly have gate access to enter the driveway of this lodge.

She took a deep breath, her heart raced almost painfully. She jumped to her feet, intending to retreat inside. It had been a year since she'd seen him and he wouldn't be happy to find her here now, not like this. The car door slammed just as she reached for back door leading into the kitchen. It was too late. She took a deep breath and turned around. Time to rip off the band aid.

"Hello, John." It felt as though her heart had leapt into her throat.

His duffle bag dropped with a thud and he slowly pulled his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose. "Elizabeth?"

The way he breathed her name made her heart ache.

The door behind her creaked open. "One red wine for the lady."

"I.." Elizabeth stammered and pivoted sideways. She accepted the stemless glass being pressed into her hand. "He-"

"Dave." John's voice bordered on venomous. He pulled the sunglasses off his face and hung them on the collar of his t-shirt.

Elizabeth flinched when she caught John's eyes. He quickly averted his gaze, but she'd gotten the gist of his current state of mind. There had been only the briefest flicker of regret before it was lost, burned away within the scorn of his judgement.

"John!" Dave moved to Elizabeth's side and smiled broadly, oblivious to the undercurrents. "We weren't expecting you. I'm glad you decided to drive out. I didn't even know you were in the states, much less near D.C."

"My brother, Elizabeth?" John stooped to pick up his bag.

Dave's head snapped towards Elizabeth. "You said you'd talked to him."

"Talked to me?" John huffed and opened the back door of the jeep. "She hasn't spoken to me in in a year."

Elizabeth had gulped down every last drop of the wine. "Dave, let me." She pushed the empty glass towards him and headed down the stairs.

John shoved his bag in the back seat and slammed the door so hard her teeth vibrated. He yanked open the drive side door and turned his head back towards the deck. "What about you, Dave? We just spoke a couple months ago."

John's eyes narrowed when he saw Elizabeth coming. He turned away, his hands threading through his hair. She slowly maneuvered between John and the jeep, softly closing the door. His hands fell heavily to his hips.

"John-"

"We don't need to do this, Elizabeth." He tilted his head away. "I'm leaving."

"This isn't what you think." She tried to cup his chin, wanting to draw his gaze to hers, but he jerked away.

"Really? Because it looks like after a year without speaking to me I just found you shacked up with my brother." John crossed his arms across his chest and Elizabeth's breath caught. She'd seen that look of hostile disdain before, but she'd never once been its direct target.

She arched her brow in silent warning. "Definitely not shacked up."

"Fine. So explain why you're at my family's lake house in Virginia. How is it you even know my brother?"

A flood of heat rushed into Elizabeth's cheeks. She'd almost prefer his anger than to face him with the embarrassing truth. She took a step back, her back thumping against the jeep behind her. She leaned against it and turned her head away, rubbing her temple softly.

The past year had been the hardest of her life. It had been a grueling ride of emotions that she'd never completely recover from. She'd willingly stared death in the face and lost her life on the Asuran home world. Ascension was unexpected, but maybe not entirely unsurprising in light of her sacrifice. She'd jumped at the opportunity to retake her human form, but it was immediately clear that her life on Atlantis would never be the same. The way the crew looked at her, the way John wouldn't look at her. That had been her breaking point. Leaving Atlantis broke what was left of her heart.

"How?" John demanded though clenched teeth.

If he'd used that harsh tone of voice even once after she'd returned, maybe she could have stayed. The awkward politeness had been like salt on the raw wounds of her soul. If John couldn't accept her, she knew she didn't stand a chance at normalcy with the others.

Grudgingly, she turned back towards him. "I went to see them, John. Your dad and brother." Her voice quiet.

"My father died months ago." John's hand washed down his face. "But I'm guessing you already knew that."

"The first visit was within weeks after I'd arrived back on Earth."

"First visit?" He eyed her carefully. "I don't understand. You knew I didn't have a great relationship with them."

"It just felt like something I had to do." She took a deep breath. She could do better than that. "Maybe it was just the closest I could get to you."

His eyes softened and he shifted closer. He leaned in, one palm landing on the window behind her.

"Elizabeth? You all right?" Dave was coming up the drive just steps behind John.

Elizabeth's hand went to John's side, intending to steer him around. As soon as her fingers brushed his side, her intent was forgotten as a long suppressed yearning akin to homesickness flooded her veins. John's eyes stretched with surprise and Elizabeth mentally cursed that silent transparency they'd always shared. It had taken months before he was no longer the first thought in her mind each morning, but she still failed miserably for the rest of the day. He'd become so deeply imbedded within her heart, she didn't stand a chance in hell of ever not loving him, but he didn't need to know that.

Dave cleared his throat, jarring Elizabeth back to the moment. Her hand drifted behind John's back and she urged him around.

"John, I'd like you to meet my best friend. Suzanne, this is-"

"John Sheppard. I'd recognize that wild hair anywhere. Elizabeth and Dave have shown me pictures." Suzanne handed a fresh glass of wine to Elizabeth and threw her arms around John, squeezing tightly. "You're more handsome in person."

"Suze." Dave protested, though his eyes lit up adoringly as they focused on Suzanne. "He just got here, what did I tell you? You're going to scare him away."

"Suzanne." John looked relieved when she pulled away. He met Elizabeth's eyes. "Your friend?"

"And my fiancée." Dave said, pressing a cold beer into John's hand. He then wrapped his arm around Suzanne's waist, drawing her closer. "Sorry to interrupt, but-"

"We thought liquor was in order for the occasion. Also, we considered that show might be easier than tell, as it were." Suzanne held her hand up, displaying a magnificent diamond on her ring finger. Suzanne smiled mischievously and started pulling Dave back towards the lodge. "From the windows it didn't look like talking was going so well, not that we were watching."

John took a long swig from the bottle and started pacing restlessly.

"Don't mind me." Suzanne's voice was light and teasing.

John almost collided with Suzanne as she doubled back. She was the same height as Elizabeth, but with her short wispy blond hair and impish personality, she seemed more petite, almost pixie like. She swiftly recovered John's bag from the back seat, grumbling under its weight.

"Keys." She demanded. "Do you have rocks in this bag or something?"

John's brow arched. "Keys?"

"You can't drink and drive, silly." She stuck her free hand out.

"I've had one sip." He protested. "And put back my bag."

"Just let her have them, trust me, it'll be easier." Elizabeth tucked her head toward his ear and dropped her voice. "You can take my rental if you still decide to go."

"Your friend?" John asked again, looking incredulous. He slowly pulled out his keys and allowed them to drop into Suzanne's hand.

Elizabeth nodded and watched her friend happily waltz away. "Blame it on the wine, they've been celebrating. He just proposed this afternoon. Dave asked me to join them on a hike so I could photograph the moment."

John took another swig of beer and resumed pacing. Even after all this time, she could still easily she could still read the gamut of emotions crossing his face. Anger, relief. A hint of confusion. He paused before the lake and glanced back at her. "You introduced them?"

She nodded and a flash of hurt flickered through his eyes before he spun back around. His hurt she didn't understand and it sparked a flare of anger within her. Two phone calls in the last year. None had come until she'd been back in D.C. for months on the hinge of coming unglued. Suits, treaties, cold drafty rooms. The life she'd had before Atlantis didn't fit her anymore. It had been a little scary, carving out a new path, and she'd desperately needed someone she could actually talk to. She'd needed him. That realization had upset her as much as the void he'd left in her heart. Knowing she was on the verge of saying things that would only embarrass her more, she started walking away.

"Where are you going? I don't think we're finished here." John's voice followed her.

Elizabeth sat the glass of wine down on the deck rail. "I thought finished was exactly what we were, John." She tucked her palms in her back pockets and strode towards him.

"What are you talking about? You didn't call me back."

"Seriously?" John's voice messages had sounded more like gestures of guilt than actual desire to talk. "I sent a message through the SCG when I was first back and got nothing in return. I couldn't exactly call you. You only called me after Rodney visited me months later. He was shocked I hadn't heard from you. I doubt I would have gotten your call the next time you were on Earth if he hadn't have pestered you. All of that didn't exactly inspire me to return the call."

His forehead crinkled and she could only imagine the trains of thought tearing through his mind.

"John, you didn't say goodbye when I left Atlantis. You weren't even in the gate room. What was I supposed to think?"

"We'd just gotten you back, Elizabeth." John's shoulders dropped. "How was I supposed to watch you leave?"

The look in his eyes made her breath hitch. She felt like she'd just been sucker punched in the heart. John flinched and turned on his heel. Without another word, he set off walking towards the lake. She could only imagine the spectrum of emotions that he'd read in her face, her eyes. It had probably overwhelmed him as to see them as it did her to feel them. She'd thought it was over for him when she'd left Atlantis. She'd needed it to be over for her own sanity, not that the denial had actually helped. Her hand pressed to her stomach and she let out the breath she'd been holding. She'd seen it within his eyes, felt it rioting within her heart. Even after all this time, they'd still been holding on to each other, to that tiny flicker of hope. Her head fell back and her eyes surveyed the sky as she waited for her breathing to regulate.

The sky was filled with giant billowy clouds and her eyes fixed on one in particular. It looked uncannily like a dove, the symbol of hope. That thought stirred something deep within her as she tried to conquer her tumultuous thoughts. Though her work still allowed her time to consult with the SCG, she wasn't mentally or emotionally prepared to return to Atlantis and she'd never ask him to leave. That left them at an impasse, just as they'd been a year ago. Reluctantly, she started to accept what was most important trumped the desires of her heart. He didn't have to share her bed to share her life and the bottom line was she needed him to be a part of it, no matter what the color or shape. She brought her eyes back down to the horizon and looked for John. They needed to figure this out.

TBC..

A/N, this is a little different than prior stories, but all I can say is trust me. I think you'll like the journey. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I always enjoy reviews *hinthint* :)