Chapter 12: I Can't Even Say

Matthew tried not to vibrate out of his skin in anticipation but was having a difficult time. He'd gotten to the library a good ten minutes early and was now scrolling aimlessly through his phone. He welcomed the moment of reprieve to collect himself after the mad dash that Lovino's urgency had encouraged.

Lovino, like the best friend that he was, had rushed him to the nearest drug store when Matthew texted him that his date was in 2 hours and he still had only the vaguest clue as to how to handle getting ready for it. He'd all but marched Matthew to the makeup aisle only to hold up different containers against his skin. To Matthew, the substances contained seemed to be the same color or close to it in every one, but Lovino was muttering and eyeing them critically, so he didn't say anything to that effect out loud. Lovino eventually picked one that he deemed good enough and a couple of other things that Matthew learned were important for making the concealer actually stay on his skin. Finally, to Matthew's horror, Lovino dragged him to the family planning section and told him to pick his favorite brands of lube and condoms because you might need it eventually and it's better to have it than not. When Matthew stuttered that he had no clue where to even begin, Lovino had blinked at him, shook his head, asked if he was allergic to latex, and picked for him.

The girl at the check-out counter looked pityingly at him as his expectant and shameless friend watched him pay with a truly epic blush on his face. The only reason he didn't keel over right there was that no one in the building looked (stared) at him and only saw War's boyfriend.

(That had happened during the day as Matthew left his room to get food and when he and Lovino walked together through campus. He didn't like being invisible, but he was coming to understand the difference between being seen as himself and being stared at as a curiosity. The pressure of those stares and his awareness of them was surprisingly tiring, so Matthew stuck to his room unless he had a real reason to leave it most of the day.)

For all that the trip was embarrassing, Matthew knew that it was necessary and remained grateful for Lovino as his friend painstakingly covered up the love bite on his neck, explaining each of his steps and why he was doing them. The end result was perfect.

Once they had made it back to their room, they debriefed the night before as Lovino worked, his account being much shorter than Matthew's as he made his rated PG-13 rather than NC-17. Lovino was shocked and angry on his behalf as he explained the ass kicking he and Gilbert had done the night before, how he found out everyone knew about them, and the rumored (false) threat of death to anyone who hurt him.

That took a while to explain and Lovino was digging through Matthew's closet to try to help him find something to wear by the end of it. He'd asked Gilbert, who had asked to plan Matthew's first date ever, what the dress code was for whatever he was thinking, he'd gotten casual, Mattie, what you normally wear is fine though you might want a heavier jacket in response. Lovino then proceeded to give advice as to what to wear, decrying how loose Matthew usually wore his clothes. You actually have an ass, Mattie. Do you know how many other white boys can't say the same?

Now Matthew sat in a small common space in the library decked out in a pair of black jeans that Matthew usually avoided because of how they clung to his thighs, a plum colored t-shirt that Lovino had insisted on, and a black leather jacket in concession of their mode of transportation. He was trying not to dwell on the fact he would be riding on the back of Gilbert's motorcycle, the news of it stunning him for a moment this morning because really? Of course, Gilbert casually had a motorcycle. It was silly of Matthew to assume otherwise.

He was honestly starting to think the universe was conspiring against him having any sense of propriety when it came to Gilbert; the boy kept meeting attraction standards that Matthew didn't even know he had.

The roaring of a distinct kind of engine approached the library and Matthew shot to his feet so fast that black spots danced over his vision. He took a steadying breath, squeezing his eyes hard in an attempt to clear them. Matthew then blinked several times, making his contacts come back into focus before heading out the library.

It felt a little ridiculous, but he couldn't help the wide smile that came to his lips as a helmeted figure approached on a black motorcycle. Matthew walked down the sidewalk a ways until he reached the nearby parking area. Gilbert stopped in front of him and turned off the bike. To Matthew's surprise, he noticed that he was wearing a backpack that looked kind of full as he dismounted. That wasn't all he was wearing, of course, but the dark blue jeans and black shirt under a leather jacket wasn't far from his usual attire.

Gilbert removed the matte black helmet and Matthew had to bite his lip to keep from laughing at how his hair was flattened against his head. "Hey, Gil."

Gilbert ruffled a hand through his hair like it was routine and Matthew wasn't laughing when he smiled back at him. "Hey, Mattie," he returned, stepping closer to him and Matthew realized that this was the first time he had seen his eyes uncovered in sunlight. They took on a lighter, pink tint that transfixed him. "Want to make good on that mutual desire from earlier?"

What? …Oh! Matthew moved forward to meet him in a kiss and felt some of the day's tension ease out of him. The relief from that one touch made him want more, but they were outside and Gilbert had this way of making him forget himself, so he broke it quickly. He didn't bodily move away, however, and he asked from a close distance, "What's the plan?"

Gilbert gave him a look that very much conveyed that he wanted a longer kiss but he said, "It's a kind of choose your own adventure. I wanted to plan it but realized that it would probably be more fun if we figured it out together. First..." Gilbert stepped back and set his helmet on his bike before taking off the backpack. He pulled out another black helmet. "Let's get this on you."

He handed the equipment to Matthew and he tucked what hair he could behind his ears before pulling it on. There was a catch of some sort and Matthew's fingers fumbled with it. He hadn't really looked at the thing when he'd pulled it on, so the lack of buckle—like a bicycle helmet—caught him by surprise. Gilbert huffed a laugh and stepped forward to help him. Practiced hands deftly secured it, Matthew's pulse picking up a little at the accidental touches along his throat then the deliberate caress as he lightly trailed his fingertips down his neck to linger where the love bite was hidden. The visor of lacked the dark tint of Gilbert's so Matthew watched Gilbert watch him for a handful of slow seconds, Matthew's heartrate increasing and lips parting in anticipation. Unthinkingly, he tilted his head to the side, exposing more of the skin there. Gilbert's narrowed in focus before he blinked and looked around and oh right they were outside!

Matthew blushed and Gilbert dropped his hand to his shoulder, shaking his head with a smirk on his face. "I don't know how I'm going to survive you," he said quietly before dropping his hand from him.

"Okay, riding is relatively simple," he continued without explaining that cryptic statement, zipping his bag closed. "Would you mind wearing this while I drive?"

"Sure." He took the bag easily and Gilbert stepped back to the motorcycle to put on his helmet.

"Hold on to me and lean with me. I won't be able to hear you very well unless we shout, so if you need to tell me something that can't wait, tap my shoulder and I'll pull over. When you get off, leave from the right side, alright?"

Gilbert sat on his bike and motioned him over once it was turned on. Matthew took a deep breath, checked that the backpack was secure on him, and swung a leg over, steadying himself by holding Gilbert's shoulder.

Actually sitting on the bike was…closer than Matthew was prepared for, his thighs bracketing Gilbert's. Sitting upright, the only logical place for Matthew to hold on was at Gilbert's hips or his shoulders and neither felt very secure. He leaned forward and hugged Gilbert lightly. "Is this okay?" he shouted.

Gilbert nodded and patted Matthew's arms. Then they were moving.

Riding itself wasn't complicated, Matthew leaning with Gilbert easily, the concept not unlike turning on his skates. Gilbert kept to city streets as they headed away from campus, avoiding potholes and moving with traffic. Matthew hadn't had the chance to leave the bubble of campus a lot, so he tried to stay attentive to their route in an attempt to introduce himself to the city he would be in for four years. All that was fine, welcome even.

No, the problem was all him.

Matthew was hyperaware of where he was touching Gilbert in a way that was damned distracting. Yes, they had been pressed against each other more than once, but resting his hands on Gilbert's torso or at his hips when they were at a stop light was completely different. His brain was starting to create a mental map of Gilbert's body and Matthew spent more than a little energy trying to get himself to stop. It was worse when, as a light turned green, Matthew accidentally slid his hands under Gilbert's open jacket to hold on to him and oh, good Lord!

He blushed but didn't want to let go with the bike moving, not quite comfortable riding yet, so he waited impatiently for another red light to move his hands safely back to Gilbert's hips. Gilbert turned his head in a pantomime of looking back at him and brought one cold hand down to press lightly against Matthew's, intertwine their fingers, and move their hands forward to rest on his stomach. He let him go and shrugged one shoulder before focusing back on the road. It's alright if you want to hold me like this, Matthew interpreted, but you don't have to.

In response, he was careful to place his hands on top of the leather. He bent his head so that the helmet touched Gilbert's shoulder and shook his head, overwhelmed and embarrassed.

Gilbert patted one of his hands lightly then got them moving again.

Altogether, the trip took about 20 minutes. Gilbert pulled into a public parking lot in front of a park and turned off the bike. Matthew dismounted and went about the task of making himself somewhat presentable once the helmet was off. Gilbert did the same as he turned to him. "You alright?"

"Yeah," he replied light blush on his face but he did his best to smile sheepishly at him. "It was fun. I liked riding with you."

"Good," he pulled him into a one armed hug and kissed his forehead. He pulled sunglasses from his jacket, took the backpack from him and one of his hands. "Have you been over here yet?"

They started walking and Matthew shook his head. "No, I don't really know much about the city and haven't left campus a lot. Where are we?"

"This is Victory Street and we're right on the edge of the most queer-friendly neighborhood in the city. There's just about everything here: a dollar theater, pizza, ice cream, the park…hell, they even have an old-fashioned arcade. It's still early so we have some time before the night crowd comes through. There are a few bars and clubs around, but just as many coffee shops."

"Wow," Matthew said as they crossed the street and turned the corner. There were a lot of flags flying that had nothing to do with nationality. He recognized the rainbow flag and the one for pan pride since Alfred rather pointedly had a matching sticker on his laptop, but the rest were a mystery. "You weren't kidding."

"Nope. Are you hungry?"

"I could eat. What do you have in mind?"

"If you want we could go see a movie, though I don't know what's playing. We could pick something with a later show time then grab an early dinner? The theater is a few minutes' walk and we'll pass by plenty of places on the way."

Matthew grinned at him. "Sounds like a plan to me." Gilbert didn't do anything for a second beyond looking at him. "Gil?"

He seemed to shake himself before he started walking and the slightest bit of color rose to his cheeks. So pretty—Gah! "Sorry, Mattie. Caught me off guard with that smile of yours."

Matthew lightly elbowed him. "Yeah, right. How—"

"I'm serious. You're really cute when you smile like that."

"…oh." Matthew stared at him with wide eyes, ended up tripping over his feet from his distraction.

Gilbert brought his hands up to catch him almost faster than Matthew could see, though he did stop himself before inadvertedly drove the helmet in his hand into Matthew's stomach. "Careful there."

"Thanks, sorry," he said, blushing as he righted himself. "I'm, um, not the most coordinated off the ice and outside of a fight."

"Don't worry about it," Gilbert squeezed his hand lightly and they kept walking. "What were you saying?"

Matthew cleared his throat and shrugged. "Just asking how your day went."

"About as well as expected. Club meeting, work. There was a kids' session and I can say with relief that no one injured themselves today. Ludwig took the news about us really well, so that was a definite plus. What about you? Outside of what happened at practice this morning, which I am curious about."

Matthew winced. "Well, I can certainly say it's markedly improved. I'd rather wait until we're sitting to really get into it, though."

"…That's not concerning at all." Matthew caught Gilbert's incredulous look and bumped into him lightly in quiet reassurance.

"What about you? I wasn't the one who came out the worst from the rumors."

"Not much to say. Alistair and Francis have started doing damage control on the death threat thing. Scottie in particular was pretty livid about it. They get protective if pushed."

Matthew hummed. "Explains the messages they sent me." Alistair had sent him just a few texts around noon asking how he was doing and if anyone had bothered him because of the night before. "Today wasn't really all that bad. It had its funny moments at least. But what's good to eat around here? Do you feel like eating anything?"

"Well, there's this—nope, never mind." At Matthew's look, Gilbert shrugged. "Okay, there's a ramen place that's actually pretty good, but that's not exactly first date food."

Matthew considered what trying to eat ramen in his room was like and whole heartedly agreed, though he was curious as to what good ramen tasted like. "Fair. What about the diner down there?" Matthew nodded toward what looked like a 50s style restaurant that was called Dickinson's Diner.

"Oh, yeah, Emily's. Sure, they have a good number of choices, really good burgers and pies."

"Emily's?"

"Yeah, like Emily Dickinson but also after one of the owners. It's run by two married women that are also history nerds who love mocking how academics refuse to acknowledge that queer people have always been around. Like every menu item's name and description refers to a famous historical figure or queer trope and how historians have ignored clear evidence that they were in no way cishetero."

"That's super cool!" Matthew said, bouncing a little because fuck yeah, history.

Gilbert looked at him, faintly amused before he said, "Forgot you were also a history nerd, otherwise I would have suggested it first thing. The owners, Emily and Michelle, are actually really friendly and tend to stop to chat to people who look like they are particularly enjoying the theme. We've gotta pick a movie first though."

They had arrived at the movie theater and Gilbert lightly pulled him into the lobby. It wasn't one of chain movie theaters and the rather…eclectic mix of movies was a testament to that.

"I…don't even know where to start," Matthew admitted, looking at a board of six movies that he had never seen and was at best vaguely familiar with their existence. None of them came with descriptions, but he did suppose smart phones were a thing.

"…I think one of these is actually German." Gilbert said, confused and surprised frown on his face.

"Do you want to watch it? I'm sure it would have subtitles." Matthew said, eyeing the only one without an English title. He was pretty open when it came to watching new movies, so this film was about as good as another to him.

"I don't know. German movies can be…let's look up plot descriptions first." Gilbert pulled out his phone and Matthew looked over his shoulder. The results were all in German, but before Matthew could pull away, Gilbert cursed and typed in what had to be the English translation of the title in the search bar. The Lives of Others was the movie. "Sorry."

"No worries. Thank you," Matthew said, leaning into his side since his hands were full. "Can I take the helmet or something? You're carrying all the things when I have two perfectly empty hands."

"Thanks," Gilbert handed him the helmet absently as he stared at the phone. "Um, I think we should pick a different one unless you are really into East German surveillance films. It looks a bit heavier than I what I was hoping for the tone of today."

"Alright," Matthew agreed easily. "What exactly are you going for?"

"Well, not depressing as a start. How do you feel about action movies? I heard John Wick was pretty good and it has a showtime an hour and a half from now, plenty of time to get food."

"Sounds good."

There wasn't anyone in line, so they walked up to the counter and Gilbert rather speedily got their tickets. It wasn't five minutes later when they were walking out of the theater and Matthew said, slight tease in his voice, "'Not depressing' isn't exactly descriptive, Gil."

"I guess it's not," Gilbert said, looking at him with a slight smirk. "But I honestly don't have a single 'tone' I was going for, mostly just a list of goals."

Matthew raised his eye brows. "Such as…"

"I want you to have fun and I want to have fun with you. I want us to get to know each other more. And…" Gilbert gave him a sly look, obvious even with his sunglasses on, "…I want to kiss you again, preferably for longer than five seconds."

Matthew was suddenly very aware of the makeup on his neck. It was a struggle not to stare at his boyfriend and his face heated but he licked lips and asked hesitantly, "Just five seconds?"

Gilbert laughed and smiled wide enough to show teeth. "No, not just five seconds, but I think I'll keep those thoughts to myself for the moment. I want to talk to you without us being distracted by me putting those out there."

Like that's not distracting all on its own, Matthew thought privately but smiled anyway. As much as he wanted to kiss him again, he was ecstatic that Gilbert was invested in trying to get this right. It was more confirmation that he was so much more than War and it gave him a bubbly feeling of contentment. "Then let's go eat."

Matthew was just as entranced by Emily's as Gilbert hoped he would be. The diner kept most of the original design of the space, with some modern updates. The décor was relatively understated and the framed pictures would have been unremarkable but for the unique frames on each one and the sheer number of them on the walls. Each frame held a depiction of famous people whose queer identities had been erased by historians and each frame was designed according to the style of their times. Michelle actually ran the place, but each frame had been made by Emily who primarily worked as an artist.

As it was still pretty early, he and Matthew didn't have a problem getting a table along the wall, a small two-person booth. Gilbert watched Matthew's eyes dart around the room, silently pleased as he recognized people.

After about a minute of Matthew taking in their surroundings, he blinked and looked at Gilbert. "Shit, I'm sorry, Gil. I didn't mean to ignore you."

"Nothing to apologize for, Mattie. I'm happy you like the place. I take it you know a good portion of the people on the wall."

Matthew nodded, face lighting up as he looked around again. "I know a lot of them, but I never knew they were queer." He turned to beam at him. "Thank you for bringing me here."

"Anytime. Take a look at the menu." Matthew's inquisitive eyes fell on the laminated paper and they widened as he began to read.

"'Closest Confidant Chowder'? 'Gal Pal Sal-ad'? Oh, God, the wings!" Gilbert knew that the wing flavors were each named after an individual depending on their "sauciness," e.g. their ability to fuck shit up. Matthew laughed, clearly delighted, and the sound and sight of him was a shock to Gilbert's system. God, he was in so much trouble because Matthew's dark blue eyes sparkled with surprised joy and he was incredibly cute and Gilbert wanted nothing more than to pull him into his arms. He had never heard that sound from Matthew and he wanted to hear it again.

His laugh started loud enough to draw some looks. Immediately, he winced apologetically and ducked his head, embarrassed by his own reaction. Matthew didn't have to apologize for shit, let alone being happy for two seconds, and it was mildly alarming that he thought he did.

Gilbert knew that Matthew hadn't been with anyone physically before him. He could guess that he had never been emotionally involved with anyone either based on his utter bafflement that Gilbert was attracted to him. Surely someone had to have approached him at some point, right? Or at least told him that he should never apologize for existing?

Just how much was Matthew going to be surprised by him being a decent human being, let alone the good romantic partner as he intended to become?

Mildly concerning was an understatement.

Gilbert tried to give him a reassuring smile that had to have worked a little as Matthew's shoulders relaxed minutely. He wanted to touch him, but didn't want to overwhelm him. At a loss, Gilbert turned to his own menu but kept his hands on the table if Matthew wanted to reach out and take one.

They chatted about food choices and preferences until they gave their orders to their server. As they walked away, Gilbert looked at Matthew and asked, "Could we talk about what happened today?"

Matthew sighed and fidgeted with his water glass. "Yeah. It wasn't great."

"What happened, exactly? Did someone say something to you after practice?" Gilbert wanted to know more about what had happened that morning, but Alistair was right. If Matthew wanted to tell him, he would.

"No one said anything, but they didn't really have to. They only stared at me and, well, my neck when I walked around campus today. I'm used to blending in, fading into the background, so it was pretty disconcerting."

Matthew was looking at his water like it was extremely interesting and Gilbert could tell it was still bothering him. He hated how something as simple as who he was was affecting Matthew like this. Tentatively, he reached out and touched his hand. "Mattie, I'm sorry."

He blew out another long breath and finally met his eyes, troubled. "It's not your fault, Gil."

"I know. Doesn't mean I don't wish you didn't have to deal with that." Matthew turned his hand up to take his, fingers cold but welcome against his skin.

"That's only part of it. Yes, I wish I wasn't a walking spectacle, but I hate how they think about how we're together. They don't look at me and see me or even your boyfriend. They see me as War's boyfriend, the one that managed to catch you long enough for you to claim me in a way that frankly makes me pretty damn uncomfortable. It's one thing for us to say that I am yours, but it means something else when they say it, you know?"

"Yes, I think I do," Gilbert said gently, feeling ill at the thought but not wanting to interrupt him.

"And how they think about you! Like you're nothing more than a title they gave you!" For the first time in this fucked up conversation, rage flashed across his face, but it was gone so quickly Gilbert wasn't sure he'd actually seen it. He started moving his thumb against Matthew's hand in what he hoped was a soothing gesture. "It's not right. And I know people are always going to be idiots who believe whatever is easiest for them, but they're just so wrong about you." He clinched his jaw and looked away again.

"…What can I do? What can we do?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to talk about it? I want to help you feel better."

"Not really. I don't want to think about it more than I already have, but if you have any ideas, I'm all ears."

"Alistair did their best to forcibly remove the information from the Internet."

Matthew gave a startled, incredulous laugh. "They did what?"

"I told you they get protective. They took issue with basically everything that happened when I told them this morning and, once they decide they want something, not much can stop them. And, just so you understand, it was for both of us. Alistair apparently has decided that you're part of their people, so don't be offended if they start teasing you; it's their thing." It was one thing for his best friend to approve of his boyfriend, but a whole new and reassuring level of great for Alistair to adopt him into their small family of choice, too.

Matthew was smiling at him, obviously pleased. "That worked. Consider me cheered up."

"Would it help things if I walked around campus obviously marked by you? It may at the very least get them to stop thinking this is in any way one-sided."

Matthew froze, goes going unfocused at the thought. "…I mean I wouldn't object but I rather it be because you want to than to prove a point to other people."

"No problem there." Matthew stared at him and Gilbert stared back.

Time for a change in subject. "Are you excited for your game this week?"

Matthew blinked slowly once but then pivoted. "Yeah. It will be nice to test our skills against new people and I think we'll be ready by Friday. Will you still be able to make it?"

"Yep. I don't know who's coming with me, but I'll definitely be there."

"Okay, thanks. I really don't know how much time I'll end up playing, but I appreciate you coming anyway."

"Of course. I don't know a lot about hockey, but I want to know about something that you devote that much time to."

Matthew smiled. "Thanks. The scholarship is why I'm on the team now, but I love playing."

"How did you start?"

The conversation between them clicked easily into place as it had the day they had gotten coffee together, natural with a few pauses as they ate or a topic died out without an obvious segway into something else.

They ended up disagreeing about the value of a number of elements in the Star Wars prequels and that led to a lively debate that kept them going through the end of dinner and into the movie theater. "Just because Anakin's actions were inexcusable doesn't make them any less understandable. For all that the movies were poorly executed, they did explain how he became Vader."

"A kid grew up with the potential to do so much good but made the choice as an adult to point a metaphorical gun at a galaxy and call it order."

"Okay, but how did the kid grow up? Yes, he had the potential to be good but was he really given the opportunity?"

"Yes, Mattie. There was always another option and he made choices that killed a lot of people, over and over again."

"Gil, we're talking about a boy who was forced by circumstance to leave his mother behind in a life of slavery. The Jedi told a boy who was never allowed to own himself, let alone anything else, that he had to let go of all attachment because that would lead to some mysterious evil. He was given to a young, grieving, and canonically rash Obi-Wan to train, all while being told he had this great power and was the chosen one. At every opportunity that the Jedi Order could have supported him mentally and emotionally, especially in Episode III, it failed to do so. Yes, he made really fucked up choices, but they didn't come out of nowhere." Gilbert stared at him because while after a certain point committing of atrocities he truly stopped giving a fuck about the whys of it, Matthew hadn't said a thing that was inaccurate. "What?"

"You literally have sympathy for the devil, one of the greatest villains in cinema history."

Matthew shrugged. "I don't believe that people are born evil, but made evil through a lack of the right people giving a damn at the right time or just shitty circumstances. Why should Vader be any different? It's not sympathy so much as an acknowledgement that the deck had been stacked against him and that things could have been different if the right people had reached out at so many points. That's why Luke was able to turn him in Episode VI; his son showed him that mercy and forgiveness was still possible and worth fighting for. Yeah, too little, too late, but that's how I understand the character."

Gilbert stared at him a second longer before giving up and just pulling him into a hug. They were standing outside their theater, about to walk in and find their seats, and Gilbert just had to hold him for a second. Too good for this world. Too pure. "Never change, Liebling."

"…Thank you?" He said, sounding confused but he returned the hug as much as he was able with Gilbert wearing the backpack and Matthew holding the helmet. He pulled back a little and smiled wryly. "So you admit that the prequels weren't awful."

Gilbert made a disgusted sound at the back of his throat but kissed him briefly before taking his hand and leading him forward. "I will admit they serve a purpose. They had the potential to not be awful."

Matthew shook his head. "I'll eventually convince you."

"I seriously doubt it. Now, where do you want to sit?" The theater, as Gilbert expected, wasn't crowded. For one, it was still early on a Saturday. For another, this movie came out several years ago at this point. People could watch it from the comfort of their couch if they wanted to. There were only three other parties there; two couples and a group of what looked like high schoolers.

"I usually go for high-ish in the theater and middle of the row, but as long as I don't have to crane my neck I'm okay."

"Alright." Gilbert's eyes scanned the room again and he started leading them to a spot that fit Matthew's preferences while being as far away from other people as possible. "I don't think I mentioned it before, but there won't be previews."

"Damn. I like previews, even if I never actually go see any of the movies." They sat down and spent an awkward moment trying to figure out how they were going to keep holding hands with an armrest between them. They laughed at themselves and ended up resting their clasped hands on Matthew's thigh as the lights went down and the movie started.

Gilbert expected the sudden onslaught of sound, but Matthew flinched, his whole body tensing. "Shit," he said quietly.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. My ears are a little sensitive but I'll get used to it," he said reassuringly but Gilbert made a note of it; all other dates involving movies should happen at his place unless they couldn't avoid going to a theater.

Matthew did seem to get used to it as the movie kept going. It only took about 20 minutes for Gilbert to realize this wasn't going to be the mindless action movie he had been aiming for. "What the fuck?" he said quietly, staring at the screen in shock.

"…I don't think I've ever rooted for a character to go apeshit as much as I am right now," Matthew said in response.

So much for being able to distract Matthew into making out with him.

It was dark as they left the theater and the streets were busy with what was the dinner rush of people at restaurants. The noise of the street had increased, too, but that didn't stop them from talking about the movie. No, what got them to stop was the fact they had walked about three blocks and had no exact destination in mind. "Wait, Gil? Where are we going?"

Gilbert shook himself and realize they never had talked about that. He had unconsciously led them in the general direction of his bike, but they really should talk about it. "Oh. I wasn't going anywhere in particular, honestly just started walking. What do you want to do? It's still pretty early."

"…I don't know. I don't feel like doing anything specific." Matthew shrugged. "What about you?"

…Not a great question since I want to do you, even though I also don't. Gilbert hadn't forgotten in the least their shared desire to make out from earlier, but didn't want to push anything in case Matthew felt pressured. "Nothing comes to mind. I do know I don't want this date to be over yet. We're in the middle of a very important discussion, after all," he joked since they had mostly been discussing the fight choreography. "We could go for a walk? Either in the park or around the neighborhood?"

"I want to keep spending time with you but I don't want to walk much of anywhere right this second, not after the week of practice I just had," Matthew said with a wince.

"We could find somewhere here to hang out...or head back towards campus."

There was a beat of weighted quiet before Matthew nervously licked his lips and said, "Campus, then. No need to spend money if we don't actually want anything."

"Okay," Gilbert said and pulled lightly on Matthew's hand to get them walking towards his bike again. Very carefully, he asked, "Do you want to hang out in one of the common areas?"

"No, especially since we would probably be gawked at. I know I said I'm okay with us being public and I am but this…" Matthew trailed off, searching for the words and Gilbert gave him the time he needed with a light squeeze to his hand. "…this is ours, not theirs, if that makes sense?"

"I think I get it," Gilbert said and he meant it. He didn't want their bubble of intimacy that had slowly strengthened throughout the evening to be intruded upon. That, and he didn't like that people started treating their relationship as a spectacle after last night. "So that leaves your dorm room or my place."

"…Lovi had a rough night and will probably be sleeping by the time we got back to campus. I-is it okay if we go to yours? Would Ludwig be bothered by me coming over?"

"Of course and I don't think so, but I will warn him."

"Could you double check? Knowing we're together might be different than seeing me with you and I really don't want him to feel weird about this. I already had to convince him once that I wasn't just friends with him to get to you and would rather not have to do it again."

Yikes. Gilbert winced, torn between being pleased that Matthew was a good friend to his brother and uncomfortable that he had been his little brother's friend first. It wasn't like it was new information, but it was easy to forget. "Yeah, okay. Let me call him since it's probably faster."

Gilbert took out his phone and Matthew leaned against him and went on tip toe to kiss his cheek. "Thanks, sweetheart."

…Ludwig better be okay with Matthew coming over. As it was, Gilbert was about five minutes away from trying to convince Matthew that being in the shadows was privacy enough and pushing him up against one of the trees in the park. "Of course, Liebling."

He rang Ludwig and his brother answered fairly quickly. "Gilbert? What's wrong?"

He opened his mouth to respond in German automatically, but then realized he didn't want Matthew to feel deliberately excluded. "Mattie's coming over and he wanted to make sure you wouldn't be bothered."

"…Of course he did. I do not mind if he comes over, but I am going to head out for a while. I would rather not be around to see or hear anything."

"Fair enough," he said before looking at Matthew. "He doesn't mind."

"Okay, that's good," he said, relieved smile on his face. They had made it to his bike and he was eager to get moving.

"Thanks, West."

"No, thank you for the warning. I will be out of here within the next fifteen minutes. Goodbye, Gilbert,"

"Bye." Gilbert hung up and put his phone away, taking off the backpack as he did so. Matthew took it as he gave him his helmet. "He's going out, so it will be just us at the house. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, though I hope he wasn't going because of me. I don't want to kick him out of his own space." Matthew said, frowning.

"You didn't, I promise." Ludwig had probably left more because of Gilbert than anything else. His partners tended to get…loud with him. Gilbert helped Matthew get his helmet on and caught Matthew staring at him. "What is it?"

He blinked and blushed, looking down quickly. "Sorry."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just I…I'm still surprised, I guess. That you're my boyfriend, I mean."

…How is it that I want to cuddle him and absolutely rail him because he's adorable? "Of course you wait until your helmet is on to say something like that." Gilbert squeezed his shoulder and put on his helmet as Matthew took the bag. "Trust me, I'm the lucky one. Let's get out of here."

They made decent time back to his house, which was just a couple of minutes' drive past campus. Gilbert had rather necessarily not allowed himself to be distracted by Matthew's hands on him, even when he almost tentatively slid his hands under his jacket to hold on to him. He didn't know what had changed to make him more comfortable with the touch now than he had been earlier in the day, but Gilbert wasn't complaining.

Gilbert's house was actually his and Ludwig's, the title in their name and mortgage already paid off. When they came to the States after their parents' deaths, they lived with their great-uncle Fritz. Gilbert doubted that they were actually related by blood, but that hadn't really mattered to the old man. He treated them like they were his sons and, when he died last year, his will reflected that. As Ludwig was still 17 at the time, his death had them in a tough position in terms of immigration and child custody concerns, but he did his best to make sure they wouldn't have to worry about where they were going to live or how they were going to eat for the next few years at least, for which Gilbert was incredibly grateful. Of anything, the financial stability was the biggest factor that kept Ludwig with him (despite the fact that he was already 17 for fuck's sake but whatever).

In any case, the house was a two-story Queen Anne that had been built before cookie-cutter houses were the norm. It had been renovated at some point to add an attached garage and get rid of the original lead pipes, but that was about it. Gilbert didn't bother pulling into the garage since he would have to take Matthew home eventually. Gilbert turned off the bike and Matthew dismounted, looking around as he waited for Gilbert to unlock the front door. "You live here?"

"Yeah, grew up here for the most part, too. Come on in." The front door was to one side of the house and there was a small foyer were Ludwig and Gilbert kept their most frequently worn shoes and coats, complete with a small bench. "We got really lucky with our uncle, Fritz. He lived here for something like 25 years before he took in me and West, so it felt like home really quickly."

Matthew was quiet for a long moment before he ventured gently, "Lived?"

"Yeah. He died about a year and some change ago." June 3rd. It had been on June 3rd but he didn't want to think about it. "He left most of what he had to me and West and the rest went to a couple of charities."

"Oh, I didn't…I'm sorry. I didn't realize…" Matthew reached out and touched his arm, nothing but compassion on his face. It wasn't pity; Gilbert had seen that emotion on enough people to recognize it instantly.

"Thanks and don't worry about it, Liebling. Do you want something to drink?" Gilbert asked, taking his hand and pulling him into the rest of the house.

"Some water would be great," Matthew said, easily following him through the living room and into the kitchen, letting the topic go. "I believe we had been discussing the movie?"

Gilbert's mouth curved as he poured a glass from each of them. "Right. Where were we again?"

"…I don't remember either." The shared a laugh that broke the lingering sadness and brought to the front of Gilbert's mind a different kind of tension altogether. They were alone, truly alone for the first time since Gilbert had happened upon him two, three weeks ago. "But I did like it and honestly I've never been more on the side of the antihero."

"Yeah…West shouldn't watch that movie. I mean he would feel vindicated by the end but that first 20 minutes…"

"He likes dogs? Thanks," he added, taking the water from him.

"He loves dogs. Yeah, dogs are great but they're the only thing that makes him become a pile of goo. He would either cry or start yelling if he watched it without knowing what was coming."

"Still, good choice with movies. Dark without being depressing and I had fun."

"That's one goal accomplished then." Gilbert said with a smirk.

Matthew went still for a moment before he gave him a small, secretive smile. He put the glass down. "And we got to know each other better."

"That's another." Gilbert stepped forward, very much in Matthew's space with arms to either side of him, bracketing him against the counter.

Matthew's lips parted and his eyes dropped down to Gilbert's mouth. "I-I think you missed one."

"Let me fix that?" Gilbert didn't move, waited for Matthew to answer him.

Matthew was breathing deeply and obviously distracted, because it took him a wonderfully fraught moment to realize that Gilbert actually wanted him to say something. He met Gilbert's eyes again from a short distance, put his hands on his waist, and said, "Yes."

Gilbert closed the distance between them, mouth claiming his, arms wrapping around him, and body pressing carefully against him. The sound of utter relief that Matthew made wrecked something in him because oh fuck, yes. Matthew pressed up into the kiss and back against him, falling into the simple kiss. Gilbert ran his fingers through Matthew's hair and held him close.

For all that neither of them initiated a French kiss, the sound of their mouths coming to together over and over again was loud in the otherwise quiet house. Matthew eventually broke the kiss to ask breathlessly, "Can we sit?"

"Yeah," he kissed him one last time before pulling away and taking his hand. "Couch or my room?"

The question stopped Matthew literally in his tracks and Gilbert stopped moving at the slightest resistance. He was suddenly nervous and Gilbert had to think about what he just said. "Nothing you don't want, ever, okay? It's your choice, Mattie. And, as sexy as you are, I really just want to kiss you tonight. Sure, I want to kiss you a lot, but that was my ultimate goal here. We can go as slow as you want."

Matthew seemed to relax at that and squeezed his hand. "What time is Ludwig coming back?"

"He didn't say and I'm not sure where he went, but maybe not for a while?"

"…Your room, then."

"Okay," Gilbert said, internally cheering because of course he wanted to see Matthew in his bed for the sight alone. That, and the couch restricted movement more than he preferred. He started leading them towards the stairs when a thought occurred and he stopped, looking at Matthew's neck.

"Gil?"

"I…can I make a request?"

"…okay?"

"Would you mind taking the makeup off your neck? I want to see the mark I left."

Matthew inhaled sharply and his eyes went a little unfocused. Interesting. "Yeah, sure. Let me get—Lovi made sure I had makeup wipes. Hold on."

Gilbert waited as Matthew went to rummage around in his jacket, processing what just happened.

He had been extremely nervous about heading to his room until Gilbert had reminded him that they were going slow, but he hadn't said anything. He was going to need to be exceptionally careful to make sure Matthew was always comfortable with things, which was fine; he had more experience and not being an asshole cost him nothing.

Matthew thought they were going to be making out long enough that Ludwig might come back. No objections there.

Matthew didn't blink at his somewhat telling request. In fact, he had jumped at it, seemed affected by it. Another check in the column that Matthew was a little kinky, even if he didn't know it yet. Goddamn, but Gilbert was lucky.

Matthew was rather hurriedly rubbing at his neck with a white cloth as he walked back to Gilbert. "You shouldn't have to scrub, Liebling. May I?"

He pursed his lips and looked at the cloth in his hand like it had personally offended him. "Yes, please. I'm sure I missed some of it."

Gilbert stepped forward and took it from him. Matthew lifted his chin to let him see, but the love bite he had left was mostly visible already, stark against his skin and the light cover-up that lingered. Gilbert cradled Matthew's head with one hand while the other gently but firmly cleaned him off. At the first touch of Gilbert's hand, he saw more than heard his breath catch. The somewhat harassed expression melted to one of surprise and then cautious hunger. It was the last that prompted Gilbert to say something.

"You know, I realize that I asked you if you were upset about this, but not if you liked it. Do you?"

He licked his lips nervously. "The mark?"

"Yes, and the fact that I'm the one who marked you." Thinking he got all of the makeup off, he touched one finger to the mark and pressed down, just a little. Matthew shuddered and Gilbert was enjoying this far too much.

"And if I do?" Matthew asked quietly, lifting his head and meeting his eyes in a small and completely unnecessary challenge, blush on his face.

"Then you'll probably be happy to know that I like it, too. Why do you think I asked you to show it to me?"

"Oh," he said softly in realization and Gilbert could no longer resist the urge to kiss him lightly.

"Remember what I said last night?" he asked, holding him close. "I don't want you to ever be ashamed about how I make you feel. I want to know what you like so that I can keep doing it."

"Okay," Matthew pressed a soft kiss to his lips and then pushed him away lightly, towards the stairs. "I think I would like to keep going to your room now."

Gilbert smirked at him but didn't say anything more as they moved up the stairs. He was surprised when Matthew said, "Wait a second." He did, pausing to turn and look back at him, only realizing with some horror that Matthew was looking at the pictures that lined the wall heading up the staircase.

"Mattie—"

"Is this you?" He asked, grin splitting his face now. The picture was one of him and Ludwig about a six months after they had come to stay with Fritz. Ludwig was laughing uproariously and a young Gilbert was staring at the camera, covered in filth and utterly unrepentant. "Oh, my God, you were adorable!" Matthew was laughing a little but it was a good natured, happy sound.

"Ugh," Gilbert managed with a blush and kept walking up the stairs, Matthew following him but obviously amused.

"Don't be embarrassed, Gil! I bet you were a great kid."

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Yeah, down right angelic."

"Angel, huh?" Matthew said, considering and Gilbert looked at him askance. "That fits."

"What?"

Matthew's grin turned just a little wicked. "Congrats, you have a new pet name. Now we're even."

"And you picked angel? For me?" Gilbert asked, incredulous as he opened the door of his room. He flicked on the lights, winced at the brightness, then used the dimmer to turn it down. He tossed the wipe into a nearby trash bin.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Well, for one people used to joke that I was a demon before they started calling me War. For another, I'm not a particularly good person, Matthew." He didn't say anything immediately in response. Rather, after walking further into the room, he just stopped and stared at him. "What?"

"You really think you're not a good person?" Matthew said and it was confused.

"Yeah? I mean, I try to be a decent person, sure, but not being an asshole to people for no reason doesn't make me a good person; it just means I'm not a dick." Gilbert closed his door behind him.

Matthew looked serious as he walked to Gilbert and put his hands on his chest. He pushed him back until he was pressed against the door and didn't protest when Gilbert automatically put his hands low on his waist. He said from a close distance, "I am going to call you angel because I think you're a good person. I don't give a fuck that the same idiots who think that all you are is War also would call you a demon because that's not who you are and I'm not the only one that knows that."

You are mine.

Matthew kissed him and a swell of possessiveness filled him. Ancient, basic instinct, triggered by Matthew's version of understated, violent caring, tried to override basic sense enough to get his boyfriend to do any number of things with him in which a bed would be nice but non-essential. Gilbert pulled him closer, deepened the kiss, and Matthew melted into him. His hands moved up his chest to loop around his neck with a sigh.

Gilbert broke away and unthinkingly said against his mouth, "Get in my bed, Matthew." There was a beat of stunned silence on his part and Gilbert rushed to quickly say, "Sorry. I meant—"

"Gil?" Matthew said before leaning up to briefly kiss him. He straightened, grabbed Gilbert's hands, and started walking backwards towards his bed, eyes not leaving his. "I have no clue what I'm doing and I want to make sure you like being with me. I like it when you mark me and I think I like it when you tell me what to do in here. We can talk about doing something new, but I promise to tell you if I don't want to do something or if I don't like something. I want to know what you like, too. If you want me, I want you to tell me.

"Besides," he continued, releasing his hand as he sat down and started pushing himself backwards towards the center of the bed. Gilbert followed him, climbing onto the bed and crawling towards him. "We'd already established that we're going to make out and I trust you to stick to that. I know it's hypocritical for me to say this, but you can stop being so polite now."

Gilbert stopped being polite.

So, um. Matthew might have underestimated just how much Gilbert had been holding himself back. Maybe. Just a little.

Gilbert's expression tightened immediately and Matthew recognized it as the one he'd worn after each sparring match on Thursday night. "Lay down," he said quietly and Matthew did, their gazes still locked together. Gilbert then very deliberately scanned down his body. He had let Gilbert kneel between his thighs without thinking, despite the slight pull of his jeans.

"You," he continued, leaning down to kiss him but avoided his mouth to say along his jaw, "think I'm a good person. You want me to tell you what I like, when I want you, how I want you."

He kept moving, whispering against the skin of neck now that Matthew easily offered to him. He paused to almost certainly bite the already existing mark and holy fuck.

Matthew jolted, hands releasing the blanket he had been holding on to as an anchor to slide around Gilbert's body to rest on his back. "Y-yes," he confirmed but the syllable broke in his mouth.

"Those things are mutually exclusive, Liebling." He started kissing further down his neck and ran a hand down his side, causing a shiver to run through him.

"Do you want to hurt me without my consent?" Matthew managed.

"Absolutely not. I don't even want to hurt you with your consent." He lightly squeezed his side and nuzzled into his neck. "I don't want to do anything without your consent. You're mine, Mattie. I take care of what's mine. If you want to explore that, we're going to have to talk through a lot before I would be comfortable with it."

Matthew had been going for a simple no and ended up with kink negotiation. He hugged him close and scooched himself down enough to kiss his forehead. "Okay. Then whatever you want to do to me doesn't make you a bad person. Oh, you might not be very nice, but you're not bad." Gilbert lifted his head and looked at him, nonplussed. "What? Just because I haven't been with anyone doesn't mean I'm clueless about some important stuff."

"God, but you're dangerous," he muttered before adjusting and finally kissing him. Any thought of inquiring into what that statement had meant flew from his mind as Gilbert pressed him into the bed, body settling on him in a way that should have probably been alarming, but he trusted him. He pulled him closer, ran his fingers through his hair.

Matthew figured out that he liked kissing a lot. He didn't have to think about anything, could just relax into it and it felt so good. Well, he had to think about one thing.

Where the hell was his supposed to put his hands?

Matthew was happy that he was able to touch him, that they shared that, and wanted to keep doing it but was incredibly self-conscious about it. He was torn between wanting to hold on to him to steady himself, run a hand down his front, or put a hand at his hips where he thought his shirt had ridden up a little.

He was still debating with like 20 percent of his mind when he noticed something about Gilbert's back. Either tattoos rose more off the skin than Matthew expected or something else caused his skin to have that texture. He stilled and Gilbert tensed in response, definitely felt where his hand rested. "Gil?" he asked, concerned.

"Car accident. A tattoo covers it," he said, voice strained and more reserved than Matthew was expecting. He pushed himself up until he was sitting on his heels. This bothered him, upset him and Matthew hadn't meant to do that. He was already following him when Gilbert started, eyes averted, "If it bothers you—"

"No," Matthew said, upright and taking Gilbert's face in his hands so that he would look at him and see he was telling the truth. "No. I'm sorry, I should have noticed before now. I just wanted to know if you were okay, if I could touch you. I'm sorry."

Gilbert sighed and Matthew watched his shoulders drop. "No, I'm sorry. I know you're not the kind of person to care. It's just…been a problem before and I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

Who the fuck would stop kissing Gilbert because of a scar? "I don't know who you've been with before now, but if they stopped kissing you over something as simple as this then they were a fucking idiot." That startled a laugh from him.

"Well, you're not wrong." Gilbert kissed him again and Matthew urged him back, followed his movement until he was straddling him.

When they were sitting upright with Matthew in his lap, he held Gilbert still. He pulled back, taller than him like this, and looked over his cruelly beautiful face. Gilbert moved his hands over his back as he shook his head. "Terminal stupidity," he muttered and kissed him again.

At length, Gilbert pulled him closer against him and settled him more firmly in his lap. He was hard, they both had been for a while, and the change made him gasp and loose a started noise. Gilbert began kissing down his neck again as he hugged him, the skin there easier for him to reach than before. When he lightly bit him where his neck met his shoulder, Matthew was pretty sure he moaned and very sure that he had rolled his hips against Gilbert's.

They both froze at that, looked at each other.

"Sorry—" Matthew cut himself off as Gilbert put hands on a hip and thigh and moved. He found himself suddenly looking at the ceiling, his thighs to either side of Gilbert's waist, and Gilbert's voice in his ear.

"I want to make you do that again." He kissed the skin below his ear and said, "Why are you apologizing?"

He kept up the steady attention to his neck and Matthew let out a shaky laugh. "Guess you don't want me to be quiet?"

"Hell no. Wanna hear you." He pulled Matthew's shirt a little so that the collar stretched a little and carefully bit him in the same place as before. Matthew was more prepared for it, but he still whimpered and moved against him.

"Come back here," he managed and lightly pulled at Gilbert's hair to get them kissing again. He silently urged Gilbert to rest more heavily on top of him with the press of his hands and widening of his thighs, liking the solid feeling of him. Matthew didn't stop the moans from rising in the back of his throat as Gilbert did as he asked and licked into his mouth. Fuck, but this was amazing—

Gilbert eventually broke the kiss and at Matthew's instant whine he breathlessly said, "Wait a second, baby."

Matthew immediately relaxed against the bed and his hands began moving in soothing lines. "Are you okay, angel?"

Gilbert laughed lightly, shook his head. "Too good, actually." He kissed Matthew's cheek and said, "If we want to keep this light, I need to slow down. Either that or I'm going to have to get up and go to the bathroom in about two minutes."

"Why would you…oh." Matthew really hadn't been paying attention to his own body. He, rather belatedly, uncrossed his legs from behind Gilbert's back, realizing he had been arching into him. "Sorry."

Gilbert kissed his cheek again and pushed himself up to look at him, smirk on his face. "This is another one of those things you don't have to apologize for. I'm not complaining, just want to make sure we don't go further than we intended."

Warmth filled him and Matthew leaned up to kiss his cheek. "Thank you."

"Mattie, it costs me nothing to not be an asshole and break your trust. Basic decency, remember?" He shift and all but flopped onto his back beside him. "Can we cuddle?"

What kind of question…? "Yes, please." Matthew moved over and curled himself against his side. He rested his head against his shoulder and threw an arm over him. "This okay?"

"A little closer?" Matthew moved so that he was half on top of him, with their legs tangled together. Gilbert wrapped his arm around him and seemed to settle. "Perfect."

They laid there for a moment and Matthew started tracing nonsense patterns on Gilbert's chest, smiling to himself. After a long while, he said, "I like this a lot."

"Me too." He lightly squeezed him and Matthew relaxed further against him. They fell quiet again and Matthew felt no need to break the silence. He couldn't stop smiling, utterly content, and felt like he was on the cusp of sleeping. The only thing that kept him awake was his constantly moving hand growing more familiar with the man against him. Gilbert did nothing to stop him, the hand he hand on his back moving in slow, absent strokes, which was not helping him stay awake.

Would it really be so bad if he did fall asleep?

No, Matthew wanted to be awake, didn't want to end the date prematurely because he couldn't stay alert and Gilbert wanted to make sure he got home fine. So Matthew moved to look up at Gilbert, chin resting on his free hand now. "I'm happy we came here instead of going to my dorm. I don't think my bed would have had enough room for this. And I don't have to worry about Lovi being here."

Gilbert gave him a soft look and used a hand to tuck some of his hair behind an ear. "Those are definite bonuses. There's also the fact that there aren't a bunch of doors slamming or people moving in the hallways. We're actually alone here."

That was true. If Lovino had not been there and even if Matthew already warned him away, he would have wondered if every person walking in front of his door was his roommate coming back. He hummed in agreement before pushing himself up, lounging on the bed rather than Gilbert. He cupped his face and said, "This is great, but I am about a minute away from falling asleep on you."

Gilbert frowned, the hand behind Matthew stroking his back again. "Are you tired? Do you want to go home?"

"I'm not so much tired as you are an extremely comfortable pillow," he said with a smile, letting his hand fall from Gilbert's face and trail down his neck to rest on his chest again. "I was hoping to start kissing you again."

Gilbert's lips curled mischievously. "Sounds good to me."

Matthew wasn't sure how he did it, but Gilbert had him on his back in no time, mouth claiming his. But, as Gilbert intertwined their fingers and held Matthew's hands against the bed, he decided he really didn't care.

Feliciano knew he was lucky. He had a family that loved him, a talent that he loved doing and that a university was willing to pay for his studies over, and he was pretty damn cute. He knew he was far from perfect-a little forgetful, a bit self-absorbed, and not one for a lot of unnecessary critical thinking—but he tried to make people around him feel loved and liked making other people happy. In short, he tried to be a good person.

Was it really so much to ask that he have an ounce of the romantic luck that his brother and friend had?

He had waylaid Lovino that afternoon to see if he wanted to go out that night. To say he looked wrecked would be an understatement. His brother looked like he needed to sleep for a week, but he had been smiling as he'd said, "Tonio stopped being an idiot."

Feliciano was incredibly happy for him, wanting him of all people to have someone to support him after all the shit he had been through. Lovino tried to keep how much the past five years had worn on him from Feliciano simply because he was younger, but he was aware that he was probably the only person who openly loved him unconditionally before college and that he just wasn't enough to keep him from being lonely. Even if Matthew hadn't been the genuinely nice person that he was, he would have loved him for how he treated Lovino alone.

Speaking of Matthew, he had apparently just missed him as he had left for his date with Gilbert. He was hoping that he would be able to get the full story tomorrow at lunch or dinner. He had watched the general proceedings of last night from the side once he figured out that Matthew was trying to make Antonio jealous after that initial shock of seeing them together. Feliciano had yet to meet Gilbert personally, but he didn't doubt that the pale boy who had arrived shortly after Matthew put his plan into action and subsequently stalked onto the dance floor after him was the person he had heard about.

Feliciano had left pretty quickly after that, finding a guy he couldn't remember well to hook up with thanks in part to the change in music. He didn't quite understand why upperclassmen suddenly became a lot more open to hurried flings after Matthew's redheaded friend changed the music, but he sure as hell wasn't complaining.

What? Just because he was hung up on Ludwig didn't mean he wasn't going to enjoy himself in the meantime.

Anyway, his absence at the party meant that he had apparently missed a fight that involved Matthew and his newly christened boyfriend. He hadn't known about the gossip sites that Lovino had mentioned spread the news and some rumors, but he sure as hell found out after asking one of older acquaintances on campus. To his surprise, all but one seemed to be "under construction" at the moment, and the one that worked had no mention of Gilbert or Matthew.

That had been strange, but Feliciano had shrugged and gone about trying to figure out how he was going to spend the evening. It had still been too early to go out, so he decided to actually get some work done for once. He didn't like being in too quiet spaces and chose to go to the student commons, giving him the option of people watching when his English homework inevitably bored him.

He apparently wasn't the only person to have this idea.

Feliciano sighed as he saw that every table had at least one person sitting there, eating their dinner, hanging out with friends, working, or some combination of all of the above. He didn't mind sitting with someone he didn't know usually but he didn't feel like it right that second. His eyes scanned the room, looking for a familiar face.

He'd almost given up when he spotted someone who made him think his luck was changing.

Feliciano took a steadying breath and didn't let himself hesitate as he made a beeline to a familiar blonde's table. "Ludwig?" he asked (knowing damn well who he was) to get his attention. He looked up from his computer, clearly startled, and Feliciano smiled at him. "Hey. Do you mind if I sit with you?"

"Not at all." It was a small table, so Feliciano pulled out the chair across from him and sat down. "How are you?"

"I'm good, just trying to get some work done before maybe going out later. You? Ve, I'm kinda surprised to see you here."

Ludwig raised his eyebrows at him. "I'm fine. I needed a place to be for a couple of hours." Feliciano was about to ask why when Ludwig preempted him. "Matthew came over with Gilbert. My brother is…well, I wanted to be elsewhere," he finished with a light blush.

Get it, Mattie! Feliciano thought at his friend who had inadvertedly continued to be the best wingman when it came to Ludwig. He hadn't be able to get a clear read on Ludwig's sexuality, though he was leaning towards thinking the boy might just swing his way.

What had been apparent was just how oblivious he could be when it came to people flirting with him directly. He had sent just about every signal short of wiggling against him and outright saying that he was DTF, but he had been completely unfazed. No, Feliciano had to come in at an angle with the blond heartthrob.

So he winced and said, "That's rough. But surely you could have crashed at a friend's? Ve, I'm sure you…" Feliciano had been paying closer attention to Ludwig than he usually did with people in conversation, so he saw when his blush deepened. "What?"

"I, uh. I have not had a chance to meet a lot of people." He admitted with a shrug, but Feliciano still saw the embarrassment there.

"So? You don't need to meet a lot of people to have friends…" Ludwig winced and Feliciano came to a decision. "This is ridiculous. That's it, I'm adopting you. I'm your friend and I'm going to help you make more friends. What are you doing tonight?"

He looked poleaxed and Feliciano had to fight the urge to giggle. "N-nothing, work maybe? But—"

"God, you're worse than Mattie. Nope, you're coming partying with me. Have you been to a party since the year started?"

"No, but that does not seem like the most efficient way to make friends."

"How do you know that without having been to one, hmm?" As Ludwig still seemed shocked and vaguely uncomfortable, Feliciano leaned forward and lightly touched his hand. "Ve, if you don't like it, I won't push but we just started college; you should have fun while you can. I understand that life gets sucky once you have to go out and be a responsible adult." He wrinkled his nose at him and took his hand back.

Ludwig stared at him for a long moment before stiffening. "I appreciate the offer, but I do not want you to waste your time on me out of pity, Feliciano."

Well, excuse me! Feliciano immediately thought, taken aback. Then he met Ludwig's eyes, cold, yes, but also…lonely. He was scared.

So Feliciano let his initial reaction go and held that intimidating gaze with some difficulty. Softly, he said, "Ludwig, this isn't pity. I want to be your friend. I thought I made that clear on movie night, at least. And spending time with you would not be a waste in any way."

Ludwig frowned, looked at him a moment longer, then seemed to deflate. "I see. I apologize for the assumption. I would like to be your friend as well; I am just unaccustomed to such offers."

He smiled easily at him. Yes, an angle was the only way he would be able to get close to Ludwig at all. And hey, if they didn't end up sleeping together he would probably get a great friend out of this venture! "Great! Don't worry about it. Will you come out with me?"

"…Where would I put my things?"

"My room."

"I do not believe I am property dressed—"

"Oh, no. Trust me, you'll do just fine." He was in a white button up and jeans, the shirt at least doing nothing to hide his size and the fact he was fit. Yeah, no, pity was the furthest thing from Feliciano's mind when he looked at him. "And if you feel the need to be responsible, it's still really early. We can just work on stuff until a more reasonable hour."

"It is 9:30!"

"If you need coffee I know a place." Ludwig still looked on the fence, so Feliciano leaned forward, blinked wide eyes at him, and pouted. "Please come with me?"

He looked railroaded, which Feliciano counted as a win. "…I suppose I should try it at least once."

Feliciano grinned at him, happy to finally have a direct connection to the boy. Now, it was just a matter of getting him to stick around.

A/N: Look, I don't know if a place like Dickinson's Diner actually exists. If it doesn't, it should and I feel very strongly about this.

(Yes, I know I'm the worst for updating this now but I have a schedule now to work on other things.)

Me, banging pots together, screaming: We as a society collectively need higher standards for acceptable dating behavior! Basic human decency should be basic, not radical! It costs zero dollars to not be an asshole!

Title lyrics are from K.I.D.'s "I Wish I Was Your Cigarette." Come bring me love. I can't count the things that I want to do to you. I can't even say what you're putting me through every night.