It seemed like a perfectly normal assignment from Headmaster Ozpin to Team RWBY. An unknown spike in energy in the middle of Emerald Forest that they needed to investigate and report on, destroying any Grimm that they may encounter in the process. Ruby was fairly certain that it was nothing, considering that the forest was one of the most frequently patrolled locations in Vale, owing to how close the forest was to Beacon Academy. Even Weiss, who was normally eager for every scrap of credit she could extract from teachers, seemed to be reluctant in going, feeling that it would be another waste of time that would earn little attention or reward from the staff.

"Come on, Weiss, it's not that bad, is it?" Ruby said encouragingly to the white-haired heiress, who was currently lagging behind the rest of the team.

"We have just cleared this place of Grimm, and we found nothing. Absolutely nothing," she grumbled, "This is just a waste of time!"

It was Yang, however, who saw something rather odd about how her partner was behaving. Normally, Blake was one of the most calm and collected people that she had ever met. Nothing appeared to faze her in the least, and she walked with a self-assured, dignified gait that seemed to belong more on an apex predator than on a huntress-in-training. Today, however, she seemed to be reluctant in taking steps; and even stumbling for no apparent reason.

"Blakey, what's gotten into you?" Yang said, noticing that her partner stumbled on nothing more than a blade of grass for the umpteenth time that expedition. She swore she could see the bow on her partner's head twitch after that comment.

"N-nothing. I just...feel tired," she said unconvincingly. Her eyes were darting about as though there was some unseen threat in the area; something that she truly feared.

"You know, Blake, I've been around you long enough to know that you're hiding something," Weiss declared, stopping in her tracks to stare at the twitchy member of their team.

"No, it's really nothing," Blake replied, forcing her face straight again.

Yang and Weiss shared a look and shrugged. "If you're going to be like that, fine. Ruby, just how much further is this anomaly that we're supposed to be looking at?" Weiss grumbled, checking on Myrtenaster's Dust cartridges.

Ruby pursed her lips as she opened her scroll to check her current position. "According to the map, the coordinates that Headmaster Ozpin gave to us should be just up ahead,"

A large shadow fell upon them for a brief moment. Looking up, they saw an enormous black bird with a bone mask on its head.

A Nevermore. An absolutely enormous one at that; maybe the same size as the one that they had fought during their initiation. Headed in the same direction that they were going.

"Uh...guys? I'm not the only one that saw that...right?" Ruby chuckled weakly. When none of her teammates shook their heads, she jumped in excitement, "Finally! A Grimm to hunt down! Guys? You're with me, right? Guys?"

"Damn straight we are! Beats being bored all day long on a walk through a Grimm-not-infested forest," Yang cheered, unfolding Ember Celica and banging her fists together, "Let's go!"

They followed the shadow of the giant Nevermore; down through a half-broken cobble path, up a set of crumbling staircases, and through some thick brush. Eventually, however, they came to an open clearing in the middle of a forest.

A gigantic stone archway was in the middle of the clearing, placed inside a circle of smaller stone arches. A strangely glowing purple sphere was in the centre of the largest archway, which seemed to be releasing powerful bolts of dark energy every few seconds, scorching the stone around it. A pair of hooded figures were standing in front of the archway, with several large metal crates piled up behind them.

A loud caw heralded the Nevermore's arrival. With incredible speed, the giant avian Grimm lunged forward with its claws, trying to snatch up one of the two.

"Team! Let's go, those guys need our help!" Ruby yelled, unfolding her scythe and launching herself forward with several shots. Yang, Blake and Weiss followed suit, their sprint speeded up by Weiss' glyphs.

But what Ruby saw next made her question whether or not those people needed their help at all. One of the two hooded figures – one in a richly-decorated robe of red and gold and holding a staff – raised a hand lazily, causing a brilliant dome of blue to flash into existence from nothingness. The Nevermore squawked as it suddenly had to climb to avoid slamming into the barrier, tossing several of its projectile feathers as a parting gift.

Not that the feathers even remotely scratched the barrier; they merely fizzled into ash on contact with the dome. With the Nevermore now circling the air above them, the hooded figure lowered its hand and the barrier vanished without a trace. However, as it did so, the purple sphere of energy behind them exploded violently, releasing a shockwave that shattered every single archway in the clearing. The metal crates behind the two figures slid but a mere few feet, though both of the figures were thrown to the ground by the force of the explosion.

"Hold on, help is coming!" Ruby shouted, aiming Crescent Rose at the circling Nevermore and firing a few shots to distract it. Blake and Yang did likewise, while Weiss started to pelt it with bolts of energy from her Dust-covered rapier.

The one in the red and gold merely ignored the girls and looked up at the Nevermore as both of them stood up again. For a brief moment, it seemed as though it were doing nothing; and then a deafening female voice shattered the air with a thunderous roar.

"YOL...TOOR SHUL!"

The red-and-gold figure's hood was thrown backwards by the sheer force of the shout, revealing a feline face underneath the hood, with what appeared to be an ornate crown perched on top of its head. A blinding, white-hot jet of flame burst out of her mouth and high into the air, setting the Nevermore's wings ablaze just by being near it. With a panicked screech, the avian Grimm fell from the air, desperately flapping its wings in a vain attempt to put out the fires on its wings.

"What the hell was that?" Yang gasped, shaking her head to make sure she wasn't dreaming. A cat-faunus – if she even was one, considering that she seemed more feline than human – breathing out flames hot enough to burn an overgrown Nevermore out of the sky? Even if she was dead drunk she wouldn't have been able to imagine something like that.

Still, the Nevermore was now free-falling, unable to fly with most of its wing feathers burned away; directly on a collision course with the remains of the giant archway. The feline woman snarled and raised her staff; bolts of lightning shot out from the large red gemstone on its end and gathered in the palm of her other hand. Muttering some undecipherable words under her breath, glyphs started to burn into the stones on which she stood. A circle of power, inscribed with strange runes; each one glowing an ominous blood red.

"Begone, foul creature. I shall waste no more time on you," she snarled, lifting up her lightning-wreathed hand and pointing at the falling Nevermore.

Ruby watched in awe when a blinding flash erupted from the woman's outstretched hand. A bolt of energy streaked out from the tips of her fingers and struck the falling creature. A strong smell of burnt feathers and lightning-scorched air assaulted them as the Nevermore was simply erased from existence; only a cloud of embers and ash floated down from where it once was.

"Wow. I haven't seen anything like that before!" Ruby squealed in excitement, running over to the cat-woman. Before she could reach the woman, however, the second hooded figure reacted in a flash and held a blade seemingly made of lightning against her throat.

"Whoa, what's the big deal?" Yang said quickly, coming closer. The other hooded figure – the one with a black and silver robe – snarled as she approached; a second lightning weapon, this time a whip, materialised in its other hand, lashing out at Yang's feet in a warning, "Geez, alright, alright! I get it. You don't want us to come closer. But could you at least let my sister go?"

"This one thinks not. This one thinks that you need to show proper respect first,"

"That will suffice, J'Bari," the first one spoke calmly, "We are not in Imperial territory, it seems. As such, they are not my subjects, and are neither required nor expected to show obeisance. Dispel those weapons. I have little reason to believe that they possess hostile intent,"

Growling at Ruby, the hooded woman sighed in defeat. The lightning weapons in her hands vanished, and she bowed deeply to the one in the red-gold robes.

"This one offers her sincerest apologies, Your Majesty," she muttered, before turning to Ruby and Yang. "This one also offers you her apologies, but also wishes to remind you that this one takes her job most seriously. Any affront to Her Majesty will be dealt with swiftly,"

Her Majesty? Weiss thought, frowning. The faunus did not have a king or queen for as long as recorded history had been written on Remnant, though the gold-thread embroidery on that thick velvet and fur robe did lend some authority to the suggestion that this woman was some sort of royalty. As did the crown, of course, which seemed to have a single enormous ruby the size of a large egg displayed proudly above her forehead.

Blake, on the other hand, was having very, very serious trouble controlling herself. The cat side of the faunus girl was demanding that she submit to the alpha female in front of her. There was something cold, something very dangerous about the white leopard-like female in front of her, and every instinct that she had demanded that she throw herself to her knees and grovel in submission. Something, it appears, that the alpha seemed to be well aware of, given the haughty smirk that she flashed in her direction, even as the cat faunus' knees trembled in indecision between kneeling and standing.

"Lower your hood, J'Bari. It is common courtesy that one looks into the eyes of those that she is talking to," the regal cat-woman said sternly to her underling, who promptly did so. "Now, I believe that it is proper etiquette to introduce oneself before engaging in any attempt at conversation. I am Empress Valeria Septim, the first of her name; High Queen of Skyrim, Empress of the Nirnian Empire, Archmage of the Arcane University. Whom do I have the pleasure of conversing with?"

Eyes of burning liquid gold bored into silver when Ruby opened her mouth to speak. Yet it seemed nothing could frighten the girl's endless enthusiasm into silence. "Hi! It's nice to meet you. I'm Ruby Rose!"

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Rose. I must say that your attire is...unique," answered the Empress after a second, her eyes roving up and down the scythe-wielder's body. While she did not seem to mind the informal way that Ruby introduced herself, Weiss could swear that the grey tabby cat-woman's eyes twitched when she heard Ruby's improper introduction to her mistress.

Deciding that perhaps it was better to make a better first impression in the event that the cat was telling the truth, Weiss curtsied as she was instructed by her father. "It is a pleasure to meet you. My name is Weiss Schnee; daughter of...Jacques Schnee...and the current heiress to the Schnee Dust Company,"

"Ah, someone versed in proper courtly etiquette. It is pleasing to know that some things are constant across different worlds," Valeria said, smiling a little. Weiss fought back a shudder as she saw two of the cat-woman's fangs that were more akin to short combat knives than proper teeth, "Though I must admit, I am curious about why a...trade company...would be required to deal with dust. But that we may discuss at a later date, if circumstances permit. Who are your two other companions?"

"The one standing to my right, with blonde hair, is Yang Xiao Long. The one to my left is-"

"Blake Belladonna, milady," Blake blurted out despite herself. Her self control finally giving way, she fell to her knees and bowed down so low that she kissed the ground, much to Valeria's amusement - and the rest of Team RWBY's confusion.

"You may rise, Miss Belladonna," chuckled Valeria, "I am neither your liege nor your queen. Nor would I demand any of my subjects to bow in such a demeaning manner,"

"T-Thank you...?" Blake muttered uncertainly, slowly standing up.

"Now, let us put the previous unpleasantness aside," Valeria spoke, "I am curious as to why four young ladies like yourselves are out in the wilderness, carrying weapons no less,"

"Ozpin- I mean, Headmaster Ozpin," Ruby said, correcting herself when she caught Weiss' glare, "Told us that there was an energy anomaly around here, and we were told to find out more about it. Killing any Grimm in the way, of course. But you did that before we could,"

A loud beeping came from the direction of J'Bari. There was a curious device on her wrist; a half-sphere of crystal, mounted on a silver bracelet. Many red flecks were floating inside it, which the feline was looking at with barely veiled fury. "Your Majesty, this one detect a large number of soul signatures coming in this direction. This one believes that they may be similar to the overgrown bird that we have killed,"

"Unfortunate. Do you have any exact readings on how many there are, and how far away they are?"

"No, Your Majesty, this one cannot tell," she replied slowly. The half-sphere started to fill up with more and more red, until it almost looked as though it had been painted over. "Though this one believes that there is an overwhelming number of them approaching. Perhaps in the hundreds...or even the thousands,"

Valeria raised an eyebrow when Ruby began to cheer in excitement. "More Grimm? Oooh, can we go hunt them?"

"I think calling Headmaster Ozpin for extraction is a better idea, Ruby," sighed Weiss, "We don't exactly carry enough ammunition or Dust to fight a whole army of Grimm, you know,"

"And I would prefer that my supplies and equipment are not destroyed," Valeria added, pointing at the metal crates behind her, "Or to put any lives at unnecessary risk. I assume that this headmaster that you speak of is the head of your...combat academy?"

"Yep. Close enough," Yang answered, "Rubes, I'm up for punching a few Grimm, but I think we can see what's the cause of that energy spike that Ozpin was talking about, and that's what we've been asked to find out about. Let's get out of here before we drown in Grimm,"

"Aww. Fine, fine! I'll call Ozpin. Geez," the red-cloaked girl grumbled, pouting as she pulled out her scroll and tapped the emergency extraction button. "He'll get a Bullhead to our position in a few minutes,"

"Very well. Miss Rose, if I could impose on you to lead us back to your Headmaster, I would be in your debt. I should very much like to discuss a few matters with him,"

When Ozpin heard about their discovery in the Emerald Forest, he did not know what to make of it. A portal, in the middle of some ruins in an uncharted part of the forest? Along with a pair of feline humanoids that were not faunus? If it were not for the cameras on the girls' scrolls, he would have dismissed their claims as being hallucinations brought about by fatigue. But they had brought back indisputable proof of what they saw, right in the same vehicle that they had escaped the forest in.

One of the cats – Khajiit, they called themselves – was noticeably shorter than the other, and carried herself with the bearing of an experienced bodyguard. There was the dull shine of metal armour underneath the thin black-and-silver robe that she wore, along with a narrow-bladed short sword concealed in her knee-length greaves. That one's fur was banded in shades of grey, with various scars littering her face and what was visible on her arms. Her green eyes were keen and ever watchful, glaring suspiciously at anyone that even came close to the other Khajiit.

"At ease, J'Bari. You may converse with these young ladies for a while. I wish to speak with Headmaster Ozpin,"

"As you wish, Your Majesty. This one shall comply," the one called J'Bari replied, saluting before she walked to stand beside Blake.

The other Khajiit walked up to him, her elegant predatory gait somewhat disrupted by the slight limp in her right leg. Unlike the other Khajiit, this one wore an extraordinarily luxurious robe; one that was richly embroidered with gold thread and trimmed with the finest white fur that he had ever seen. What drew his attention most was the staff that she was using to aid her movement. The large red crystal on top of the golden staff was radiating an obscenely powerful amount of power of some sort; he could feel its touch on his own Aura, radiant and almost uncomfortably hot.

"Alright. So this is Oz- I mean, Headmaster Ozpin," Ruby said, pointing at Ozpin. "And that is Deputy Headmistress Goodwitch,"

"Greetings, Headmaster Ozpin, Deputy Goodwitch," Valeria spoke. Her voice came through as a rough rasp, much like J'Bari, "Firstly, I must apologise for intruding on your property and imposing on your hospitality on such short notice,"

He waved off her concerns and took a sip from his mug. "That's not a problem. You were stranded in the middle of the wilderness around the site of an energy anomaly. Hunters and huntresses must always be ready to save another's life,"

"I see. If that is true, then I must thank you for your support. If only we had met under better circumstances. Ah, but I digress. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Valeria Septim, the first of her name; High Queen of Skyrim, Empress of the Nirnian Empire – and the Archmage of the Arcane University of Cyrodiil. I am pleased to make your acquaintance, and hope to repay your hospitality someday,"

Ozpin raised an eyebrow. The level of formality in Valeria's speech suggested rather extensive experience in statecraft; to be expected, of course, if she was truly an empress. But an Archmage? Of an Arcane University? Magic was not something that was well known in Remnant, as only the four Maidens had the ability to perform what they knew as true magic. If she were the head of an educational institution devoted to the education of magic users, then perhaps she could enlighten them more on the nature of magic.

But for that, he needed some sort of proof. "We do as good huntsmen and huntresses should. However, I'm sorry, but I must say that magic is almost considered to be a mythical ability here in Remnant; your claim to being an Archmage is rather curious to our ears. Could I ask you to demonstrate some of it?"

She smiled in return. "A fair request. I shall indulge your curiosity," Valeria said. A sphere of purple flame burst into life above her free hand, which she hurled onto the ground. A burst of purple smoke flew out from the point of impact, before fading to reveal a ghostly silver wolf. Noticing Blake's discomfort on seeing the wolf, she silently willed the it to chase and lick the cat faunus,

Which, naturally, caused Blake to jump and run away in terror, climbing up a pillar in an effort to avoid being licked. Yang laughed at the absurd spectacle, while the wolf sat down and whined sadly. Ruby, on the other hand, squealed in delight and ran to the spectral wolf, throwing her arms around it.

"Wow, it's actually real!" she said happily, giving the wolf the best belly rub it would ever have while summoned, "Who's a good boy? You are! Yes you are!"

"Interesting," Ozpin commented. Tearing his gaze away from the summoned wolf, he looked at Valeria. "Is that some form of Semblance?"

"I must admit that I am not aware of any form of magic called a 'Semblance'," replied Valeria.

"It is...a unique ability to each and every creature with a soul. Tied to our Auras, if you will,"

"Hm. I do not believe that such abilities exist outside of my bloodline; that of the Dragonborns," Valeria hummed, scouring her mind for any other possible abilities that could fit the description, "If I may demonstrate, however...FO KRAH DIIN!"

A torrent of ice burst from her lips and onto the stone floor at her feet. Ozpin leant down and touched it for a brief moment, flinching when his fingers came away with a rather painful layer of frost on it.

"Most interesting. And you say that this...is only possible for your bloodline?" Ozpin murmured, rubbing away the frost between his fingers.

"That would be correct, yes. Unless, of course, you would count those who spend countless years learning how to replicate it by sheer force of will,"

"Hm. This is curious indeed. An ability that is not a Semblance, but is hereditary; and one that can apparently be taught. Well...Empress Septim-"

"Archmage, if you will. An educational institution should remain independent of any and all political meddling," interrupted the Khajiit, who wore a distinct frown on her face.

"Alright. Archmage Septim, as I was saying, you've satisfied my curiosity. If I may ask, why were you around the source of the energy spike in the middle of Emerald Forest?"

"Ah. That would be the interplanar portal that I had created," she muttered, rolling her staff absent-mindedly in her fingers, "I was seeking a new method of instantaneous long-distance travel. In theory, anchoring a single point of the portal to a fixed Aedric artifact should have allowed myself to place the other portal at a location of my choosing, and have it stable enough for repeated use,"

"And this portal – does it still work?"

"Unfortunately, no. When I was intending to slay a...Grimm...that your students called a 'Nevermore', it seems that the magickal feedback caused by my spellfire caused it to collapse," sighed Valeria, "As it stands, the portal on this end has collapsed. While I believe that eventually I should be able to reconnect it from this end, the key component required to maintain its stability is not in my possession,"

"A pity. I should have liked to see what the other side looked like," Ozpin said, taking another sip out of his mug, "Does that mean that you are unable to return for some time?"

"That would be...correct,"

"Glynda. Prepare a room for our guests," said Ozpin. The blonde deputy raised an eyebrow, but otherwise left to do as she was told, "I cannot leave either of you out in the open, as the wilderness is full of hostile Grimm. You may stay here for as long as you need, and you may have any food you need from our common facilities. However...if you would do myself a favour, it would be greatly appreciated,"

"Providing us with lodgings is a most gracious gesture as it stands," Valeria replied, smiling, "Speak, and I shall listen to your request. If it is within my abilities to grant, then I shall do so,"

"You said that you were the Archmage of an...Arcane University. Would I be correct in assuming that you are familiar with teaching magic?"

Valeria nodded earnestly. "Of course. Before I took up the mantle of High Queen and Empress, I regularly taught students of the arcane arts. I still do on occasion, however my duties often prevent myself from teaching much other than the most advanced of students. I cannot say the same of J'Bari, however, as she is currently my apprentice,"

"I see. Then if I may ask, would you like to teach our hunters and huntresses in training about magic? J'Bari is welcome to join a team and partake in classes to learn about what our huntsmen stand for and against, if she so wishes,"

"That would be acceptable, yes. A peaceful cultural exchange is the best sort, is it not?" Valeria replied, smiling widely as she offered a hand. Ozpin seized her hand and shook it firmly, much to J'Bari's horror.

"Your Majesty, this one must protest. This one's place is by your side, not-"

"I am more than capable of defending myself, J'Bari; you need not worry about my safety. You will find a team of students that you can at least tolerate, attach yourself to them, and learn as they do," commanded Valeria, in a tone that brooked no argument, "And yes, that means living as they do. You will not follow me around unless I demand it. Are your orders clear?"

"This one...must comply," the smaller Khajiit muttered, with no small amount of dislike in her voice. She hated being separated from her mistress. But if she must be separated, she would much prefer to remain with at least another Khajiit.

The howl of the conjured wolf caught her attention, and she grinned when she saw the cat Faunus still clinging on to a stone pillar, just out of reach of the wolf's licks. She wasn't a Khajiit, but the scent was close enough.

Elsewhere in the Planes of Oblivion...

"HASKILL! Where is my daughter?" cackled a laughing madgod.

"She has left Mundus, my lord," the madgod's butler answered in a dreary tone.

"Left? She has no right of way to do that! Or left of way. I'm not even sure which is which. But I was going to invite her to share in some cheesecake! Strawberry cheesecake! Who turns that down? Well, maybe a strawberry monster. Or a monster strawberry. Or a cheese wheel! Or a wheel with cheese on it. Their loss! Or maybe my gain. Do the two even need to be exclusive?"

"No, my lord,"

"OF COURSE THEY DON'T! But having more is always good, isn't it? Unless it's a dose of PAIN from those fools over in Dementia! But speaking of PAIN, this inability to share my cheese with my own daughter is starting to annoy me. And you don't want me to be annoyed, do you, Haskill?"

"Of course not, my lord. It would be most unwise to anger you,"

"Great! Then you know what to do. Find out where she is, and get me straight there. Or maybe pull her straight here. There's some cheesecake I want to share! And some cheese. And maybe a slice of cake? Oooh, and a juicy cabbage too, wrapped up in a ball of tasty, cheese-covered yarn!"

"Your will be done, my lord,"

Somewhere, someplace, a Khajiit Archmage felt a strange shiver run down her spine. It felt as though a wheel of cold cheese was running up and down her back ever so slowly, but she dismissed it as being a figment of her imagination.

A/N

Sheogorath! Cheese! Cabbages! YARN! MADNESS! What more could you want? -tentacled monstrosity bursts through Oblivion gate- NO, NOT YOU- GET OUT, MORA, YOU AREN'T INVITED!

This story was intended as a non-serious spinoff using the same universe as the ME/ES crossover that I have written, "Imperium Aeternit", set after the ending of that story before the Reaper invasions. More OCs are not expected to arrive as the portal is currently as broken as a politician's election promise, but there will be much interaction (indirect or direct, go figure the Madgod's interests) between the teams of Remnant and Sheogorath. After all, there's not much distinction between fun and madness!

Feel free to leave comments and questions for me. I'll try to get around to them when the next chapter rolls around.