Genma Week 2016: Sex God

Genma knocked back his drink while Kotetsu and Raido's argument faded to the background. They had been at this for at least 20 minutes and he was having a hard time caring enough to know what was going on. Something about a mission report that Kotetsu refused to accept and Raido was still pissy about it was his best guess.

But it was really putting a damper on guy's night.

He signaled to the barman to bring another round to his table and lowered his glass to the table with a bang. Everyone's eyes turned to him, even the argument was put on hold. Genma looked around at all of his best friends. It was the first time in months that he, Raido, Kotetsu, and Izumo were all able to get together and he was determined that everyone would have a good time.

Even if it was at his own expense.

"Alright boys, as riveting as your bickering is, it's time to play a little game I like to call 'Pick-up Pussy, roulette style'- OUCH!" He exclaimed as a hand came down hard on the back of his head.

He rubbed the sore spot, glaring at Iruka as he sat down across from him.

"What the hell was that for Iruka?"

Iruka shot him a look that implied that Genma knew exactly what that was for but his reply was forgotten when the bartender arrived with their next round of beers.

"Whatever," he said, passing the drinks around. "the point is you guys are being about as fun as a broken rib and it's throwing off my groove."

Raido took a long drag of his beer, trying to ignore the pointed way Genma was staring at him, before setting the bottle down and giving in.

"Alright, I'll bite if you stop looking like I kicked your puppy. What's Pick-up Pussy?"

"Au contraire, it's Pick up pussy roulette!" Genma announced with a grin, taking one of the empty bottles, "and it's simple. The bottle chooses someone and the rest of us get to pick a girl and a pickup line and you have to go try it on her."

Kotetsu and Izumo exchanged glances before shrugging.

"We're in." Izumo answered.

Genma turned to Iruka. The teacher looked fully uncomfortable with this situation, but Genma knew that if he stared long enough he would cave. Iruka had always been easy to read, and while he was uncomfortable with the turn in conversation he wasn't necessary against it.

Before the younger man completely gave in, Raido clapped a hand on his shoulder, "We should just agree and get this over with, Iruka, he won't let it go until we do."

Iruka sighed and nodded, seeing the truth in Radio's words, but Genma was already spinning the bottle on the table. The five men leaned in slightly, watching the bottle turn and turn like a group of teenagers playing spin the bottle, desperate both to be chosen and not. (Depending on who it was they had to kiss).

The green glass bottle spun several times before it started to slow, coming to a stop with the mouth pointing directly at a wide eyed Iruka.

"Perfect," Genma said, smiling brightly as he started looking around the bar. "Ah ha! There, look Iruka, see the pretty brunette standing by the bar over there?"

Iruka twisted in his seat to see the civilian girl Genma had spotted. He didn't recognize her, which was probably a good thing since he could hear Genma discussing what pick up line they were going to force on him. He turned back to his companions to see them all grinning widely at him.

"She is going to slap me, isn't she?"

"Probably," Raido said, not sounding the least bit sympathetic.

"Okay what incredibly stupid line have you concocted for me to say to her?"

Kotetsu laughed, trying to cover it up as a cough. Poorly.

"Well," Izumo started, paused for a moment before looking Iruka in the eye and saying, "you have to go say 'I've lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you tonight?'"

Kotetsu lost the battle to control his giggles and laughed openly at the shock on Iruka's face.

"What, no, you can't mean that?"

The other four men nodded, knowing their friends would be just as mean to them if, and probably when), the tables were turned.

Seeing that his friends were not going to back down, and knowing they would never let him forget it if he chickened out, Iruka took a deep breath, downed what was left of his beer and stood up.

Raido turned completely around in his chair to watch as the teacher walked towards the woman in question. She was standing next to the bar, having just been handed a fresh drink. Something green and fruity looking in a fancy stem glass.

They all watched with baited breath as Iruka stepped up next to her, leaning slightly on the bar.

His back was to them but they could see the expression on her face when he obviously said the line he was assigned. She had been smiling, almost looked pleased to have attracted his attention. A moment later she looked shocked, angry, and her drink was being flung in Iruka's face. She stalked away from him and, after accepting a stack of napkins from the bartender, Iruka returned to their table.

He patted himself dry while the others watched him carefully, wondering if he would see the humor in it or yell at them. Iruka was well known for his yelling.

Quietly he finished drying himself off before fixing Genma with the same look he gave a rowdy student. A mix of exasperation and annoyance.

"Oh yes this is much more fun than listening to them argue. Good idea Genma."

Genma swallowed nervously, knowing that tone of voice. He was going to need to be very careful for the next few days. Double check the sugar, open doorways before stepping completely in, and he would need to redo all the security seals on his apartment.

Seemingly satisfied that he had gotten his point across, Iruka grabbed the bottle and spun it, "Let's see who's turn it is now."

The bottle landed on Raido, who was anything but excited about the idea but knew now that Iruka had been picked on it wouldn't be possible to get out of it.

Not at all comfortable with the smile Iruka shot him before looking up to choose a girl, Raido was rethinking his friendship with these idiots. Unfortunately, it was too late to break off the acquaintance now.

"Alright Raido; the girl in the red dress, and you have to tell her that your magic watch says she isn't wearing panties."

"What?"

Iruka grinned, picking up a fresh beer, "And if she says your watch is wrong, you have to tell her it's five minutes fast."

Raido stared at the academy teacher in amazement.

"What did I ever do to you Iruka?"

"You mean besides teaching my students a fun new swear word?"

Ah. He had been hoping Iruka wouldn't know that was his doing. Aoba had stopped by the school with him, it just as easily have been him that dropped an f-bomb in the kids earshot.

Having no way to argue his way out of it, Raido stood and could literally feel his friend's eyes on him as he crossed the bar to where the girl in question was sitting with some friends.

Genma and the others watched, practically on the edge of their seats, as Raido pulled a chair up next to the girl in the red dress. They could tell the moment he dropped the line, mostly because the girl reached out and slapped him across the face. Hard. Like it knocked him and the chair he was in over.

Kotetsu and Iruka laughed, Izuma shook his head but he was smiling.

"You asshole," Raido said as he sat back down at their table, "if you are curious she is not a civilian."

Iruka nodded, "I know that."

The other man narrowed his eyes into a glare, "Excuse me?"

"She is the older sister of one of the children you so helpfully taught to say mother fucker when they stub their toe."

That got a laugh out of the group and Raido leaned back in his chair, smiling despite the red mark on his cheek.

"Okay, I may have deserved that then."

The bottle chose Kotetsu next, much to Izumo's delight. He and Raido then spent the next 10 minutes arguing over the best pick up line to make their poor friend use. Each proposed line made Kotetsu more and more grateful that Genma was ordering rounds as fast as they were downing them.

"If I give you a nickel will you tickle my pickle?"

"I'm willing to lower my standards if you're willing to go on a date with me."

"Pizza is my second favorite thing to eat in bed."

"I might not go down in history but I'll go down on you."

"Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back"

"I got one for ya," Genma said when they couldn't come to a decision. He waited until all eyes were on him for the added dramatic effect before revealing his line.

"Seals aren't the only thing my hands are good for, want a demonstration?"

Kotetsu, who had chosen that poor moment to take another drink of his beer, choked on it.

"What the hell?" he asked in between coughs, hoping they were joking. "I can't say that to someone."

Raido leaned across the table, elbows propped on the wood and chin resting on his hands, "You can, and you are going to go say that to the redhead dancing over there."

Kotetsu glanced over at the dance floor, eyes drawn to the tall, slim woman with long blonde hair

swaying to the music in the bar, and back at his friends.

"Really?"

Genma shrugged, "Well you could chicken out, if you really want to."

Kotetsu considered it, seriously considered it, but if he could face a missing-nin determined to kill him he could do this. Right?

Five minutes later when he was holding an icepack the bartender had been nice enough to make him to his groin he was rethinking that logic. He had honestly expected the girl to hit him, but kneeing him in the groin? That was a low blow.

"Genma," he said, his voice pained, "what the hell is the point of this anyway? Is it your goal to make all the women here mad at us?"

He sucked on the end of his senbon thoughtfully for a moment before answering.

"Honestly, if you guys had any sex appeal you could have gotten girls to go home with you using those lines. Or at least let you buy them a drink. They weren't that bad really. I've used worse."

"Bullshit."

Genma turned to face Izumo with a smirk, "What you fail to realize is that I am a god. A sex god. I could have any woman in this bar if I put my mind to it."

Behind Genma's back the door to the bar opening caught Raido's eye and he was struck by inspiration as a group of young ladies entered. Not just any ladies either, but some of the most talented kunoichi of the generation after theirs. He smiled as Sakura, Ino, Tenten and Hinata made their way to a booth along the wall of the dimly lit room.

"Say Genma, wanna bet on that? Say, your cut of our next mission?" He asked, knowing the man well enough that after this many beers he wouldn't likely turn this town.

"You're on," he said, shooting Raido his best cocky smile, "just don't get too jealous when you are home alone with only your hand for company, boys." He slid his chair back to stand before Raido held up a hand to stop him.

"Wait, we get to choose remember? Both the girl, and the line."

"Okay, hit me."

Raido exchanged a glance with both Kotetsu and Izumo before settling his gaze on Genma.

"Ino Yamanaka."

"What, no!" Iruka protested, "she was my student. You can't sic Genma on her!"

"Hey, I'm not a dog or anything!" Genma protested, but Iruka ignored him in favor of turning to Raido. The older man had clapped a hand on his shoulder, holding down the teacher who was likely to jump up and start in on one of his famous lectures. They weren't just for academy students.

"She is 22 now, Iruka, she can handle herself. Besides, when Genma asks if he can bang her great knockers he will be lucky to end the night without a trip to the hospital. Look who she's here with."

"Really?" Genma asked, arching an eyebrow and clicking his senbon against his teeth, "that's the best line you can come up with?"

"Are you gonna do it or not?"

Genma jumped to his feet, surprisingly graceful for the amount of alcohol he had consumed, "Watch and learn, boys, watch and learn."

The four other men watched with anticipation as their friend approached the group of young ladies. None of them were sure just how this would go down, they might just laugh him off, or he could very easily get the snot beaten out of them if Sakura decided to defend her friend's honor.

"Don't you think this was a bit extreme, Raido?" Kotetsu asked, still nursing his crouch.

Raido waved off his concerns, "Genma is a big boy and I doubt they will really hurt him. It might do his ego some good to be knocked down a peg or two."

They watched as Genma got Ino's attention, taking her a few steps away from the other girls.

They spoke for a few minutes. To their surprise, Ino didn't hit Genma. Or stalk away angrily. She laughed, called something over to her friends and looped her arm in Genma's. He waved at his stunned friends and led her out of the bar.

"How the hell did he do that?" Izumo asked but no one had an answer for him; Kotetsu and Iruka were just as surprised and Raido was mourning the loss of his next big paycheck. Really, he of all people should have known better.

Once outside the bar, Genma turned to Ino and give her a grateful smile.

"Thanks for agreeing to that, I have a reputation to maintain after all."

She laughed as he stepped away, "Well a fake reputation is all a man has, right?"

He nodded, "Exactly. Plus, it is fun to fuck with them."

He gave her a little wave and turned to leave, but he only got a few steps away before she stopped him.

"Hey I was promised a night with a sex god, you don't really think you are going to leave me wanting, do you?"

Genma smirked at the blonde woman, "No ma'am."