"You have nothing to worry about Cait. I think out of everyone actually, you're the only one who wasn't really affected when I messed with the timeline."
Only if he knew who she really was. She watched him walk away, as his smile lit up the room he was standing in. Then again his smile lights up every room. As soon as he left she looked at her hand, which had slowly begun to crystallize with little fragments of ice around it. And of course, you can't forget the frost coming out of her hand as well. Caitlin definitely couldn't. She glanced down at her now frozen hand, and looked back where Barry had just exited. Dread, guilt, and anxiety were pretty much her only emotions now.
"There's no way Barry can know about this. After everything that has apparently changed in his life after Flashpoint, (or whatever he's calling it) I can't let him think I've changed." Caitlin thought to herself. So that's what she did. She refused to let Barry see anything but perfectly normal Caitlin Snow. And it was coming along well that is, until good old Mirror Master trapped Barry in well, a mirror. Cisco and Harry decided to come together to build a molecular decelerator in the cold gun. The goal of it was to freeze the mirror to absolute zero, and keep it cold enough for Barry to phase through. Caitlin, more than anyone wanted it to work so she wouldn't face the worst case scenario of using her powers. She shuddered at the thought and tried to focus on anything but Barry's predicament.
Caitlin sat there chewing her bottom lip, staring at Cisco and Harry hoping, praying the device would work to get Barry out, sweet, warm, undeniably attracti- CAITLIN STOP IT! She pushed away those thoughts faster than when she heard Iris coming while her and Barr- Hannibal Bates were kissing. Caitlin guessed that when he kissed her as Barry, that is when she started developing these… well, feelings for Barry. After she found out (the best kiss she ever had) wasn't really Barry, she felt disappointed. I mean, it shocked her that Iris couldn't see how much of a determined, hot, sensitive guy he was. (But apparently, Iris realized it because they're dating.) When did that happen again? Caitlin berated herself for letting herself fall for Jay Garrick. Better known as Hunter Zoloman, or Zoom. She suspects she fell so fast for Jay because his quirks and his constant determination to fight for what is right reminded her of a certain scarlet speedster that she had been working with for quite some time now. Two years was it? Caitlin couldn't remember. Time flies when you're saving the city. And working with a certain someone named the Flash. She missed her chance with Barry long ago, after Patty, she could have swooped in and picked up his pieces. But then again there wasn't much time for love when they were fighting Zoom.
She watched on as Cisco and Harry powered up the device and cringed when Barry couldn't phase out because it wasn't cold enough. You know what you have to do… The voice in her head kept denying that the only way of Barry's escape was her powers. As if the universe was telling her there was no other way, the unmistakable Metahuman Alert Alarm went off.
BEEP BEEP! I swear, the universe wants me to save Barry…
"Metahuman Alert." Caitlin warned, inwardly cursing herself.
"Oh, for God's sake." Cisco whined.
"If it's not one thing, it's the other"
"Hang on, Bar." The team exited the lab where the mirror that held Barry captive.
"Guys? Hello?" Barry asked. Great now you have to help Barry. Wells and Cisco obviously can't. Everyone just left him in this mirror with no possible way of escape. And plus, there's a metahuman alert, he has to get free.
Caitlin felt so many different emotions at the same time, pangs of guilt, anxiety, and a new one; power. She pushed them all aside to free her friend. As soon as she saw the whole mirror frost over and the temperature go down even further, she too left to join the others. How ironic, the woman who has been figuratively cold her whole life, gets labeled an "Ice Queen", and even has the last name of Snow for crying out loud, gets ice powers. She laughed bitterly to herself. With a gush of wind, he was standing in front of everyone. Of course, Barry beat her to the Cortex. He is the fastest man alive after all. And the sexiest too- Caitlin stop right now!
"Guys." Everyone turned around with relief and confusion on their faces. Caitlin didn't miss the way Iris ran to him and hugged him for what seemed like a millennium. No one noticed Caitlin slip in though. She thought she was off the hook until she heard:
"How did you get out?" come from a suspicious Harry. Oh no… They know something, I'm doomed. Barry will find out and everyone will start questioning me.
"It doesn't matter how. I'm here aren't I? Now let's get Scudder!" Barry said, calming their confusion for a while. She breathed a sigh of relief, and immediately filled back up with dread. What if Barry already knows? What if he thinks that I can't trust him? Because I totally can trust him, I just don't want to hurt him. Not that I would intentionally hurt him, Great now I'm turning into Felicity.
Getting Scudder ended up being fairly easy in the end. Who knew that to trap him, you would just encircle him with an endless mirror circle. Apparently, Barry knew. After all, he is a scientist. And I'm only his personal physician. I'm just his friend. Nothing more. Get that through your head Caitlin! As everyone was congratulating Barry on his win, she noticed that Jesse and Wally sure had become a little closer in the past few weeks. Wally whispered something in her ear and Jesse giggled like a schoolgirl. Why is it that all of the Wests get to fall in love with the speedsters? Caitlin was conflicted with herself. On one hand, she wanted to be happy for Jesse and Wally and Barry and Iris… But she couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't good enough to catch the eye of a speedster. Jay. She pushed that name that now haunted her out of her head. He was slowly killing her. It's not every day you get ice powers and your thoughts are plagued by hallucinations of an evil supervillain. And on the other hand, she hated the fact that she felt disposable. No one could love her anymore. She was nothing but a friend to Barry, that was clear in the way he kissed Iris.
"Caitlin, are you okay?" Who said that? Caitlin looked around hoping it was Cisco, Joe, Harry, or even Iris. But of course it was Barry. The one guy who always saw right through her walls of ice. It had been a few minutes now and Caitlin was still staring off into space, so Barry repeated himself, with a little bit more force. "Cait? Are you okay?" Caitlin didn't miss the way he emphasized her nickname. She looked around and everyone was staring at her, eagerly anticipating her answer.
"Oh me? Yeah sure I'm fine! I was just trying to figure out a way to -stop the ice power thing- uh, recalibrate the security cam system. It seemed kind of off, um fuzzy screen resolution." Everyone but Barry and Cisco accepted her answer. Cisco was giving her the "Oh girl we are so talking later" look and Barry, well she couldn't decipher his look. He looked a mixture or disappointment, confusion, and something else she couldn't quite detect. Barry couldn't know… could he? I was in the back of the mirror, there's no way he could've seen me. Caitlin packed up her things and let the others rejoice in celebration when Cisco's breach began moving. Everyone was armed and ready to kill whatever decided to jump through. But it was Earth-19 Harrison Wells. The replacement Wells that they picked to help the team while Earth-2 Harrison Wells was back on his Earth. New Wells decided to go exploring for a Big Belly Burger, and Caitlin took that chance to get out of the lab before Cisco bombarded her with questions.
Caitlin let out a sigh. This was her favorite part of the day; taking a hot shower. Like, scalding hot. She never felt warmth anymore, mainly just cold. So, she tried to get as much of the heat as possible. She relished in it. She looked at her hands, and they started to crystallize. She looked around and no longer felt the hot water on her back, but instead came face to face with ice crystals everywhere. Oh. My. Go- I froze the shower! She hurriedly dried herself off and flew out of the shower. Everything was covered in a thin layer of frost. She probably would have cried at that moment, but something distracted her. Something, blonde. She stopped and ever slowly backed up and faced herself in the mirror. There, peeking out from underneath her brown locks, was none other than a good chunk of blonde hair. And not just any blonde, but Killer Frost blonde. And her lips, they weren't a pinkish color anymore, no. They were blue. Caitlin wanted to scream and cry. (And if she were being honest with herself, tell Barry.) She frantically picked up a pair of scissors and cut off the blonde snake that was growing out of her head.
"I'm not evil! I don't want to be Killer Frost; I just want to be Caitlin again! Stupid Barry, stupid doppelganger. I want my old life back!" Caitlin cried out from the bathroom floor, chunks of blonde hair surrounded her and a bottle of wine. She almost laughed at the way she sat on the floor. If someone were to come in, she looked like she was on a reality TV show, or having a mid-life crisis. Little did she know there was a person who happened to have a key to her house, and drove over to see if she was okay.
"Caitlin?" She froze. A knock on the bathroom door startled her. Was it Barry? Cisco? She didn't know. All she knew is that she was crying on her bathroom floor with nothing but a towel on. A small part of her wished it was Barry. There it was again.
"Caitlin?" The muffled voice rang out.
"Um, just a minute. Let me get dressed." Caitlin managed to get out. Caitlin threw on some clothes and her nice fluffy robe, and frantically tried to get rid of the blonde hair all over the floor. As she was about to open the door, she remembered her lips were as blue as Killer Frost's so she put on her favorite red lipstick and threw open the door, to none other than Cisco Ramon.
"Oh my gosh, Caitlin what the heck happened?!" Cisco asked, obviously shocked at the bathroom's state. The bathroom! I forgot about the bathroom! She mentally scolded herself. Cisco pushed his way into the room, and carefully examined the walls, and the shower. It had to of been at least 10 minutes before Cisco spoke.
"Cisco for the love of all things holy, please say something. Anything." Caitlin begged.
"When did you get these powers dude?" Cisco asked, still in shock.
"Not long after my meeting with Killer Frost herself." Caitlin honestly couldn't remember how long, or when she got these powers. She just assumed that after her meeting with Killer Frost was when it happened.
"Does Barry know?"
"No, and I prefer to keep it that way." She stated.
"Why Caitlin? Why are you so intent on keeping your gift from him- from us?!" Cisco asked, clearly frustrated.
"Gift? GIFT?! Cisco are you kidding me right now?!This isn't a gift, it's a curse! Can't you see that if I told Barry, he would think that I'm becoming… her. I wish I never got these powers, I was fine just being Caitlin! They do nothing but force me to shut out everyone I love, why do you think that I don't want to tell Barry?!" Caitlin yelled. Cisco chose to ignore (for now) that Caitlin admitted to liking Barry, because something he should have told her a while ago was heavy on his heart.
"Caitlin. I have a confession to make…" Cisco started sheepishly.
"Go on"
"Well, when Barry and I went to Earth-2, he pretended to be his doppelganger, and he found Deathstorm and Killer Frost wreaking havoc on Central City. He told me that seeing you as an evil ice queen that loved nothing more than death and herself, made him try again and again to save her, not because she was evil, but because she was you. After we got back to our Earth, he told me that it was the coolest, literally, thing he ever saw. But all he could imagine was you having those powers, kicking butt and taking names, by his side. And now, you do have these powers. You and Barry could be an unstoppable crime fighting team. With the one and only Cisco Ramon working backstage helping you guys." Cisco confessed. He had suspected for a while that Caitlin and Barry had a thing, but then Patty, Jay and Iris got in the way, and the two could never really figure out what they truly meant to each other.
"Cisco, I don't think I could ever do what Barry does. I'm just his personal physician and com girl. That's all I am to Barry, I mean, let's be honest here, I'm no Iris West. Perfect hair, perfect body, perfect face, perfect, perfect, PERFECT! I mean, it's all I'll ever be. Nothing more than a girl who helps him out with crime fighting behind the scenes and patches him up when he gets hurt." Caitlin looked down at her feet.
"Well, well, well. It appears that a certain someone is a bit jealous? Don't we think?" Cisco teased. Caitlin's eyes shot up to meet Cisco's.
"I am not! Just because I think Iris is pretty, and I was just stating my position on the team, does not make me jealous!" Caitlin weakly tried to defend herself from Cisco very true observations.
"Mhmm, okay sure Caitlin. Whatever you say… Mrs. Barry Allen!" Cisco couldn't resist teasing his friend.
"Cisco quit that!" She playfully punched his arm.
"In all seriousness Caitlin, I think you should tell Barry. He's going to be angry when he finds out you've kept this huge secret for all this time." Cisco added.
"You aren't going to tell him… are you?" Caitlin asked, insecurity creeping into her voice.
"No Cait, I'm going to let you tell him. But when you do, don't you dare tell him I found out before he did, or I'm pretty sure he'll kill me." Cisco sighed. And with that Cisco gave her a hug and left her to think about what she was going to do.
"Hey Cisco?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks. And, I think I'm going to visit my mom, see if she can help me figure this out."
"Do you really think that's a good idea? Given your history together, and I mean, I can always test you at S.T.A.R Labs!" Cisco attempted to reason.
"No, it's too big a risk of Barry flying in and me in the middle of shooting ice at a plastic dummy. I'm not ready to deal with all of his questions just yet." Caitlin answered.
"Fair enough. I'll let you go if you promise me you're going to tell Barry as soon as you get back. Pretty please with two cherries on top?" Cisco begged.
Caitlin rolled her eyes, "I promise." That seemed to satisfy Cisco enough, so he left and she went to sleep, dreading, but looking forward to getting some help from her mother.