A look into the events of the latest chapter of The Misadventures of Jhin and Yasuo, from a certain Shuriman emperor's perspective. I tried making it so that you wouldn't have to read that chapter to understand this chapter, but I'm not really good at that sort of stuff, so please understand if there seems to a be a plot hole or error, and let me know about it in a review.

"Sivir?"

"Yeah?"

"What's this mess supposed to be?"

The emperor of Shurima stared at a pouting Sivir, who was surrounded by shredded envelopes that littered the floor of her dorm.

"I was looking for a Valentine's card. And just like every year, it looks like I didn't get crap."

"What is this 'Valentine's card?' I've never heard of such a thing back in my time."

Sivir huffed as she tore open yet another envelope. "Well, Valentine's cards are these things which you give another person as a way of telling them that you like them." She swiped at the tattered scraps of paper beneath her. "And I didn't get any! I mean, how the hell do I not have a boyfriend?! Aren't I, like, bewitching, or alluring, or some crap that gets a man to fall for me?"

"…."

Sivir angrily pointed at her ancestor. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"Do you have any idea how much of a creep I'd look like if I called my many-great-granddaughter bewitching or alluring?"

"… Good point." The Battle Mistress slumped her shoulders. "No guy wants to hang out with me on this day. Ever."

"Come now, Sivir, I'm sure that there is some man in this place who has feelings for you."

The mercenary squinted at him hard. "Yeah? Who?"

Azir knew that he had strolled right into a trap the second those words left her mouth. "Erm... Malzahar?"

"That weirdo is too busy trying to get a boyfriend for Rek'Sai. And do I look like I want Space AIDS, dad?"

Strike 1. Azir winced. "How about Kassadin? He's not that bad of a person."

"Not into being silenced."

Strike 2. "Why are you being so picky? You're the one who wants a boyfriend! And Kassadin's silence was removed ages ago! His joke doesn't even make sense anymore!"

"I have standards, dad."

"Standards..." Azir muttered, pinching the bridge of his beak. "Urgh, I give up. Just ask that fox and the fellow with the gems for help."

Sivir groaned. "Well, can't say you didn't try. I guess I'll go hang out with Nasus. We always stick together on Valentine's Day."

As Sivir left, Azir began to think.

She complains about not having a man to be with every year, yet stays with Nasus when this occasion comes along? Is he not a man? Azir huffed as he followed her. Not even an emperor can understand the workings of a woman's mind.

After losing track of Sivir in a staggeringly large crowd of couples, Azir wandered aimlessly throughout the Institute of War, intrigued at the processes taking place around him.

Interesting. It appears that this day is intended for courting another in the ways of romance. The emperor made a hasty scribble of the information in a new pocket-notebook that he had recently purchased, in which he documented the various proceeds of modern society. It seemed to go along fairly swimmingly, even if people seemed to cringe if he attempted this 'dab'.

While wandering past Gragas's tavern, he noticed quite the odd sight. "Lucian? Quinn? What on Earth are those outfits?"

The two new Heartseekers on the block looked up from their mugs of beer to stare at him wearily. Quinn raised a hand. "Oh, hey."

Lucian groaned as he rubbed his temples. "Yeah, about the outfits... We're Heartseekers now, gods know why."

Azir blinked as he took a seat. "Heartseekers?! But the dress code doesn't match either of your characters at all! Both of you are two of the most level-headed and serious people I know!"

Quinn sighed and took a sip. "If you're a marksman that can shoot something, you're turned into a Heartseeker, it seems. Ask those edgelords Varus and Vayne, they'll tell you all about it."

Lucian held his head in his hands. "You have no idea what kind of shit Thresh is putting me through now that I'm stuck in this outfit. I thought it was bad before, but this?" Lucian took a deep swig as if to emphasize his point.

Azir raised an eyebrow. "Thresh? I know that he took your wife's soul, but I'm not aware of what he does to you."

Quinn patted Lucian on the back. "Every time these two get put into a match together – which is a lot of times – Thresh flat-out disobeys his summoner's orders and buys five Bloodthirsters. He then says 'Hey, look, I've got 100% wife steal!'" Azir nearly fell over due to the sheer cringiness and cruelty that resided in the pun.

"And now that bastard keeps a fucking Doran's Blade in his inventory through the entire fucking game! He tells me that when I wear this, he only needs three percent wife steal to get Senna to leave me!" Lucian began sobbing as he held his head against the table.

Azir then noticed a flapping mess of pink feathers over a small shot glass of beer. "What in Shurima's name is that thing? It's hideous!"

Quinn groaned. "'That thing' is Valor."

Azir gasped, horrified. The emperor grabbed the alcoholic eagle by a pink wing and stared at it. Discounting the horrendous shade of pink and the heart-shaped tail, even Lee Sin could tell that it was, indeed, Valor. "My gods! Valor, what have they done to you?!"

"Hell if I know, Azir. Some asshole summoners jumped me after keeping out some breadcrumbs, and they turned me into this," Valor drunkenly squawked.

Azir raised a hand to his head. "Oh, my friend, what have you done to deserve this?!"

Quinn stroked the eagle's feathers. "I feel so sorry for him. It's only for one day, but just, look at him."

"You know, Azir," Lucian grimly began. "Your classified as a secondary Marksman, so who knows? Maybe you'll get turned into some, monstrosity like Valor."

If Azir's avian features would have allowed for it, he would have paled. "Wh-What?"

"Count on it, buddy. Your soldiers can let you fight from as far away as any Marksmen here."

Azir bolted to his feet. "No. I won't have it. This discussion is over. Goodbye." The emperor marched away, eager to dismiss the very thought of being turned into a Heartseeker.

Azir meandered aimlessly through the Institute. He honestly felt a little sad after seeing all of the couple around him, remembering a time from millennia ago, back when he courted his wife. As an Ascended being that had transcended mortality, he began to wonder if he could ever really enjoy romance again.

"Azir..." The bird emperor heard a voice behind him that made him shiver. While he was always open to an adoring woman back in his human days, he remembered that voice as being one he should run away from. Very, very quickly.

Slowly turning around, he saw that it was Quinn, who had an unsettling look in her eye as she walked – no, stalked towards him. "Q-Quinn? Is there something the matter?"

She let out a giggle. "The only thing the matter here... is that you're not my Valentine."

Azir paused. He took out his little notebook and flipped to the latest page.

Being someone's Valentine signifies that the two of you are an item.

Azir slammed the book shut, and began to sweat. Quinn was getting closer, and he wanted none of that. Everyone knew that she and Talon were together. Azir still had bad memories about being confronted by men whose girlfriends Azir had stolen. The last man whose girl he planned on stealing was one who could turn him into a bucket of chicken wings in an instant.

"GOTTAGOB-" The emperor got cut off as he attempted to run, with the Demacian vaulting off his back and knocking him to the ground. He began to panic as the woman got on top of him and stared into his eyes hungrily.

"You know," she whispered huskily. "I know a few things about birds..." She brought her face mere inches from the horrified Shuriman's.

"Want me to show you what I m-" Quinn never finished as she was tackled off Azir's body by a snarling woman. Azir gaped as he saw that his savior was Sivir, wrestling furiously with the enraged scout. "Sivir?! What in god's name-"

"Can it, dad! I found Katarina mugging Lux, and I heard that some weird shit was going down like Rammus grinding, so I came to check on you! Now go! Find out who's responsible for this shit!"

Azir, while fearing for his daughter's safety, nodded, and began to leave.

Before getting his path blocked by Talon. The Blade's Shadow looked outright furious as he stalked towards the emperor, blades ready.

"T-Talon? This is not what it looks li-"

"Hope you enjoy being a bucket of chicken wings," the Noxian growled, before leaping at Azir. Air squawked as he conjured a Sand Soldier to block the blow.

"Talon! I do not want to hurt you!" Azir narrowly ducked under a flung knife. The assassin didn't respond, devoting himself to ending the Shuriman's life as quickly and messily as possible.

Azir started to get mad."Talon, I won't say this again! Leave now, and spare yourself!" Still no answer.

Azir sighed. There was no alternative.

Azir raised two more soldiers in Talon's blind spots. The Noxian was unable to react In time to avoid getting grabbed, and he struggled as he attempted to break free of the Sand Soldiers' hold. He began to feel an odd tightness in his chest, as a third soldier began to play a melancholy tune on a piano that had seemingly been produced out of thin air.

Azir brought his hand up, looking mournfully at the struggling Talon. "Goodbye, my friend." Azir brought the hand down like an axe, and a thunderclap echoed across the street.

At once, Talon seized up, and began to froth at the mouth. The soldiers let him go, and he fell to the ground as a convulsing mess.

"D-Dad? What was that?" Azir turned to find a panting Sivir, Quinn's limp and apparently unconscious form behind her.

Azir stared sadly at the pathetic form of Talon on the ground. "It's a technique I've made called the 'telepathic roast.' The victim relives their most embarrassing, most humiliating, most utterly shameful moment in an endless loop. I never like to use this against anyone, and it's the first time I've used it since my Ascension. The effects should hopefully be lessened because of this, but still..."

Annie are you okay?

Little known fact and very well kept secret – Talon loved dancing.

Are you okay?

Not a dance of death, knives flying at every conceivable angle. Just a simple set of moves to a good song from a great artist. It's how he maintained a rather odd friendship with Warwick, who had the same taste in music as he did.

Are you okay, Annie?

He did a spin, a moonwalk, a spin again, music filling his room as he danced. He grinned as he executed the moves flawlessly. He prided himself in his dance moves. After all, it was how he managed to get Quinn to like him, after taking her out to a dance party at Taric and Ahri's behest.

Are you okay Annie?!

Two more spins, another moonwalk. Here came the finisher.

You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth criminal.

One more spin, and a crotch grab. Talon grinned to himself like a fool. Perfect as always.

Talon heard a giggle behind him, and froze. He was 100% certain that he had locked the door behind him.

He slowly turned around, and his jaw dropped as he saw Katarina and Cassiopeia with their phones out, grinning like lunatics and giggling like schoolgirls. There were spent lockpicks on the ground, and the door was wide open. The music. The music had drowned out the sounds of the door being opened and their giggling.

"H-How long...?"

"The whole time," Katarina said, grinning.

"You know," Cassiopeia said, holding her sides. "We only uploaded this a few seconds ago when you finished, but..." She couldn't finish as she exploded into a fit of laughter.

Talon paled. "Upload...?"

"Yup. You've got quite the number of hits already." Katarina tilted her phone, and the view count had climbed by a million in the span of seconds.

Talon stared, initially unable to process what he had just heard. Then, he opened his mouth.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Azir groaned. "Well, the point still stands that I have to stop whoever is causing these shenanigans. Sivir, I can trust you will keep these two at the hospital?"

Sivir nodded, grinning. "You can count on me, dad. Now get going, you've got a Valentine's day to save."

With a determined nod, Azir began sprinting down the street, his purpose clear.

"Hold, Azir!"

Azir whirled around to find Taric running towards him. "I heard of your task to put an end to the day's madness! I've asked Varus for insight on the problem, and he says that the most likely perpetrators must be Jhin and Yasuo!"

Azir grinned. "Your help is much appreciated, Taric! Come, we shall, end this foolery together!" Together, the two began running to stop the two Ionian champions.

"There! I see them!" Taric called. Sure enough, Jhin and Yasuo were walking down an empty street together, with the former wearing the utterly disgusting Heartseeker attire of Varus. A convulsing Zed could be seen in front of them.

"Hold, fiends!" Azir crowed. Azir silently summoned some soldiers to take posts on the other ends of the street to trap his targets. The emperor saw Yasuo's shoulders slump before the two Ionians turned, ready to face their new adversaries.

"The heavens see all you have done," Taric said, twirling his mace.

Yasuo sighed. "Oh, great, I bet these guys are here to put us in a stretcher for screwing with their day."

"I believe combat is the only option here, Yasuo," Jhin said, gesturing to the Azir's Sand Soldiers. So they had been noticed after all.

Azir stepped forward and brandished his scepter, giving rise to a platoon of Sand Soldiers. "You have ruined a day of love, happiness, and giving chocolate by mentally scarring countless with the image of a grinding Rammus, exerting your power to thoroughly humiliate many innocent champions, and traumatizing Luxanna Crownguard! You fools shall pay for your crimes!"

Azir commanded the squadron to advance, and the two Ionians began backing up and drawing their weapons. "Jhin," Yasuo said. "Give me cover fire while I take out these things!"

"Why would I do that?"

Azir's eyes bugged out and he facepalmed while Yasuo spun around and began arguing with the serial killer. My word, that man is retarded.

"Augh, fine! Just make sure those two don't try anything while I take these things out!" Yasuo drew his sword and charged his platoon.

"Put him down!" Azir cried. They can't hold out forever, but it will buy us time. The emperor focused on Jhin, who was unloading his entire repertoire of death-dealing weaponry en masse, with the aspect and bird being protected solely by Taric's shields.

He's the one with the magic. Take him down, and it's over. But how... Wait. Azir remembered an occasion at a restaurant where he had seen Jhin try and make his cutlery at perfect angles to each other. It's highly unlikely...

But not impossible.

Azir bit back a curse as he felt Yasuo cut down his last Sand Soldiers. His eyes narrowed into a squint. Now or never. "Change of plans!" He conjured a Sand Soldier holding an infernal pencil that refused to let the wood be of equal length around the lead. This had better work, Azir thought, commanding the soldier to charge. He brought up more soldiers to advance on the samurai and pin him down for longer.

He saw Jhin confidently raise his gun before freezing upon seeing the pencil. Checkmate.

Another soldier raised, holding a picture. Azir willed it to hang the picture at an angle, and directed Jhin's vision to it. The Ionian began to shake. Perfect.

Another rose up, holding a broken pair of earbuds that Azir had owned for months. Another had a hoodie of Sivir's that had a string longer than the other. A bag of green candy that inexplicably had a pink one in it. A pizza cut into squares.

The assortment of OCD-triggering sights sent Jhin over the edge. The poor fool frothed at the mouth and collapsed, out of commission.

"Jhin?! JHIN!" Azir heard the enraged samurai's roar as he began cutting down his soldiers en masse.

Again? Well, it can't be helped. "SPLIT!" Azir yelled, commanding his soldiers to get out of the way, leaving only Taric to stand in Yasuo's way.

"Hold him off, Taric, I only need to minute to take him down!" Azir quickly raised up his piano-playing Soldier while Taric did battle with the samurai.

Taric seemed to get the hint that whatever he was about to do would be dangerous, and began to cast his Cosmic Radiance. "Well, my friend, I hate to do this, but it seems that this is where we part ways."

The wanderer grinned cockily and readied his sword. "What do you mean? That thing won't last forever."

A pitying smile was on the Shield of Valoran's face. "This isn't to protect me from you. It's to protect me from him." Indeed it is, Taric.

Azir saw Yasuo blink as he turned to see Azir, a look of sheer disgust gracing his avian features. The piano was now playing perfectly, echoing across the street

Yasuo dropped his blade and began to shake. "N-No way... That emperor that Jhin was talking about... was...?"

Azir raised a hand to the sky. Interesting. So they've heard of it? "Oh, so you know of this technique. As for whatever that miscreant friend of yours said, allow me to confirm.

"I created this technique."

Azir brought his hand down. Yasuo's body seized up as he collapsed, and the loop of his most humiliating incident began.

Yasuo needed to pee.

Unfortunately, the Fields of Justice didn't have a bathroom. Anywhere.

The wanderer gritted his teeth. As a vagabond who had spent years of his life on the run, taking a leak in a bush was nothing. Running the risk of being seen while taking said leak, was, however, something.

He made a passing glance over at the river. It was wreathed in shadows, and the odd bush littered the fringes of the stream. He could just hop in, take a quick piss, and get out without anyone noticing anything.

He looked over at his opponent in the top lane, Darius, who was busy attacking his minions to get some creeps. There was no way he could notice.

The Ionian took a ward in his hand, so as to make it look like he was just warding it, and ran into the bush. After hurriedly removing his pants, he let out a contented sigh as he relieved himself. After finishing, he got ready to hoist his pants around his waist.

Before Darius grabbed him with the hook of his axe.

"I could use an advantage like this," Darius said, smirking, as he raised his axe once again to strike.

Until he looked down, and noticed that Yasuo was missing an important piece of clothing. Darius froze. "I... I..."

Yasuo looked down in shame. "Just... needed to pee..."

A look of understanding dawned on Darius's face. "O-Oh, y-yeah, sure."

"Worry not, Yasuo, I'm on my way!" The wanderer became coated in the purple glow of Shen's ultimate, as expressions of panic came over the top laners' faces.

"Sh-Shen! Call it off, man, call it o-"

A brilliant flash of light, and Shen was there, standing between the two mortified fighters. "What's going on? Why would I need to – oh gods..." Shen turned around, and a look of disgust creased what could be seen of his face as he cringed. The Eye of Twilight spun around and clapped a hand on Darius's shoulder. "Nobody, not even a Noxian cur like you, deserves to get flashed by another man."

Yasuo paled. "N-No, it's not like that!"

Darius raised his hands in a pacifying gesture. "Guy just had to pee, you know how this damn place is!"

After a pause, Shen groaned and rubbed his temples. "Oh... Well, uh, I've just gotta... Get my red bu-"

"Easy prey!" Rengar roared, leaping out of stealth to assist Darius from Shen's misguided gank. The three men spun around it terror.

"A fine addition to my collect-" the Pridestalker began, before his good eye widened in shock upon seeing a pantless Yasuo. "What the actual fu – SHIT." Rengar clipped the Scuttlecrab as he began to descend, making him haphazardly land face-first.

Right into Yasuo's crotch.

For about ten seconds, no man made a sound, with Rengar slowly peeling himself off of Yasuo's body. The other combatants, curious at the fiasco in the top lane, gaped as they saw something that only graced the pages of a hormone-addled attempt of drawing an Ionian yaoi manga.

At once, everyone on Summoner's Rift fell to their knees and let out ear-piercing shrieks that echoed out over the battlefield.

Yasuo's "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" however, was by and far the loudest.

Azir fell to his knees, exhausted. Taric laid a hand on his shoulder.

"We've done well, my friend. I'll get these hooligans to the hospital. Go get some rest." With that, Taric was off, dragging the three criminals to Shen's.

A sand Soldier drew up a chair, which the emperor stumbled over to. Good gods, an emperor shouldn't be doing things like this.

"So you're the one that stopped them. Interesting."

Azir blinked a few times, trying to discern the source of the voice. A massive blue bird flew from the skies and landed before him.

"Anivia? What brings you here?"

"The whole fiasco of those two fools caught my interest. I thought I'd stop to see just who managed to stop them."

"Oh... Oh, where are my manners? Someone as grand as you has no place sitting on the ground." Azir waved a hand, and a soldier brought a large bird-perch for the Cryophoenix.

"My, my, Azir, you are quite the gentleman."

Azir chuckled. "Well, I am an emperor after all." Anivia laughed.

As the two birds continued talking, Azir felt a sense of happiness and nostalgia well up inside him, one from his human days, of when he would be chatting up a fair maiden with words as smooth as honey.

Azir smiled inwardly as he laughed at some odd tale of a date between Tryndamere and Ashe. The giddy joy he felt when talking to a woman, and hearing her clear, ringing laugh, just made him feel right. Whole.

Human.

Well, so this is why Sivir is so intent on finding a man.

That's right, I'm all for Azivia.

Quick note, if you read one of my other fics, The Misadventures of Jhin and Yasuo, you've probably noticed how a few pieces from the latest chapter of that are straight-up ripped from there. I mainly did that so people wouldn't have to go through 5000 words of that chapter to see Yasuo's memory-loop. Aside from simple laziness on my part, I'd personally find that kinda annoying if I had to do that. That, and some people might read this fic but not that one, and would just be sitting there wondering what the hell our favorite angsty samurai was reliving.

Well, anyway, thank you all again for reading, and I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. Feel free to leave a review with your thoughts, and I'll see you guys later. Bye.