AN: Welcome to Part Two of 'Why You Should NEVER Keep all Your S Rank Files in one Place'. As was the case with part one, the story is written with the help of my co author, the tackily pen-named 'Ignus Dracorex'. He will leave most authors' notes (excepting the omake dedications, which I like to do myself.) When reading this, please bear in mind one thing: if you have not read all of Part One you will have no idea what is going on (and by all, I also mean the omakes, which many seem to have forgotten are a legitimate part of the story). ~ Cyrro.

Hiruzen Sarutobi, called The Professor, Third Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, is done.

Done with paperwork.

Done with ninjas coming to him with all their problems.

Done with losing to Iruka Umino at shogi (1,052 losses so far, not that anyone is counting).

Done with chasing after Naruto and the rest of that incorrigible Team Seven.

Done with trying to organize peace treaties.

In short: Hiruzen Sarutobi is Done with being the Hokage.

But who to appoint as his successor? Naruto is still too young, Kakashi's genins need to graduate before he is made Hokage, Shikaku is too damn lazy, and Jiraiya…

Actually, Jiraiya might be the only solution right now. If he refuses he better have a damn good suggestion for who should take over the paperwork and being bossed about by Iruka.

Hiruzen will make Iruka Hokage just as soon as he wants everyone to pack up and leave the village out of terror. Of only there was a way to subtly fob the young man off on another village...

It has been a week since the end of the chunin exams and Hiruzen is so disenchanted with being the Hokage he is tempted to move so far away he finds himself in a strange land where people live in stone castles and men wear skirts, play piped instruments and drink all day.

Yeah, as if a place like that actually exists.

Anyway, Hiruzen berates himself for getting off topic in his musings, back to the main problem. Choosing a successor. It will either be Jiraiya, or whoever Jiraiya comes up with to wheedle out of it.

Just as soon as Jiraiya gets back from his holiday in the Hidden Rain with his old students, that is. After the battle was finished and the Akatsuki met with the Hokage, Team Seven, Shikamaru and Jiraiya on the roof of the stadium, Nagato and Konan invited Jiraiya to come with them to the Hidden Rain to see what they've done with the place. He accepted of course (anything to get out of the Leaf Village).Thank goodness Kakashi thought to send Naruto along as insurance that he would return.

Once Jiraiya returns with Naruto, Hiruzen will offer him a choice: take the hat or find someone else and force them to take it. Hopefully Jiraiya will do the smart thing and make the obvious suggestion that he himself completely missed.

While he is waiting for that to happen though, there is an order of business he needs to conduct.

The chunin promotions.

Why wait a whole week to do them, one might ask?

The answer is simple: the unorthodox end to the exams and the fact that the vests for the new recruits had to be custom made. No one was expecting twelve year olds to make it to the final round, after all.

"Call them in," the Hokage orders the jounin senseis.

Once the genin are standing before him, the Hokage says, "Because of the unorthodox ending to the chunin exams, I have decided to promote you based on your performances in your preliminary matches, the matches you fought in the final round, and on how you responded when the invasion began. Congratulations on your promotions to chunin, Shikamaru Nara and Sasuke Uchiha."

The two newly promoted chunin are given their vests. The pair bow, thank the Hokage and put on their vests. Then they leave with their jounin senseis.

The Hokage is glad once they are gone. Now he can get back to planning his retirement. He will leave his paperwork just a little bit behind out of spite for the Hokage position. He searches his emotions for a glimmer of remorse.

None whatsoever.

Hiruzen happily goes back to not doing his paperwork.

What to do once he retires? Well, there is a lot of one-on-one time with his grandson and son to catch up on. And he should start bugging Asuma about when he is going to hurry up and marry Kurenai, settle down and have some lovely babies for Hiruzen to spoil.

Hiruzen fills up his pipe and goes over to the window. Maybe a holiday to the Land of Rice Paddies will do him good. Or perhaps he should take a trip to the Land of Waves and see the Great Naruto Bridge.

On second thoughts, anything even remotely involving Naruto is out of the question for Hiruzen's upcoming holiday. So is everything even remotely involving Iruka, Team Seven, Akatsuki - just the shinobi world in general. A few months in a non-shinobi nation is just what Hiruzen needs.

Hiruzen is done with the Shinobi world and all its craziness. He almost wishes he'd fought Orochimaru and died. Almost.

The door crashes open. "Grandpa Hokage!"

Well, it sounds like Naruto is back. "Hello Naruto," says Hiruzen.

"Me an' Pervy-Sage are back!" Naruto announces.

"Good," Hiruzen turns to see Jiraiya following Naruto into his office. "Jiraiya, I'm going to retire."

"Can I be Hokage?" asks Naruto.

"No, you are still too young. I am offering the position to Jiraiya."

"Oh, #### NO!" Jiraiya objects rather like Gamabunta would have.

"Then who, pray tell, should I give the Hat to?"

"I'll get Tsunade," says Jiraiya. "She can be the next Hokage. We need a female Hokage."

"How are you going to get her to come back to the village?" asks Hiruzen, surprised. Why didn't he think of Tsunade?

"I have an idea," says Jiraiya. "But I'll need a Naruto to pull it off."

Yes, Hiruzen decides. He is DONE.

So done that his level of doneness needs a name of it's own. Maybe he should call it 'Senseless Doneness'?

Nah, that's a stupid name.