Stay Calm

A Second Surgery

Over the next thirty-six hours Casey stabilised and he was moved from the intensive care ward. He and Severide now shared a room, the staff had given up telling Severide that there were visiting hours and he should be resting and healing rather than hopping around the hospital on crutches to visit Casey.

Casey looked much more human now that the majority of wires and equipment had been removed. "So I'm missing five weeks?" He and Severide had been figuring out what the last moment he could remember was.

"Looks like it," Severide nodded, Casey had been surprisingly unfazed.

"Five weeks isn't much I guess… is it?" he frowned.

"Five weeks is nothing." Severide forced a smile, in the forefront of his mind he lay blame on himself. Casey couldn't remember five weeks of his life because of him, because of him Casey needed a second operation, because of him Casey was going to have a hard and lengthy recovery and there was the chance he'd never fully recover from his injuries but the doctors had all been positive despite this warning.

"What if I never remember?" he asked, the frown still played on his brows.

"Five weeks is nothing," Severide repeated.

"Ok," he nodded slowly.

"Are you all right?" Severide asked as soon as Casey's expression looked pained. "Your head?"

"Just a headache," he replied.

"That's there for a reason," Severide indicated the PCA pump by Casey's bed.

"I'm all right," he stated.

"You're matching the colour of the sheets," Severide stated.

"What were we doing?" he asked suddenly.

"What?" Severide questioned, he wasn't sure if Casey was just trying to change the subject or if it was a temporary effect of the head injury as he still spent a lot of his time in varying degrees of lucidity.

"When we crashed? What happened?" he reiterated.

"Oh…" Severide breathed, he knew Casey would ask eventually. "We were going up to my dad's cabin to fix the roof."

"That explains why we're not in Chicago then," he smiled tiredly, he'd been awake for half an hour, it was pushing on the longest time he'd been awake since the accident.

"Yeah…" Severide sighed, "Case, I was driving…"

"Ok," he replied, "Is your car…"

"It's totalled," Severide stated.

"Sorry," he said sympathetically.

"Sorry?" Severide frowned; he'd not expected an apology.

"You love your car," he replied.

"Matt, it was my fault," Severide responded.

He frowned, genuinely confused. "What was?"

"I crashed the car," Severide pointed out firmly.

"On purpose?" he questioned.

"No I…"

"How was it your fault then?" he asked.

"Casey, you could have died," Severide exasperated.

"I didn't," he replied, "I'm fine."

"It took you five minutes to realise where you were when you woke up earlier and your pelvis is being held together by metal rods," Severide said darkly.

"It wasn't your fault," he stated.

"You don't even remember what happened," Severide countered much more harshly than intended.

"No, I don't but telling me that it was your fault that I can't remember the last five weeks isn't going to make this any better," he replied as strongly as he could, "Look, we're both alive, no one died, right?"

"No one died," Severide replied.

"Please don't blame yourself," he insisted.

Severide only managed to force a smile before they were interrupted by a porter. "Matt Casey?" he smiled, "I'm here to take you up for your CT scan."

Casey fell asleep five minutes into the CT scan and woke up back in his room, it took him a few moments to remember where he was although he couldn't recall exactly why he was in the hospital until he saw Severide asleep beside him. He wished he could remember the accident at least, he didn't want Severide to blame himself, Casey wasn't happy that he was going to be out of action for a minimum of three months and it would most likely take twice that long before he was cleared for duty, he had tried his best not to appear too miserable about it in front of Severide when he had been told. There was good news later that day though; he was cleared for the second surgery.

"Is there a phone I can use?" Casey asked the next morning. Severide was sitting on his bed eating breakfast, he had denied it at first since Casey hadn't been allowed anything to eat since midnight, but Casey had told him he wouldn't have wanted breakfast even if he were allowed it. He was still feeling nauseous a lot of the time he was conscious but it had lessoned gradually over the last few days.

"Oh, you're phone survived, it's here, you're not allowed to use it in here though… you wanna call someone?" Severide asked.

"Just wanted to speak to Gabby before the surgery," he replied. "Does everyone know what happened?"

"Yeah, I called Boden, he wanted to come over and see us but I told him not to waste the two hour journey, that you'd be transferred after the surgery," Severide explained

"That's good… Has Gabby said anything? I know she's probably really busy…" he trailed off.

"Oh…" Realisation hit Severide. "I'll… I'll go and give her an update…"

"Thanks," Casey murmured.

Severide grabbed his side as he sat up and gritted his teeth, his pain medication had been reduced to a few pills a day, he took hold of his crutches, put Casey's phone in the pocket of his gown and hobbled out of the room. He had no intention of calling Dawson, instead he spotted Casey's doctor and went over to him. "Doc? Can I have a minute?"

He nodded.

"Do I tell him things? Things he can't remember even if…"

"If he wants to know then yes," the doctor replied simply.

"He's asking for his fiancée… they broke up, he doesn't remember…" he explained.

"Don't lie to him," the doctor advised.

Back in their shared room Severide sat down on the side of his bed, Casey was already drifting off to sleep. "Case? You awake?"

"Fast asleep," he muttered as he opened his eyes.

"Matt, I need to tell you something," Severide stated, there was going to be no easy way to tell him.

"What's wrong?" Casey slurred. "You sound serious… Is Gabby ok? Did you speak to her?"

"Case… Matt…" he sighed, hating to be the bearer of bad news. "Dawson left you nearly two weeks ago."

"What?" Casey's expression was heart breaking and it only grew worse with his next words. "What did I do?"

"Nothing, you didn't do anything, she left you, it wasn't anything you did," he tried to reassure him.

Casey either hadn't heard him or didn't believe him. "What did I do wrong?" his voice cracked.

"Case ,you didn't do anything wrong I promise, it was her decision… she wasn't happy through no fault of yours, working together and living together it just didn't work, you tried Case but it just didn't work," Severide explained. "I'm impressed it worked for so long," he adding trying to lighten the mood.

"She knows I'm here? That there was an accident?" Casey questioned.

"The whole house knows, they don't know the details but they know enough," he explained.

"And she's not come?" Casey frowned, disappointment clearly evident in his tone.

Severide remembered having a similar conversation over a year ago when Casey's own mom didn't even visit him after his close call that had resulted in weeks of recovery. "No but she must be busy with Molly's, with training…"

"Too busy for…" he began sadly, too tired and in too much pain to hide his emotions.

"I'm here, Casey," Severide quickly interrupted, "And I'd be here if I weren't the one who crashed the car… You're worried about the surgery? The doc says it's a routine op, it'll be long but they know what they're doing and when it's over we'll get back to Chicago, I've already spoken to Med, we'll get you a room there so you'll be closer to home and it won't be long until you can go home."

"What happens if I don't recover properly?" He was starting to panic now. "That's it isn't it… it'll be over… I love it… I know it could have been a lot worse, I know it was close but I'd miss it if I couldn't do it… Sorry I don't mean to make you feel guilty, I'm not blaming you, I'm just…"

"Scared," Severide supplied.

"I was going to say worried but yeah, scared is right," he shrugged, "I mean, they're still giving me all these anticonvulsants, I still don't remember the last five weeks and…"

"Casey, you know who you are, you know your job, you're not missing chunks of time at the moment, not like before right?" Severide reassured him.

"I don't think so," he replied calmly.

"You knew there was something very wrong last time, your head's ok, the doctor says your head's ok," Severide said.

"Yeah, I guess I should listen to him," he forced a smile.

"Yeah, you should especially when he says this surgery is going to be fine," Severide nodded.

Casey was woken up after the surgery had been completed, there was a weight pressing on his chest, he opened his eyes planning on telling whoever it was to leave him alone. "Matt, I need you to wake up for me," he recognised the voice and groaned inwardly, he was in the hospital, it hadn't all been some terrible dream. "Matt?"

"M'awake," Casey muttered.

"Open your eyes again for me."

He hadn't realised he'd shut them.

"Hi Matt," his doctor greeted him when he cracked his eyes open. "The surgery went well, don't worry if you can't feel much right now, it's the pain medication. Can you tell me your full name?"

"Matt Casey," he replied quietly. "… President is Obama, I'm in hospital, I was born on…"

"It's all right, I'll stop you there, Matt," the doctor smiled down at him. "Get some rest."

Two days later both Casey and Severide were transferred to Chicago Med. Casey was still spending a lot of his time asleep. He had already started his physical therapy sessions but unfortunately because there had been a break on each side of his pelvis he wouldn't be able to go straight to crutches; he'd be confined to a wheelchair until he was given clearance by his doctor. Since Casey wasn't able to weight bear the physiotherapist worked with him to improve his hip, spine and leg motion. Before using the wheelchair they would usually improve upper body strength to help him get around but she did very little because Casey had been at the peak of his fitness when the accident occurred, once Casey was off the heavy hitting painkillers he felt much more like his old self and felt much stronger.

Three days after they had been transferred Severide had been discharged but he had yet to leave the hospital, he was sat in Casey's room. Casey was awake, eyes glazed and unfocused but Severide wasn't worried, he'd just been down to the physical therapy suite for the first time, having only completed exercises in the hospital room previously, he was exhausted and still suffering from the effects of his head injury, mainly pressure headaches and the occasional nausea.

"It was a deer," Casey stated.

"What?" he frowned, "You remember?"

"I don't know, it was a dream, everything's hazy," Casey explained.

"It was a deer… I risked your life for a deer," he replied with a heavy sigh.

"People have risked my life for less than a deer," Casey said. "Remember that guy who tried to drag me back to get a chair?"

"I remember the black eye you gave him," he grinned.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Casey teased, they kept the circumstances of the injury hidden at the time of the call but there really had been no other way for Casey to stop the man dragging him back into danger. Casey took a few moments before revealing quietly, "I still don't remember anything else."

"Give it some more time, it's only been two weeks," Severide smiled reassuringly.

It was three long and painful months until Casey was allowed to walk without any aid but he was home from the hospital four weeks after the accident. Severide blamed himself, he always would, no matter how much Casey insisted that it wasn't his fault. Yes, Casey wished it had never happened especially when the pain radiated around his body so much after just taking several steps unaided for the first time that he wanted to give up and breakdown, but laying blame wasn't a solution instead he used Severide's encouragement to get him through the particularly hard days.

Six months after the accident Severide was sitting outside Casey's doctor's office anxiously awaiting his friend. He stood up when the door opened and Casey walked out, you could barely tell that he had spent the last few weeks limping slightly. "Don't keep me waiting any longer," he spoke when Casey didn't immediately speak.

Casey's face was a mask until he allowed a huge smile to spread across his lips. "As of next Monday, I'm cleared for light duty."

"You've done it!" he beamed.

"Couldn't have done it without you," Casey replied.

He scoffed. "You wouldn't have needed to do it without me."

It took Casey another month to get back to full duty. He never did fully remember those five weeks that had been erased from his life when his head had slammed into the passenger side window. Severide had laughed when Casey asked him for details of the missing weeks during his early stages of recovery hand would tell him his right hand was grateful that he couldn't remember. Severide and his doctor told him not to dwell on those missing weeks, that it would do no good, and for once Casey took their advice without questioning even though it seemed as though Dawson had just been a blip in his life who had come along and then vanished with little explanation, he saw her once when she came along with the rest of 51 after he'd been transferred to Chicago Med and then she vanished from his life for good.

The End