Chapter 9

Thanks for all the kind reviews and apologies for not updating sooner. To the 'guest' reviewer, I'm sorry that you deemed this story as a 'waste of your time'.

This chapter is in line with season 2 episode 9. Trigger warning: This chapter deals with suicide contemplation and self harm.

Ebony had been walking through Chicago with no real sense of direction or purpose. She was deep in thought and was surprised when a blonde hair woman on the bridge roused her from her musings.

It was Shay.

Even from the bank that Ebony was currently stood on, she could see that Shay was lost inside her own head. Ebony knew what that was like, to be looking into the abyss searching for any sort of way out.

As Ebony walked towards Shay, she pulled her sleeves over her hands self-consciously. She knew better than most how dark things could get. Not long after moving in with Kelly, she'd felt so distraught that she'd harmed herself. At the time it had felt like a huge relief but in hindsight, it just lead to more pain and suffering as she continued in secret.

It had continued for some time before Kelly had even noticed, not that she had wanted him to know in the first place. No, this was the only way she was able to hide how broken she was in the aftermath of their mum's death. She had reasoned at the time that Kelly had enough to deal with at the fire academy, he was achieving his dream and she was already too much of a burden.

She'd met some people at school, who had come from similarly dysfunctional families and had helped her cope a little better each day. They would text her continuously and even call. Together they formed a band and that became a far better outlet then anything she was doing to herself. Being able to perform and sing her heart out had been exactly what she had needed. It was made even sweeter by the notion that Benny would never have let her do anything like this but each week there was always someone from firehouse 51 watching.

The day Kelly had walked in on Ebony and discovered her secret was still clear as day in her mind. The fear on his face was something she would never forgive herself for causing.

*** Flashback ***

16 year old Ebony had been sat huddled in the corner of her bedroom, hidden from sight by her bed. Her knees were pulled to her chest and silent tears streamed down her face. Today had just been too much, their mother had died a little over a year ago and she had received yet another letter from her father.

'You are holding your brother back.' The letter had said, followed by 'You will never amount to anything, you are worthless'.

Ebony didn't know why these letters kept arriving. She didn't know what she had done to warrant the torrent of abuse either. As far as her and Kelly were concerned, Benny Severide was not a part of their lives. He was living with a new family somewhere near Nebraska, or something, Ebony didn't much care. He had walked out on their family just as their mum got sick and had never looked back.

So why had the man felt the need to send Ebony letters? Each letter contained a new fact about Kelly's progress and highlighted how he could achieve so much better if she wasn't there. Ebony had kept the letters secret from Kelly, he knew nothing of the way their father treated her when they lived at home never mind what was happening now. Instead, Ebony had kept them in a box under her bed so that one day she could burn them. Every time she had gone to burn one of the letters so far, Kelly had been nearby.

What had made this particular letter worse was the timing, arriving just after what would have been their mothers 50th birthday. The year they were planning to take a once in a lifetime family trip. Yet instead, Ebony had a callous letter written with venom and that was signed off 'Your mother would be ashamed of you'.

That had been the sentence that had broken Ebony today. She'd banished the letter to the box and had been thankful that Kelly was attending classes for another hour at the academy.

Huddled in her corner with a razor blade in her hand, she determinedly dragged in across her skin desperate to be in control and to feel more than just numbness. She should be angry at the letters that Benny had sent but instead each one added more to her self-doubt and she only felt the guilt of holding her brother back.

Ebony hissed with the pain, leant her head back against the wall and breathed deeply. She counted down slowly as she began to feel the adrenaline surge through her and then she screamed. Eyes closed, blood trickling from her wrist and safe in her room, Ebony Severide screamed at the world.

Suddenly the door burst open and her brother rushed in. Through her dizziness, caused by the blood and the adrenaline, Ebony saw the fear on Kelly's face. When had he arrived home?

"EBONY!" He shouted and Ebony was snapped back to reality.

The blood. The blade. Oh God. They were the thoughts that entered her head as Kelly rushed towards her and sank to the floor.

"What's happened? Are you ok?" Kelly was frantic, "I heard you scream, wait is that blood?"

Ebony looked up at Kelly as he reached for her wrist, but instead she pulled it out of his grasp. "What… a..re you.. do..ing home?" She asked horsely.

"Never mind that, what the hell happened?" Kelly barked at her in panic, still trying to grab for her arm.

"Leave it Kelly." Ebony requested calmly.

"You're bleeding Ebony." Kelly stopped his reaching and instead looked at his sister for the first time, she looked so calm and collected maybe even peaceful.

"I know."

"But…" Kelly gingerly reached forward for the wrist and saw not only the blood but other raised marks decorating the porcelain skin. Why had he never noticed these? The realisation crept across her brother's face with momentary confusion and hen sadness woven in. They had learnt about attending calls like this at the academy, had this meant she was attempting suicide? Kelly searched his brain desperately for the answer. No, this meant that she was needing to express herself or gain control again?

Instead of berating his sister, Kelly sunk to the floor beside Ebony and pulled her into a hug. Ebony gently rested her head on his shoulder and Kelly reached a hand up to stroke her hair softly. He cradled her for hours, both of them crying softly as they processed the situation. From then onwards, he vowed to pay more attention to his sister. She was clearly struggling and she needed him. She was her priority.

*** End of flashback ***

Ever since that day, Kelly had made more of an effort to talk to Ebony about things. Whether that meant sitting in an awkward silence until she was ready to talk or if it meant that Kelly had to push her to the brink where she screamed it at him. Regardless of the extraction mechanism, Ebony had felt relieved to be processing the emotion less destructively.

That didn't mean she instantly stopped self harming, this wasn't a fairytale. There had been slip ups and long nights alone, it was unavoidable with Kelly's job. There had been the darkest of nights too, where she had honestly believed that things might have been better had she attempted suicide. Thankfully, she'd had her friends and Kelly to help her through those nights. Kelly had confided in Herrmann and the Chief about it too and Ebony had been grateful, it had given her brother someone to share his concern with and gain support himself. When Shay had moved in with them, she'd learned about Ebony's struggles too and had vowed to help too.

Now it was Ebony's turn to help someone in need as she approached Shay, the woman she considered a sister. "Hey Shay." Ebony said softly as she stood next to Shay and joined her in looking into the cold water below.

"I remember when you guys used to find me here. The water looks beautiful doesn't it?" Ebony reflected sadly before asking gently, "How you doing?"

That had been all it had taken for Shay to crumble against the siderail and slide down to the cold concrete floor. Ebony joined her there and pulled her into her side.

"Kelly." Kelly turned at hearing the gruff voice of his father coming from down the corridor. "We need to talk."

"Ok." Was all Kelly could muster, he was still trying to process what Ebony had insinuated and that had made him unsure about their father.

Heading into Kelly's office, Benny shut the door and took the desk chair. Still feeling uneasy, Kelly opted to stand before asking "For what do we owe this pleasure?"

"Usually conversation starts with 'Hey Dad, how are you?" Benny responded sharply, before smirking and continuing. "But you must be busy so I'll get right to it. Gail McLeod has said that there's a way to save 51."

"What might that be?" Kelly straightened up and eyed his father suspiciously.

"If I replace Boden." Benny smirked.

This must have been a dream come true for the retired captain, an opportunity for him to get one up on his former colleague and rival. The smug look on Benny's face confirmed it all, he wasn't in this to help out firehouse 51 at all.

"So where does Boden go?" Kelly asked

"McLeod will offer him a severance package, he'll get a nice early retirement." Benny answered.

"So what do you get from coming out of retirement?" Kelly asked suspiciously.

"Nothing." Benny tried to feign, "I'll just be helping out my former and now sons station."

"Nice try dad." Kelly remarked, "What about your wife, Beth and the kids?"

A resentful look flashed across Benny's face when Kelly mentioned his second wife, had this been the resentment Ebony had seen? Kelly pushed the thoughts from his head for the moment as Benny answered. "Beth doesn't want me around the kids at the moment. I'm needed more here in Chicago."

Why would Beth not want him around the children? What had happened? Kelly wracked his brain, how old were the kids now? Determined to find out more, Kelly probed Benny for an explanation. "Not training them for CFD then?" He tried to joke.

"No." Benny responded seriously. "Both boys are wet lettuces, they'll never be good enough for CFD. No matter how hard I push them, they'll never be like my first born. Useless boys. Such a disappointment."

Kelly stared at Benny almost open mouthed, how could a father say that about his children? The kids could only be about 8, possibly older. Kelly didn't know, but he did know that what Benny had just said was similar to the conversation he had had with Ebony earlier that day.

"They're only young." Kelly tried to defend.

"CFD should be in their blood, but their mother has babied them. I've tried to instil discipline into those kids but that's when she threw me out of the house." Benny let slip.

Instil discipline? Beth threw him out? Kelly was having more questions that he was getting answers. Was this more evidence of how much of a bully Benny Severide was?

Kelly did not like the bitter and angry feeling that was rising in his chest. He hadn't wanted to believe Benny was capable of bullying his children or mistreating them, but the more he watched the man the more apparent it became. "Maybe you should take some time out and talk to Beth?" Kelly offered. "Boden isn't going to give up this firehouse, everyone knows that."

"Well we will just have to make him then." Benny snapped. "I didn't come to ask for your permission Kelly. I came to warn you that I WILL be taking this house." With that, Benny Severide stormed out of firehouse 51.