Disclaimer: Don't own, have no money. Do we fall under fair use?

Pairing: Relax, it's Romanogers.

Summary: Women want Steve. That's not weird. But why does every woman suddenly want Steve with desperate passion? Well, almost every woman. Two-shot. Go on and take two shots. It's good for you.

Steve was having a strange day. He was used to attracting some attention when he walked down the street, even though it still made him self-conscious, but this morning had been unusually intense. Between the Tower and the non-chain coffee shop a block away, he had gotten some downright lascivious looks and even a few catcalls from passing women. He wasn't entirely sure, but he thought the clerk at the register had been flirting with him. The barista had definitely written her phone number on his coffee cup beside a lipstick kiss. That couldn't be sanitary. He had smiled in what he hoped was a kind but discouraging manner and tossed the untasted coffee in the first trashcan out of sight of the shop.

Walking through the Tower lobby had become something of an adventure when he'd stopped to help a woman who'd dropped a stack of papers. She had nearly knocked him over trying to plant a kiss on his cheek. He would have chalked it up to an awkward thank you if three women in the elevator hadn't tried to pin him against the wall and have their way with him, in spite of the discomfort of several other men in the same elevator. Steve had fled somewhere around the forty-sixth floor and taken the stairs the rest of the way up.

Now he was slightly sticky, standing in Tony Stark's private lab and describing his predicament.

Tony looked less than impressed. "So you're saying that all women find you irresistible?"

"I didn't say that. I just mean that I'm being noticed a little more than usual. I was almost assaulted in the elevator."

"JARVIS?"

"Bringing up the footage now."

It was almost as uncomfortable to watch the security video as it had been to go through it, though Tony's comments probably contributed to that. "Damn, Cap. And here I thought you were bragging."

"I just want it to stop."

"Uh-huh." Stark rolled his eyes. "JARVIS, could you ask Maria Hill to come up here?"

"Right away, sir."

"What is she going to do?"

"Let's see."

Hill walked into the room, looking businesslike as ever. Her head was bent over a tablet. "I hope this is important, because I was in the middle of…" She paused and looked up, raising an eyebrow. "Good morning, Steve."

"Hi."

She set her tablet down, never taking her eyes off him. "Wow. Have you been working out?"

"Uh…" His mouth went dry. Unswervingly professional Maria Hill was pressing against his side, grasping his bicep between two hands. "No more than usual."

"Hmm. Maybe it just feels bigger because I'm touching it." She licked her lips and gave his arm a squeeze. "Do you have any other parts that will get bigger if I touch you?"

Tony rolled his eyes when Steve looked to him for help. "Okay, either you've put together the weirdest prank in history or the world has gone completely crazy."

"Crazy about how amazing Steve looks," she countered. Steve ducked away as Hill suddenly made a grab for the front of his jeans.

"Right, the world is insane." Tony grabbed her arm and dragged her toward the door. "Go to your office and sit under the A/C."

"I need my tablet! And him!"

"No, you're done. I'll send your tablet down." Tony disappeared as he guided Hill into the hallway and toward the elevator. He came back rubbing his arm. "She punched me! Anyway, I'll slap up a 'No Girls Allowed' sign on the lab and get Bruce up here."

Steve was starting to get worried. If Hill was throwing herself at him, there was no telling how bad this thing could get. Normally he wouldn't mind a little flirting – Natasha was always throwing out comments that caused him to blush, after all – but there was a big difference between her friendly teasing and random women ruthlessly hitting on him.

Tony had started pacing. "So the elevator stuff could be chalked up to, I don't know, morning drinking. And maybe Hill has finally broken through her emotional levees. We need to confirm this theory of yours, so we need another woman."

"Such as?"

"Want me to get Hill back here?"

"No!"

"Didn't think so." Tony smirked. "Right. J, is Natalie around?"

"She is currently in the gym. Shall I ask her to come to the lab?"

"No!" Steve shouted, for entirely different reasons. If Natasha started grabbing him, he doubted his resolve to say no. He wouldn't dream of taking advantage of her, of course, but he was still a man. Temptation was better avoided than resisted, especially when it came in the form of Natasha Romanoff.

"Yes. We're confirming the hypothesis that you're suddenly irresistible, so we need to experiment. At least Natalie won't go to Facebook and talk about," he glanced down at a sudden alert flashing on his screen, "Captain America has a hot cute little ass? Why did the company send out a tweet about you? I specifically told them that all Stark Industries tweets were only to praise my hot cute ass!"

Steve couldn't answer as he was tackled from behind. He stumbled forward to correct his balance before he fell, but he was unable to unhook the arms now wrapped around his waist.

Tony sighed heavily. "Helen, seriously. This is research lab, not a strip club. Trust me, I know."

"You can leave," Dr. Cho replied; Steve could feel her warm breath through the back of his shirt. "I have everything I need."

"Uh-huh. Why don't you go splash some water on your face." He helped Steve extricate himself from her grasp and led her away as he had done for Hill not long before. He was less flippant when he returned this time. "I can see why this could become problematic."

"That's why I don't think Natasha should come up," Steve protested. "I don't think any of us could restrain her without hurting her if she gets, uh, handsy."

"No problem." Tony pulled a gun-shaped syringe out of a drawer. "I've got tranquilizers."

"Hope those aren't for me," Bruce said as he walked into the lab.

"Nah, we're gonna use 'em on Natalie if she tries to molest Cap."

"Why would she…?"

Tony was briefing Bruce on the situation when he interrupted himself with a grin, "Let's observe, shall we?"

Steve turned toward the door just as Natasha walked in wearing a tank top and capris, sweat glistening on her exposed skin. "What's up?"

"Good, you're here!" Tony made a sweeping gesture. "Sorry to interrupt your workout, but would you mind standing near Steve?"

She paused in midstride, halfway across the lab. "Why?"

"You don't want to?"

"I want to know why you want me to."

"Humor me."

She rolled her eyes, but walked over. Steve found himself holding his breath as she stopped beside him. "Now what?"

"Just…wait for a second." Tony watched them both with intense interest.

"Steve, what's going on?"

He found that he was anticipating her touch. It didn't happen. "You, um…nothing?"

"What am I supposed to be noticing?"

"He thinks he smells weird," Tony spoke up. "We can't smell anything, but maybe it takes a woman's touch. Or nose. Whatever. Humor us?"

She frowned, but leaned toward him and inhaled. "Hm. Cologne, soap, maybe some mint. And…" She sniffed closer to his shirt. "Fabric softener."

"And that's it?" Tony prodded.

"Is this some kind of test?"

"So you think he smells normal?"

"Yes. He smells like he usually does, which is fine."

"And you don't wanna grab him and bury your face in his chest just to make sure?"

"Why would I do that?"

"And there's our answer. Congratulations, Cap. Hill is so desperate to jump your bones she doesn't care who knows it."

"Really? Maria?" Natasha asked, finally looking more curious than annoyed about the proceedings. "Not that it's shocking, just that she's pretty good at being subtle. Of course, you're good at being oblivious, so I guess one cancels out the other. Are you going to ask her to dinner or something?"

Steve wasn't sure whether he wanted to argue with Tony's conclusion or Natasha's reignited interest in finding him a date. He settled for the situation at hand. "What about Dr. Cho?"

"Maybe she saw Hill and wanted to stake her own claim," Tony replied with a shrug. "You're just having a weird day. Okay, who feels like a coffee break?"

Before anyone could answer, JARVIS interjected, "Mr. Stark, Ms. Potts is on her way to the lab."

"Oh, I'm in trouble. I knew I should have answered those messages."

Pepper made her appearance a moment later. "Tony, when are you going to…"

"I swear I was just about to send you the specs when Steve showed up with a problem and, being the good friend that I am, I dropped everything to help him out. So it's really his fault."

"Oh, really?" She sidled up to Steve, resting a hand on his arm. "And how are you planning to make it up to me?"

"Me?" Steve wished he could sink through the floor. In addition to Tony's glare, he could feel Bruce gaping. Worse, Natasha had side-stepped away and was pointedly inspecting a fingernail. Just when Steve thought the situation couldn't get any worse, Pepper moved to stand in front of him, settling her hands on his shoulders. "Please, no…"

"Okay, seriously," Bruce murmured. "What's going on?"

Tony was taking a more direct route, forcing himself between Pepper and Steve, for which Steve was very thankful. "Pepper, don't you have a meeting or something?"

"I'll reschedule. I've got more important things to focus on right now." She ran her fingers down Steve's shoulders and arms while her boyfriend stood between them. "Mmm. You shouldn't be allowed to wear a shirt on company property."

"Hey!" Tony shouted as Steve stepped back, causing Pepper to attempt to follow directly through Tony.

She didn't seem fazed. "Why don't we go down to my office and…"

"Nope!" For the third time in less than ten minutes, Tony escorted a protesting woman from the room.

"Is someone going to explain what just happened?" Natasha asked.

Tony answered as he walked back over, "I think it's pretty obvious that Rogers is exuding some kind of chemical that turns women nuts."

"Then why am I not throwing myself at him?"

"Maybe it's because you're already nuts." Tony twitched back when Natasha raised a closed fist. "I mean, I have no idea why, but that makes you his bodyguard until we solve this problem. The word 'bodyguard' doesn't fill you will uncontrollable desire, does it?"

"Not in the least."

"Good. Because Rogers is about to get naked and jump in the shower."

"Excellent."

Steve looked at her with a mixture of alarm and encouragement, bracing himself for her to come at him.

She shrugged and stood her ground. "Hey, I'm only human. I like a free show as much as the next girl."

"Safety shower is over there. Bruce and I will start testing your clothes for any contaminants while you scrub down." Tony handed him a plastic bin. "Come on. Hurry. I locked the door but who knows when someone with show up with a sledgehammer and bust through my windows."

"Wait!" Bruce called. He was still pulling on a lab coat. "We should get a sweat sample."

"Should I take a lap or two around the lab?" Steve asked.

"Don't bother." Natasha grasped his arm and stepped close to him. He didn't even try to catch her roaming hands as she stroked down his chest. Her fingertips grazed the skin at his waistband as she tugged at the hem of his shirt. He shivered at the contact.

Somewhere far away, Tony huffed. "Great, her too."

"Steve?" She didn't stop, pressing into him after she had pulled his shirt up, baring his torso but covering his face. He desperately wanted to pull her closer, remove the tank top that was preventing even more skin contact. He was about to tear through the fabric when she yanked it the rest of the way off, tossing it into the bin without looking. "Oh, look. You're sweating." She stepped back with a smirk.

Tony broke into laughter. "You're a cruel woman, Romanoff, but you get points for style."

"Lift your arm." Bruce swiped a gauze pad through his armpit. "Should be good. If we need more, we can ask Natasha to make you sweat."

Steve hoped the red he felt blooming in his face wasn't spreading down the rest of his exposed skin. He hurried toward the shower stall in the corner and pulled the curtain. He heard the plastic bin clatter against the floor a moment later, although he hadn't heard anyone walk over. Peeking around the curtain, he saw Natasha standing with her back to the shower. He appreciated the small gesture; even if she hadn't known he would look, she'd taken his feelings about modesty into account. He slipped out of the rest of his clothes quickly and dropped them into the bin. He covered himself strategically before he said, "I'm…all set."

"Okay." The bottom of the bin disappeared without another word. He tried not to feel disappointed. A few moments later, a mesh sponge bounced off his head as he stood under the warm spray of water. The curtain moved ever so slightly as Natasha said, "I'm going to pass you the soap, so don't freak out when you see my hand."

His fingers brushed hers as he took the proffered bottle. He thought about baseball as he managed to squeak out, "Thanks!" Against his better judgment, he asked, "You're not gonna offer to do my back?"

"I'll get you a rag on a stick if you need it."

"No, I just…it's, uh, interesting that you're not affected by whatever this is." He squirted soap onto the mesh sponge and worked up a lather. "Not that I'm complaining or anything, just saying."

"Don't wonder too loud. I already worked out today and it takes a lot more than physical proximity to make me sweat."

Steve decided not to reply, considering the effect proximity was currently having on him. He focused on scrubbing potentially sweaty areas under his arms. When he eventually turned off the shower, she passed a towel then a set of scrubs through the curtain to him. The scrubs were a little tight, but he emerged from the shower with the confidence of any man clad in head to toe light blue. Shifting from one bare foot to the other, he asked, "Do I have to wait while you guys do whatever it is that you do?"

"Nope. Blood sample and then shoo."

Bruce was less cavalier than Tony as he actually took Steve's blood. "We'll let you know if we need anything else."

A few minutes later he was standing outside the door to his room. Natasha looked a little impatient. "So, you'll lock your door and keep out the female hordes until Stark and Bruce figure out what's going on?"

"Sure."

"I need a shower." She scratched her behind her ponytail, fingers trailing along the line of her bare neck. He tried not to watch to hungrily. "I'll grab something for lunch and bring it up afterwards."

"Oh, thanks." He failed in his attempt not to grin like an idiot before she turned to walk away.