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Chatting With Merlin...And Mother

The texting with Eggsy for the remainder of his trip to headquarters put Harry in a much more agreeable mood, to the point where by the time he arrived at his final destination Harry wasn't even that annoyed about the loss of sleep and Merlin being a loyal-less arse who didn't deserve the lunch he'd brought for him. So of course Merlin was there waiting for him as soon as the doors parted, his tech expert and so-called friend looking...well actually he was looking rather nervous and unsure, though Merlin was trying not to. Unfortunately for him Harry had known him far too long to be fooled by the businesslike demeanor the man was probably trying and failing to project. Served him right.

"Merlin."

"Harry." A telling little pause. "You aren't seriously mad at me, are you?"

Just to be an arse Harry pointed out very dryly that Merlin did know better than to annoy him when he was sleep deprived.

"Which you still haven't explained." Merlin muttered under his breath like the pouting child he was.

Rolling his eyes Harry stood up from his seat and then after retrieving his things stepped out and set them down on the flooring so that his hands were free to retrieve his phone. He then called up the picture of what Daisy had done to herself that morning while he and Eggsy had been blissfully asleep, unaware of the hell that would soon break loose.

That done he held the phone out to Merlin, who wisely took it with some trepidation.

"Oh, bollocks! She...Christ."

"She didn't want us to undo her hair so she did it herself."

Rubbing his own head-Harry had the amusing thought that Daisy only had slightly more hair than her beloved Mr. Merwin now-Merlin cursed a bit more and then asked if Daisy was all right. She looked quite pleased with herself in the photo, but a girl's hair was everything to her. Or so Merlin had heard.

"Good thing it's not everything to you or you'd be quite the tragic figure."

Merlin gave him the two finger salute.

"Eggsy did what he could. Just swipe to the next-but don't swipe further than that. If you do I promise that I'll cut off your biscuit supply for a month without a single ounce of regret. I'll take Eggsy and Daisy on a long, month long holiday and he won't be able to make you a single one even if he wanted to. I mean it."

Merlin was NOT allowed to see the picture of Eggsy on his bed.

Rather than looking remotely cowed Merlin just gave him an amused look. "Understood."

And so saying he swiped a finger across the screen to get a look at Daisy new haircut, which apparently necessitated more swearing. A reaction Harry could relate and understand perfectly. No matter how pleased Daisy looked in the picture...eventually the novelty would wear off. And then there was going to be Hell to pay.

He was also relieved that Merlin showed the good sense to hand his phone back over before the temptation to peek at whatever Harry didn't want him to see overwhelmed him. The man wasn't a complete idiot this morning after all.

"You're going to have to make sure she knows to wear a hat whenever she's outside. It's not like it was in our day anymore. It's ridiculous, how quickly a person burns being outside these days. In England!" Merlin shook his head over the madness of it all. "Ya have to pity those who live in warm climates already. It's a wonder they haven't all burned to a crisp at this point."

Harry found himself picturing that for a moment. Then really wished he hadn't.

Merlin poked his shoulder with one finger. "Seriously."

"I am aware." Harry shot back in annoyance at the poke. "She was wearing one when I dropped her off at daycare and her teacher assured me that she'd make sure Daisy wears a hat when they go outdoors."

He had been around Merlin when the man had gotten sunburned before so Harry was very much aware of how much a baby someone could become over a minor sunburn, much less a serious one. And Daisy did not have a grownup's tolerance for pain.

"Good. What level of sunscreen was she wearing?"

Oh. Well. What level of sunscreen did they use? Eggsy was in charge of the shopping after all and for himself Harry rarely wore the stuff unless he was somewhere where to do otherwise was madness. Thanks to his much more administrative job now he didn't actually spend that much time out in the sun and...

"Harry."

"I'm sure Eggsy put the appropriate type on her before we left." Though she wouldn't be outside that long and was it really necessary? Had climate change really gotten to the level where she would need it for recess? Surely not. Back in his day it was nothing-scratch that. It probably was that bad.

Ergo Harry promised to talk with Eggsy about it when he got home.

Tapping a finger against his mouth thoughtfully Merlin started speculating on the odds that they had any wigs that would fit the child's head. Probably not, but how hard could it be to find one?

"I'd guess rather difficult since thankfully it's the rare three-year-old that needs one. And those that need one deserve it more than a child who decided to scalp herself." He loved Daisy, he did, but Harry saw a valuable lesson in making her deal with the consequences of playing with scissors. Still...

"I am planning to contact Chloe when I get to my office about getting Daisy something that will increase her hair growth though. Thick as her hair generally is it won't take that much to adequately protect her head once more." He was hoping.

"Good idea."

And then the strangest look came over Merlin's face for a moment. One that made Harry pretty sure that if he could read the other man's mind he'd want to hit him. Hard.

"What?"

Merlin's face was pure innocence. "Hmm?"

"What were you thinking just now?"

"Nothing really. Just that it was a good idea, like I said."

Thinking their conversation over Harry couldn't come up with something that would explain Merlin's reaction...but eventually he would figure it out and then there would be hell to pay. Or at least biscuits he could 'accidentally' forget to deliver to Merlin when Eggsy made a new batch next. Which reminded him...

"I'm not coming in to work until after lunch on Thursday."

Eyes narrowing, Merlin demanded to know why.

"Because you want to keep your biscuit supplier happy, that's why."

It took a moment for that to sink in, Merlin immediately making the sort of face Harry had seen teenagers make when their parents showed each other any kind of affection while in their child's vicinity.

"I did not need those images in my bloody head, Harry."

"You put them there. And get them out. Immediately." He was the only one who should be imagining his Eggsy naked, thank you very much.

Merlin rolled his eyes, and did so in near perfect tandem to the sound of Harry's phone signaling an incoming call.

)

Pulling his phone out of the pocket he'd placed it into, Harry looked at the screen and was tempted to ignore it-but he'd feel guilty and pay for it later. Also it must be important since his mother knew never to call him this early in the day unless it was an emergency. And now that he was actively thinking about it she was due for some disaster, Harry thought ruefully to himself as he accepted the call and brought it to his ear.

"Good morning, Mother."

"Harry? Why on earth are you answering your phone, Darling? It's so early-isn't it? You know I'm rubbish with time zones but I checked and-is something wrong? Are the children all right? You?"

"Why would you call me if you know-ah." Of course. He really was tired if his brain had taken this long to put two and two together. "You called this early because you knew there was a good chance that I wouldn't pick up, meaning you could leave me a message about whatever is wrong rather than tell me personally."

The very loud silence on the other end confirmed it.

"What's wrong, Mother?"

"I don't just call you when something's wrong, Harry. It's very hurtful that you would imply that."

And there was distress in his mother's voice, but Harry was fairly sure that had more to do with the fact that he'd caught her as opposed to him suggesting she was less than an ideal mother.

"You do have other reasons to call me." Harry agreed. And silently acknowledged that those reasons were usually to manipulate him into doing something before continuing the conversation. "But you wouldn't be calling me this early unless you had a very good reason. Which is...?"

"You still haven't told me why you're so awake. You never are. You've slept through fire alarms in the past-which as your mother I always found very disturbing and nightmare inducing. No one wants to think about the possibility of their child being burned alive after all. Well some evil parents perhaps-and I have had a few amours where if they'd ended up-nevermind. How are you and what's wrong with you?"

Rolling his eyes Harry then nodded in thanks as Merlin picked up the lunch bags, leaving only Harry's work things for him to carry so that he could walk and talk with his mother at the same time. Which he was stuck doing since she was looking for a diversion while she regrouped and thought how best to drop whatever bomb she had to drop on him now that she'd been caught out.

"I'm fine. I had to get up early because Daisy had the unfortunate idea to solve her hair woes with a haircut of her own design."

"Oh! Oh NO!" Harry's mother sounded genuinely horrified. To the point where you'd have thought he'd just told her one of the child's limbs had needed to be amputated. "That's so dreadful! So horrible! A girl's hair is everything! It's a part of her identity, her look and...and...how could you two leave scissors around for her to do that?!"

"She used manicure scissors."

"Mani-dear God. How would she even...how bad was it? What did her stylist say?"

"She's three, Mother. She doesn't have a stylist. Eggsy fixed her hair."

Another pointed silence. "And did you forget to tell me that the boy trained as a hairdresser at some point? No one but a professional should EVER touch a girl's hair, Harry. I would think you would have the sense to know that!"

"There wasn't enough hair for even a stylist to save it. We had to buzz it all off."

A sharp, audible gasp.

"My grandchild...has a shaved head?!"

It was hard, honestly, not to laugh. "No. Buzzed. She has a little left on her head. And don't worry, we'll be keeping her in hats when she's outside so she doesn't burn her head. And she's actually quite taken with her new look. And it is cool for summer."

"Harry." The way his mother said his name suggested that he was of the greatest disappointments to her. "Oh, Harry. Where did I go wrong?"

"The majority of the men you dated after Father's passing? And before you married him?" Harry suggested.

"That's enough sass. You just don't-we need to get her a wig. They make wigs for children, don't they? I'll go shopping for it..."

The way she trailed off then, well Harry could all but see the light bulb turn on above his head. If his eyes allowed him to look above his head while still looking where he was going as he and Merlin navigated the hallways. Which sadly they did not. Though maybe not as Harry would imagine seeing someone do that would be quite creepy.

"Ah. So have you lost your credit cards, overdrawn them, or has someone 'borrowed' them for their own using and you now have no access to funds?" Again, Harry silently added.

"Such a cynical son I've raised."

"Mother..."

A 'hmph' sound was her answer.

"Which is it?"

"Oh...the last one. And my passport is gone as well which is why I really need your help, Darling. I can't come and solve the messes you've got yourself into until I can cross a few borders. Though really I travel so much you'd think I wouldn't even need a passport and-"

Sighing, Harry interrupted and asked if she'd already contacted the police. And her bank.

"I have, yes. Of course. What, do you think your mother is a simpleton?"

No, just a woman very used to her son taking care of any pesky 'problem' that came her way. Which love for her prevented Harry from saying as he dutifully inquired as to how he was supposed to help since apparently she already had things well in hand.

"Well you know people, Darling. Surely you can light a fire under them. I can't go a day without funds, Darling. You know that. Who could?"

"Far too many people, Mother. But yes, I can arrange for you to receive funds. I just need to know where to send it."

"I knew I could count on you. And will of course hurry home so that I can help you with Daisy. Not to cast any aspirations on you or Eggsy, Darling, but you obviously need a woman's touch when it comes to learning how to raise a proper young lady."

Sighing, Harry used his firmest voice as he made it quite clear that he would not be available to help her in the future if she said anything to Eggsy that made him feel inadequate or less than exemplary when it came to his parenting of Daisy. He would not stand for it. Eggsy was already self conscious enough as it was.

His piece said Harry waited for his mother's hurt or offended response, her actual one throwing him completely off.

"You're really quite gone on him, aren't you, Darling?" Her voice was soft and sighing for lack of a better descriptive. She seemed quite bestowed with the idea.

"I am very fond of him, yes." That he could admit without blushing or looking like an idiot in front of Merlin. "Now I am at work, Mother, so if you could give me the information I need I'll do my best to sort everything out for you as soon as possible. Merlin is here and needs my attention."

Merlin smirked at him.

"Sure he is, Darling."

"Would you like me to put him on?"

"Hmmm. Well all right, why don't you hang up and I'll text you the info. I forgot to write it all out and it's saved on my phone. Unless you know how to access it while we-but of course you don't. You've never been good with technology, have you, Harry."

"It's not my cup of tea, no."

"Well Eggsy can help you there. Men his age are all about their phones. It's really quite annoying. Though that reminds me thank him, will you, for that book series recommendation he gave me when I called the house last. I'm very much enjoying it and look forward to discussing it with him."

"Of course. Though be sure to let us know when you're arriving, will you? Daisy does better if she's prepared in advance to meet new people. She's rather shy and nervous otherwise."

And it would give him and Eggsy time to mentally prepare for the whirlwind that was his mother.

"Of course, of course. I really can't wait to see all of you." Another dreamy sigh. "Who'd have ever thought I'd wind up a grandmother. And you a father. I'd say if only your father were alive to see this day...but then I might still be married to him and then Daisy would have never ended up with you."

"It's funny how these things work." Harry agreed.

"Isn't it. Now I'll let you go, give Merlin, Eggsy, and Daisy kisses for me and I'll see you soon. And send you all the info you need to fix things over here. Really, I don't know why they make you jump through so many hoops when it comes to credit cards and passports. A woman my age should not be jumping through anything."

"Well I'll be sure to jump carefully in your place."

"That would be wise, Dear. Especially as you have a young man to keep happy now."

"Yes, Mother."

If he were Eggsy's age he'd be-as Eggsy put it-face palming right about now.

"How I raised such a prude I'll never know. But bye bye then, kiss, kiss."

And with that his mother, thankfully, hung up on him without even giving him a chance to tell her goodbye. A fact he was perfectly fine with since getting off the phone as quickly as possible was his main goal. And the key to retaining his sanity.

"So what trouble has she got herself into now?" Merlin asked, a knowing, sympathetic look on his face.

"Just the usual. Minus man problems, at least."

"Well that's something."

"True. Though this has all been an excellent reminder as to why I don't start my day this early by choice. Nothing ever good happens before noon."