Crack treated seriously. The beginning of a series of vignettes.

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek

"Happy birthday Mr. Spock!"

The Vulcan in question raised an eyebrow as a box, adorned with a bow, was thrust into his hands. The box was large and unwrapped, and most notably, was ventilated. It shifted in Spock's hands. Pavel Chekov, gift-giver, was practically vibrating with excitement.

"I know I'm a few days early, but, that doesn't really matter. When the Keptin told us your birthday was coming up, I had no idea what to get you! Everyone else seemed to know what they were going to get, but I was stumped! I wanted to get something spectacular. And then I was on shore leave today, and I saw this, and I knew." Chekov paused expectantly. "Well, open it!"

So Spock, suitably apprehensive, did. The contents of the box meowed.

The cat inside was possibly the most ridiculous creature Spock had ever laid his eyes on. It was enormous, fluffy, and violently orange. Its legs were short, probably the result of the munchkin mutation, and one of its bottom fangs stuck out from its closed mouth. The cat stared, unblinkingly, at Spock. Spock stared back. Chekov was grinning.

"So I was at an animal shelter - the creature in the window was just too cute - and I was looking around when I saw him. Then I saw him, sprawled out in the sun, and I thought: 'he looks just like Mr. Spock.'"

Spock's other eyebrow joined its twin by his hairline. "Mr. Chekov, I fail to see how I resemble this cat."

Chekov was unfazed. "I thought you might say that, but just look at the ears!"

A pause. Chekov was not entirely incorrect.

"His name is Russia."

Russia took one look around Spock's quarters and immediately made himself at home. He hopped up on the bed, rolled over, and promptly began purring. Chekov was thrilled with the development and ran off to collect the cat supplies from the transporter room. Spock's eyebrows reacquainted themselves with his bangs, and the Vulcan himself went to contact Jim.

Strictly speaking, there was no Starfleet regulation explicitly against pets, so long as keeping them did not interfere with an officer's duties. Ship to ship choices around the matter were generally left up to the captains. Jim's face flickered to life on Spock's computer screen, lazily grinning.

"Spock! What's up?"

"There has been an…. unexpected development, Captain."

"Something wrong, Spock?" Jim's mood sobered a bit and he leaned forward as if to keep a secret. "This isn't, you know, another biology thing right? I thought you said that only happens every seven years or something..."

"No, Jim."

"Oh. That's good." Jim's grin was back. "Well, what is it then? I'm sure it can't be too bad."

"I have acquired a cat."

"A what?"

"Is that the Keptin?" Chekov chose that moment to reappear, his face completely obscured by the box he was carrying. He dropped it with a thunk and scooped Russia up off the bed, presenting the cat to the viewscreen. "Isn't he wonderful? I realize now I probably should have checked with you first, but just look at him!"

Russia reached out from his place in Chekov's arms and gently touched Spock's face.

"Aw, Spock!" Jim's grin had gotten impossibly wider. "He likes you!"

"You don't object, Captain?" Spock asked. Jim considered a moment.

"No, not really, Mr. Spock. I don't see why we can't have him on board. He's not a tribble, so... Anyways, if any of us can handle pet care and the job it's you, and some of Sulu's plants are basically pets as it is, so I guess it's only fair. That said - Mr. Chekov?"

"Yes?"

"Ask permission next time."

"You've got it sir!"

"So," Jim bounced in his seat a little "What's his name?"

"His name is Russia." Chekov's exuberant voice matched Spock's deadpan word for word.

Jim positively howled with laughter.

I'm sure anyone who's watched Star Trek has seen Spock compared to a cat before - there's even that weird episode with Gary 7 and the cat. So of course, when imagining Spock with a cat, one is prone to imagine a cat that actually resembles the Vulcan in question. Which, of course, lead me to the opposite image - what if Spock had a cat, but it absolutely resembled him in no way whatsoever?

Thus, this was born

As I said up top, this is intended to become a series of silly vignettes surrounding Spock, Russia, and the rest of the Enterprise crew. When it'll be updated is as much a mystery to you as it is to me, however, because I am a college student drowning in work. That said, I really do intend to continue this. This chapter also works stand-alone. (I may be getting some help writing from my dear friend Ella as well, so that would be great).

See you next time!