a/n: Anyway, umm, this is my first commission ever, requested around the middle of September. I'm still open for commission, though I don't open the detail yet, you can ask if you want to know the details firsthand!

Pairings: ChikaYou, ChikaRiko. Not exactly a threesome.
Settings: 'What if Watanabe You didn't join the school idol' AU

as usual, I don't own Love Live!

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I'm sorry, Chika-chan.—that words haunted her for eternity.

i.

She had predicted everything would not stay the same, though she would never imagine that it turned into something more crucial, a variable she couldn't grasp.

Watanabe You looked at the corner of her eye where a certain transfer student passed by, the one Chika suddenly shout off to—

It's a miracle.

ii.

You remembered clearly about their daily lives—how Chika has been around in her life longer than she could count.

Uchiura is a small, nearly noticeable town with its friendly atmosphere but a tiny world, where everything is nearly ordinary compared out there somewhere. It was when both of them went to Tokyo for once, when she saw glimmering lights returned to shine on those ruby eyes after many years they have been together, a spark called school idol.

Her chest tightened, thinking back the reason why she refused Chika's over to be school idol that day, the way she nulled it over the swimming club she's in right now, the way she bowed to Chika only saying no worries with a laugh—

I'm sorry, Chika-chan.—that words haunted her for eternity.

iii.

What she was afraid of? You thought to herself as she watched crystal clear water of school's swimming pool.

When they were in middle school, she would see Chika being so near, seeing her every day even though You herself was busy with her swimming club activity. They would come home together, always, and Chika would be in the front line to praise and clap at her achievement when no one else did.

And there she was, standing alone in the auditorium, witnessing what Chika and Riko had pulled off—a two-person performance of school idol Chika always hoped highly for.

Her ears were deafened by thunderous applauses by the audience as both of them finished their song; trickling in sweat and panting in tiredness, but—

It's her smile.

Chika's smile—

Watanabe You stood, alone, clapping at her childhood friend who had embarked, spreading her wings to another land.

iv.

Her question gradually evolved to why it wasn't her as fast as two weeks.

Chika was no longer coming home with her, mouthing another apology as she waved to You, coming back to where her school idol team was—with now being added to a total of four.

Why wasn't her?

You bit her lips, seeking to watch those back run distances from her, hearing her laughter to Sakurauchi Riko, before she made a one hundred eighty degree turn and ran as fast as she could, away from everything.

v.

"You're not with Chika-chan anymore?"

Somehow Matsuura Kanan's innocent question stabbed her like thousand blades. She was not there to seek refugees nor to tell her other childhood friend about what had transpired between them, or how far she had been separated from a light called Takami Chika.

"I thought you will be the one who follow her gruesome idea in forming an idol group," Kanan added. "After all, it's all up to you to join or not, right?"

You nodded, swallowing whatever bile of feelings she wanted to throw up.

vi.

Disappointment.

You looked up from where the school pool was, seeing the far rooftop where she knew the school idol group of Uranohoshi are practicing. She had seen the video of them a few times before, sometimes scrolling down to the bottom line of their comments, or checking their ranking which went better and better. They got a great, cute outfits for every performance, also they sang well—

She felt tears welled up her eyes once again.

Chika is shining bright, I shouldn't be sad, I shouldn't—

vii.

The group's name was Aqours, You recalled.

That morning when the usual beach cleaning up was held, Chika stood up inside the crowd, announcing her idea to create a preview video of Aqours, featuring one of Numazu's finest attraction of floating lanterns. She came to help and very grateful of how the PV turned out, Chika was pretty much shining brightly on the stage, also she synced well with Riko.

You clicked a pause, before slumping back to her bed, ignoring her smartphone away.

School idols.

Her rejection.

Their distance.

Each scene replayed, the same sentence resounded, everything made her sick to the bones; she groaned at how helpless she was.

viii.

"Is something wrong, Chika-chan?"

Riko stopped her piano playing to see her orange-haired friend hanging from the opposite balcony, papers in her hand. Chika seemed to focus herself into making a song for their Tokyo performance in two weeks. While the chorus is completed, the lyrics is still progressing, it was not quite fell right.

"Don't worry, I'll finish it on time, Riko-chan," she said. "I'm just thinking of someone."

Riko's eyes blinked, "Eh?"

"Someone who's—unreachable right now," Chika rolled her eyes. "Guess she's busy, if she's around, I might ask about advice or two."

Riko hummed, thinking, "How about you come over here and we do some brainstorm? We can call the others, too."

ix.

"Watanabe-san?"

It's strange, she thought to herself.

The first time she was being called by Riko was this kind of awkward. They met up in the hallway, Riko was the one who called her there.

"Why don't you join the school idol?"

A strange question, out of blue.

x.

She got a text from her classmate that night.

You couldn't make it to simply say farewells and bid her good luck to the idol event at Tokyo because a swimming club joint practice, however, she got to text Chika occasionally, asking about how the event was and whether they did the best on performing.

Her past last message was not being answered, which made her somehow worried.

It was pretty late when she decided to run for it toward Chika's home, as everyone said they have returned. It was the only time she had to meet Chika after awhile—

.

.

.

Why wasn't her? Why she blamed everything? You thought for once about it thoroughly.

Was it because she had been rejected many times when You ever ask Chika to do something together? Was it because they never matched? Was it because they had a different interest? Was it because they are not destined to be together?

.

"Chika-chan—"

She was late,

She was deliberately late.

She could hear Chika's pained scream, but she couldn't come closer to comfort her.

She could see Chika as plain as a day, but she couldn't run and hold her.

Their school idol gig was a failure, Chika blaming herself, crying for it and stressing about it; to the ocean she went, however, You was not the one who step by to ease her pain or to be closer to her more than anyone.

[Her eyes burnt in tears as she witnessed Chika broke down while being held in Riko's arms.]

xi.

Why wasn't her? Why she blamed everything? You thought for once about it thoroughly.

Something clicked inside her mind as she continued to walk in the opposite direction where Chika was a millimeter beside her tiptoes.

Yes, she wasn't needed—she was not the perfect ones to be on Chika's side to support her. Watanabe You is a mere bystander, someone who'll be unheard of, someone who can't be anyone, someone that's not Chika's equal.

Chika would always shine bright and she was but a hindrance.

She has walked the right path, she had given Riko all things she needed, then why her chest hurt so much—

xii.

"Watanabe-san?"

The first time she was being called by Riko was this kind of awkward. They met up in the hallway, Riko was the one who called her there. The burgundy-haired girl didn't speak of her reason calling You out there, out from Chika to overhear them or to acknowledge their meeting.

Riko's amber eyes studied her nervous aquamarine; about to shot her down, about to strip everything from her perfectly-forged, perfectly-flawed facade down.

"Why don't you join the school idol?"

It was not a question she hoped to hear from Sakurauchi Riko, a transfer student who just only there, not someone who knew her for years.

"Did Chika tell you?"

A quick shook of head. "No, she just mentioned her old friend and I thought about you," she continued. "I mean, it's kind of off to see you being here but not here."

"What are you trying to tell me?"

She didn't want the sentence to come out bitter, but it did—even too sharp for her liking.

"You're the one who's suited to support her," Riko announced. "It's not my place to do so."

You wanted to spat, but—

[She has chosen you, Sakurauchi Riko-san, not me.—You swallowed as she turned and walked away.]

xiii.

It was one particular day when Aqours did a join training by Chika's family summer shack, when Riko came into a conclusion by her own.

"Riko-chan!" Chika called from the distance, bringing two canned juice for both of them.

The burgundy-haired pianist was sitting on the sand far from the others were frolicking around with the beach ball. Chika settled beside her, drinking her mikan juice with a content smile.

"Chika-chan, mind if I ask you something?"

"Hmm?"

"Am I doing it well?"

A pause.

"I mean, umm, did I do things good as a school idol?" she asked in a roundabout way, she doesn't want to ask whether she was being a replacement to whom.

"Of course you are!" Chika happily exclaimed. "There are nothing wrong for being a school idol."

A sudden course of event went inside her mind, about how distant You was, despite Chika ever mentioned about 'her old friend' who's 'unreachable'.

Could she surmised this as … she's not a replacement of some sort? Did she able to support Chika in her own way?

xiv.

Watanabe You tilted her glasses as she skimmed through news about Love Live! competition this summer, how many groups that had participated, an info of the rumored-to-be winner, the heated competition from every region—

Her thumb stopped at the preview of Aqours.

Spanded in neatly two paragraphs, with paragraph two mentioned all of its eight members, with a photograph of their newest performance, a song about feelings that becomes one.

Leader: Takami Chika

You scrolled, zoomed the performance pictures when Chika and Riko were in the center, perhaps singing their own part of duet. She saw their dance movements, she took a while to watch the one minute long of snippets of their performance.

They were shining, too bright for even her bespectacled eyes to accept.

Chika was out of reach.

You didn't dance with her. You didn't sing with her. You would never come across Chika anymore.

Why she had to turn Chika's invitation down? Why she had left all alone? Why, of all things, Chika choose Riko over her?

—No.

It was her fault all along.

Watanabe You looked over her phone once again, seeking comfort, seeking connection, seeking whatever her sane mind could produce to make an answer whether it was right to turn Chika down.

To turn down that hand from asking You to be with her.

To watch Chika in her own world being happy without her.

Logically, it was right, she's in the right track, she already got what she had wanted, however, none of those answers could fill her own void, nothing can answer her heartache, nobody she ever wanted except Takami Chika and only Takami Chika.

She just wanted Chika to be happy. She doesn't want to burden Chika. She wanted Chika to shine. She doesn't want to be jealous. What she had wanted—

[Did she already lost what she had wanted a long time ago?]

.

She clenched her fist and shut her phone off, slumping down on her balcony as her mind replayed exact the same words.

.

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I'm sorry, Chika-chan.
—that words haunted her for eternity.

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