I miss writing in present tense so much, you guys ;_; This one literally gripped me by the throat and refused to let go. I was supposed to edit that sad half-novel I've got and now my brain is wrung out and dry. :( Also I had problems remembering to call this one Youou. All mentions of Kurogane keep defaulting to the name I'm using for him in my novel lolol.

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle and its characters do not belong to me. My writing does, however.

autumn strings

The leaves are a rusty brown from the autumn chill, the wind scrapes coldly along his skin. Fai ducks his head, trying to keep his focus on the list in his hand. Groceries. TP. Razor blades. Pads. Everything he can skimp on, except the pads. Sakura needs the pads. And he has just about twenty-five bucks to make it all work.

He slams the car door, turns the key in the lock (the electric wiring for that doesn't work anymore) and shoves his hands into his jacket, thin paper scrunching in his hand. He needs to breathe. He needs to be somewhere else, somewhere that doesn't involve Sakura sick again, that doesn't involve his bills stacking up on his desk, somewhere he can stop writing about real estate and mortgage and hedge funds.

The tarmac stares back at him, scattered with crunchy leaves, and Fai bites his lip, trying to remember if store brand is any decent for canned soup, whether it'll help with Sakura's appetite, and Sakura's medical bills, and—

Somewhere, a velvety note sounds.

He doesn't pay it any mind at first, when it slides into other musical notes, like someone trying to practice, or tune an instrument. Until the rich note of a violin glides up high, seguing into short bursts of notes, smooth and catchy, and it slinks into his ears.

Fai looks up when he reaches the brown dirt at the end of the parked cars. To one side of the discount store entrance, a tall man moves, his shoulders dipping, his arms cradling a violin, and Fai can't tear his eyes away.

The violinist is dressed in black—jacket, jeans, sunglasses. Even his violin is black, a wire snaking from it, and there's a pedal at the man's feet, an amplifier behind him. But his music is what rivets Fai.

The notes are quick and steady, backed by a slow note soaring high, and Fai's heart rises with it. He swallows. The violinist moves, a big man, his body swaying with the music as his notes dance through the air, filling the quiet chill of autumn, and the notes are familiar somehow, rich and slow like honey. They promise, like the piper does to the enchanted children, and Fai glances to his sides, crosses the road.

The violinist doesn't seem to notice him. He's tucked his head right against his violin, and Fai wanders to the side, drifts back when the sound from the amplifier muffles. He steps a little closer, entranced by lilting notes, alive and vibrant, and he sinks down on a short stone pillar by the road. The music fills his chest and chases the bills and the groceries and his problems away, and he tucks his legs close to himself, allows the rise and fall of the melody to wash over him.

The violinist lifts his bow, holds it between his teeth and thumps on the body of his violin. The beats echo through the parking lot, up into the air, and they continue when the man sets his bow back onto his strings and drags, and the notes that sing from it reverberate right down Fai's spine.

He puts his face in his hands, leaning on his knees, and pulls a deep breath. He stops thinking. He's somewhere else, somewhere safe and warm, under a blanket of comfort, and the wrung tension in his body eases out, little by little.

He doesn't realize he's crying until his palms are wet and he cannot breathe, and he doesn't know how long he's been sitting there when the music stops.

Youou watches. The sunglasses hide his eyes, lets him look at the people that ebb and flow around him, and as he loses himself in the rush of Blood Red Moon, he watches the willowy man that has hunched over to his side, faced away, his face buried in his hands. The man doesn't move for a long time. Youou turns his attention inward, turns it to the part of him that sings along to his music.

He taps his feet, moves with his arms, and he isn't so embarrassed to be dancing to his own melody when the sunglasses hides half his face, and he's someone else entirely.

It's almost four when he decides he's done for the day. He sets his violin down in the case that has since filled with coins and bills, and as he disconnects it from the amplifier and zips the case up, the blond looks up.

The man glances around, as though he's surprised by the loss of music, and Youou nods when the man searches him out with his eyes. His nose is red, and his face is splotchy. Youou feels a twinge of sympathy. "You all right?"

The blond shuffles to his feet, though, and he blinks, reaching for his wallet. "Um, hi," the blond says, his voice rough. "Sorry. That was very lovely. I don't see you here very often. Not at all, actually."

"First time in this area." Youou shrugs. The man's shoulders sag when he looks in his wallet. He thumbs through his notes and lingers on a five. Then he flips to the ones and pauses there, and Youou turns away. "It's fine. I don't really do this for money anyway."

"But I want to. It's just..." The man sighs, and he folds up a stack of ones, shoving it at Youou. "Here. Thank you. That really helped me. You play beautifully."

"Yeah?" Youou accepts the notes, curls them up into his hand. "Thanks. Glad I could help."

The blond flashes a watery smile. His eyes are a striking sky blue, and his hair is wispy, his skin pale. "Do you play here often?

"Mostly downtown on Sundays. At the mall on Walnut and Peach. There was someone else busking there today, so I headed here."

"I'm glad you did." The man ducks his head, hiding a smile. "Well, I hope to see you around."

"Yeah. Same here."

The next weekend, Fai turns off from Walnut Avenue and into the mall. Sakura's still sick, and he should be at home caring for his sister, but. He's here at a glitzier mall, winding through trying to find a tall violinist in black.

It doesn't take long to find him, when he catches the strain of sweet notes from two shops down. His heart kicks. He slows his car to a crawl, waits for a spot, and the one right across the road from the violinist vacates. Fai eases his car into the lot, winds down the window fully, and turns the engine off.

He hopes the violinist hasn't seen him. Youou Suwa has a fanbase. Fai has done a bit of poking around online, and apparently Youou's been playing here for months, now. Fai has only heard about him a week ago, and has only gone on to listen to all his uploaded recordings just about ten times.

(He also has a bit of a crush, but that's not relevant to anything.)

As it is, Youou's surrounded by a thin crowd of people, people who pass by and dart in, dropping fluttering notes into his violin case. Fai thinks about the three dollars he's pulled from his wallet last week, and presses his face to his steering wheel, his cheeks heating. That's probably nothing compared to what the people at the glitzy mall put down on a regular basis, after listening for just a minute. Fai was there an entire hour—he'd checked.

It's chilly out in the parking lot, and Fai pulls his hoodie over his head, leaving it off his ears so he can hear the slow notes soaking through the air. It's a different song today—heavy and sad, but it shifts two minutes in, into something happier, something familiar.

It's the first song he heard last week, Fai realizes. It fills his ears and he closes his eyes, letting the music buoy him away from all the other things he's trying not to think about. It makes his heart sing, raises the hair on his skin in a delightful shiver, and the song rises and falls, quick beats and echoing thumps, and Youou Suwa is a talented musician who should be doing more instead of playing for bits of cash.

Fai listens. He doesn't think about anything but the music, and somewhere in between, he imagines the slow glide of Youou's hands on his strings, that same hand smoothing down his spine.

Watching this man stream his practice sessions on the internet is something else. It feels like he knows Youou somehow, the way he smiles to himself, full lips pulling up, the way he looks at his iPad screen and how he talks in short, concise sentences to an audience that types messages back at him. (Fai doesn't. Fai is far too shy to.)

But the music washes over him like the tide, and Fai smiles into his steering wheel, listening to the discordant murmur of people, sneaking glances at the way Youou moves, swaying to the beat. The knots in Fai's shoulders ease.

He loses an entire afternoon just like that.

When the music draws to a close, Fai looks up. The crowd gathered around Youou starts to dissipate, and he touches the wallet in his pocket, wondering if he shouldn't just dart in and drop the tip and go. He slips out of the car, sliding his wallet out, looking both ways before he crosses the street—

Youou looks up at him, crouched in front of his violin case. Fai gulps. He crosses the street, flips his wallet open, pulls out the twenty he's kept tucked at the very back. He shoves it at Youou, his face burning, his skin too tight. He shouldn't be here.

Youou doesn't accept it right away. He straightens, looking between Fai's eyes and the bill, and Fai knows he's seen the scratches and dents on his car, the way the paint peels on the hood. "You sure?"

"Yes. I really enjoyed your music," Fai says. "Please accept it."

"Okay. Thanks. Glad you liked."

"I've seen your videos on YouTube. And some of the streaming sites—" There's only so long Fai can look at this man without thinking about what else he's thought about and done that he shouldn't have, and his face continues to burn. "Sorry. I should go."

"It's fine. I'm glad you could make it."

He still can't read Youou's eyes when they're behind his sunglasses, and it makes Fai want to shrink and hide away. "I'll see you around."

"Yeah, see you. Take care, all right?"

Fai nods and scurries off. This is better and worse than therapy all at the same time.

Fai feels like a stalker. But he sort of also isn't, because Youou has shared links to himself playing and practicing, and all he did was follow those links. Except Youou practices in tank tops and shorts, and boy, does that man have arms.

Fai can't help the hand that sneaks into his own shorts. But he also doesn't think about it after that. Nothing will happen between them.

He goes to all of Youou's performances when he can, except when he has urgent client projects due, or when Sakura needs to be taken to the hospital, or things like that. But he realizes that Youou sometimes keeps a lookout for him when he hides in a parking lot listening to that violin (when there's no one left and Fai's car door slams, and Youou glances up), and it's enough to make his heart squeeze.

Fai shouldn't like this man so much. His life is a mess.

Youou asks if he wants a coffee one afternoon, when the trees are bare and they're both wrapped up in jackets. Fai doesn't know why he continues to play in this weather. It's horribly cold, and Youou doesn't wear gloves when he plays.

"Can you still feel your fingers?" he asks.

"No." Youou's lips twist in a crooked smile. "But it's worth it."

"What's worth it? The music?"

"Yeah. I was hoping that you'll show up."

And just like that, Fai's heart stops. He blinks and stares and flushes, and Youou's cheeks are an adorable shade of pink.

"Coffee?" Youou asks again.

"S-sure."

The only coffee place around is expensive. Youou pulls the door open for him, and the burnt aroma of coffee sweeps over him like a quilt. Fai ducks in, looks on the menu for the cheapest thing available. He's dropped another twenty on Youou. He has just about enough money left for water.

"My treat," Youou says. Fai's pulse goes off the charts.

"Just a small coffee. The plain one." Because it's still the cheapest, and he really doesn't want to impose on Youou.

"Okay. Plain?"

"Cream and ten sugars."

"Ten?" Youou raises his eyebrows. Fai nods. "Okay."

They find a seat by the window. Fai doesn't know what to say, when Youou is a bit of an idol to him at this point. A very sexy idol with broad shoulders and a mouth he wants to kiss. Youou pulls his sunglasses off. He looks better that way, less intimidating. Fai can't stop staring.

Somehow, Fai gets through their conversation. He tells Youou he's a content blogger. Youou is a web developer who plays the violin on the side. He's been playing nine years. Fai isn't surprised.

"Hobbies?" Youou asks.

"Writing. But the boring web content pays better." Fai grimaces. "Have you ever thought about singing?"

Youou snorts. "Nah. I rather just play."

They finish their coffees eventually, and it's a bit awkward when they pause to part ways. Fai doesn't want to. Youou's gaze clings to him, and he finally turns to where he's parked.

"See you sometime?"

"Next weekend, I hope."

Fai feels as though there's a balloon in his ribs when Youou flashes a quick smile at him.

He finally talks on the live streaming website that Youou plays on every so often. Youou's in a shirt today, and pants, and Fai bites hard on his lip when he types, Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend? Sorry if this is intrusive.

There's nothing to identify his question. He's posted it as an anonymous guest, and Youou pauses in his setup when he sees it.

Fai cringes and barely stops himself from leaving his room.

"No," Youou finally says, his voice tinny. "But there's someone I'm interested in."

Fai cannot bring himself to ask who the person is. His hands shake and his heart pounds too loud.

It's not him, he decides. Youou has plenty of fans and meets people all the time. It's easier to think about than Youou even liking him.

The next weekend, he brings Sakura along. Sakura has been wanting to see Youou in person after all the videos Fai has shown her, and Fai owes her this much after all he's told her about the violinist. She's slight and much shorter than him, and he makes sure she's all bundled up before they leave the car.

When they get there, there's a crowd around Youou, as usual. Youou looks up when they step up onto the sidewalk, though, and he turns his face to watch their progress toward a stone bench. Fai makes sure Sakura's all comfortable, and he sits right next to her, slinging an arm around her back to keep her warm.

Youou stops looking at them after that. Fai only realizes how this might seem to him—that Fai has brought a girlfriend along—and his gut twists. He should've thought ahead, tell Youou or something beforehand. He is such an idiot.

Fai fidgets, and Sakura stops looking at Youou to say, "Maybe you shouldn't sit so close to me. He might think we're together."

Fai groans. But Sakura's health is more important, bright-eyed and fragile as she is, so he pulls her hoodie closer around her face and doesn't move away.

The rest of the performance drags. Fai stares at Youou's liquid movements, when he sways and dips and his bow darts across the strings, and he thinks, this man can accomplish anything.

The music glides and rolls and swirls around them, and Youou doesn't play that one tune today, strangely enough. Fai has gotten used to hearing it through his performances, but it's missing today and... he doesn't know. Maybe he's reading too much into this. Maybe he's missed it instead of Youou playing it for him just because.

They stay through the performance until Youou plays the final song. By now, Fai wants to hide somewhere and never show his face again, but Sakura gets to her feet. She has her wallet out, and Fai reaches out to stop her. He feels bad enough that he only has so much to spare for her allowance. "It's fine, I'll do it," he says. "Use that for something you really want."

"I want to do this," she says, lifting her chin, and Fai sighs. He drags his feet behind her to where Youou tucks his violin away, his face hot. Sakura crouches next to Youou and hands him a tip. "Thank you. My brother and I really like your music. He talks about you a lot."

Fai squawks. Youou's eyebrows crawl up past his sunglasses, and Fai shoves his hands in his pockets, regretting everything he's done. He turns away. He thinks briefly about leaving Sakura here with Youou. He needs some cheap liquor.

"Really?" Youou says. "He's your brother?"

"Mhm."

"We really should go, Sakura," Fai says tightly. He should leave his own tip. He's feeling too obstinate right now to do it, though.

"I'm getting some coffee," Sakura says. When Fai opens his mouth to protest, she sends him a pointed look. "I know what's good for me, Fai. You should grow a pair and, you know, talk to people."

He stares as she stalks away, all bundled up and holding herself tall. "But I have a pair," he mumbles. "Isn't that enough?"

"If you're trying to come on to me with that, you're gonna have to try harder," Youou says behind him.

"I'm not—" Youou's words sink into him, and his brain stops working. "Wait. Are you saying I should—"

Youou stands, looping his amplifier wire up. He's still watching Fai, though, and Fai's cheeks sear so hot it's a wonder they aren't already smoking. "You didn't tip today," he murmurs, walking closer, the corners of his mouth curled up. "I expected more from you."

"Really?" Fai's voice isn't coming out right. Youou pulls his sunglasses off, and Fai stares at the copper of his eyes, the way they're coming closer and closer and his heartbeat is drowning all his thoughts out. "I-I guess I should."

"This is fine." Youou's so close now that their bodies are inches away. Fai has frozen, watching, disbelieving. Youou lowers his face so slowly it must be a dream, until his features blur and Youou's mouth brushes over his, soft and warm, and it's... not a dream.

"Oh," Fai whispers. He could faint.

"No?" Youou pulls back to look at him, and Fai panics.

"Yes. Yes, please. Um."

Youou smiles, ducks his head and kisses him again, and Fai relaxes the second time, leans into him. Youou's arm slips around his waist, pulling him close.

"Are you sure?" he says, when Youou draws back to look at him.

"Can't be sure if we don't try," Youou says. His mouth gleams with a wet sheen, and he is too beautiful to be true.

Fai hasn't solved anything in his life yet. But this is nice, and he wants to forget about everything else for just a while. With Youou, he has a little bit of escape. Maybe a bit of a better future.

"Thank you," he says.

Youou smiles and pulls him closer.

end.

A/N: I need a break now =_= I'm sorry it ended so abruptly. I needed to end it asap :(