Quite possibly the most random crack story you'll read today (definitely not to be taken seriously XD). I give you a Toshiro/Rangiku FRIENDSHIP one-shot.

This is a birthday present to my dear Mosco (LethanWolf); happy birthday! You are the Hyorinmaru to my Toshiro (or is it the other way around?), I hope this makes you smile xx

PS: Mosco, this is why I have been so slow with writing this week ahahaha XD

…

Mission: Birthday Surprise

"I think we're in Scotland, Captain."

"What?!" Her captain glanced up from his soul phone, his face set in a deep frown.

Rangiku gestured to the top of the grand building they were standing in front of where a blue flag with a white X cross flittered gently in the cold breeze. Her captain stared at it uncomprehendingly.

"Are we lost, Sir?" The strawberry blonde asked, the corners of her mouth twitching up.

This had been one of the most upsetting mornings of her life. Today was her birthday and her captain had forgotten! It was strange of him to forget, but he must have been so caught up in the Winter War and the following restoration period in which paperwork was coming in by the truck load, that he'd simply just missed it. He wasn't the only one either, Rangiku had been surprised to learn, as she had visited a few of her friends this morning and not one of them had said 'Happy Birthday'. Either everyone had forgotten, or they just didn't care. Rangiku felt her heart twist inside her chest.

"No, Matsumoto, we're not lost," Her captain's glared turned back to his soul phone, "This is right where we are supposed to be."

Rangiku frowned, "In Scotland?"

"In Edinburgh, yes," Toshiro replied, though he still seemed rather surprised at their location, "The hollow must be around somewhere. Keep a look out, Lieutenant."

Supressing the urge to huff loudly, Rangiku turned her gaze onto the rest of the city. She followed her captain in jumping up to the top of the building and staring down into the bustling city below them. Edinburgh castle sat upon its great rock looking even more majestic and imposing than she could have imagined. The old town across from her was a beautiful collection of old European style buildings. Directly below her, Princes Street busied to life with hundreds of people, buses, taxis and the odd tram or two making their way across town.

Rangiku was beginning to question what on Earth they were doing here; her Captain had come charging into the office where Rangiku was sulking – having been forgotten on her birthday – and told her to get up and prepare to travel to the World of the Living. He had thrusted his zanpakuto into the space in front of him and twisted it like a key, the Senkaimon gate opening right there in the office. It must have been an important mission they were going on for him to get permission to open the gate without the Kido Corps. The lieutenant hadn't minded of course, if they were going to the Living World, she could catch up with Orihime and her friends; surely they would remember her birthday.

They were running through the dimension between worlds of life and death, in the general direction of Karakura Town when her captain abruptly stopped and changed direction several times. It felt like they had been running for hours when Toshiro had finally opened the gate and let them out. Due to the amount of time they were travelling, she knew they would be out of Japan but she didn't think they'd be as far as the United Kingdom! Even her captain looked shocked, which made her wonder just how much information he'd been given about this operation. It must have been seriously crucial for the Head Captain to send a Captain and a Lieutenant half way across the world.

"There!" Toshiro called, pointing towards the Old Town before flicking his eyes back down to his phone, "The hollow is hunting. Let's move in."

Together they flash stepped off the building, across the main street, over the Waverly Bridge and up the steep hill into the Old Town. A giant Gillian-class Menos was dawdling down the Royal Mile, its eerily black cloak contrasting against the stark white of its mask, feet and the thin spikes around its neck.

The old street was in chaos as people ran all over the place in panic. A red beam shot into the nearest Starbucks, shattering the windows. Rangiku glanced up at the five-story tall hollow and glared; they needed to stop it now, before it could hurt anyone else with its' powerful cero attack.

"Reign over the frosted heavens, Hyorinmaru!"

"Growl, Haineko!"

A cloud of ash mingled dangerously with her Captain's burst of ice and combined; the two attacks cut the Gillian right through its mid-section. With a ripple of air, it vanished.

"Well that was a bit anti-climactic, don't you think, Sir?" Rangiku raised an eyebrow at the now empty space in front of her.

"A Gillian is hardly a challenge for a lieutenant," Toshiro murmured as he began searching the streets for any injured civilians, healing them and wiping their memories, "What did you expect?"

"I expected some difficulty," Rangiku whined, "They wouldn't have sent us all the way here for just one Gillian."

Toshiro visibly stiffened, and Rangiku frowned. Maybe there was something about this mission that he wasn't telling her… Maybe there really was more to it than just the Menos.

"Captain?" She called to her tiny boss, "Are you okay?"

"Fine," The young prodigy grumbled, "They usually travel in packs, so it might be worth noting that this one was wandering alone."

The Lieutenant of Squad Ten frowned; a Gillian straying from the pack was hardly news worthy. It wasn't common but at the same time, it was a super rare occurrence either. There was definitely something he wasn't telling her. Luckily, Toshiro Hitsugaya – though a genius and a prodigy – had one major flaw; he was a terrible liar. Awful, in fact. Rangiku could always – ALWAYS – see through him.

"Well, Captain, I think we deserve a break, don't you?" She grinned at him rather manically, "How about a spot of shopping? I've always wanted to shop in the UK, it's just so…. refined, you know?"

Toshiro grumbled a little, checked the time on his soul phone and then to Rangiku's surprise, the boy-genius actually agreed. Her face split into a wide grin as she grabbed his hand and pulled him in to the nearest women's fashion store; maybe there was still hope for her birthday yet.

…

Toshiro slumped into the nearest 'man chair' – as Rangiku called them – as his busty lieutenant pulled him into yet another fashion store. What was this one now? Like, the fifth? Sixth? Seventh? Toshiro had lost count; shopping with Rangiku was about ten times more tiring than fighting a horde of Adjuchas-class Menos. Especially since she had 'borrowed' his personal credit card at the third store and had been using it ever since.

He wouldn't be letting her get away with any of this if today wasn't her birthday. She believed he'd forgotten, but he hadn't. The small captain was actually planning a surprise party back at the division. She was constantly complaining that Toshiro never gave her enough attention on her birthdays in the past and none of his gifts had ever pleased very much. Except for, perhaps, the pink scarf he gave her on her first birthday after his promotion to captain. She loved that thing, wearing it all year round, every single day. It was a real hassle trying to get her to wash it, since she hated being away from the thing. Toshiro couldn't understand why she liked it so much; it was just a strip of pink material. Regardless, he hadn't been able to find something she liked as well as that, but this year he had a plan.

Rangiku had had a tough year – they all had – with the Winter War and losing her childhood friend, Gin Ichimaru, and Toshiro wanted to put a smile on her face. They were Captain and Lieutenant; they were best friends.

All of Rangiku's friends were on board with it too and were currently setting up back in the Seireitei. There was just one small problem; Toshiro had been put in charge of distracting the busty blonde and keeping her away from the Seireitei. He knew he wasn't a great liar, and Rangiku seemed to have a way of always pulling the truth out of him. This is why he had brought her all the way out of Japan. He tended to overdo things when he was attempting to lie, and somehow they had landed in Scotland of all places. He just got lucky that there happened to be a Menos nearby – it was probably attracted to their spiritual pressure anyway – and he could play this off like it had been a part of their so-called 'mission'.

"Oh, Sir, I just adore all this tartan," Rangiku squealed, throwing yet another scarf into his lap, "They say tartan is the new black this season."

"Who says that?" Toshiro frowned, flipping open his soul phone and sending a 'mission update' to Lieutenant Nanao Ise, who he had left in charge of the party organisation for today as she was definitely the most level-headed and sensible of everyone involved.

"The Scots mostly, I think," Rangiku sung, twirling around the store picking items off every rack, "But I have to agree, Captain, it's just so sophisticated and classy. Chic, you might say."

Honestly, Toshiro had no idea about what she was on about and a buzz from his phone stole his attention.

'All good, Captain Hitsugaya,' texted Nanao, 'Orihime Inoue is taking care of the cake. Capt. Unohana is taking care of the spare cake. Ichigo Kurosaki and his human friends are organising the music and entertainment. Regrettably, my captain is organising the drinks with Lieut. Hisagi and Lieut. Kira. Capt. Ukitake and his third seats are organising the food, and the rest of the SWA are decorating.'

Toshiro sighed and texted back, 'How long do you need?'

He had a bit of an unsettling feeling in his stomach – probably due to finding out who was in charge of the alcohol and who was in charge of the cake. He glanced up as Rangiku burst out of a change room, and twirled in front of him, asking what he thought of the outfit she was trying on. He nodded absently to her and she squealed, kissed him on the forehead and sauntered back into the fitting room before he realised what had happened. The white-haired man raised his fingers to the place she had kissed and allowed himself a small grimace; he felt terrible that she was spending the day thinking everyone forgot about her birthday, and yet she still managed to pretend to be her happy, giggling self.

She had even gone on a massive tirade about how 'cool' Scotland was around the time they'd entered the second store. Something about unicorns, a mention of a dog called 'Bobby' and he was pretty sure she had suggested she buy him a kilt, and he'd shut her down instantly. He'd also managed to crush her dreams of learning the bagpipes before she could pull him into the neighbouring music store. Rangiku did not need to make any more annoying sounds and someone playing the bagpipes who doesn't actually know how to play the bagpipes is just straight up murder. Like the recorder, he thought with a shudder, as he remembered the time Rangiku had brought one of them back from Karakura.

'Three hours,' the Lieutenant of the Eighth replied.

Three hours. That's all Toshiro had to manage. Three hours until he could surprise her and show her that everyone remembered her birthday and they all worked together to organise her a party to celebrate the occasion.

Yes, he could manage that.

"Captain, I'm done shopping, we can head back home now!"

Oh, crap. He'd been counting on her to keep shopping for next few hours. He had to come up with an alternative quickly!

"M-mission!" Toshiro blurted.

"Mission?" Rangiku looked at him questioningly, as she transferred most of her new shopping bags into his arms. He looked down at the bags, his mind blank and thoughtless.

"Yes, the mission…" He murmured, not meeting her eye, "The mission… has been extended. Yes, extended. We need to… travel, right yes, travel to the next location. Come on, Matsumoto, we're wasting time."

Toshiro knew he was blushing red at this point. He was only a little bit better at lying when he had prepared his answers earlier, but being put on the spot like that… It was just a recipe for disaster. He turned away from his big breasted lieutenant quickly and began the process of opening the Senkaimon. Just where was he supposed to take her now? They couldn't return to the Soul Society or to Karakura Town where she would want to visit the subsititute soul reaper and his friends.

He glanced at his soul phone; he was just going to have to wing it again, and pray they ended up somewhere familiar.

…

"Are you positive that we're not lost?" Rangiku glanced at her captain, who had gone a terrible pale colour as he glared at their surrounds.

Below them, a bright blue harbour littered with small boats, yachts and ferries. Out in front of them was a pearly white building, its shape similar to that of sails and the metal structure they were standing on top of could be nothing other than the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

"So, Sydney…" Rangiku tried to prompt her captain into speaking, "It's a lot warmer here, Captain, we might have to do some more shopping since I only bought winter clothes in Edinburgh…"

The man continued to stare at the harbour below, dumbstruck and mumbling the odd obscenity under his breath.

In truth, Rangiku was beginning to really worry about the prodigy, because not only was he her captain, he was her best friend. He was obviously very stressed about something, and he was doing a god awful job of trying to cover it up. What pressure did he have on his shoulders that he couldn't talk to her about?

"Hmmm, maybe some lunch first though, Captain?" She grabbed his arm and forcibly flash stepped him on to ground, "I'm starving and it's got to be late in the afternoon back home."

Rangiku thought if she could get him to sit down with her, she might be able to get him to open up about what was troubling him. As it were, he was currently only stuttering incoherent syllables. The strawberry blonde dragged into a few cafes and few more convenience stores before pulling back to the harbour and sitting him down by the water.

"This is 'vegemite', Sir, it's an Australian delicacy," She murmured, spreading a thick dark brown spread onto some bread, "I've heard it can be quite strong in taste so we better just spread it thin."

She slapped another piece of bread on top and handed Toshiro the vegemite sandwich. The white-haired genius eyed it suspiciously before taking a cautious bite. He made a face.

"It's very salty," Toshiro said, taking another small bite, "Spreading it thin was a good idea, Matsumoto."

"Yes, I thought so," Rangiku sung, making her own sandwich, "Drink it with your flat white."

"My what?"

"Flat white," She repeated, "It's coffee."

Again Toshiro looked at the small take-away cup with some disdain and Rangiku had to giggle; Toshiro wasn't a coffee fan. She took a bite of her own vegemite bread and had to supress the urge to moan; where had this been all her life? She opened her sandwich back up and lathered on another thicker layer of the delicious spread. After a few minutes, she was just sticking her finger in the jar and eating it that way. She was definitely going to have to take some back to the Soul Society for all her friends to taste. Orihime, she knew, would absolutely love the stuff.

Suddenly, the sky ripped open, leaving a big black hole. A huge hollow floated out of it, descending on the city of Sydney. It might have been massive in size, but this hollow was barely even worth their time; it certainly wasn't a Menos.

Toshiro gave a swift flick of his wrist and the water from the harbour below shot up, and froze as it impaled the hollow. With a deafening shriek, the hollow burst into nothingness and the ice shattered in its wake. Rangiku eyed her captain as he sighed, and turned back to his half eaten sandwich. That hollow was so weak, he didn't even have to draw his zanpakuto; the water below him enough ammunition. He was probably feeling more powerful anyway, with the big body of water so close, since that was the root of his icy element.

"Captain, about this mission…" Rangiku began, seeing her little captain tense at her words, "Doesn't it seem a little odd that we've had to travel all over the world and not come across one challenging hollow."

"Oh, um, y-yes," Toshiro frowned into his coffee, "I suppose it is a bit strange."

"Okay, Captain, time to cut out the nonsense," She said sternly, wagging a finger at him, "I know you're keeping something from me and I'm worried about you, so just spit it out."

"You're worried about me?" Teal eyes widened in surprise.

Rangiku nodded, pulling his hands into her own. She was usually more likely to get information out of him when she was sincere with him.

"I-I… Well, er…" Toshiro stumbled on his words, "I'm sorry, but I can't tell you, Matsumoto."

"Why not?" She pouted, "You tell me everything."

"Not this," Toshiro frowned, "It's classified, I'm sorry."

Rangiku let go of the man's hands as he retracted them. This was the first time he had openly hid something from her. She could see the torment in his eyes but still, what was possibly so important that he couldn't talk to her about, as either his lieutenant or as his friend?

Maybe they weren't as close anymore as she thought…

"Do you know what today is, Captain?"

Toshiro was looking away from her. A beat of silence past and then another.

"Friday?" He guessed eventually.

Rangiku sighed, "Yeah, Friday."

It was taking all of her will not to cry as she grieved for the friend she'd lost and wondered what she did wrong to lose the small captain's trust and interest. She'd never felt so sad while slacking off in an exotic foreign country.

They ate the rest of their food in silence as Rangiku watched the ferries chugging around the harbour and the afternoon sun slowly creeping towards the horizon, casting a beautiful light on the Opera House. Eventually Toshiro shifted, standing up and collecting Rangiku's shopping bags on the way without complaint.

"We better get moving, Matsumoto," He murmured, "It will be dark soon."

Rangiku forced a smile on her face and a bubbly tone in her voice, "Aw but Captain! I didn't get to say 'G'day' to anyone yet... And I haven't seen a snake either."

She put on her usual pout and pushed her boobs out a little, although it had never had any effect on the man before.

"A snake?"

"Yes," Rangiku gave an exasperated sigh, "A snake! Like a really, really deadly one!"

Her captain stared at her, his face a comedic mixture of surprise and horror. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, apparently unable to get any words out. Eventually he just shook his head and turned away, thrusting his Hyorinmaru into the empty space in front of him in order to open up the Senkaimon. Rangiku almost giggled; this is what she loved – saying things to disturb him and leave him speechless. Of course, she actually kind of did want to see a snake – maybe not a venomous one – since she thought they were kind of cute and oddly enough reminded her of her late friend, Gin Ichimaru. She would have loved to have seen any of Australia's native wild life, actually, but it was time to head home, and spend the night of her birthday alone.

…

Toshiro let them out of the Senkaimon just outside the division gates. Thank God, it was all over now; he just had to get her inside and everything would be fine. He couldn't believe he'd managed to get them to Sydney; he was just panicking and took a few wrong turns and then there they were – much like how they had ended up in Edinburgh. He inwardly sighed; this was the last time he'd be allowed to activate the Senkaimon on his own. Good riddance, he thought; he didn't need to go through any of that ever again.

Rangiku dawdled behind him. She was clearly upset about the birthday thing, but he just had to get her inside the damn gates and he'd be able to surprise her and make her happy again.

"Captain…" His lieutenant drawled from behind him.

"What is it, Matsumoto?"

"Today is my birthday," She said simply, her voice almost inaudibly soft, "And you forget. Everyone forgot."

Toshiro stopped in his tracks. They were literally two metres shy of the division gates. He supposed it didn't actually make a difference now though. He turned to face her, and noticed that she was on the brink of tears.

"Rangiku, come here," He demanded, his voice holding as much authority as possible, despite the obvious slip in using her first name.

The busty strawberry blonde hesitated for a few seconds before slowly bridging the gap between them. Toshiro grabbed her hand when she was close enough and dragged her right up to the large oak gates. Despite the silence, he knew there was well over 300 people behind that door; most were division members, some were Rangiku's other friends, and they were all there crouching the dark, waiting for the birthday girl to enter.

Gently, the Captain of Squad Ten grabbed his lieutenant's hand, and pulled her down so he could plant a soft kiss on her cheek. He never volunteered affection so it was almost worth chuckling to see her eyes light up in surprise.

"I could never forget your birthday, Matsumoto."

He pushed open the gates and guided her inside. She stared into the dark with what Toshiro was sure to be a confused expression – despite not being able to see her face or much else for that matter. He reached over blindly to where he knew the main power switch was a flicked it up.

Light flooded the open quad, and suddenly three hundred plus people jumped up.

"SURPRISE!"

…

"Captainnn~~~," Rangiku slurred, hanging off Toshiro with an arm around his neck, "You're the best, have I ever told you that?"

It was now incredibly late, most of the party-goers had left and the main assembly point of the division was absolutely trashed. Toshiro was not looking forward to tomorrow's clean up, but thankfully he had a division of soldiers for that.

"Let me go, Matsumoto," He snapped, trying to pry his surprisingly strong lieutenant's arm off from around his neck, "Or you can forget your day off tomorrow, and come in to the office at 8am."

As predicted, the busty blonde slipped away, pouting deeply.

"But Sir," She whined, her hands moving to his haori as she gripped it tightly, "You haven't given me a present yet!"

"You mean other than this party, and the hundreds of pounds I spent on your little shopping expedition today?"

"I paid for that myself, Captain~~~,"

"Then where is my credit card?"

Rangiku frowned, obviously trying to recall exactly what she might have left the plastic money card. After a few seconds, her eyes lit up and she held up one finger as she bounced on the spot.

"Well it is probably where I keep everything, Sir!" She announced cheerfully.

"And where might that be?" Toshiro asked apprehensively, although he was pretty sure that he knew the right answer.

Rangiku flashed him a cheeky grin before reaching her hand down between her breasts and feeling around inside her top.

She pulled out a set of keys.

"Oh, that's not it," She mumbled, handing the keys to Toshiro, "Can you hold these for a second, Sir?"

Toshiro's eye ticked as he willed himself to become calm, holding the boob-keys between two fingers as far as possible from his body.

Rangiku reached in again and pulled out lipstick. She shook her head and placed the make up in Toshiro's other hand.

A compact mirror, some loose change, a mini bottle of perfume, a hip flask (of sake, undoubtedly), several different flavoured lollipops and finally, a disposable camera.

"MATSUMOTO!" Toshiro bellowed, his arms full of Rangiku's breast-warmed junk.

Lastly, Rangiku reached into the front pocket of her uniform pants, and pulled out the thin plastic card she'd been looking for. She handed it over with a sly smirk.

"After all that, it was in my pocket," She giggled at her seething captain, returning the miscellaneous items to their previous home in her bra.

Toshiro glared at her but she just continued to grin at him before pulling the resisting captain into her embrace. It wasn't one of her usual suffocating ones; it was warm and kind of nice, but he'd never tell her that.

"Thanks, Captain," Rangiku muttered into his ear, "For the party, I had the best night."

He returned her hug gently, causing her to tighten her arms around him. He knew – despite her complaining – that this gesture would mean more to her than the party and the shopping.

"Happy birthday, Matsumoto,"

…

Well, I apologize to the people of Scotland for any inaccuracies and the stereotypes, and to my fellow Aussies for portraying vegemite as a food only Ran and Orihime would like since we all know it is, in fact, the food of the Gods.

For those of you who are confused, Edinburgh and Sydney are Mosco and my home cities, so I thought it'd be cute to include them.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOSCO!

PS; I am also aware that the Senkaimon doesn't actually work like that.