Like a River

By Kadi

Rated: M

Disclaimer: It isn't my sandbox, but after that cliffhanger, I will admit to being tempted to not give the toys back. I will, but only because they aren't really mine.

Warning: M rating is for later chapters. Definitely NSFW.

A/N: Beta'd by the darling twin kate04. The title comes from one of our favorite songs, My Heart is Like a River by Rebecca Lavelle. This story is a study at life, and the relationships that people have along the way. I explored Sharon and Andy, but I also explored Sharon and Jack. So, before you continue, I ask you to remember that at one point she was a married woman… I

A/N2: This begins in December 2010 after The Closer E0610: Old Money. Contains spoilers for Season 5 up to E0513: White Lies Part 3.

Chapter 1

[December 2010]

It was a cool night. The temperatures had plunged well into the upper 40s with the setting of the sun. She welcomed the chill in the air. The cooler evenings of late fall gave the illusion of winter as they entered December. It made it easier for Sharon to believe that the holiday season was once again upon them. She was looking forward to the holidays this year, far more than in recent seasons. Both of her grown children had managed to schedule time enough into their busy lives to get away for a couple of weeks. She would have her daughter and her son with her when she joined her family for Christmas. It had been too long since she had them both with her, and Sharon missed them terribly. She was still just getting used to the idea of an empty nest. It was going to be a wonderful holiday.

For the time being, however, another purpose had drawn her out of her home and into the chilled night air. Sharon questioned, several times, during her drive across town whether or not this was really wise. As she left Los Angeles behind and entered the valley north of the city, she wondered if, perhaps, she was losing her mind. That could be the only explanation. Why else would she spend the first evening that she had to herself in weeks driving all the way to Valencia and knocking on the door of a man who could barely stand the sight of her.

It was madness.

Sharon regretted it the moment that he opened his door and glared at her. His teeth were bared in a snarl, the look made only that much more ferocious with the cuts and bruises that adorned his face. Sharon exhaled quietly and plastered a patient, sympathetic smile on her face. "Lieutenant," she spoke gently. The last thing that she wanted to do was annoy him even more. It seemed that her presence had already done quite enough of that on its own. "I wanted to see how you were doing," she explained.

Andy sneered at her. The pounding in his head only increased. He turned away from the door, but left it open. It was as much of an invitation as she would get. He shuffled back toward his sofa, and not because he really wanted to invite her in, but because he really just wanted to sit down. There was not a part of his body that did not hurt. His arm and side had taken the worst of it, as evidenced by the many numerous stitches that it had taken to close them both up after Bob Harris's knife had cut him open.

"Yeah well," he muttered. "I'm still breathing. No thanks to you." Andy grimaced as he sat down on the couch. He leaned back with a sigh. "What can I do for you, Captain? The case is closed."

"Yes." Sharon hesitated for a moment as she followed him. She stepped into the house and pushed the door closed behind her. "I am well aware of that. I closed it." She allowed herself only a small smirk at that reminder. She juggled the brown paper bag that she held as she shrugged out of her jacket. Sharon draped it over her arm and walked over to join him at the sofa. "That isn't why I am here." She held the bag out and her brow arched while she waited for him to accept it.

He peered up at her. Andy's eyes were narrowed in suspicion. "What?" His lip curled again. "Bobby Harris and Rick Zuman didn't get the job done, so you gonna poison me now?" He watched her eyes flash with indignation and hurt and huffed a sigh. Andy wrapped his good arm around his middle and leaned forward. He reached up and snatched the bag out of her hand. "I'm at home and off duty. You came here," he reminded her. "If I'm lousy company to be around, not my problem."

"I suppose that you are right about that." Her head tilted. "Your ability to conduct yourself with manners, or not, is none of my business." He was still angry with her and she couldn't entirely blame him. That was exactly why she had come. Sharon sat down on the opposite end of the sofa and turned her body so that she was facing him. She held her jacket in her lap. "I was worried about you," she stated again, this time in a much gentler tone.

He better wake up. The words echoed in his head. Andy huffed another sigh. He gave her one more suspicious glance before he opened the paper bag. He peered into it carefully. The scent of strawberry and coconut reached his nose before he realized what was in the bag. Andy closed it quickly and looked at her again. His brows had risen in surprise. "Macaroons?" Before she could respond he opened the bag again and looked inside.

She watched him stick his nose in the bag and suppressed the urge to laugh. She was reminded of what a child he could be. "Yes. I thought that I remembered you liked them." Once upon a time, many years ago, they had been friends. That was before life and career choices had pulled them apart. They had drifted. Dislike and distrust had grown in the place where friendship had once existed.

Andy reached into the bag and pulled one of the small, golden cakes out of the bag. There was a dollop of strawberry filling baked into the center. His mouth was already watering. Yes, he liked them. She remembered that well enough. Andy slanted a look at her. "Why?" It was a question of more than the baking. Why was she there? Why was she bothering? Why did she even care? They were years removed from anything like that.

Sharon's gaze drifted just a bit. She thought about that again. The thought had been on her mind all evening. She didn't really have an answer for him, mainly because she honestly didn't have an answer for herself. When she looked at him again, Sharon shrugged. "You were injured. I knew that you weren't feeling very well. You begged off the celebration with your team. I thought maybe you could use the company." The rest of Major Crimes had gone out to celebrate closing the case. Andy had gone home. Sharon drew her hands out of the folds of her jacket. She rested them atop it and let her gaze fall to study her fingers as she picked at a few non-existent lose threads. "My office gets a few dozen Pitchess Motions every month," she explained. "Every one of them has to be investigated." Sharon looked up at him again and watched his eyes narrow. "It was not about you, Lieutenant. Yours was simply one among many. We had no reason to believe that the claims had any basis in fact, and no way of knowing that Mister Zuman would take matters into his own hands before our investigation was concluded. I am sorry, though, that you felt that my team had impugned your reputation."

He dropped the macaroon back in the bag and held it in his lap. Andy stared straight ahead. His jaw was clenched. It was easier to be mad at her when he thought that she was coming down hard on his ass for the hell of it. "I put dirtbags in jail," he muttered, "I don't break the law to do it." Being a cop was all that he had left, he wasn't going to sacrifice that for the easy win. He had sacrificed a lot of things in his life for the easy way out. Andy was done living like that. He lost his family to this job and the bottle. He gave up the bottle, his family was still gone. He wasn't giving up the job too.

"I know." When he still wouldn't look at her, Sharon laid her hand on the seat cushion between them. It was as close as she would allow herself to come to touching him. "Andy." Her use of his name drew his gaze to her. "I know," she repeated, with far more emotion. Sharon smiled sadly at him. "That was why I investigated your case myself. You may walk the line in a manner that infuriates me, but you have never crossed it."

Andy stared at her. There was compassion in her expression. He wasn't sure if that pissed him off or not. He still didn't understand exactly why she was there. He continued to stare at her until she looked away from him. Andy shook his head. "Why?" He asked the question without really knowing the purpose. Andy's brows drew together in a frown. He saw her look down and away from him and sighed. He realized then that it was a question that had been on his mind for a really long time. "You used to be on this side of the line with us, Sharon. You used to be a damned good cop. Why did you give it up?"

Her eyes flashed when she looked at him. Her back straightened as she grew stiff. "I am still a damned good cop," she informed him. It never failed to irritate her when officers like him drew the line between themselves and Internal Affairs. She hated it when they insinuated that the work that she and her people did was not real police work, especially when its primary function was to keep officers like Lieutenant Andrew Flynn out of trouble, and quite often the trouble that they got themselves into. Her lip curled as her ire rose. There was a time when he wouldn't have asked that. There was a time when he would have known better.

They met while she was still on patrol. Andy had been a young detective, just a rookie that was barely out of uniform himself. Her husband was the reason that they had met. Jack had only been out of law school for a few months and was still studying for the bar exam when he met Andy Flynn. He was working at a corner pub that Andy and a few other cops liked to frequent. Sharon was one of them. Jack worked nights to help supplement their income, to pay for the fancy dance classes that they had just enrolled their three-year-old daughter in.

Sharon had been picking up extra shifts, but when they found out that she was pregnant with their second kid, Jack put a stop to that. Both of their kids had come along before they were ready for them, but that was life. They were making the best of it. Besides, Jack liked to brag. How many guys could claim that their wife was one of the best, brightest, and most beautiful of the LAPD?

He was talking to Andy about that very thing at the bar one night, when the young detective told him that his wife was pregnant too. It seemed only natural that they introduced their wives. If their wives had someone else to talk to, what would it matter if they both had a few more drinks than usual before going home each night?

That was how it all started. They found out that they all came from big, Irish catholic families. Except for Andy with his Irish and Italian roots. Andy's wife, Vicki, was a teacher, and their daughter Nicole was only eighteen months old. They hadn't planned on having another child so soon, but Sharon understood entirely too well how life had a way of asserting itself.

The two couples had grown closer over the next few years. There were outings and barbecues. Their sons were born just a few months apart, and as they got older, their parents put them in many of the same activities. Jack passed the bar, and began working at a small law firm. He made Andy promise to keep an eye on his girl. Time had a way of changing people, however, and whatever happiness they had during those years, had not lasted long. The long hours that they all worked, and the time that the men liked to spend away from their families, began to take its toll on both of their marriages. They spent less time together as they struggled to keep their lives from imploding.

Sharon looked away from Andy now. Her jaw clenched. He wanted to know why she had chosen a life in Internal Affairs. He was the one that had encouraged her to take the Sergeant's exam. She had passed it easily. The Detective's exam was much harder, but Sharon had earned high marks on it too. She was still waiting for a position to open up in Robbery Homicide or Narcotics when her marriage began to crumble. "Jack left," she said quietly. "I was all that my kids had. I needed to get off the street and the position in IA let me do that. The hours were good too. They were stable. Emily and Ricky needed that with Jack gone." When Sharon looked at him again, her eyes were sad. She wouldn't tell him that the promotion had come with a raise that let her keep the house in the wake of the financial trouble that Jack had created for them, but it was another reason she took the transfer. "You and Vicki were having problems of your own. I hoped that my friends on the force would understand. Some of them did, others didn't." Sharon hadn't had time to worry about who she was offending by taking care of her family. She had simply moved forward and not looked back.

Andy lowered his gaze. He folded the top of the paper bag that was still resting in his lap. "Yeah." That was all that he said, all that he could say. He knew what she meant. About the time that Jack took off, Vicki was riding his ass to spend more time at home. A few months later, she kicked him out. He came home one night, drunk off his ass, and found that Vicki had changed the locks. With his marriage falling down around his ears, Andy had crawled into a bottle. He was on the verge of losing his job too, but it was a judge's warning that he would never see his kids again if he didn't get sober that woke him up. He had gone to rehab. Andy checked himself in to a 30-day inpatient program to get cleaned up, and had followed that up with outpatient services and AA meetings. By the time he got back to work, everything had changed. He heard the rumors about Sharon, but hadn't believed them. It was not until she showed up on scene at an officer involved shooting involving a member of Robbery Homicide that he understood they were true. She was different, colder, harder. She regarded him with a distance that he never expected and he wasn't all that thrilled at her new job either. "Why didn't you just say that?"

Her brow arched and her lips pursed. Sharon tilted her head while she thought about it. "I was angry," she admitted quietly. "I was embarrassed." Sharon shrugged. "I was jealous." She looked down again. "All I wanted was for Jack to come home, but Vicki had kicked you out. I couldn't understand how she wouldn't let you go home if you were willing to make the changes that you needed to for your children. I was embarrassed because Jack had left, with no warning and no explanation, he was just gone." She exhaled a soft sigh. "I was furious with myself for wanting him to come home, for not seeing that he was in trouble before our marriage fell apart, and for not having the strength to change the locks the way that Vicki had done before he could hurt our kids." When she looked up at him again, her eyes were moist. "You did what Jack wouldn't do. He drank or gambled away every chance that I have ever given him, and when I looked at you, I saw what could have been. It was easier to turn away."

He reached over and took her hand. Andy leaned his head back on the sofa cushions and closed his eyes. "I guess it all got screwed up over the years." Vicki had never forgiven him for being so weak. He still hadn't seen a lot of his kids while they were growing up. Vicki blamed his job, but it was all that he had after she was gone. Long hours and younger women, that's what he had after his family was gone. Vicki had gotten remarried, and their kids liked the new guy better. Andy tried not to think about that too often. Instead, he kept trying. He sent cards and he made phone calls. He paid for the damned college tuition. He paid for braces and prom dresses, and baseball gear. Nicole would be graduating from college soon, but Charlie had a couple of years left. He still sent a check every month for both of them. The alimony that had stopped when Vicki got remarried got split between the two kids. No judge told him that he had to do that. Andy did it for the kids. He hoped they'd both understand some day.

"I suppose that it did." Sharon turned her hand over beneath his and gave it a squeeze. "In any event, I wanted to make sure that you were okay. You have certainly looked better." He was pale beneath all of the bruises, and Sharon knew from her own research, that he wouldn't be able to take anything too strong for the pain without putting his sobriety at risk. That was something that she had learned, from watching him throughout the years, that Andy would not do. He held on to it, he was proud of it. She was proud of him, although she couldn't bring herself to say it. Sharon squeezed his hand again before pulling hers away. "It's late, I should go so that you can rest."

His head rolled toward her against the back of the sofa. "Yeah." The thought of moving again made him hurt even more. "I guess it is." He still didn't understand why she had come by, but he was glad that she had. He didn't want to be so damned pissed off at someone that once meant something to him. Life was too short for that. Andy wrapped an arm around his middle and started to lean forward as she stood up.

"No." Sharon laid a hand on his shoulder. She smiled gently down at him. "I can find my way out." Her hand rested against his shoulder for a moment longer than was really necessary. Sharon shook her head. "I am really glad that you are okay," she told him, voice hitching an octave lower.

He offered her a crooked smirk. "Believe me," he said, sarcasm filling his tone, "so am I."

She rolled her eyes at him. "You are an annoying cop, Andy. But you are not a bad one. Helping where I can is part of my job too." Sharon drew away from him then. She shook her jacket out and slipped it on.

Andy watched her shrug into her jacket and walk toward the door. "Sharon," he called out before she could open it. When she turned, he held up the bag. He jerked his good shoulder at her. His smile gentled a bit. "Thanks. I missed these."

The corner of her mouth quirked toward a smile; his look held more meaning than the simple gesture of the baked goods that she had brought. There were too many years and too much water under the bridge for them to really talk about what her visit meant. "You're welcome," was all that she could say.

The door opened and with it, a cool breeze entered the room. Andy frowned. "Be careful going back," he told her. "It's a long drive back to the city." She looked surprised by that and he smirked. "You're a pain the ass, but when you aren't pissing us off, it's good to have you on our side, Captain."

Sharon didn't know why she thought he would let her go without one last parting shot. Such was the nature of their relationship now. Whatever understanding they had now, some things could not be changed. At least he was being a little more civil about it, and Sharon knew that was all that she could ask for at this juncture in their lives. She made a face at him. "Good night, Lieutenant." The sound of his soft laughter followed her into the night. Sharon smiled as she made her way toward her car. He was right, it would be a long drive back to the city, but at least it would be more pleasant than what she had endured on the way there.

-TBC-