Sanji was beginning to think he was cursed. Having spent the first half of his childhood in a place founded on Science, he'd never been the type to believe in things such as voodoo or witchcraft. The 'magic' people revered could easily be explained if they simply used their heads.

The magician with smoke oozing from his sleeves? Dry ice or a devil fruit power.

The psychic? Skilled in deduction and purposely kept their 'visions' open enough for anyone to apply to themselves.

Unless, of course, if it was a lady. Then, she was clearly telling the truth.

The whole thing was ridiculous, otherwise.

He'd thought this way since childhood, and as much as he hated to admit it, his siblings shared enough common sense with him to know better as well.

Just like the sky was blue and ladies were wonderful, magic didn't exist, and curses were a scam.

That's why this particular moment was so hard for him.

It'd all started earlier this morning when they'd dropped anchor at a Fall Island. The locals were in the midst of a festival by the looks of it, so, of course, Luffy had wanted to attend at all costs. They'd hidden the Sunny near the forest, a cliff they could easily step onto at its side.

Nami and Robin, the incredible geniuses they were, tagged along, wanting to gather information on the area itself.

The rest of the idiots went too, who cared what for.

Sanji, having woken with a migraine from their last night of partying, insisted on hanging back to prepare Lunch.

No one had minded. The dumb Marimo even had the gall to interrupt him with a yawn. He would have pummeled the jerk right then and there if the lovely ladies hadn't graced him with their perfect smiles! Ahh.

He saw them off with enthusiasm before making his way to the Kitchen, fingers rubbing circles on his temples.

Should have asked Chopper for medicine before he'd left.

Oh well. He'd have to make do.

Not like he hadn't cooked in worse condition.

As he pulled out the various ingredients he'd need, he muttered a string of curses along with empty vows to never drink again. On second thought, that's probably why he didn't notice he was no longer alone in the room.

Who knows how long it'd been there.

Mentally, he'd already kicked himself a thousand times over for not noticing his situation until... well, things got out of control.

In a manner of speaking.

He'd just finished chopping up the potatoes for the stew, setting the knife on the counter beside him as he dumped the slices into a pot of boiling water. As luck would have it, his migraine chose that moment to rear its head with a vengeance, causing a sharp pain behind his eyes that had his hands flying to his temples once more.

The cutting board smacked into the floor by his feet, drowning out the sound of the knife being thrown off the countertop by his elbow.

It wasn't until he heard a dull thud, that he'd computed what had taken place at all.

Shifting his weight against the counter, he dared to peel an eye open, where he found... He found it.

A tiny Beagle sat in front of the knife, tail wagging with such fervor it smacked the flooring in a series of thumps.

Sanji's cigarette fell out of his mouth.

What the hell? Why was a dog–

Before he could finish that train of thought, the Beagle proceeded to clamp its teeth around the hilt of the knife, tail wagging faster and faster.

Sanji had a bad feeling about this, one that amplified tenfold when the Beagle sprang forward, the tip of the knife heading straight for his left ankle.

He hopped backward, saving his leg but not his pants. A nick formed above his shoe, and a certain pot of boiling water tipped dangerously near the edge, droplets of water sloshing out.

"You shitty dog!" He snapped the instant he'd regained his footing.

Without missing a beat, the Beagle scrambled to a halt, claws scraping the floor as it spun to face him, knife glinting off the ceiling light.

Eyes stinging with tears he would in no way ever admit to, his hands shot out in front of him. "N-No! Bad dog! Drop it!"

The Beagle released an earsplitting howl at this, only picking up its pace.

Sanji, understandably, took off in the opposite direction. They did a lap around the table, two, half of a third, then in a bout of desperation, he'd hopped on top of it.

Which lead to the present, where he sat on the table, hugging his knees to his chest as the Beagle gnawed thoughtlessly on the knife's handle below.

"How did I let this happen?" He asked himself numbly, feeling his soul depart with every breathe. "Lost to a dog.. All the ladies of the world would laugh at me if they saw..."

As though it could understand him, the Beagle threw its nose up in a series of rapid howls that definitely didn't help with his migraine.

"Oh, shut up!" He snapped, clamping his palms over his ringing ears.

Yelling at a dog to shut up, however, didn't seem to do much good, as the Beagle proceeded to grow louder. Much louder.

A curse. It had to be a curse.

It'd been this way since he was a runt. To take it farther, ever since he'd been chased around the castle grounds by a stray dog, his relationship with the canine-kind only seemed to worsen.

More than that, whenever he happened upon one, it without fail, went out of its way to make his life miserable.

Whether it was using a list of recipes he'd been asked to deliver as a chew toy or dragging him around the Orbit by the collar of his chef's uniform; these encounters never ended well for him.

Stupid dogs.

He was beginning to think it couldn't get any worse when the door creaked open.

"Hey, San–" Usopp broke off mid-sentence, jaw dropping at the sight of Sanji huddled on the table. "Um, what're you–"

"USOPP, WATCH OUT!"

On cue, the Beagle released a playful growl and bounded forward on its stubby legs. Usopp, still not understanding the predicament he was in, slowly craned his neck.

"Huh?" The instant he caught sight of the knife shooting for him, his face turned several shades too pale and in an exaggerated movement, he threw himself onto the ground. "Ketchup star!" He yelled as a spray of red fluid shot into the air, splattering over the front of his overalls. His head fell lifelessly to the side, tongue hanging out his mouth. "Blegh.."

In the two years he'd known him, Sanji had never wanted to bludgeon the moron this badly. "It's a dog, not a bear Usopp! Playing dead won't work!"

At this, Usopp peeled an eye open. The Beagle, slightly deterred by his theatrics had skidded to a halt at his shoulder, tail wagging slowly. When it found itself the center of Usopp's attention, the dog howled and pounced onto his chest, nearly lopping Usopp's nose off in the process.

Releasing a screech that resembled the sound of a dying bird, Usopp bolted upright, feet desperately scooting him away until his back collided with the counter.

The Beagle set the knife at its paws, head tilting in a curious gesture.

Sanji tipped forward, palms slamming onto the table. "This is your chance, quick, get the knife Usopp!"

Usopp's wild eyes shifted between him and the knife. "..Damnit!" Using a leg to propel himself, he dove for it, fingers outstretched.

However, right before they could brush the hilt, the Beagle took the knife in its jaws once more, haunches raised playfully.

Usopp landed mere inches away with a sickening thud.

Sanji winced.

Damn, that must've hurt.

Knife now a hairsbreadth from his forehead, Usopp scrambled up, hopping around on a single foot to avoid the Beagle weaving in between his legs.

"AHH! Usopp!"

The Kitchen exploded into a mixture of panicked screams and crashing sounds as he leaped for the table, smashing into Sanji and nearly sending them both off the other side.

Giving him a well-deserved kick to the stomach, he snapped, "You dumbass!"

"I'm sorry.." Usopp choked out, arms wrapped around his torso.

The Beagle set the knife down and barked.

They sighed.

Initial panic gone, Sanji pulled out a cigarette and lit it. As the familiar taste of tobacco filled his mouth, he felt his shoulders loosen. "So, what're you doing here, Usopp? I thought you left with Luffy and the others?"

"I did," He affirmed, jabbing a shaky thumb at himself. "But I still had some repairs left to do on my Kabuto so I made my heroic return!"

"Right."

What part of playing dead and crawling around the floor was considered heroic?

Well, anyways, if the moron had been here this entire time, maybe he knew how this had happened.

"Wanna tell me why a damn dog is running around my Kitchen?"

Usopp flinched, gaze snapping in the opposite direction. "Hey, was that Luffy I just heard?"

Sanji narrowed his eyes, "Usopp."

Usopp craned his neck to face him, mouth curved in a shaky grin. "..Y-Yes?"

A heartbeat passed, two, three.

Usopp broke eye contact. "I-I may have given it a bit of food on my way here... Just a bit.." At Sanji's furious glare, he scooted backward, palms raised as though to create a barrier between them. "But I didn't know it followed me! Honest!"

Without a second thought, he grabbed Usopp by the front of his overalls. "So, this is all your fault, then!"

Usopp seemed to have a relapse of his earlier ailment, dark skin turning ashen. "B-But I didn't know it was a mutant killer dog, please believe me, I swear it!"

"Ah." Sanji promptly dropped him.

Usopp collapsed face first onto the table, bowing deeply in the most sincere of apologies. "Please don't kill me, it's the truth, I swear!"

"Yeah, that part was actually my fault." He admitted, rubbing the nape of his neck. "My bad!"

Now it was Usopp's turn to grab him by the collar, shaking him with bloodshot eyes. "IT WAS YOUR FAULT!?"

"You're still the dumbass that lead it here!" He retorted, smacking Usopp's hands away. "How the hell was I supposed to know there was a damn dog running around the Sunny!?"

Usopp returned his forehead to the table. "EEP! Please forgive me!"

Sanji hunched over, cradling his head in his hands. All that yelling made him feel as though he'd been hit with a metal bat. "Aghh, whatever. Assigning blame isn't going to get us out of this mess."

"And, uh, how exactly did this happen?" Usopp asked in a hushed voice.

He gestured vaguely. "Dropped my knife. Shitty dog thinks we're playing fetch." Speaking of knives, "Shit! I forgot! The potatoes!"

Usopp blinked owlishly. "..How doe–"

Sanji grabbed him by his overalls again, this time shaking him. "Who the hell cares about any of that, in another hour or so those potatoes are going to be ruined!"

Usopp frowned, "You really were born under some kind of miracle star, weren't you?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He ground out.

"N-Nothing!"

In perfect sync, they cast the Beagle chewing cluelessly on the knife's hilt despairing looks.

Sanji shifted his to the boiling water dribbling down the side of his pot.

Whenever it hit the stove, it released a hiss, and plumes of white smoke would rise into the air. He was practically chewing on his cigarette at this point.

Shit. At this rate, he wasn't only going to have burned a batch of perfectly fine potatoes, but also his favorite pot.

"Maybe, if you play decoy, I can–"

"No way!"

"Just listen–"

"What's more important to you, our safety or those potatoes!?"

Sanji grabbed Usopp's shoulders. "Usopp."

Usopp recoiled, forehead beading with sweat. "Y-Yes?"

"If you have to die so I can save those potatoes, I don't care."

"You bastard!"

As though it'd caught onto their plans, the Beagle proceeded to run an excited lap around the table, knife bobbing with every step.

"I, for one, don't want to be the guy explaining how I got stabbed by mini Zoro over there," Usopp muttered.

Sanji raised a brow at him, "'Mini Zoro'?"

"Yeah." Usopp pointed at the Beagle, who stopped and did an excited hop. "He kinda resembles Zoro, running around with that knife in his mouth, don't you think?"

"Huh," Sanji leaned closer. "You're right, it actually does kind of resemble the damn Marimo. Same annoying expression and everything."

"I don't know about that, but he does seem to have a knack for messing with you, kinda like our Zoro does. Maybe if I give you over to him–"

"Hey."

Usopp switched from contemplative to boasting at the speed of light, propping himself up on a knee and jabbing a thumb towards his chest. "No worries, I, the Great Captain Usopp once battled a dog with five–no, ten–heads! The size of a mountain, drool deeper than the very ocean, it tried to turn my home island into a giant chew toy! I may have been seven at the time, but I was able to win by throwing a steak the size of an entire house as far away from my home as I possibly could!" Usopp's arms spread wide as he stressed the size. "Worked like a charm, and the villagers even built a statue in my honor! A golden one!"

Sanji ducked out of the way of his flailing hands, pulling his ruined cigarette out and sighing. While, he didn't doubt Usopp had, in fact, managed to ditch a dog in the past with that method, he also knew it wouldn't work for him.

At least, not this time.

"Even if I did have something to give it, it wouldn't change anything."

Usopp sobered, "Ah? Huh, why do you say that?"

Sanji set his crumpled cigarette on the table, biding for time as he pulled out another.

Usopp didn't lose focus, sadly. Would've worked if it were Luffy or Chopper.

"..Dogs don't like me." He surrendered.

Usopp stared at him. "..Dogs–"

"Don't like me."

Silence.

"Well, you know what they say about animals and their sixth sense."

"You sure as hell better not be implying what I think you are."

That effectively shut him up.

Sanji swiveled his gaze to the pot, cringing as more water made its way to the burner. He needed to lower the temperature.

"Sanji."

Blinking, he turned to Usopp, who had lowered his head.

"Yeah?"

"There are times when a man has to act. Times where he cannot be still and fear for his own safety."

Sanji scowled. What was he getting at?

Usopp's chin snapped up, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. "And a time when a friend needs help is one of them! I'll hold off mini Zoro, you save our Lunch!"

Sanji could feel himself tearing up as well. "Usopp.."

"Now! Let's do this!"

In the same instant, they leaped off the table, each in their own direction.

"I'll never forget your sacrifice!"

When the others returned, they were shocked to find Sanji and Usopp laying in a literal dogpile by the table. By literal, he meant mini Marimo was sitting on top of them, a certain knife long since abandoned.

"Get the hell off me.." Sanji groaned for what must've been the hundredth time, attempting to shove Usopp off with his elbow.

"Can't.. Move..." Usopp slurred, bordering on the brink of unconsciousness.

Mini Marimo howled, finally leaving them in favor of greeting Luffy.

"Eh!?" He exclaimed as he knelt to pet it. "A doggy!"

"Hah?" An annoyingly familiar voice drawled. "The hell happened to you?"

Sanji didn't have to look up to know the real Marimo was smirking down at him.

"A curse." He groaned. "It's a curse."

At least, he'd managed to save their Lunch.

A/N: I should have named this fic 'To Procrastination and Beyond' instead since that's what I'm using it for really, this will fic will be used as an excuse to put off anything and everything I possibly can, there is no stopping me "ψ(｀∇´)ψ

So, expect random updates! Anyways, thanks for reading!