I sit on my piano bench, my fingers running over the keys, but not hitting any notes. It's been the same for me every night since she left. I would wake up in a cold sweat, my throat hoarse from screaming in my sleep, and my heart breaking more each night as I reach for her side of the bed, only to find it cold an empty.

The same way it has been for weeks.

Having nightmares is not something new to me, but she made them stop. She chased away my demons. I was only ever able to sleep when she was beside me, but now that she's not there anymore, the nightmares returned, changing, becoming worse with each passing night.

A long sigh escape my lips as I think about her, about us, and about that argument that got us to where we are now.

Away from each other.

I know I will never be able to forget the way she looked at me as I spoke those words, the way her eyes were suddenly devoid of any love she once had for me. At the time, I believed that I was right in what I said. That I was protecting myself and my heart from more hurt.

At the time, I didn't know that someone out there was doing their damn best to separate us.

A shudder runs through my body as I remember that package I had received that fateful day, and I feel my blood boil again, even when I now know that the pictures were fabricated to make it look like she had cheated on me.

Flashback

"Sir, there's a delivery for you." Taylor says from the door of my office, making me only reach out my hand, my eyes not leaving the laptop screen. Once the envelope was between my fingers, I realize that it's too light to be any sort of papers related to work, and I let my eyes roam the brown parcel.

"Who is it from?" I ask when I see that nothing is written on it. No return address, no name, nothing.

"A delivery boy brought it an hour ago. He specifically asked for me by name, and requested that I give it to. He didn't know who hired him, he just said that a woman came up to him, gave him 100$, and asked him to drop this off here." Taylor says before taking a pause. "The guys down at security say it's safe to be opened. I haven't had the chance to look at it as I was debriefing with Sawyer in regards to Ms. Steele's protection."

"Everything going according to plan?" I ask, a small smile decorating my lips as I thought of the plans I had for the weekend.

"Yes, Sir." Taylor says, his own face betraying his smile.

"Very well." I say as I tear the envelope open. I realize that the envelope only holds pictures and a small note, and the first thing I reached for was that.

"I hope this opens your eyes about the woman you think you love."

I feel my body begin to shake as I read those simple words, and with shaking hands, I reach for the first picture that was face-down on my desk. My hand shook more as I flipped the picture over, and the scream that left my lungs at what I saw brought Taylor barraging back into my office.

"Sir?" he asks and I see him walking towards me in my peripheral vision, as I can't bring myself to tear my eyes away of the one picture that managed to shatter my world in mere seconds.

I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe. I flip through the pictures; there were only 4 of them, but each one showed Ana in different poses of intimacy with a man I couldn't identify.

I don't remember what happened after that, because when I finally calmed down enough to realize that Taylor was holding me back from the door, I noticed that my office was in a state of complete destruction.

"Calm the hell down, Christian!" Taylor says, holding me back from the door. "There has to be an explanation to this nonsense, and going down to Grey Publishing to confront Ana while you're in this state is only going to cause you an embarrassment you don't need."

"What explanation is there?" I yell at him and move back to grab one of the pictures that clearly show her tattoo. The one she got for me. The one that simply said Christian's. "This proves that this is her! I can't believe I've been such a fool!"

"I don't know what explanation there is, but I'm sure there is one." Taylor says, his eyes avoiding the picture I have in my hand. I can't tell if he's not looking at it because he doesn't want to believe that Ana would actually do this, or because he doesn't want to see Ana in such a state of undress.

I run my hands through my hair and take a deep breath. Taylor's right. I don't need the scene that I'm sure to cause if I go an confront Ana down at GP.

"Have Sawyer take Ana ho-" I begin, but stop myself from uttering the word home. It's not home anymore. Not after this. "Have Sawyer take Anastasia to Escala in 20 minutes. Call Gail and ask her to pack all of Anastasia's things. I don't want to see anything of hers in my bedroom when I get there."

"Sir…"

"Do it!" I scream, making him flinch, probably for the first time since he came into my employment. Once he realized that I was not going to change my mind, he gave me a stoic nod and left me alone in my office.

Alone with my thoughts.

End flashback.

That was probably the beginning of our downfall. The minute I was left alone with my thoughts was the minute I began destroying what we shared.

Taylor had come back to my office after making the call I demanded, and he had tried to reason with me, but with every word he said, I started believing that he was defending her, and I ended up firing him then and there.

Unfortunately, Taylor was used to my temper, and he was waiting for me by the SUV when I left for Escala.

Unfortunately, he had quit on the spot after he witnessed the way I had treated Anastasia that night.

Actually, both he and Gail quit.

Sawyer followed the day after.

After I had left my office that day, I had texted Gail, asking her to keep Anastasia's packed things in one of the guests bedrooms, and she was only to bring them out when I told her.

Then I texted Anastasia. My message holding the destruction to our relationship.

Playroom. 15 minutes.

I had timed things in my head so that she received the text only 15 minutes before she arrived there, not giving her a chance to realize that her things were packed. I had wanted her to suffer the same way she made me suffer when I saw the pictures.

But first, I was going to punish her the only way I knew how.

Now, I simply wish I had not gone into the office that day. Maybe if I hadn't, then I wouldn't have received the pictures.

She would have sent them to Escala, you moron! A voice screams inside my head, and I know I can't deny that.

To this day, I still can't believe the things I had done and said to Anastasia that night. I know for a fact that she had realized something was wrong the minute I stepped into the Playroom, but she never flinched, never moved, never faltered.

Until….

Flashback

I walk into the Playroom, my blood boiling again as I see her kneeling in the sub position in nothing but her panties.

The idea of someone else having seen her like this makes me crazy with anger and pain, and I know this is my only chance to make her feel the same way I'm feeling.

I notice her body stiffen when I walk by her, still fully dressed, and I know that in that exact second, she realized something is wrong.

I walk to the wall that once held my canes and whips, the ones I threw away for her, her hard limits, and for a fraction of a second, I wish I still had them.

Then a cold shiver runs down my spine, and I realize that I can't physically hurt her. I still love her too much to do that to her, even when she has hurt me in the worst way imaginable, I still love her too much.

"Stand." I command, my voice strong and dominating, unlike the way I am feeling inside.

She does as she is told, but she keeps her head bowed down.

"Move to the spanking bench." I say, and her head whips up to look at me in question. "Eyes down!" I snap, and she immediately obeys. "Spanking bench, now. Don't let me repeat myself."

Without uttering a word, she moves to the bench, and stands there, her eyes still cast down.

"Bend over."

She does as she is told, and I stand there, battling with myself about what to do next. One part of me wants to wrap my arms around her, to hold her close, and the other part, the sadistic part of me, wants to demean her, and hurt her just like she hurt me.

The monster in me finally wins, and I reach for the belt that is holding my pants against my waist, fully knowing that with one strike of the leather, she will not have a doubt about what I am doing.

"Count, Anastasia." I say as I hold the belt between my fingers, repeating the words I had once told her the night she left me. I take a deep breath before I bring the belt down to her still covered ass, and the gasp she lets out tells me that my fury is showing in my strike.

"Count!" I yell when she doesn't say anything, and I strike again.

"Two, Sir." She gasps, the pain obvious in her voice.

"Do you know why you are being punished, Anastasia?" I ask before I deliver another strike.

"Three, Sir." She gasps her answer. "No, I don't!"

"I'll answer that for you." I say, the belt connecting with her ass again.

"Four!" She now yells, probably because she knows what I'm going to say next.

"I found out, Anastasia." I say, delivering yet another strike.

"Five!" She says. "Found out what?"

"I did not give you permission to speak other than to count!" I scream, now raging with fury and delivering yet another strike.

"Six!" She calls out. I can hear the tears in her voice, and for the first time in my life, I find myself unaffected by them.

Serves her right.

"I found out about him." I say through gritted teeth, the belt connecting with her ass yet again, and I can see her body tense up.

Yes, Anastasia. Your secret is out in the open.

"COUNT!" I say, and I deliver another strike, one that is probably stronger than the others.

"RED!" She screams, and stands up, her face wet with tears and her eyes filled with fear.

I let go of the belt as if it is a piece of burning coal. It's engrained within my head, when a safeword is called, you stop, no matter how angry or frustrated you are, you stop.

"You don't get to safeword on me, Anastasia!" I say and step towards her, making her take a step back in fear. "You don't get to safeword when YOU broke my heart!"

"What the hell are you talking about, Christian?" She asks, and I feel myself boil with anger even more.

"You have some nerve, Anastasia!" I snap and she visibly flinches. "I saw the pictures of you two together!"

"What pictures?" She asks, her eyes filled with fake confusion. "I don't understand a thing! Who are you talking about? What are you talking about?"

"Stop denying it!" I scream and pull at my hair. "I saw you with him! Riding him! Am I not enough for you? Do I not satisfy you enough that you had to go to someone else?"

"Christian, baby." She says and takes a small step towards me, but I step away from her.

"Don't come near me!" I say and turn around. "I can't even look at you!"

"Christian!" She cries out, obviously realizing that this is it for us. That there's no way around it. "Christian, what are you saying?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I ask, and I suddenly feel all the anger and energy leave me. "We're over. Gail packed your things. Get dressed and get out. I don't want to see you, or talk to you ever again."

I hear a sob leave her throat and she calls out to me, but I don't look back as I walk out of the Playroom. I feel my heart breaking into even more pieces, but I don't dare turn around.

I have to be strong. I won't let her do this to me anymore. I won't let her hurt me anymore!

I walk down to the kitchen and I grab the bottle of vodka that is in the freezer, taking a quick gulp, not even bothering with a glass. This is the only thing I can think about that could numb the pain.

It worked when I was younger, there's no reason that it won't work now.

I hear Anastasia's footsteps running down the stairs towards the kitchen, but I don't turn to face her.

I really can't look at her!

"Christian, baby, I don't understand what you are talking about." She says and takes a step closer to me.

"Stay where you are!" I snap, and she freezes in her spot.

"What pictures?" She now asks, making me reach into my pocket where I kept on of those damn papers.

I take it out and throw it at her, having it fall at her feet. That's when I realize she's only dressed in a robe, and not in her clothes like I had told her.

"I told you to get dressed and leave! I don't want you here!" I yell, but she ignores me as she bends down to pick up the picture, and once she sees it, a gasp or horror leaves her lips.

"What the hell is this?" She screams, her whole body shaking.

"Are you fucking serious?" I scream back and smack my hand on the countertop. "That's you, whoring out and cheating on me!"

"Christian, you can't seriously believe this!" She gasps and looks up at me with shocked eyes.

Is she for real?

"What did he offer you that I didn't?" I ask as I take a longer gulp of vodka. "It can't be money, there's no one richer than I am. What did he give you that got you to whore yourself to him?"

"Christian!" She gasps my name, her pain evident and her tears visible.

Good!

"I would wonder if he has a bigger dick, but I'm fortunate in that area, so I can't imagine that is it." I say, realizing that I can probably hurt her more with my words than I can ever do in the Playroom.

I can do words. I'm good with words.

I've sent grown men crying out of my office. I can do the same with her!

"Christian, please. You can't believe this! This is not me!" she cries, her shoulders now shaking with sobs.

I can feel my heart begin to soften towards her tears, but I can't allow that. Not after what she has done.

I square my shoulders, and stand a little bit taller, going into full dominant mode. I revert to the man I am at the office, the CEO, the ruthless bastard, and I look at her, knowing that that asshole can break her heart more so than anyone else.

Just like she broke mine.

"If it's not money, nor his skills in the bedroom, the only option that remains is that you are simply a whore." I say and look her straight in the eyes, showing her just how much I mean those words. "I told you to get dressed and leave. I will not have another whore ruin my life."

"Christian! I'm begging you. Listen to me!" She begs and moves towards me again, but I still move away from her. "You can't believe that I'm the one in these pictures. Someone did this! Someone wants to break us apart!"

"Why should I not believe it? You gave me your virginity after having known me for 5 fucking seconds!" I yell and I see her eyes grow in horror at what I said. "You went into my Playroom just because I asked you to!"

"I did that for you!" She screams.

"Doesn't mean that you wouldn't do it for someone else!" I scream back at her. "I flashed my money at you, and you spread your legs for me! If I had known it doesn't take that much to get you into bed I wouldn't have bothered!"

She freezes at my words then, her hand flying to cover her mouth in a poor attempt to hide her cries as she shakes her head continuously.

"Get dressed and get the fuck out of my house. You have five fucking minutes. If you're not dressed by then, I'm throwing you out in your robe!"

At that second, I can almost physically see something snap in her, and before I can stop her, she charges at me and starts smacking my chest and kicking my legs.

"You fucking asshole!" She yells, her tears never stopping as she delivers weak punches to my chest. "How can you believe this? After everything we've been through, how can you fucking believe this?"

"Stop fucking denying it and don't fucking touch me again!" I say as I grab her arms and push her away from me, making her fall back on her ass. I see her wince, probably from the pain of both the belt and the fall. "You don't get to touch me ever again!"

"I hate you!" She screams as she moves to stand up. "I fucking hate you!"

"Right back at you!" I say and move to grab her arm and drag her towards the elevator. "Your 5 minutes are up! I'll have Taylor send you your things."

Suddenly, I see Taylor standing in front of me, his face and eyes filled with fury.

"Let go of her." He says, making Anastasia stop her struggles against my hold.

"Move away, Taylor." I say, but he takes a step towards me, holding his hand against my shoulder.

"I said let go of her, Christian." He says through gritted teeth. "I will escort her out. There's no need to manhandle her."

"Fine." I say and let go of her arm so strongly that she stumble forward, only to be held back by Taylor so that she doesn't fall. "I want her out of here within five minutes."

"She will be." Taylor says, and I notice Anastasia looking up at him in horror, not believing that he is not deceived by her act. I see him whisper something in her ear, making her shoulders sag in defeat, before she goes up to the room where Gail has placed her stuff.

"Thank you, Taylor." I say, all my energy leaving me in a sigh as I sit back on the couch with a thud.

"Don't thank me, you fucking prick." Taylor says, and I'm shocked by his words, making me jump to my feet again.

"What did you just say to me?"

"You heard me!" Taylor snaps, losing his stoic demeanor for the first time ever. "Gail and I will be leaving with Ana. Consider this our resignation, effective immediately!"

End Flashback

That was the last time I saw the three of them, not that I haven't tried. God knows I have, but neither Anastasia nor Taylor are taking any of my phone calls, nor are they replying to my messages or e-mails.

I can't track them because they left their cellphones at Escala before they left, and no one that knows them would let me know where they are. Even Welch refuses to tell me anything about Taylor, and I know that the two of them are thick as thieves.

Kate and Elliot keep telling me that they haven't heard anything from Anastasia, and I don't have a chance but to believe them. At least Elliot, because he can't keep a secret to save his life.

I contemplated contacting Ray, but I left that as a final resort, simply because I didn't want to be on the other end of his shotgun.

I had realized just what a terrible mistake I had made a week after that night. For that first week, I just drank. I didn't go to the office, and I didn't even shower. I simply sat at the piano, drinking, and playing. I only managed to eat for the first few days because of the leftovers in the fridge. Once those were gone, and since Gail wasn't there anymore, I replaced food with alcohol.

Then my mother showed up at Escala one day, and she basically ripped me a new one. She had yelled, and screamed, and even swore at one point or another, but I didn't pay attention to what she said.

Until she told me that she knew Anastasia had cheated on me, because Elena had told her.

That was when I froze where I had been standing.

I never spoke to Elena, didn't tell her anything, and I'm welling to bet my entire fortune that neither Anastasia nor Taylor had told her.

That only meant one thing.

She was the one who sent the pictures!

I remember running into my office where I had the pictures kept in a box in my safe. I had kept them there to work as a reminder why I had kicked Anastasia out, in case I ever thought about contacting her again.

I heard my mom come after me, but I don't remember anything she said as I reached into the box and looked through the pictures again.

Then, I felt like time stood still, like my world froze, then was suddenly shattered into a million more pieces.

The girl in the pictures had three earrings; three piercings in her ear.

Anastasia only had one.

That was when I finally broke down in tears. Gut-wrenching sobs rocked my body, and I didn't even react when my mother wrapped her arms around me.

I had ruined the best thing that ever happened to me, because I didn't pay close attention to the fabricated evidence sent to destroy us.

That night, my mother stayed by my side. She had asked Rayan – one of the only three CPOs that stayed – to help her take me to my room and she helped me into the shower. She then cooked me a warm meal, forced me to eat, then stayed with me as I fell asleep.

I woke up the following day and found her in the kitchen making breakfast, and without having her even ask me anything, I spilled my guts out, explaining everything.

And when she asked me that one dreaded question, about why Elena would do that, I answered her honestly, telling her everything, going back to that first time I started working at the Lincoln's.

I told her every sordid detail, even the kind of lifestyle Elena dragged me into.

I begged her not to blame herself, and held her in my arms as she cried. She swore she would destroy Elena, and I told her I would help her.

I had called Ros then, demanding that she buys out the entire Escalva chain, then liquidating it and selling it off in pieces to the highest bidder. Then I called Welch and had him do an FBI kind of digging on Elena, hoping to find anything that would destroy her.

What he found was far beyond what I had hoped for. The amount of child-pornography and 'insurance policies' of underage kids she had on her computers was staggering, and for the first time in my life, I finally realized that I had indeed been a victim of hers.

I finally realized what Anastasia had been telling me since day one.

Elena Lincoln was a fucking pedophile who had molested me when I was 15 years old.

I didn't want to contact Anastasia until I made sure that Elena was taken care of, because I wanted to prove to her that I believed her and that I took our revenge against her.

Luckily, process "Destroy Elena" only took a couple of days after the day I realized just how much of an asshole I had been.

Unfortunately, by the time I summoned up the courage to contact Anastasia, I was told that she had quit Grey Publishing on the following day of our fall out, her resignation being effective immediately. Of course, having stayed out of the office for a week after that night, I wasn't informed of her resignation.

All the more reason to hate myself.

I'm brought out of my thoughts with the sound of my phone ringing, and I frown, realizing that the time is only 4 a.m. now.

Who the fuck would be calling me at this hour?

I reach for my cell phone, and my heart sinks when I see Elliot's name displayed on the screen, and I quickly hold the device against my ear.

"Elliot? Is everything OK?" I ask, my mind going on overdrive with the possibilities of what might be wrong.

"Christian." The way he says my name makes my heart plummet further, and I grip the side of the piano bench, waiting to hear what he has to say. "It's Ana."

"What happened?" I ask, my voice barely coming out in a whisper.

"She's back." He whispers, and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "She just arrived here 30 minutes ago. I thought you would like to know."

"I'll be right there." I say without bothering with pleasantries and quickly hanging up.

I don't know how I functioned. All I know is that within 5 minutes, I'm dressed and in my car heading towards Elliot and Kate's apartment. I know I kept praying on the way there that she would listen to me, that she would hear me out. I know I drove like a bat out of hell.

There is only one idea going through my mind as I drive there.

I have to show her just how much I'm sorry, and how much I love her. I have to beg for her forgiveness.

Maybe two ideas.

As I park my car in front of the building where Elliot lives, I realize that it only took me 6 minutes to get there. I run into the building, and when the elevator's door doesn't open up immediately, I run up the stairs, taking them two stairs at the time.

By the time I get to the 14th floor, I'm a breathless mess, and I can barely bang on the door. I'm about to bang on the door again, when the it flies open, and a pissed looking Anastasia stands on the other side, shooting daggers at me with her eyes.

"What the fuck do you want?" she asks, her voice dripping with venom.

"Baby, please, hear me out." I beg as I try to catch my breath still.

"You don't get to call me that anymore, you fucking asshole." She snaps at me and moves to slam the door in my face, but before it bangs shut, I see a small hand holding it back.

I'm shocked to see it's Kate's.

"Why don't you come in, Christian?" Kate asks, and I notice Anastasia looking at her best friend with her mouth gaping open.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Anastasia yells at Kate. "Did you fucking brainwash her to believe you lies?" She throws at me, and I can't help but wince at her words.

"Baby-"

"I said you don't get to call me that!" She yells, her voice not threatening to wake up the next-door neighbors.

"Christian, come in. Ana, keep your yelling until I close the door. We don't need a scene at this ungodly hour!" Kate snaps, making Anastasia move away from the doorway, allowing me to step in. Once Kate closed the door behind me, Anastasia releases all her pent up anger at me, yelling, screaming, swearing, and even throwing in a couple of punches against my arms and chest between words.

Kate and Elliot have disappeared somewhere, giving us a semblance of privacy, but I'm sure Anastasia's yelling cancelled that out. She swears at me and my lifestyle, cursing the day the agreed to go into my playroom. She yells about trying to be a sub to satisfy me, even when both of us know that there isn't a submissive bone in her body.

For 20 minutes, she yells, and cries. When she finally stops, she lets out a gasp of horror as she realizes everything she has said and that Elliot and Kate must have heard it all.

"It's ok." I tell her, making her eyebrows meet her hairline in surprise. "They know."

"They know?" She asks, obviously unable to believe me.

Not that I blame her.

"They know." I repeat with a shrug.

"What the fuck happened while I was away?" She asks after a few minutes of silence, settling for that one simple question to answer the dramatic change in my life.

"How about we sit down for this. It's going to be a long conversation." I say, and I see her contemplating her options. Finally, she gives a small nod, and heads towards the kitchen, only to come back with a bottle of wine and two glasses.

"I have a feeling we will need this." She says as she sits down on the couch. I move to sit beside her, but the minute my ass touches the leather, she stands up and moves to sit across of me, and I can't hide the pain that flashed over my face because of that one simple move.

"We might need something stronger, but this will do for now." I say and reach for the glass of wine she poured me. I down it in one gulp, contemplating on where to begin with my explanation.

For a few minutes, I open my mouth, wanting to say something, then I close it, nothing coming out. Finally, she huffs out in frustration and stands up, making me start to panic that she's leaving again.

"If you have nothing to say, I suggest you leave and let me rest up." She says, obviously annoyed with my hesitance.

"I was molested by my mother's best friend when I was 15 years old." I begin, and upon hearing those words, she sinks into her chair with a thud, and stares at me with wide eyes. Those words were like the small crack in the dam, and with every passing second, that crack grew, and the words stumbled out of my mouth without filter.

I told her everything, pretty much the same explanation I gave my mother in regards to Elena fucking Lincoln. Then I told her about the day I received the pictures. I saw her flinch as I explained that day, and the week after, and by the time I told her how I had figured out that Elena sent them, she had silent tears streaming down her face.

I told her how I began the motions into destroying Elena, that she now faces pedophilia and molestation charges waiting for trial. I told her how I told my mother everything, and how I then told my family, realizing that she was right all along, and that my family does love me unconditionally.

I told her how I tried to reach her, and Taylor, to no avail. How I had been desperately trying to contact her, to tell her everything. To beg for her forgiveness. To tell her just how much I love her.

That she's my entire life.

My heart.

My more.

"I had to go away." She whispers, and I can only nod in understanding. "I couldn't stay here and work in the same building you work at, share an apartment with your brother, be in the same city as you. I couldn't risk the chance of running into you after what you had done to me. So, I had to go away."

"Where were you?" I ask, curious as to where she had been hiding. I knew that Taylor must have had a role in her disappearance, but that was a story for another day.

"Not that it's any of your business, but Taylor arranged for me to go to Italy. He paid for my trip, his way of apologizing for having an asshole boss." She said, and again, I wince at her words.

"I'm sorry." I finally say after a few minutes of silence. "I should've listened to you when you said it wasn't you in the pictures."

"Yes, you should have." She says and looks away from me, obviously trying to fight back her tears. "But your apology is too little too late, Christian."

I feel my heart stop at her words.

"What are you saying, baby?" I ask, struggling not to let my voice shake with fear.

"Don't call me that!" She snaps at me again, and I only nod, not able to find the words to reply. She takes a deep breath, maybe trying to calm her temper, then reaches for her forgotten wine.

"I only came back to Seattle to finalize my affairs, one of those affairs being you. I had planned to meet with you, to talk to you, but at a later point in time, preferably right before I left again, but I guess I have to thank Elliot for your presence here now." She says and takes another deep breath.

She's leaving again? NO, NO, NO!

"You probably already know that I quit my position at GP." She says, then rolls her eyes. "Who am I kidding? Of course you know. Anyway, I found a job in Rome. I'm starting in a couple of week. I came back to tie up loose ends before moving there permanently."

"What? No!" I yell and jump to my feet. "You can't leave me!"

"I didn't leave you, Christian. You kicked me out, remember?" She asks, and her words stab at my heart like a knife. "You kicked me out after you beat me, and humiliated me. You kicked me out after you believed that I would cheat on you, even after everything we have been through. You. Kicked. Me. Out!"

By the time she finishes her words, she's in tears, and when I move towards her, trying to comfort her, she moves away from me.

"Don't touch me!" She snaps, and the knife twists deeper into my heart.

"You broke me, Christian. You were the love of my life, the one person I loved more than anyone else. The only person I would have gladly moved heaven and earth for." She says as she tries to wipe away her tears. "But I can't let you do that to me again. I can't be with you if you can't trust me."

"I trust you!" I say, but the look she gives me freezes any other word I might have wanted to say in my throat.

"You're a wealthy man, Christian. You have numerous enemies. How can I know that you won't react the same should one of those enemies decide to use me to get to you? I can't take that risk. I won't take that risk."

"I won't, I promise you!"

"You promised you would never hurt me." She said and looks at me straight in the eyes. "You promised you would never physically hurt me again. You promised you would never leave me. Yet, here we are."

That damn knife keeps twisting deeper and deeper.

"You know what hurt me the most of that night?" She asks, and I don't dare answer, because I know a rhetorical question when I hear one. "Don't get me wrong, it all hurt, the humiliation, the mistrust. But the one thing that stands out the most, the one thing that I don't think I will ever be able to forgive or forget, is the belt."

I feel the breath get knocked out of my lungs as realizations sinks, and with it I sink to my knees before her.

"You promised you would never punish me again. Funny thing is, I might have been able to understand a punishment had I actually done anything, but I didn't, and you refused to believe me. You refused to hear me out."

"Anastasia…" I say her name, but I don't know what else to say. She looks at me, her eyes red from crying, but still the most beautiful shade of blue.

"Like I said, I had planned to see you, because I wanted closure. I guess you gave me that before I came asking for it, just like everything else you have given me. Unfortunately, you were never able to truly understand that it was never about material things for me. All I wanted was your love and trust. I guess I never had either."

"That's not true! You know I love you with everything I am." I say defensively, and reach out to hold her hands. Thankfully, she lets me, and I my breath hitches at the first physical contact we've had in weeks.

"If you had truly loved me then you would have trusted me. You would have trusted that I would never do something so vile and ugly as cheating on you." She says and moves to take her hands away from mine, but I hold tighter on them, refusing to let go. "You know what my opinion on cheating is, how strongly I feel about it because of my mother, yet at the first accusation, you believed them over me. It's either that you never loved me enough to trust me, or that you never knew me enough to believe me. Sometimes I think it's both."

"That's not true, Anastasia. I love you with everything I am. You brought light into my life, you helped me realize what living really is. Before you, I merely existed, but you came into my life and showed me what love is. What more is. You taught me how to love."

"I'm glad I was able to do that, but it's not enough. Maybe you will realize that before you get into a new relationship. Maybe what we shared with make you a better boyfriend for whomever captures your heart next. But that won't be me, Christian."

"I'm begging you." I say as I rest my forehead on her knees. I feel tears prickling the corners of my eyes, and the minute she runs her hands through my hair, I break down. "I'm begging you, Anastasia. I'm sorry. You can't even imagine how sorry I am. I'm begging for your forgiveness. Please, please, give me another chance."

"I can't." She says after a few long seconds of silence, her voice obviously heavy with tears. "I have to protect myself and my heart."

"What can I do to show you that I'm sorry? What can I do to prove to you that I will never mistrust you?"

"Christian, don't make this harder than it already is. God knows my heart is breaking with every word I'm saying, but you broke it first. I can't work on healing myself only to have you break it again."

"I won't!" I yell and my head snaps up, silent tears streaming down my face. "Why won't you believe me!"

"It hurts, doesn't it? That the one person you love the most doesn't believe you." She says, and this time she manages to free her hands from mine before she stands up. I can hear her walking around the room, but I can't bring myself to look up and watch her.

"I've only come here because I can't check into my hotel until later today, but I guess I should head out now." She says, making my head snap towards her.

She's leaving!

"Anastasia, please!"

"If you're still her when Elliot and Kate wake up, would you tell them that I'll stay in touch?" She asks and grabs her purse. "And Christian, please don't try to find me. Just let me go."

With that, she leaves the apartment, leaving me on my knees.

I stay in my position staring at the door for long hours, or maybe there were minutes, I'm not sure.

All I know is that she left, and she took my heart with her.

I don't even react when I feel a hand rest on my shoulder, nor do I react when I feel Elliot help me up. I feel numb, and for the first time in 24 years, I feel like the weak 4 years old boy again.

She left.

She's not coming back.

She's moving overseas.

She doesn't love me anymore.

I did this. I broke us. I broke her.

For a while, I sit at Elliot's couch, not saying a word, just going over every word she said.

Analyzing them. Dissecting them. That's what I do best. I break things down, and from the broken pieces, I build something better and bigger.

I take a deep breath, and close my eyes. When I open them, I decide on two things.

One, I will win her back.

Two, I will build something better from this. We will be better.

Anastasia and I belong together, and come hell or high water, I will prove that to her. I will show her just how much I love her.

I will show her that I am nothing without her.

I will prove it to her.

I will win her back.