"-I got hold up in the hospital, but I'll try to be as fast as I can", Meredith says into her phone and listens to Maggie's answer that is not a big deal, the kids will be put to sleep by her and she should just worry about her patient. She says a quick thank you before hanging up and with a quick deep breath she finally knocks on the heavy metal door,

"-Took you long enough", he says before pulling her quickly inside and into his arms, catching her lips in a hot heavy kiss. It makes her head dizzy and she can barely hear the doors being closed or to notice how they together made their way slowly across the room to the bedroom.

All she can focus on is his arms, shedding her clothes and exploring her newly bared skin. His hot kisses, barely allowing her to breath and traveling all over her face, down her neck and to her cleavage. As her back finally hit the soft mattress, she's already just in her bra, with jeans being pulled of and hot kisses following the newly uncovered skin. By the time he's finally covering her body with his, she's only in her underwear, trembling and shivering with need and desire.

His thin brief does nothing to hide and hold back his eager member, brushing against her inner thigh and making her head to spin. She throws her head back, exposing her neck and he starts covering her skin in a hot wet kisses, making her skin to brake in the goose bumps. As he travels down kissing and licking her skin, he takes of her bra and puts lots of attention to her full breasts.

She can't stop her moans escaping her throat as he sucks on her nipples and plays with her breasts before he finally moves lower, sucking on her bellybutton before finally reaching the holly grale. With his talented wet tongue and fingers, plus his grate enthusiasm, it doesn't take long before he makes her to shout out and cum for him, to tremble in a great pleasure and spread her legs for him, asking to be filled.

No matter how many times they do this, he never skips this step to give her the pleasure and make her to cum first. Not that she's complaining, but sometimes when she's really tired, she could be satisfied with only this and would gladly end it there. But she's afraid to pull that off, cause then it might not be the next time, when he eats her out.

It doesn't take long before he flips them up, so she would be on the top. It's their favorite position after all, cause he likes to see and touch her bouncing breasts, while she likes to be in control and make him to lose his mind, because of her.

They go for it, two more times, like usually, before they're both satisfied and she can think about finally leaving. She hates having a shower at his place, in that terrible bathroom, that still reminds you about the factory, which it used to be before. More than that, she hates picking up her closes, scattered all over his dirty wooden floor. But most of all, she hates, that while she's getting ready, he's still lying naked across his huge mattress, watching her every move. It's not just, that it makes her feel dirty, which she kind of liked it at first, but it's his staring look, that tells you more that she wants to know.

It's like he's enjoying her company but at the same time, judging her for leaving, hating her for making them into a dirty secret. Sometimes, when she catches his staring look, she thinks it would be the last time, they meet like this, but she's always mistaken. Even when she loses her courage to ask him about it, and on top of that, is being the complete and utter jerk to him the whole day, he still lets her know that he's always available at any time.

Sometimes she asks herself how they went from a one night stand in her car into a secret affair, going on for months now. Of course she can still remember their second time in the attending's lounge, just as vividly as their first time in the parking lot. That day she was distracted and loosing nerves about all the shit that was happening in her life. There was Alex with his broken heart by Jo and the scare about possibly going in jail for felony. Then there was Maggie talking her ears of about Riggs, how she was heartbroken but still making plans how to change his mind about dating. Nathan himself was annoying her yet again, how they should just start sleeping together and maybe even dating, of course before they tell everyone about the two of them. On top of that, her patients were getting sicker; her surgeries were going for shit and Bailey still looking over her shoulder.

So when Riggs yet again, cornered her up about one shit or another, she just couldn't hold up anymore and snapped. Of course it would make more sense, if she would've yelled at him or even slapped him. But for some unknown reason she decided to take a one eighty and kiss him. And of course, just her luck, that one kiss turned to be into a full making out session, which eventually graduated into them having sex. Right there, in the attending's lounge, like she wanted to get caught to make her day into even a worse one.

Well, they didn't get caught, but instead of pretending like this didn't happen and continuing with their life, they decided to start an affair. And a secret one too. Cause well, Meredith couldn't deal with Maggie's broken heart and Alex's judgment. She still didn't felt ready to date, or maybe she just didn't want to date Riggs. But he was great in bed, which revealed her stress and that was what she needed, to finally relax and enjoy the primal need.

They started it with acting like some horny teenagers, making out in the dark corners and closet rooms, even grouping each other in the empty elevator. Until she finally decided, that she doesn't want to get caught and for anyone to find out about them. So if they managed to spend the whole day without being horny and stupid, they would meet after work in his own bachelor apartment. Of course it meant that she would he latter then usually and have even less time to spend with her kids. But god, sometimes she really needed that relaxing technique that he could give her, by moving his wet tongue between her thighs.

Of course with time, getting by, Nathan become more and more impatient, starting to ask when they will finally make a public announcement, asking her out on dates and talking her ears of, how it's impossibly difficult to not be able to touch her, kiss her or just hold her hand at work.

But Meredith couldn't even start thinking about that right now. Sometimes when he's being his most annoying self, she starts thinking about putting this to end. But unfortunately, with time getting by, it's not only Nathan that started wishing more. Sometimes she caught herself thinking how she doesn't want to lose this, their sex and just simply him. She found herself enjoying his closeness, his soft strong arms, that sexy smile and those deep blue eyes. She knew it was not a good thing, to get this attached, if it was only sex between them. But she was cautious and didn't noticed when her heart opened to a possibility for something more.

Meredith is still catching her breath, when she sits up in bed and starts looking for her clothes. They're scattered all over the floor and got all rumpled, for a second she is worried that someone would notice, but it's late and she's going straight home, so there's not much chance to be caught. And besides no one would even think about the truth, where has she been and what was she doing for the past hour and a half.

"-Leaving already?", she looks back at him, while putting back on her bra, he's still naked, lying across his mattress, not moving.

"-Yeah, if you remember I still have three kids at home", she says more harshly than she intended, but sometimes he acts like they have all the time in the world to be naked between the sheets.

"-Of course I remember. Just because I haven't met them, or don't have any of my own, doesn't mean I forget that they exist", he says angrily and she feels him moving in bed, while she buttons up her blouse.

"-And now I have to come back to them", she says while standing up with jeans in her hands, when he comes to sit next to her,

"-But I haven't seen you all week, I hoped you would stay a bit longer this time", she hears his voice, all the way from the bathroom- perks of having a loft style bachelor apartment,

"-You've seen me. We had three surgeries together this week", she says like she doesn't know what he meant. The fact is, she just can't put that much priority in their private time,

"-You know what I mean Meredith. I've barely seen you and now you're rushing out like the building is on fire", she pretends not to hear the hurt in his voice, she can't. It's not what they're. They have sex. Plenty of good, hot, steamy sex, and that's it. It's their arraignment. And she just cannot change it and make more of it.

"-Nathan I can't do this right now. It's late, I'm tired after the 8 hour surgery and I have kids to come back to", she says simply as she walks back to the bedroom. But she refuses to meet his eyes. Not tonight. It's killing her to see his feelings so open. Asking of her more, than she can give.

"-Of course", he says silently and she prays for him to stay silent and not to add up more. But he never listens. "-It's never the right time with you. You always find a reason to avoid this conversation or any conversation with me, for that matter. It's always the surgeries, your sister, Alex, your kids, or even the damn plumber, you use as an excuse to run away", Nathan almost shout out,

She's putting her shoes on, trying not to think about it. It's a rare occasion when Nathan loses his nerves and starts shouting or fighting with her yet again, even if it's never ends well for neither of them. She hates hearing that voice and that speech again. She knows that one day he won't back down and will put them to an end, refusing to deal with her shit. One day he'll have enough and finally kick her out, not taking her back every time she smiles at him. And it would be only her fault. She dreads for that time, hoping it's not the last time she's been in his bedroom, shared a pleasure, had a permission to touch any time she wanted.

But she still does nothing to prevent it or even to prolong it. She's just being selfish, using his need for her, his feelings, his patience. She knows she doesn't deserve it. Even if they discussed the rules right at the start, she still feels like she's stringing him a long, like she's lying to him. And frankly she is. But he's also letting her. Maybe as afraid to lose her, as she is afraid to lose him.

"-Nathan, don't start. We talked about this and you said you're ok with my rules", she says as she picks up her bag, ready to leave. She wants to add that if he changed his mind, they might end it right there right now. But she can't. She's not ready to say goodbye. He'll have to be the one to end it. Because suddenly, she's not as strong as she pretends to be.

"-I did say that. And I was ok with it. I've got free amazing sex, with no other bullshits, no usual couple's fights, no bad parts only the good ones", and as Nathan talks Meredith tries to stay strong, she knew it was unavoidable, but she hoped she could prolong it for a bit longer.

"-But it's been six months Meredith. And I thought that something would change till now. Why are so afraid to give as a real chance on the real relationship? What is your excuse this time?", she hates the way he talks right now, the way he asks the right questions, and refuses to believe her usual lies.

"-Mh? It cannot be about hurting Maggie anymore, because she's going steady with her boyfriend for months now. It cannot be about betraying Owen, cause we made truce long time ago, what else? Alex? He avoided jail and he's even ready to date again. What else Meredith? Are you really telling me that you're not ready to date yet? It's been almost 3 years since your husband died", she flinches when he mentions Derek, but other ways he's right. She doesn't have that many excuses now.

"-Look at me Meredith", his voice is so soft and caring that she can barely handle it. It's almost too much that he's so close whey they are not having sex, but plus hearing how much he cares for her, she doesn't know how to deal with it.

"-Meredith", he repeats before he puts his fingers under her chin and forces her to meet his eyes. With her shoes on, when he's barefoot, they're almost the same high and she doesn't have to raise her head that much to meet his eyes, his light blue orbs staring at her, crossing her thru. She doesn't have to look down, to know that he's only wearing his brief, still smelling like her, like them. With just dried of skin, glowing in the dark room with the minimum lightening. His close proximity, his natural smell, his great body, those blue eyes and that damn sexy smirk, it's almost too much to handle. She almost wants to cry, not sure how to express her emotional state.

He kisses her. Oh so tenderly, with his raspberry lips just softly brushing hers, almost like testing the water. She closes her eyes automatically, trying to savor the taste and print it in her memory. Cause she feels it won't be long now, until he stops waiting.

"-Give me a chance", he speaks up after he breaks the kiss and waits until she opens her eyes to meet his, "-I'm not going to hurt you, or leave you. I am not going to die", he whispers out, but she gasps loudly and quickly takes a step back. Her heart is pounding fast and loud.

"-Meredith?", he asks cautiously like being afraid to scare of a wild animal. Does he even realize what he just said? That he's not going to die, like Derek did, that he's not going to leave her all alone and lost. But he cannot promise this, he can't prevent the fate and see the future. She gasps painfully, having trouble to breath. She cannot stay. She needs to get out. To escape this.

"-I've got a go", she murmurs out and leaves quickly, ignoring him calling her name. She doesn't relaxes, doesn't breath until she's finally pulling in her driveway. And then she lets go. She starts crying. Sobbing loudly, with a broken voice, until her voice gets raspy and her throat starts burning. Shaking with hiccups, when her tears finally ends, but she's still not able to stop her tremor, rocking back and forth in her seat.

Alex is the one to find her, and she was never so glad before to see his face. He's the only one knowing about her and Nathan, and she's glad that she decided to tell someone. He doesn't need explanations; he doesn't ask what he's done. Cause he knows that Nathan would never raise a hand against her, or hurt her intentionally. And he's the only one to understand her emotional pain.

She thanks to the higher power that her kids are already in bed and that Maggie is out with her new beau. It's only her and Alex, so she can pour herself a big glass of wine and sit in front of the fireplace in silence, for hours if she needs, until she's ready to speak with Alex, to explain her battle, try to lessen her pain. Alex is God's send at the moments like this.

"-Riggs said, he's not going to die", Meredith speaks up just above a whisper, with her eyes still locked on the burning fire.

"-I'm sure it was not his intention to hurt you", Alex offers, hugging her around her shoulders and she allows her head to fall on his shoulder. "-You should cut him some slack. It's been half a year already, and he still agrees to lie and hide around like some teenagers. It's not like he's asking to move in or to adopt your kids", he offers softly, but she still flinches at those words.

"-Mer, it's that long a guy can wait. He just wants to be able to treat you like you're not strangers, at least in front of your friends. He just wants to kiss your cheek or hold your hand in the public, without getting a slap, or being accused of sexual harassment", Alex explains softly with a laugh and she almost smiles,

"-Have he talked with you?", she asks, even thou she's sure she knows the answer to that,

"-It's not like he can talk about you with his other few friends that he has", Alex jokes and she smiles sadly, but it's not a very funny matter. Nathan had a hard time making friends, and those he find, turned out to be the same as Mer's;- Owen with Amelia, Maggie, April, and Alex who was mostly forced to be his friend, since he's the only one knowing about their secret affair.

"-I'm scared", Meredith finally admits into the burning fire, inside the dark empty room.

"-I know. But you can't be afraid forever, and you're not alone. It's ok to lean on others. It's time", Alex assures her and maybe she feels that bit better to face the new day.

Meredith was thinking about it the whole day. What to tell Nathan, how to apologies and maybe offer something more, like some public dates or an official introduction to their friends at first. Or maybe she could her friends about it first, to hint on that she was seeing someone or something like that. She was trying to think of the better plan with the day going by. And she was sure she won't actually come to do it. She needed a better plan, maybe to talk with Alex or maybe she should discuss it with Nathan first. To see if there even was a thing, what to introduce to her friends.

But the day was going by and she was losing her nerves, thinking there was always tomorrow. Or maybe it would just play out naturally without her doing a thing.

But then, she stopped by the reception desk to fill in her paperwork, when she overheard a conversation between her coworkers. At first she didn't paid that much attention, it sounded like they were gossiping about the new Ortho surgeon, Callie's replacement- Sylvia Rogers. She was a good looking woman in her thirties, with a tall skinny figure, red curly hair and the big expressive green eyes. She was not a drop dead gorgeous, but she was quite good looking and her eyes were particularly beautiful.

As it turns out, she was recently divorced and her coworkers were wondering if she was sleeping with anyone in the hospital and if not, when with who, they might hook her up. There weren't that many single attractive male doctors in the hospital for her to choose. Some guy from dermatology, a few older interns, a guy from anesthesiology, Alex Karev, since formally he was still single, and Nathan Riggs.

Meredith almost fall down, how quickly she suddenly turned, on her heel to face her coworkers. They kept on discussing the hot singles, but their main object was Nathan. A hot talented doctor, who worked in the army and as far they knew, he was single and not even sleeping with anyone, not even the hot slutty nurse Batty, that probably every male had it, in this hospital, even a few married ones. Meredith was gaping at them in shock as her coworkers were discussing if Nathan is not secretly gay and if not, they should definitely hook him up with the new Ortho surgeon, they would make such a striking couple.

"-Actually I've heard that Nathan Riggs is already dating someone from the hospital", Meredith suddenly found herself saying out loud and shocking her coworkers. Since they knew every single gossip in this hospital.

"-I've heard they're keeping it a secret for now. Not wanting to be a part of the rumor mill", Meredith said hoping to sound like a better liar, that she felt. Not wanting to make even more lies, she just grabbed her charts and quickly walked away, hoping to find Alex and discuss her future plan.

But when he's the most needed, Alex is nowhere to be found and Meredith was going crazy what to do. If she drags it for even longer, Riggs might actually start dating that Ortho surgeon. She needed to talk to him and soon. Unfortunately, Riggs happened to be in surgery at the time, at least he won't hear the new rumor in the OR.

Couple hours later, Meredith heard almost every nurse discussing the new rumor, and even putting the best on, who it might be. She couldn't believe how fast the rumors travel. Even April had asked her if she had heard who the lucky lady is. April being almost like his best friend was talking Meredith's ears of and she barely held it in her without saying her the truth.

Finally when Riggs made his way out of the OR, Meredith just grabbed his arm and dragged him into the empty on call room, ignoring his surprise or the strange dirty looks she received on her way.

"-Meredith, what's going on?", Riggs blinked at her in shock, after she closed the doors and even locked it after herself, "-It's not that I'm not appreciating it, but I just got out of the tiresome surgery and would like to have a shower and maybe to eat something first", Nathan says softly and almost apologetically but still with his sexy smirk in place.

"-What?", Meredith blinks questioning before she realizes that she dragged him into the on call room, and how it might look,

"-I love your enthusiasm, but since when you're into the on call room sex?", he asks with a pleasurable surprise, since they haven't had sex in the on call room, not once since they started their affair. But if you want to keep it a secret, it's one of the places you have to avoid.

"-Oh, cut it out. It's not what you think. I just need to talk to you", she says irritated,

"-Is it about that rumor? That I'm dating someone?", he suddenly asks, taking her by surprise,

"-How do you know about it? You've been in surgery the whole time", Meredith asks annoyed,

"-Amelia heard from some nurse and interrogated me about it", Riggs explains it calmly,

"-What? And what have you told her?", Meredith asks suddenly feeling nervous, even if she's the one to start the rumor, but it's his life and judging from their last conversation, he might decide that she has no place in it.

"-That's it's not her business. What is it about Meredith? I haven't started that stupid rumor",

"-I know. Cause…I did", Meredith feels like lowering her eyes in shame, admitting what she's done. It's sounds so stupid now.

"-What? You started the rumor?", she can only nod, avoiding his eyes, not sure what she would see in them, "-So I am right. You're madly in love with me and want me all for yourself", Riggs jokes in his usual matter, and she was never this glad for it before. She laughs shaking her head, until he suddenly gently cups her face, forcing their eyes to meet. She reads hope and some warm feeling in them, together with some hidden fear to bear his heart out and get burn yet again.

"-Does that mean you will give us a chance?", he asks cautiously and she kind of hates herself for what she's done.

"-It means that…..I'll try. Maybe it's time I stop running", she says softly, not wanting to get his hopes up too high, if for some reason she would still decide to back down and hurt them both.

Maybe it's not what he's hoped for, but he still smiles widely and brings her face up for a kiss. She allows herself to feel and get lost in it, in the soft touch of his hands, in his natural musky smell, in the taste of his raspberry lips, and his talented tongue. In the way, she perfectly fits in his strong arms, against his solid chest. She allows her fingers to explore his skin, under his scrubs, on his face, his chin, his neck, into his lush locks.

She smiles widely, resting her forehead against his, when they finally brake for much needed air. "-Does that mean, I can add a name to the rumor?", he asks with a joke, but she knows that he actually wants it,

"-And allow the whole hospital to know? I don't think so", she laughs softly, still enjoying his closeness, "-But maybe we could start from our friends. And see how it goes", she offers him that much and actually feels his smile to break out on his face.