Author's Note: This story takes place in frame of Redemption, but if you don't read this side story, you won't miss anything; this is just a fun little side project for me. I'm not spoiling major plot points for Redemption in this story. Also; you have to have read Reflections for this story to make total sense as it features characters and events from that story. If you don't like my Johanna centric pieces, this is not a story you'll enjoy. Again; if you haven't read Reflections and you don't like pieces about Johanna, turn back now. This side story is just for fun in the spirit of Halloween even though the story isn't set on the holiday, it does have 'ghostly' elements. There's no need to ruin the fun for the rest of us just because it isn't your cup of tea. To those of you coming along for the ride; I hope you'll enjoy it!

Chapter 1- Worlds Collide

Johanna Beckett pulled her coat tightly against her chest, trying to ward off the cold air that assaulted her. The weatherman had said it was warmer than it had been the day before; she wasn't sure she agreed as she walked through the old church cemetery, clutching a bouquet of red Chrysanthemums in her hand. Of course it might be warmer if there was some sun, she mused as she picked her way along the path she had chosen as she headed toward the wrought iron fence at the far end of the property, stepping carefully to avoid the patches of ice and thin layer of snow that hadn't yet melted. The sky was grey; the clouds that spanned out across it looking as though they'd like to break free and dump any mixture of snow, sleet or rain that they held. She hoped they wouldn't; at least not until she had made it back home anyway.

She shivered in the eerie silence that seemed to envelope the old Catholic church cemetery; wondering if maybe her visit was a bad idea after all. A prickling sensation at the back of her neck made her feel like she wasn't alone; that someone was watching her every move. She glanced around subtly; her hands tightening on the flowers but the cemetery was void of visitors and the windows of the church were empty of prying eyes. Johanna brushed it off as yet another vestige of her paranoia as she stepped in front of the stones marked McKenzie. A cold breeze whipped around her, sending a few dried up brown leaves scrapping against the pavement that had been cleared of ice, making her jump and her heart thump wildly. "Get a grip," she murmured to herself. It was just old leaves; there wasn't anyone around…and if there was, she had a gun in her purse; it was loaded and she knew how to use it. She was fine.

She sighed softly, an old ache lingering in her soul as her eyes moved away from the landscape of the cemetery and fell upon the carving that spelled out her grandfather's name on the headstone. Patrick McKenzie hadn't always been the easiest man to get along with but she had loved him…and she knew that he had loved her too in the best way that he could. She separated the bouquet she held and kneeled down on the hard frozen ground, laying half of the red flowers in front of Patrick's stone.

"I know it's been a long time, Grandpa," Johanna murmured. "I'm sorry about that but I'm sure you probably understand. I've been wanting to come and talk to you for awhile now; but there's just been so much going on and so many people hounding me…I didn't want an audience while we talked…it would just be more proof they'd use to say I'm crazy and eccentric; or whatever it is they're calling me these days. I try not to read the newspaper too much anymore; it only upsets me…and Jim's taken to hiding it from me most days. I know you understand how I feel; you never liked anyone prying into your business either. I can just imagine what you'd say about that pack of vultures that follows me around whenever they get the chance to. I was lucky today; some celebrity is embroiled in a scandal and that gets them off my back for a few days."

She took a breath, feeling the weight that never seemed to ease from her shoulders as thoughts of the media attention and Bracken's fast approaching trial swept through her mind along with her troubles with reconnecting with some of her loved ones…and the wobbly relationship she and Katie seemed to have. "I didn't come to discuss all that; it's far too depressing. I came here, Grandpa, to thank you for the box of my grandmother's belongings, especially her diaries. It kind of fills some of the void in that area…I just wish it hadn't taken so long for me to get it. That wasn't your fault though; I know you meant for me to have it long before now…but maybe it was supposed to be this way. Maybe I got to know a little about your Sarah just when I needed it most. Some of her words have been inspiring and some of them have made me think at times. It's so nice to have a part of her…I just wish we could've talked about her together instead of hiding everything. I'm not angry with you…don't think that for a moment. I guess I kind of understand why it was the way it was…God knows there are things I don't want to talk about, pain I don't want to relive. It's okay. I know the truth now, I know more about the family and about myself now. I thank you for that and I still love and miss you, Grandpa."

Once again, Johanna felt the sensation of not being alone and her gaze darted around the cemetery but as far as her eyes could see, she was still alone and she heard nothing to indicate that anyone was around. She shifted her attention to the next stone, the one bearing the words Sarah McKenzie, Beloved Wife and Mother, January 12, 1895-April 16, 1928. She laid down her remaining flowers in front of her grandmother's stone and allowed her fingers to reach out and brush against the name carved in the stone, a few frozen snowflakes falling away as she did so.

"Grandpa wrote me a letter," she said quietly as she spoke to her grandmother's marker. "He said that you knew me, but just in case you've forgotten over the years or he was mistaken, I'm your granddaughter Johanna. I brought you flowers a long time ago but we didn't talk…so to speak. I wasn't sure what to say back then…I guess I wasn't sure that you'd understand how I could miss you when I never knew you…but I did…and I still do. It sounds crazy, but it's like there was always something missing…like a family quilt with some of the patches torn away and no idea what was supposed to be at the end of those frayed threads. I felt the loss of not knowing you. I've gotten to read your diaries now…you had a wonderful talent for writing, Sarah; you wrote in the same manner that people speak, making me feel like we were sitting down with a cup of tea while you told me about your day. Those three diaries chronicled over a decade of your life…I feel like I got to know you in some ways…but I still wish we could've known each other personally, you know what I mean?"

"But I do know you, darling," a soft feminine voice said from beside her.

Johanna tensed, her gaze slowly sliding to the side; a woman stood there and for the life of her she couldn't figure out how she had snuck up on her so quietly; surely she should've heard the crunch of a patch of snow or the crack of a piece of ice. She studied the woman, the air of familiarity filling her. Her visitor remained quiet, allowing her to stare as a soft smile graced her lips. She had dark hair…the same color as hers, Johanna noted. Her eyes were green…the same shape and shade of green that she saw in her own face every morning when she looked in the mirror. Her heart pounded against her ribs; this woman looked like her…the same cheek bones, the same chin. It couldn't be possible…it just couldn't be. "Who are you?" Johanna whispered as she shivered.

The woman moved closer, her smile a little wider. "You know who I am, Johanna."

She swallowed hard, her gaze taking stock of the old fashioned heels on the woman's feet and the green silk dress that must've been the height of fashion in 1928 with its hemline falling just below the knee. She wore no coat despite the cold weather and she didn't appear the least bit bothered by it. She was pale and with the exception of a slight shimmer around her being, she looked as whole and real as anyone. This woman looked like the photographs she had of her grandmother…and if this woman was Sarah…well then she must be losing her mind for sure.

"You're not losing your mind," the visitor stated.

Johanna was startled by the statement, clearly her mind had been read because she was sure that she hadn't muttered those words aloud…at least she was almost sure. "Sarah?" she whispered; a tremor in her voice that spoke of fear and trepidation.

"Yes," she answered. "Or you could just call me Grandma."

Her brow rose, she couldn't imagine calling her 'grandma' when she didn't look any older than her daughter. Some quick math deduced that Sarah had been 33 when she passed away; a very un-grandmotherly age indeed. She couldn't even believe that she was contemplating such a thing, this couldn't be happening. She must've fell on the ice and hit her head, it was all a dream. She wanted to blink but didn't dare, fearful that if she did that Sarah would vanish…and if she was really there, then she probably shouldn't squander the opportunity…but what if there was something ominous behind this sudden visit from the other realm?

"I'm sorry I frightened you," Sarah spoke. "You have nothing to fear, darling; I can't hurt you and I wouldn't even if I could."

"Am I going crazy?" Johanna asked softly.

Her grandmother's laughter rang out and she recognized it as sounding eerily similar to her own laughter. "Goodness, no, child; you're as sane as they come."

She swallowed hard. "Am I dying?" she whispered, her heart twisting with fear.

Sarah smiled and came closer to the stone. "No, you're not going anywhere. You have a lot of life ahead of you, my dear; there's no need to fear my presence."

"How can this be?" Johanna asked. "I mean, I've seen loved ones in dreams…even felt their presence around me but I…I never saw anyone like this."

"Ours is not to question why," Sarah replied, a slender finger reaching out and tapping Johanna on the nose; a feather light sensation that she was surprised to feel and she had a feeling that the phrase must've been one that Sarah uttered often when she had been living, for there was a gleam in her green eyes as she spoke the words.

Johanna stared at her, her tongue feeling tied as her heart rate settled back into a normal rhythm. What did you say to a ghost? There was so much she wanted to say and ask and yet she wasn't sure she could find the words.

"It was nice of you to bring flowers," her grandmother said. "I've always loved chrysanthemums."

"I'm glad you like them," she managed to utter. "Isn't it…"

"Isn't it what?"

"Isn't it strange for you to be here?" Johanna asked, her gaze flicking from Sarah to the stone that bore her name.

Her grandmother shook her head. "No; and besides, you're here and it was time we had a proper visit. We're alone…at least as much as we can be," she said, her eyes looking across the property.

Johanna's gaze followed, trepidation sliding down her spine once more. "Is there someone else out there?"

"No one that you need to fear; no one that will bother us."

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

Sarah laughed. "Darling, there are spirits roaming all over the earth, you just don't always know it. Please don't worry."

"Why did you come?" Johanna asked.

"For two reasons, but we'll get to the second one later."

"Oh God; I really am dying, aren't I? Did I fall on the ice and no one's going to find me or is there someone waiting on me out there to finish the job that didn't get done years ago?" she asked; her voice trembling, her cold fingers fumbling in her coat pocket for her phone to call for help.

"You're not dying," Sarah said firmly. "You stop that; and there's no one waiting for you; if there was, I'd tell you so you could get that gun out of your purse."

Johanna looked up at her in surprise. "You know about my gun?"

Sarah eyed her smugly. "I'm your grandmother; I make it my business to know everything about you. Now you settle down and relax, dear."

"I'll try," she murmured; but really, how could she be expected to relax when there was a ghost standing next to her…no matter how real she looked.

"I told you, it was time we had a proper visit…and you said that you wished we could meet…but I met you long ago," Sarah remarked.

"You did? Grandpa was right when he wrote that you knew me and that you were with me?"

Her grandmother nodded. "He wouldn't have lied about something like that; not my Patrick. Everything he wrote was true. I've always been with you, Johanna. I was there the day you were born. I stood by your cradle when you were a baby. I was there when you were a little girl walking to and from school by yourself, making sure that you crossed the street safely…and sometimes I even nudged your grandfather into your path so that he would walk with you. I was there when you were sick or hurt, when you were happy and sad. I was with you that night a boy left you stranded on the side of the road…I walked every step with you and made sure no harm came to you. I was there when you graduated from high school and law school. I was at your wedding. I was there when you had your baby girl. I've been there in the good times and the bad, when you were grieving, when your heart was broken. I was there the day they took you away from your family…your mother and I were both with you that day…and every day you were in Wyoming with your soul shattered into a million pieces."

Tears slid down her cheeks. "You were?" she whispered.

"Yes, sweetheart; you were never alone. I know you felt like you were but you weren't, we were there."

"Mama was there? I always felt like I could feel her sometimes…but I thought maybe it was wishful thinking because I felt like she'd be so ashamed of me," she cried.

"Nothing could be further from the truth," Sarah remarked, her cool, pale fingers reaching out and skimming along Johanna's cheek. "Your Mama was there, always, she still is although she divides her time a bit more now that you're home where you belong, but she's always around…and she was never ashamed of you. Never. Don't you ever think that. She loves you with all her heart and so do I."

"Are you my Guardian Angel?" Johanna asked.

"I guess you can call me that if you want; I prefer to think of it as being an involved grandparent; and just so you know; your father has always been with you too."

Her brow rose in disbelief as she sniffled. Sarah gave her an understanding smile. "I know it's hard for you to believe, but he was there; he still is. He loves you; he wants you to know that and believe it. You really don't need to feel like any of us are disappointed in you; we're not. We're proud of you and we love you."

The words were a soothing balm to her battle scarred heart. "I'm glad to know that…it helps a little."

"I'm sure it does," Sarah replied knowingly, her eyes flicking to a bench near the fence. "Let's sit down over there so you can get off that cold ground."

Johanna rose obediently, wondering once again if she was losing her mind as she followed a ghost to a bench to take a seat.

"That's better now, isn't it?" Sarah asked.

She nodded. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, anything."

"When Grandpa was sick that last time…he kept thinking I was you…and I can see and hear why now…and the doctor told me not to agitate him anymore by correcting him when he mistook me for you…"

"I know," the ghost replied. "I was there."

Johanna met her gaze. "Did I upset you by pretending to be you?"

"No; you were doing what was best for your grandfather. I wasn't offended in the slightest; you're my granddaughter, why should I be?"

She shrugged. "I guess I just worried that maybe I didn't say things you would've said or act the way you would've acted."

"You did just fine. What you did was out of love and there's nothing wrong in that…I feel like I owe you an apology though."

"Why?" Johanna asked. "What would you need to apologize for?"

Sarah sighed. "Because I've caused you a lot of heartache in your life."

"I'm not sure I'm following."

Her grandmother smiled sadly. "You look like me, darling…and in some ways you sound like me…like when you laugh…and rumor has it that you act like me in some ways too. Your father held that against you; I'm so sorry. I understood his hate and anger toward me…I left him…I didn't want to of course, it wasn't my choice, if I could've changed things I would have…but I couldn't. It broke my heart to see him treat you the way he did…I was ashamed of him and it pains me to admit that. It was all my fault though."

"It's not your fault," Johanna told her. "You can't help it that you got sick and…" she trailed off, not wanting to say the word…not wanting to pain the being sharing the bench with her and not wanting to drive home the point to herself that she was speaking to a ghost.

Sarah smiled sadly. "I shouldn't have gone out that day…Patrick told me not to; he said it was going to rain but I didn't think it would be any more than a drizzle. I was a little restless…I needed to get out of the house for awhile so I took Frank and Bridget and we went out. It started off so nicely; the day seemed perfect…but then that storm blew in and that damn automobile that Patrick insisted I learn to drive just wouldn't start. We had to walk home in the rain…it was light at first, nothing to be upset over but then it turned into a sudden downpour…and I didn't realize that Bridget had left her sweater behind until we were too far away to consider going back. I took off my jacket and put it around her and carried her while holding on to Frank's hand. The rain came down so hard; we could barely see…I tried not to let them see how worried I was…I tried to make it fun for them. I was so worried they'd get sick, so worried Patrick would be upset about the car being left behind. We should've stayed in the car and waited…but I wanted to get home before dark…I had to get dinner started. I made a foolish mistake by thinking we could get home before things got worse. The children, thankfully, didn't get sick…but I did. I tried to brush it off at first, tried not to let Patrick see it…he fussed over me so much, especially since the winter when I had been very sick. The doctor said my lungs had been weakened some…that I'd have to be careful until I regained my strength…but I had a house and a husband and four children that needed tending and when I felt well enough, I went back to doing everything I normally did. I guess maybe I never fully healed from that winter illness and when I got pneumonia from being out in that cold rain…there just wasn't much hope. I was stubborn…I put everyone else before me and then I had to leave them…and everything went wrong."

Johanna brushed away a few tears. "I'm sorry, Sarah."

She shook her head. "It wasn't your fault…you can't help what I did, but you paid for it."

"No," Johanna stated firmly. "You didn't deliberately go out that day with the intent of getting sick and leaving your family. You wouldn't have gone if you had known; I wouldn't ever believe otherwise."

"You're right, if I had known, I wouldn't have gone…just like if you had known the trouble that would come to your door, you would've never taken that case."

She stiffened slightly but her grandmother kept her gaze pinned upon her. "I didn't tell you my story to make you see the similarity," Sarah stated. "I was merely pointing out that if we had known ahead of time, we both would have made better choices…and that while we may always carry a measure of guilt about the way things turned out; we did the best we could…and our intentions were pure."

Johanna relaxed again. "You're right about that."

"I'm still sorry," Sarah stated. "I'm sorry that the traits of mine that were passed on to you were held against you; it pains me to know you suffered because of me…because of the color of your eyes especially. I hope you can forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive," she told her. "I've never blamed you; I know you wouldn't have wanted Dad to act the way he did. I'm proud to share traits with you…especially your eyes…my husband loves them, you know."

Sarah smiled brightly. "Yes, I know…your Jim is a good man; he loves you so."

"I love him more than words can say," Johanna remarked.

"I know how much you love him…and Katie too."

"She has your eyes too," Johanna whispered.

"I know; she's lovely…and has a penchant for being difficult it seems."

She gave a soft short laugh. "You can say that again…it's all my mother's fault; she cursed me, you know. She wanted me to have a girl just like me or worse…and boy did she get a healthy dose of being worse than I ever was."

"Are you sure about that?" Sarah asked in amusement. "I've known you all your life, darling; there were times when Naomi wanted to pull her hair out due to your stubbornness."

Johanna smirked at her. "Trust me, she's worse."

"If you say so," her grandmother replied indulgently. "Although I'd say you were about even in some respects but it doesn't really matter. She worries you, though; not only with her job but with how easily things can wobble between the two of you."

She nodded. "That's the truth."

"Sometimes you just have to let go and let things take care of themselves."

"You think I should stop trying? I'm only trying to keep on the course of progress that we had been making when I was staying with her. I don't want to lose that ground…I can't stop trying…can I?"

"No; not exactly," Sarah replied. "But you might need to find balance between trying too hard and not trying enough."

"Yeah, well apparently I suck at balance, which is why I'm pretty sure I must've slipped on the ice and cracked my head, because this has to be some sort of dream...or maybe I've finally snapped and slipped off the edge of reason."

"You're not insane," Sarah said sternly; "And you haven't fallen; check your head, do you feel any lumps?"

For reasons that were beyond her, Johanna felt her head and checked her fingers for blood; she found no evidence of a fall.

"Now pinch yourself; and do it hard," the ghost instructed.

"I don't want to."

"Do it, so we can carry on," her grandmother demanded.

Johanna pulled back the sleeve of her coat and pinched her skin hard. "Ow," she said as her nails dug into her flesh.

"There, see; you're perfectly fine, conscious and sane. Really, dear, I thought you'd be happier to see me."

"Oh I am happy to finally meet you," Johanna hurried to say. "I didn't mean to offend you; please don't go yet…see, I'm always saying or doing the wrong thing."

Sarah shook her head and offered a soft smile. "You didn't offend me; I understand; it takes some getting used to. My mother had a hard time getting used to it to when I used to visit her."

That was a sad thought that Johanna didn't wish to dwell on as she looked at her, staring once again, hoping to commit everything about her grandmother to memory. "Why have you always been with me?" she asked. "You have a lot of grandchildren…"

"Oh I know all about them," Sarah remarked; "And I've been with them too, but you most of all…because you need me most."

She nodded. "I probably do need someone looking after me."

Her grandmother laughed. "It wouldn't matter if you didn't feel that way, you're stuck with me."

Johanna smiled. "I don't mind. I just wish we could've gotten to know each other…that I could've grown up knowing you and your love and that we could've had that grandmother-granddaughter relationship."

"I wish it could've been that way too; but you've always had my love and you always will. I know you…and somewhere in your heart you know me, at least the things that matter. You read the diaries…you said it was like being told what my day was like. You know me; if you think about it, you'll realize that it's true…and you can call me grandma…I really wish you would…I've never gotten to hear anyone refer to me as such…I'm always identified as 'grandmother' and that's so very formal. I'd like to hear it."

"I'm afraid that if I say it then you'll leave," Johanna replied.

Understanding dawned in the woman's eyes. "I still have time," Sarah stated. "It can wait if you'd like."

"Yes; I think that would be better."

"Is there something on your mind that you'd like to say?"

Johanna gave a soft laugh. "There's so many things going through my mind…and yet I keep thinking about how I want to tell you that I like your shoes."

Sarah laughed merrily. "Thank you, darling. I must admit, I loved buying shoes. These are my favorite pair, I just adore that little strap that goes around the ankle and buckles don't you?"

"Yes," she replied. "They still have some that are similar to those."

"They're much fancier now," Sarah stated.

"You've popped into Macy's, have you?"

Her grandmother grinned. "Macy's is a wonderful store…and I may have tagged along with a loved one when she's visited the establishment."

Johanna laughed. "That should probably give me the heebie jeebies but it doesn't."

"That's because you know that I've always been around."

A thought occurred to her then and she eyed her grandmother. "Just how often are you around?"

Sarah read between the lines. "I assure you that I've never invaded your privacy; we don't do that."

"That's good to know. Can I ask you something else?"

"Yes, dear; ask whatever you like."

"Has Dad made his peace with you? I'm assuming you all run into each other."

Sarah nodded. "Yes; your father and I have made our peace with one another."

Johanna tapped her foot against the hard ground. "I wish he and I could've made peace before he was gone. It's always left this ache in me; you know…hurt and anger…all those years of not understanding why things were the way they were."

"I know," the ghost said softly. "It bothers him too."

Her brow rose. "Really?"

"Yes; he knows what he robbed you of…he knows what he robbed himself of. If he could've gone back and did things differently, I'm sure he would have; because I know he's sorry."

"Does he know that I'm sorry too?" she asked quietly.

"He knows and he understands."

"There were times when I said I hated him," Johanna admitted. "He had to have known that I said those things if he's been watching like the rest of you."

"He knows you didn't really mean it; that you were just angry and hurt…grieving for what was lost and what might have been. All of those what ifs hurt sometimes, don't they, darling? You have so many of them, not only about your father but about your current situation."

Johanna laughed softly. "You really do know everything."

Sarah nodded. "That's my job as a grandmother…and as the person who's been looking after you since birth."

"I appreciate your dedication to the job."

Her grandmother laughed. "I'm glad you don't mind that I hang around."

"I don't mind; I guess in a way it's comforting. Sometimes when I'd be in Grandpa's house I'd feel like someone would brush a hand against my back. When he was sick that last summer, he'd always tell me it was you."

"It was," Sarah replied. "Once in awhile I let you know I'm there."

"Is Grandpa with you up there? I know it was all he wanted at the end…you were what made him truly happy and he wanted to be with you."

"Of course he's with me, sweetheart; they all are; and he's happy. Your Grandma Sophia is there too, she sends her love."

Tears filled her eyes. "Will you tell them all that I love them?"

"I will; but they hear you when you tell them, never doubt that. All those times you felt silly talking to that picture of your mother, she was listening, she heard every word and she was there with you just like you thought. Things have been so difficult for you…coming home didn't go as well as you planned…healing hasn't happened as quickly as you hoped, but you have to stay strong, you have to keep fighting; you're going to make it, darling. You're going to be just fine and so is Katie and Jim. Everything's going to be okay. It might be hard sometimes, but you're going to make it…you're a McKenzie; and you know what your grandfather always says, don't you?"

Johanna nodded. "You can't keep a McKenzie down for long."

"That's right; we Riley's are pretty stubborn too," Sarah quipped. "Don't you forget that you have some of us in your veins as well."

"How could I? I do look like you in some ways."

She smiled. "That's true; and I'm still sorry that my gene pool caused you distress. It always made me feel bad."

"Well stop it; you can't blame yourself for everything," Johanna chastened.

"You should take your own advice," Sarah quipped. "You do a lot of apologizing yourself."

"I feel like I have to," she sighed. "I'm the one who's held responsible for getting mixed up in this mess."

Sarah eyed her seriously. "You need to stop, Johanna. You need to stop apologizing so much. You've made all the apologies that you need to; you've taken the responsibility and the blame and it wasn't even yours to take because you didn't cause this. If they haven't accepted it by now, you're never going to be able to convince them otherwise. It's just another way to keep tormenting yourself. People either accept you or they don't…and if they don't, that's their loss. You keep yourself in a constant state of turmoil because you're so afraid that you'll say or do something that will anger Jim or Katie and that they'll leave you as punishment for it…but that's not going to happen. You need to stop worrying so much about them and start thinking a little more about you and what you need. If you want to prove to them that you're doing better and that you're reclaiming your life, then show them. Be the person you always were, the person you still are deep down. You're a passionate being, whether it be in regard to love or war; you need to remember that. Be you, all the time, not just some of the time. Pull yourself up out of this and blaze brightly like a diamond in the sunlight. The best way to win is to overcome; you're half way there…don't slam on the brakes just because things get a little touchy sometimes. You can't hide a wounded heart forever, darling."

Her eyes met Sarah's. "Your mother told you that…I read that in your diary."

She smiled; her eyes lighting up. "I know, you read those words and took them to heart…that's when you bought that shiny red automobile…your grandfather loves it, by the way."

Johanna laughed. "Really?"

"Oh yes; he thinks it's wonderful. He told me to tell you to 'keep your chin up, Lass'."

A sad smile touched her lips at the thought of that endearment her grandfather had always called her. "I'm trying," she whispered. "It's just hard sometimes…sometimes I think I'm getting somewhere and then I just get shoved back down."

Sarah nodded. "I know, but what matters is that you get back up."

"That's what Bridget said."

Sadness flicked across Sarah's features. "My baby girl," she murmured. "I love her so."

"You see her, don't you? Like you see me?"

"Of course I do; but it doesn't mean I miss her any less…you know that feeling."

Johanna gave a nod. "Yeah, I do."

"Bridget's memories are few of our time together…but she's never stopped loving me despite Amelia McKenzie doing her damnedest to make her forget me completely."

"You had a mother-in-law problem too, I hear," Johanna said.

Sarah scoffed. "Problem is putting it mildly. That woman would test the patience of a saint."

"Is she up there giving you grief?" she asked with a nod towards the sky.

"She's there, but thankfully heaven's big enough that we can avoid each other as much as possible."

Johanna laughed. "I had an unpleasant mother-in-law too."

"I know, I've met Elizabeth…the fact that you never tried to kill her just goes to prove that you have a good heart and a hell of a lot of patience."

She grinned. "There may have been times when I was tempted."

"I'm sure there were…I had some thoughts like that myself back when Amelia and I were…shall we say, less than pleased with each other."

She laughed quietly. "I'm afraid to ask about Elizabeth…"

"Well, she did give me a message."

"Should I be afraid," Johanna quipped.

Sarah giggled merrily. "No, dear; it's entirely non-threatening; I wouldn't give it to you otherwise."

"It's hard to imagine old Lizzie sending a message that doesn't have some venom in it."

"I admit that I had some trepidation when she came forward but I promise it's nothing bad."

Johanna's brow rose. 'Are you sure you got the right Elizabeth?"

"Yes," the ghost laughed. "It's the right one. She said to tell you that you're right, she is furious with Madelyn for ripping out that lilac bush and she is haunting her for it…but Madelyn's too stupid to realize it."

She burst into laughter, thankful that no one was around to hear it. "That sounds like Elizabeth."

Sarah giggled. "She also wanted me to tell you that if you can, remind Katie once in awhile that she loves her and that she's proud of her…Jim too."

"I will," Johanna murmured.

"Robert sends his love to all of you as well."

"I like to think he watches over Jim a great deal," she stated.

"Oh he does," Sarah assured. "He's with him as much as possible."

"I'm glad to know that."

"Will you give someone a message for me?" her grandmother asked.

"Will this person think I'm crazy?'

"No," she said with a soft laugh. "She'll believe you."

"Okay; who would you like me to give a message to?" Johanna asked.

"My Bridget," Sarah murmured. "Tell her that I love her and I'm always watching over her. Tell her that I know that her memories are few, but that I remember everything. Tell her that when that wind chime outside her window plays a tune at night and there's no wind that it's me playing her a song to fall asleep to…she'll say she's too old for lullabies…but remind her that she'll always be my baby."

"I'll tell her," she promised.

"Thank you," Sarah replied with a small smile.

Johanna shifted on the bench; a little voice in her head reminding her that her grandmother had mentioned that there was a second reason for her visit. "You said there was another reason you're here," she stated hesitantly.

Sarah eyed her. "You're ready to move on to business now?"

"That sounds ominous," Johanna remarked. "I'm not sure I want to know."

"Well you're going to know anyway," her grandmother replied. "It's nothing bad."

She sighed deeply; her cheeks stinging from the cold but at least it was more proof that she was indeed fully conscious. "Fine; lay it on me…it can't be any worse than the other bombshells of my life."

A ghostly hand patted her knee affectionately. "I'm not the only visitor that you're going to have," Sarah told her.

"You're not?" Johanna asked; concern flicking across her features.

She shook her head. "No; you have a few more visits coming your way in the near future. As I've mentioned, we've been with you all this time…and there are a few people who would like to have a word with you."

A tremor of fear shot down her spine. "I feel like I'm in trouble," Johanna murmured.

"You're not in trouble; and you have nothing to fear, Johanna. Your visitors are people you love and who love you in return. They're concerned about you…they feel you need some guidance."

Johanna's brow rose. "What, this is going to be some kind of intervention staged by ghosts?"

"I wouldn't say that," Sarah replied.

"You wouldn't?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't know what an intervention is, dear. Can you explain it to me?"

"Oh sure," she replied with a wry laugh as she tried to reconcile the fact that she was really speaking to a ghost who was out of touch in the scheme of modern times. She had to have fallen and hit her head; she'd wake up soon and this would all be a dream, a very vivid dream that was mocking lucidity. "An intervention is an ambush type meeting that your loved ones stage when they feel you have a problem, usually with alcohol, drugs or some other addiction…and sometimes because they think you're nuts and that you need help. Personally, I feel like my daughter has already staged a few of these with me."

Sarah digested that information. "No; I can say with certainty that this is not what you described."

"It isn't like A Christmas Carol, is it?" she asked. "Because honestly; that story has always kind of given me the creeps. I mean the ghost of Christmas past is alright…but the present might have me hearing and seeing things I don't want to know and the future…well if it holds true to the story, it would terrify the hell out of me. I feel queasy thinking about it."

Sarah's musical laughter filled the crisp air. "Goodness no; you're not being haunted, darling."

Johanna's brow rose. "Then what do you call it?"

"I told you; they're visitations."

"Uh huh, sounds like a come to Jesus meeting if you ask me."

"No," Sarah said with a shake of her head. "It's not like that at all; you're not going to meet Jesus for a long time. I told you that you're perfectly fine and still have a lot of life ahead of you. Don't worry so much."

Johanna's lips curved upwards in an amused smile. "It's just an expression, Sarah; it wasn't meant to be literal."

Sarah bit her lip. "Oh; I suppose I need to brush up on modern day expressions. You know there's just so much to keep up with these days. Like those telephones you carry around in your pocket and those other contraptions that people are always typing on."

"Computers," Johanna replied and then she took her phone from her pocket for Sarah to see. "These are called smartphones; they're a combination of phone and computer."

"May I see that?" the ghost asked. "I'm fascinated by those things."

She wasn't sure how this would work; although her grandmother appeared to be as flesh and blood as she was as she sat beside her on the bench. Cautiously she held the phone out and Sarah's pale hand took it. "You can hold things?" Johanna asked in surprise.

Her grandmother nodded. "How do you think spirits move things around in the homes of their loved ones? We have to have fun too, you know."

Johanna hadn't thought of that; it did make sense in a way. "Does that mean you might know where my strawberry chapstick is?"

"I didn't do it," Sarah remarked as her finger touched the screen of the phone and brought it to life.

"Who did?"

"It wasn't one of us."

"But you know who it was?"

"Yes."

"Tell me."

"It was your husband, dear. He gets a kick out of watching you look for things like that. It's hidden in his desk drawer; he was going to put it back on your desk once you bought a new one."

"Son of a bitch," she muttered.

"Watch your mouth, young lady."

"Young lady?" Johanna laughed. "I'm 61."

"Fine; middle aged lady," Sarah corrected; her brow furrowed as she tried to figure out the object she held.

"Go back to young lady; it sounds better."

Sarah ignored the comment and kept pressing her finger against the screen, making a song begin to play loudly; startling the spirit. "Jeepers Creepers!" she exclaimed. "What is that?"

"Music," Johanna answered. "You had music in your day."

"It wasn't that loud."

"This was loud because you turned the volume all the way up," she remarked as she grabbed the phone and hurriedly turned it down and stopped the song. "What does Jeepers Creepers mean?"

Sarah blushed. "Oh; it's just an expression…not really ladylike really."

"That's alright; I've said plenty of unladylike things."

"Yes I know; I would've liked to have washed your mouth out with soap a time or two."

"Seems a little hypocritical," Johanna replied; "Since apparently you're guilty of that as well."

"True enough, but we're getting off course," Sarah remarked. "As I said; you're going to have more visits…."

Johanna shifted on the bench. "Who will be coming?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Why not?"

"Because it isn't allowed; all you need to know is that they're coming."

"All at once?" she asked.

"No; individually."

Johanna's foot tapped against the frozen ground. "Can I opt out?"

"Opt out?" Sarah asked.

"Decline; can I decline this visitation thing?"

"No; they're coming whether you like it or not. You don't have a choice."

"That figures," Johanna remarked. "If I ever write my life story, the title can be 'I Didn't Have A Choice' and the subtitle can be 'Whether You Like It Or Not'."

"Don't be so uptight," Sarah chastened. "There's nothing to fear; you might even enjoy it; after all, you'll get to speak to some people that you haven't talked to in a long time."

"So why now?" she asked. "Why not when I was in Wyoming having any number of dark thoughts and could've used some divine intervention to make it through until I found my way home?"

"We were there; you know we were…and you had to make that decision to come home. Everyone knows it wasn't one you made lightly; you were afraid you'd bring more danger to your family if you left Wyoming but it was the right thing to do and you chose the right time; Katie was in a place where she was better able to help you, despite her anger and Jim was in a better place where he was able to accept and welcome you home without sliding into any bad habits. You were ready too; you were tired of being scared; tired of being lonely of missing out, of feeling like you had failed in so many ways. What happened and the journey you took to bring you home, was how it was supposed to be. You survived because that's what God wanted, Johanna. He wants you here; stop feeling guilty for being saved. This is why you need these visitations; you've lost part of yourself…you need help finding it or at the very least, recovering some semblance of what it feels like to completely be yourself. These visitors are coming to remind you of lessons you've seemed to have forgotten; they're coming to remind you of their love and support, of the person they know you to be; and maybe, just maybe to offer whatever closure to old wounds that they can give."

Johanna scrubbed her hands over her face. "Does this happen to everyone?"

"Oh I'd say nearly everyone has had some experience with a spirit; some are set in their disbeliefs though that they ignore it or find some so called logical explanation; as for these certain types of visits you'll experience, no; not everyone gets this privilege; only those who need it most and can appreciate and benefit from it are allowed this experience. Embrace it, darling."

She wasn't sure she wanted to embrace a host of ghostly visitors as they took turns haunting her but it didn't sound like she had a choice; in fact her grandmother had made it clear that she had no choice whatsoever. "When will the next visit take place?"

"I can't tell you that."

Johanna sighed. "You're big on not telling things, aren't you? I thought Katie got that from her father but maybe she gets it from you."

Sarah gave a soft laugh. "Katie gets her traits from many people; she's a bit stubborn like your father, if you ask me."

She nodded. "Yeah; it hasn't escaped my notice that she has some of Frank McKenzie's traits…as well as Elizabeth Beckett's…and it's all I can do sometimes not to grab a hold of her and try to smack it out of her."

"A good many of her traits come from you," Sarah reminded her.

"I get enough of those accusations from my husband."

"He's not entirely wrong."

"Let's not tell him that; he tends to gloat."

"My lips are sealed," Sarah said with a smile. "But I'm really not allowed to tell you who is coming and when; all I can say is that they'll be along in the near future. I can't tell you what they wish to discuss, because that's for them to tell you; all I can tell you is that you should take their words to heart…maybe it'll help you find your way."

Johanna sighed. "I didn't feel like I was lost…but it seems like everyone else thinks so."

"You're not lost," Sarah remarked. "You're just hiding in your shell."

"That sounds like something my mother would say."

Her grandmother smiled. "Where do you think I got it from?"

"Is she here?" Johanna asked; her gaze darting around the area, hungrily seeking the ghostly figure of her mother.

"No; she isn't here in the way you'd like; but you can be sure that she's watching."

Silence fell as Johanna tapped her suede boot against the frozen ground, her teeth biting into her bottom lip. Her life seemed to be enough of a mess without being haunted.

"You're not being haunted," Sarah spoke. "Just visited."

Her head snapped up. "How do you know what I'm thinking?"

"I can't tell you that," the ghost said with a smile.

Johanna glared at her. "You exasperated my grandfather, didn't you?"

"Every chance I got," she giggled. "You know how it is; you've exasperated that man of yours many times."

"I assure you that's it been a mutual exasperation on most of those occasions."

"Oh, I'm sure it was; my time here is drawing to a close, Johanna. Is there anything you need to talk about before I go?"

Johanna's gaze flicked back to the woman's face; a feeling of loss filling her. "I don't want you to go," she murmured as tears filled her eyes. "I haven't gotten to ask you a hundred questions that I probably should. I…I'm not ready for you to go."

"I know, darling; I wish I could stay longer too, but these visits always have a time limit. I'm so sorry about that. It was so good to be here with you like this."

Johanna nodded. "Yes, it was…I'm so glad you came…"

Sarah studied her. "What is it, dear?"

"Is it possible to hug you?" she asked.

Her grandmother smiled. We can manage that."

"Really?"

Sarah nodded and opened her arms to her. "Come here and let me hold you," she murmured.

Johanna cautiously embraced the other woman, fearful she'd feel nothing but air, but she was as solid as anyone, the silk of her dress smooth beneath her fingers, her dark hair the same texture as hers as it brushed against her cheek. She closed her eyes and hung on to her, breathing in her scent of Chanel perfume and the feel of her embrace. She knew Sarah had to go, but she kept trying to prolong it with her questions. "Will I ever see you again…like this I mean? Will we talk again?"

"You can always talk to me; I'll listen."

"But will we ever get to talk like this again…where you can answer me?"

Sarah's hand moved soothingly over her hair. "I'll visit you in your dreams sometimes, we'll talk there…and if I feel like you need me, I may stop in for another visit like this…but remember that I'm always with you, even if you haven't seen me."

"Can you give me a sign sometimes?"

"A cardinal in the winter," Sarah remarked. "A mockingbird in the summer."

The tears were slipping down her cheeks. "I'll be looking for them."

"They'll be there…I'll be there; so will the others."

"Will you hug mama for me?" Johanna cried.

"Yes, darling; I'd be happy to do that for you…and the next time you see Bridget, you give her a hug from me."

"I promise."

Sarah pulled back from her, brushing a kiss against her granddaughter's forehead. "I love you, Josie."

"I love you too, Grandma," she replied.

A bright smile spread across Sarah's lips, warmth and love flooding her green eyes. "Thank you for saying it, my sweet girl; you don't know how much it means to me. I have to go now…but remember, I'm with you. Stay strong and brave and sassy. It's all going to be fine; and you listen during those visits…those guests you're going to have, they love you; they want what's best for you."

Johanna nodded; a wobbly smile of her lips as she clutched at the hand that was slowly fading away. "Goodbye, Sarah."

'Not goodbye," Sarah said. "I've always hated goodbyes; let's just say until next time."

"Until next time, Grandma."

"That's better; until next time, darling."

Johanna watched as her grandmother faded from her sight and she allowed the tears to continue to slip down her cheeks. She sniffled and fumbled for a tissue in her pocket. When she found one she wiped her cheeks and then her nose and then rose from the bench and made her way back to the stones that marked her grandparents graves. As she approached, a flash of red caught her eye; a cardinal landing on Sarah's stone, remaining perched there even as she approached. She smiled at the bird. "Thank you, Grandma; I'm glad to see your sign."

The bird chirped and then flew up on the lowest limb of the nearby tree. Johanna turned away and headed back for the car; the thought still in mind that she might've had some type of hallucination. Maybe she shouldn't be allowed to go out alone…reporters always found her and now ghosts were finding her as well. She could just imagine the conversation with Jim at the dinner table that night when he'd inevitably ask her about her day. What was she supposed to say? "Went to the cemetery to leave flowers and ran into the ghost of my grandmother who's been dead since long before I was born; oh and even better; some of her friends are going to be popping in to visit as well!"

Yeah; that would get her on the fast track to being committed. It would probably be best not to mention this to her husband…and definitely not to her daughter. Johanna blew out a breath as she opened her car door and got inside. She sat quietly in the driver's seat; casting a glance in the mirror to make sure no ghostly friends were in the backseat. Feeling as though she was truly alone, Johanna sighed; wondering if there was a do not haunt list somewhere that she could add her name to. Now she had the added privilege of worrying about unexpected guests popping up and scaring her out of her wits. "Thanks, a lot, Grandma," she muttered; feeling torn about meeting the woman who had lingered in her family history and the news she had given her as she put the key in the ignition. If she had known this was how her day was going to turn out, she probably would've stayed home…now she'd be waiting and wondering about who or what was coming next.