From The Twisted Mind Of A Brotha Pro. Presents:

Digimon Tamers Digital Short: Courts of Southern Quadrant Vs Beelzemon

(A/N: I got the idea for this will checking out Rick and Morty parodying "State of Georgia VS Denver Fenton Allen" Apparently this was a real incident in a courtroom where the defendant wanted a new lawyer and just went crazy ripping into the judge. Their exchange is pretty funny. I got a copy of the transcript and made a few changes. Hope you enjoy this.)

The following incident took place in the courts of the Southern Quadrant, on Friday, 15, 2001. The Defendant, Beelzemon appeared before The Honorable Judge Zhuqiaomon, Indramon represented The Southern Quadrant, while the defendant had Caturamon appointed as his attorney. Antylamon recorded the proceedings. The incident took place when Beelzemon had filed for a motion to fire his public defender in open court; Beelzemon is set to stand trail for the murder of Leomon:

"Okay, Mr Beelzemon, Beelzemon it is correct?" Zhuqiamon asked as he sat at his bench looking down at the Biker-Demon, handcuffed standing next to his lawyer Caturamon. Besides the judge and stenographer, the only other digimon in the courtroom were Indramon, the prosecutor, and bailiffs Pajiramon and Vajramon.

"Yeah that's me" Beelzemon replied with a dry tone.

"I believe this case was going to trial not this Monday, but the next following Monday, do you understand that?"

"Uh, sure."

"Alright, well if you have to tell me something, then come up to the podium here and speak in the microphone so I can hear you."

Beelzemon approached the podium, tapping it with a claw before speaking, "Yeah, this attorney here, I want to fire him."

Zhuqiamon nodded, "I see"

"Yeah, see he just isn't doing a good job here with my case-"

"And just who are you going to hire Mr. Beelzemon?"

"I'm not going to hire anyone, I want to try and get another defender"

"You do have a right to an attorney, but you don't have a specific attorney is that what you are saying?" Zhuqiamon raised two eyebrows looking down at the demon lord.

"He's doing a crappy job, and he's doing it on purpose. He told me if that I wanted him to do a good job, I needed to let him give me oral sex. He had doctors at the Digi-Hosptial-"

The judge leaned back with a look of bewilderment, "He had what?"

"Yeah, he had doctors at the hospital falsely diagnosis me"

"I know Caturamon very well, I highly doubt he has the power to do that, if they did falsely diagnose you, he had nothing to do with it."

"Huh, well alright. Well he still won't give me the discovery. There's stuff he is suppose to give me."

"Ok, well if you want a copy of the indictment-"

"I already go the indictment!" Beelzemon started shouting "I've seen this all before, I'm suppose to get an autopsy report, coroner report, pictures of the crime scene! Criminal background checks! I need all that!"

"Coroner report?" Zhuqiamon looked over to Vajramon, "Is this a murder trial?"

"Yes your honor, in the jail" the Bull digimon said.

"I see…Caturamon, what discovery do you have?"

Caturamon rolled his eyes and shook his head, "I gave him everything I had sir."

"Everything?"

"Yes your honor."

Beelzemon looked at the judge and his lawyer back and forth with a look of shock and confusion, "What? This is a murder case and all I get is a frigging four-page indictment? Well you can forget that! I'm not going to trial with this digimon here!"

Zhuqiamon nodded, "Well you only have two choices: go to trial with him, or you can try and defend the case yourself."

"Phhhh, in that case I'll-"

"Wait, now before you decide on representing yourself, I should warn you right now, that that would be a huge mistake on your part."

"So you mean to say that if I go to trial you would find me guilty?"

"Most likely. Son, you don't know anything about how this process works, I can see that."

"I know I don't need to let this guy suck my dick to get some proper legal representation in here. And I'll tell you this! If you try and send me to court with him, I'll find myself in contempt!"

Now the great fiery bird digimon let out a sigh, his shoulders shrugging, "That's fine, it's all up to you. Those are your only two options-"

"Well forget that!"

"Listen…"

"Nope I'll hold myself in contempt!"

"Listen to me."

"Fuck you!" Everyone in the courtroom was taken back by his outburts, even Zhuqiamon.

"Now you listen here…"

"Go fuck yourself, I'm through with all of this!"

"That's it, I'm finding you in contempt!" Zhuqaiamon said, with a bit of anger in his voice.

"I don't care."

"I know you don't and for that I'm going to sentence you twenty days in jail, and if you utter anything else, it's another twenty."

"Fuck you"

"Forty days."

"Fuck you again!"

"Sixty days!" anger flaring in the great bird's voice, the flames over his body starting to rise.

"Your mamma"

"A year!"

"Suck my dick!"

The two locked eyes glaring at one another, Zhuqaimon's flames raging, but soon they subsided as he calmed down. He let out a small chuckle and smiled looking down at Beelzemon.

"Heh-heh, you know what? This will be a very interesting case."

Beelzemon's eyes widened as he looked at the judge, pointing, "Hey! You can't smile in court! Your not allowed, it's a violation! And you been yelling and cussing at me."

"No I haven't, I have been yelling."

"Well go fuck yourself and suck my dick." Beelzemon grabbed his crotch pointing it in Zhuqaimon's direction.

"You know? I reckon you are about the rudest digimon I have ever came across."

"I reckon if I let you suck my cock, you'll give me a fair trail am I right?"

"I don't think so. I doubt that would get you a fair trial, even if you let the every single juror do it."

Beelzemon snorted, "I don't think your mouth is big enough your honor, I got a huge old Donkeymon cock for you."

"You know, I'm sure mine's…I'm sure mine's not."

"I have a huge old Donkeymon cock for that ass!"

"God, I'm sure the Ladydevimons go crazy for it."

"Oh you are wrong there sir. I don't fuck Ladydevimons."

"Do forgive me" Zhuqaimon said sarcastically.

"I fuck digi-boys"

"I see, you prefer Devimons"

"No I fuck digi-boys."

"You do? White or Black?"

"White digi-boys…"

"Oh? Butt-boys?"

"That's right, white digi-boys with big old butts."

"Huh, well you know, you look like a queer-mon"

"Oh! So now you're calling me a queer-mon in the courtroom?"

"I said you looked like a queer-mon I didn't call you one!"

"You're yelling!" Beelzemon snapped back, Zhuqaimon only laughed, "So now you're laughing? T-this…this is a kangaroo court!"

"We are not in Australia Mr. Beelzemon…"

"I mean hey if you wanted to suck my dick, you can do it anytime. Just get a court order."

"Oh…you're so smart…"

"Get a court order! Come on get that order to get my dick sucked!"

"You're so cute, I bet all the inmates in jail love you."

Beelzemon smirked, "Yeah they like me all right, all the big white butt-boys"

"Yup, I just beT you enjoy letting them suck your cock too."

"Now you're smiling again in court your honor, that's a damn violation!"

"I can smile whenever I want!"

"Now you're yelling at me!"

"Of course I'm yelling! You pissed me off! Alright, this is how it's going to go!" Zhuqaimon roared out, Antylamon started sweating from the heat as she was sitting so close to the judge, "We are going to hold court on that Monday, and if you so much as utter a word, your standing outside for the entire proceedings, you got that?!"

"Fuck you. I don't have to listen to any of this! I'm out of here!" Beelzemon turned to leave.

"You're not going anywhere!"

"The hell I am! I'm getting out of here!"

"No you're not!"

"Fuck you! Suck my dick, I'll murder your entire family!"

"Y-you'll…y-you'll what?"

"That's right, I'll murder your entire family! I'll kill your children with a claw hammer, and they will be like, "Daddy, daddy, why is he killing us?" You punk bitch! Come on, get over here, I'll make you suck my dick and assassinate your family!"

"I don't have children! Digimon can't have kids!"

"I don't care! I'll murder them anyway! Your brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles!"

Zhuqaimon let out a huge sigh, looking up at the ceiling wondering how he ended up with this case.

"You know what…you have a right to be a dumbass…we will proceed with court on the following Monday. Request for another lawyer denied. Get him out of here."

"Fuck you! I'm not going to court with this asshole!" Pajiramon and Vajramon approached, grabbing Beelzemon by his arms, "Hey! Get your hands off me! This is a violation of my rights! This is a kangaroo court You here me? I'll have you're assess all in contempt!"

Beelzemon struggled as he was escorted out of the courtroom, cursing and yelling. Zhuqaimon shook his head in disgust sighing again, "I need a vacation…a long, long, vacation."

END

(A/N: If you haven't seen the Rick and Morty clip of them reading the court transcript I suggest you go check it out. It's quite the laugh.)