July 25, 2017

This story is a tough one to resolve because it is so very alternate universe. It was tricky to write and even trickier to close. Much of the story *had* to be told a certain way or everything would fall apart. In fact, I had to invent a plausible reason to speed the wedding up to avoid my characters from talking about certain things. (Hannah) If it weren't for the fact that I love a challenge, I'd have given up on it long ago. Then again, I really love the opening sequence you're about to read, the scene with Hannah. This is the scene that hooked me six years ago. I'm so happy to share it with you at last.

Many readers have hinted or begged for a fourth installment. However, not only I am going back to school for a special education certificate, but I have original characters who've waited far longer than Hannah for their stories to be told. [Raiderborn] I'll keep you informed via twitter and my facebook group.

There's no epilogue, per say, but there a couple of things I want to share with you.

First, Under the Table was written in 2012 as a rated M one-shot designed to fit into Sitting in a Tree, Backwards Part III. Chronologically, it happens after Part 3, but the timeline is a little off. If you've been waiting to read it until the right point in the story, now is the best time.

Finally, I want to leave with you with something wonderful I found last summer at Twitter / rewatchCastle . [Remove spaces.] It's Castle and Beckett's happy ending.

I never watched the Castle finale last year. I didn't want to watch an episode designed to kill off Kate Beckett and launch an era without her. But I found this image and it gave me the happy ending I craved. It's my desktop, it's on my wall, it's stuck to my bulletin board, and I want to share it with you now at the end of my last Castle fanfiction. Come visit my facebook group to see it. (See below for details.)

The following review arrived this afternoon and I just had to share: I hope you finish this story soon.I'm seventy years old and i want to know the ending before I die!Here you go, Hellen. Glad I could give you a reason to live. XOX

And just like that, the angels sang in a heavenly chorus, Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Sitting in a Tree, Backwards is complete at last! :D

SITTING IN A TREE, BACKWARDS

Part III

Risks

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Already the footprints on the well-trodden path were softened by a carpet of snowflakes, glistening in the moonlight as Kate made her way past the pool and tennis courts. The back door was unlocked, as Dad had promised, and she let herself in, stamping her feet in the mud room before brushing off her long, wool coat. She left the scarf wound around her neck and hesitated in the kitchen doorway. The house was silent, but for the occasional creak as it settled under the weight of the snow.

Her knee-high, leather boots squeaked as she crossed the kitchen, finding only silent emptiness in every room. The only visible light glowed over the stairway leading to the bedrooms above. Kate frowned. Dad was in bed, Rick must still be upstairs with Hannah…. If Hannah saw her, it would be difficult to get her settled, or give them time to… discover whether their marriage could be saved or not.

Her footsteps made no sound on the plush carpet of the grand staircase. She hesitated near the top, her lip caught between her teeth. Would Rick be angry that she came so soon? Would he refuse to speak with her?

She gave her head a shake. She needed to know. She could not continue standing on the outside, waiting. They needed to either become a family and heal, or…. Her mouth became a grim line as she took the final step onto the second story, turning down the hall, to where light spilled from an open doorway onto the carpet, and heard Hannah asking for yet another story.

Rick's low voice sounded amused. "Fact or fiction?"

There was a slight pause while Hannah thought. "A true one."

Kate eased closer to the wall as she neared the doorway, listening just out of sight.

"When I was a little boy, my mother and I lived in a crummy apartment full of roaches and mice in the city. Mother had to work, so she found friends to babysit while she was gone—"

There was a rustle and a creak of the mattress. "You didn't have a daddy either?"

Kate squeezed her eyes shut, her brow furrowing. Trust Hannah to go right for the jugular.

"No, I don't," Rick answered.

Kate could just imagine the look in Hannah's eyes matching the surprise in her voice. "Never in all these years?"

"No, there were older men who helped me grow and taught me things, but it was only Mother and I." He kept his voice light, but there was a catch in his throat.

Hannah's voice was just loud enough to carry to Kate in the hall. "Me too."

"Almost," Rick corrected her. "You have Papa."

"Oh yeah." Hannah's tongue clicked against the roof of her mouth and Kate could easily imagine her intent expression as she considered his words. "But he's my Papa. It's not the same as having a daddy."

Kate edged closer, peering around the door jamb.

Rick's attention was completely focused on their daughter lying under the covers beside him. He leaned over her, planting a hand on the other side of her small frame. "What do you know about having a daddy?"

Hannah stretched her arms over her head as she rattled off, "Oh, Sammy has a daddy and he plays with us, and wrestles. He goes horseback riding and—well, so does Papa, but he taught us to shoot a bow…." She paused for a deep breath. "Jack's daddy plays Minecraft with us and we go on a nature walks to find pretty leaves…. He takes Jack camping all the time, with tents and everything!"

Rick lowered his voice. "I used to imagine my daddy would be a pilot and teach me how to fly an airplane or wield a sword."

Kate pressed her fingers to her lips. How long? How had she longed for these two to know each other? To enjoy each other's company and build a relationship? Their voices wrapped around her, filling her with warmth, but for a deep ache in her chest.

"Did he?" Hannah asked, toying with her hair spread out on her pillow.

Kate heard the smile in his voice. "I still don't have a daddy, silly."

"Oh yeah." Hannah pondered this. "Maybe Papa could be your daddy and Mom's daddy!"

Kate shook her head. If only it were that easy.

"Maybe." Rick said.

"Mom says I'm going to meet my daddy someday," Hannah told him in a sleepy voice.

Kate leaned into the doorway, her heart aching in her chest. When did she tell Hannah that? A year ago? A year and a half?

When Rick spoke, his voice sounded thick, husky even. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Hannah yawned and blinked up at him, her eyelids drifting lower each time. "Sometimes I like to pretend you're my daddy."

Rick did not speak for a long moment. He took Hannah's hand, squeezing it gently. "I'd like that." His voice was quiet, but there was so much emotion in those three words.

A single tear rolled down her cheek as the bond between her husband and their daughter tightened.

"Rick?" Hannah asked, her eyes had drifted closed and her voice was so soft, Kate almost didn't catch it. She closed her eyes tightly, leaning on the door frame, listening.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Will you be my daddy?"

A gasp escaped as Kate covered her mouth. It was too much. She needed to move away, to absorb this. She withdrew into the hall, clutching her belly, as her emotions overflowed like the tears on her cheeks.

Rick's words followed her, "I'd like that very much."

Struggling for control, Kate found the cool wall against her cheek and she slid down, dimly aware that she'd given her position away, that Hannah was asking, "What's that?"

"I… will find out," Rick said, "Now, goodnight," he paused between each word, his voice a caress as he claimed their daughter, naming her at last. "Hannah Joy Beckett… Castle."

"Goodnight, Daddy."

There were others sounds, normal good night sounds between a father and daughter, kisses, but all Kate could think was, I'm a mess. I'm not ready to face him. She struggled to her feet, trying desperately to pull herself together, not wanting Rick to find her like this. The bathroom, I just need to—" She staggered toward the stairs thinking to escape when his voice stopped her.

"Kate?"

The sound of the bedroom door latching reached her, and she froze, not wanting him to see her face. Kate drew several deep breaths, her back to him. She rubbed her palms against her jeans and turned.

He didn't speak at first, just stared at her. Two days of stubble covered his chin, and the lines on his forehead revealed his stress. She was afraid to meet his eyes, afraid of what she'd find there. Heart hammering away in her chest, her knees felt watery, but she forced herself to meet his gaze anyway, and hold it.

"I—I'm sorry for intruding, Cas—Rick. I—" She swallowed, tucking icy fingers under her arms. "I… was hoping… we could talk." Her voice sounded hollow.

He didn't speak, but his tension was evident in the way he held his shoulders, and the tightness around the eyes. Finally he nodded, gesturing that she lead the way.

It was an eerie feeling, proceeding down the sweeping staircase with Rick behind her. She moved steadily, skimming the glossy handrail with one hand, as the skin of her back prickled with discomfort. At the bottom of the stairs she risked a glance, finding him flushed but unreadable.

"What are you thinking?" she asked, leading him into the library.

He blinked at her. "What?"

One side of her mouth curled downward as she gestured wordlessly.

He crossed his arms, and he frowned. "You drove all the way down here to… ask me what I'm thinking?"

She pushed her hair away from her face. Her voice was low. "I've answered your questions, Castle, all of them. But I'm not going to spend the next thirty years apologizing for my mistakes." She met his gaze evenly, struggling to keep her voice even.

He straightened, sucking in a breath as his shoulders tightened. Still, he did not look away. "Then you'd better be prepared to level with me about everything. Trust is a fragile thing an d ours has been decimated."

She nodded slowly.

"You've been crying," he observed.

"I—" she grimaced and looked away. "You sound surprised." She gave a half-shrug.

"Why?"

"Why?" She gaped at him. Why do you think?"

He crossed his arms waiting for her to continue.

The words came slowly at first, but came faster and faster the longer she spoke. "I was crying because my daughter and husband are finally forming the relationship they should've had years ago, and because…." She took a step nearer. "I want that, and as much as I want that, it scares me too, because I'm afraid of being on the outside, and I'm afraid—terrified that you will want a d-divorce." She took a deep breath. "If that happens, God only know what kind of custody arrangement we'll end up with but, worse…." Her voice was lower now, trembling as she abandoned any effort to contain her emotions. "What really frightens me is that you and I will be over before we even start."

The lines on his forehead deepened.

"I am absolutely miserable," she continued, her voice a ragged whisper, "waiting for the other shoe to drop, knowing how badly I fucked this up and wanting…." She turned away, shaking her head. "I need you in my life, Rick. I feel naked, and exposed, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it." She pushed the hair back from her face, staring at the grandfather clock behind him, anywhere but at him. Tears ran down her cheeks unchecked, but she ignored them, ignored the way her voice tightened up, "I'm crying because I hate feeling vulnerable, but I just… I don't know what to do! And I hate that."

When he spoke, his voice was soft, but firm. "Why?"

"What?" she said irritably wiping her eyes with a tissue.

"Why do you need me?"

She gaped at him. "Why do I…." she cast around helplessly.

"Why do you need me?"

"You know why." She whispered.

"You've never said it, not while you're awake, anyway."

She looked confused and he waved it away. "Say it. Now." His voice was firm but quiet.

Kate's voice shook. "I—" She turned to him, looking into his face. Her breathing was fast and shallow, and her tissue became a forgotten wad, clutched tightly in her fist. "I love you," she whispered.

The heat kicked on again, kissing the wetness on her cheeks with cool air, as he took a step toward her. He lifted one hand to wipe her tears away with a thumb as he cradled her face in both of hands. "Was that so hard?" he whispered, his eyes meeting hers with a gentleness she'd thought long past.

She hardly dared breathe.

His eyes were half-lidded, their breath mingled; his smelled of bubblegum toothpaste, the kind Hannah used. She leaned in, her lips parting.

But he withdrew, his face hardening. "Josh."

She blinked at him. "What?"

"Explain to me how you could be dating him one week, and proposing to me the next." He was still very close, but his face was neutral, all of the warmth of a moment ago gone.

"I…" she swallowed, trying to follow the sudden subject change. "I—told you everything last night."

"Tell me what you left unsaid."

"We broke up the week before I proposed to you."

He raised one eyebrow and waited for more.

"It was… right after you and Gina split up."

He stared at her in silence, frowning. "How do you even do that?"

"It was easy." She smiled then, her lips curving easily, her face shining in warmth as she reached hesitantly to clasp his hands in hers. Her eyes held his without apology or hesitation. "He was always a poor substitute for you."

His eyes dropped to the floor for a moment and he seemed to struggle with something. Finally, he spoke. "Kate, I've been down this primrose path of marriage, deceit and lies. You told me before we were married that you and Josh talked about marriage, then I find you've kept secrets. You'll have to forgive me if I seem paranoid for wanting to know how you went from Josh's bed to proposing to me in, what? A week? Two? What exactly happened between you?"

She nodded. "Josh read Heat Wave and Naked Heat."

He shrugged. "So?"

Her voice was grim. "He also found that bottle of tequila you sent me."

His eyes widened and he gestured his confusion. "I sent you tequila?"

"It was last spring or something," Her voice lowered further still. "At the time, I thought you were just trying to sleep with me." She rubbed her forehead. "It didn't help that Rook sent the same thing to Nikki Heat."

He gestured his confusion. "How did he even know about the tequila?"

"I kept it, unopened, with the note you wrote."

"Oh." His voice trailed off as he absorbed this. "So you broke up?"

"Not exactly, but once marriage came up, he started hinting that he wanted you gone. I had considered having a civil marriage with him, to satisfy the terms of the will, but not after that."

He took a step toward her. "Why?"

"I wasn't willing to give up you, or our partnership, to satisfy him," she said, slowly, enunciating very clearly.

The corners of his mouth twitched slightly as he absorbed this.

"It wasn't the same after that, and I," her voice was rough, but she did not look away. "When you broke up with Gina, well, there was no question of what I wanted."

"So you gambled with me. But, what if I wanted a marriage of convenience? Or just to get you into bed? What if it ruined our partnership? What then?"

She stared at him for a moment, her brows furrowed, "Rick, I… I couldn't stay in this holding pattern. It was either marry you, save Kensington manor, and then reveal Hannah, or else lose Dad and Hannah's home before telling you about her." She turned away as emotions overwhelmed her again. Eyes tightly shut, she pushed her hands into her hair and spoke to the empty room, struggling to push the words out. "I know it was selfish of me not to tell you sooner, but everything built up until I…" She turned back to him, her breathing was ragged. "Haven't you ever wanted something so badly, but you knew it was fragile and tenuous, but you wanted to try anyway? That's how I felt. I wanted, I still want, to be with you, to be your wife and your partner, only I've been strangled by these secrets. I want to be done with them, I want a new beginning where we rebuild," her voice became wistful, even child-like, "where we start over."

His mouth fell open, and he took a step back. His face twisted, revealing his struggle. "What if I don't want that anymore? You kept something precious from me and I feel betrayed. Why should I continue with someone like that?"

She couldn't speak for a long moment, past the constriction in her throat, struggling even to breathe. "Is that really how you feel?" she whispered.

"Yes." He hesitated, "And no."

She nodded. Tears slid down her cheeks to fall on her scarf, one after another. She shook her head, letting her eyes drift closed. "I'm a cop, Castle, a realist. I don't buy into fairy tales and make believe. I never…. "Rick, you promised me forever and I bought it nook, book and kindle." She stepped nearer, gesturing. "This is real to me. That doesn't mean it will be easy or that there won't be times when we wonder why we took this gamble, but you made me believe in us, you and I forever. I may not have always shown you what I'm thinking and feeling, but know this, I'm playing for keeps, now and always."

Her frankness took his breath away and he stood in silence far too long, his brows knitted and face flushed with emotion.

Watching him with her stomach churning, she swallowed with difficulty. Finally, she turned away, struggling to keep her voice even. "Rick, I—I know it was unforgivable—"

He broke in. "Unforgivable is a mighty big word." When she turned back to him, he continued. "I was just thinking, he said slowly, "that forgiveness is a choice. The only question is whether or not the person is willing to risk being hurt, again." He shook his head. "I still can't believe you lied to me for so long." He turned, walking to the dark and empty fireplace. "Last night, after we talked, I was ready to end it."

Her heart pounding in her throat seemed to stop. She couldn't move.

He turned back to her, holding up his wedding ring. "Then, I found your inscription. Do you remember—"

"All in."

He nodded. "All in. It reminded me of that pastor, Rev. Lauer, how passionate he was, so dedicated.

"She nodded. "I wanted to show you how committed I am to making this work."

He didn't speak for several moments.

"Where does all this leave us, Castle?"

He flipped a switch near the mantle, and flames erupted in the fireplace, warming the room with its glow. He turned back to her, nodding thoughtfully. "Let's just say that it will take some time to absorb this."

Their eyes locked into a look of intense understanding.

"Rick," she breathed, moving toward him, she reached for his hand, hardly daring to speak. Their fingers entwined, he brought her hand to his mouth, brushing his lips against her knuckles. She was crying again, the tears spilling over her cheeks at an alarming rate. Without speaking, he pulled her to him.

Her forehead nestled against the crook of his neck, Kate let go. All of the horrible, choking emotions overwhelmed her. Neither spoke for a time.

Finally, tentatively, she reached up, brushing the side of his face with her fingertips, as she lifted her face to his. "I love you." Her lips brushed his. Their eyes met. "I am so in love with you," she whispered, his lips finding hers again.

Finally, she pulled away, leaving her fingers entwined with his as she met his eyes, her face was solemn. "If we can work things out and rebuild trust, I promise you, no more secrets, Castle," she swallowed. "But, there is one thing you should probably know."

He raised a brow, waiting.

"I may be…" a whimsical smile flirted with her mouth, "kind of a Richard-Castle-Mega-Fan."

A slow grin spread across his face. "No…, really?"

"I have all your books."

He grinned. "I know."

"You know…?"

"I signed them all just before—well, just before I found Kissed & Killed."

She took a step back, frowning. "You signed them all? What if I didn't want you to sign them?"

He laughed suddenly, unexpected and freeing, beautiful sound in her ears. "How could I not? They were right there and…. I probably increased their value."

"Castle, some of those were my mom's books, and I didn't want them—" the corners of her mouth twitched.

Still grinning, he asked, "Are we really fighting about this? It's done, I can't go back and change it."

She took a deep breath. "No," but she hesitated, something else on her mind. "I may have one more secret."

He drew back, raising one eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Out in the barn." She took a tiny step closer leaning in. Her lips brushed his ear. "Up in the loft."

"That sounds intriguing."

"I… brought that bottle of tequila." She rested her hands on his chest, slowly, giving him time to move away, she smoothed the fabric of his shirt.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. There's a couple of quilts out there, a space heater, and a whole bucket of limes. I thought maybe…."

His hands rested on her waist, and his voice was low, sending shivers down her back. "Maybe what?"

Their lips were so close together, they could almost….

"Maybe I could rough up your suspect…" She fingered the top button on his shirt, a tiny smile playing over her lips.

"You're welcome to try," he whispered back, "but he may resist arrest.…"

"Papa?" Hannah appeared in the kitchen, her bare toes peeping out below the hem of her fuchsia nightgown. "Where's Rick?"

Jim looked up from the newspaper lying next to his bowl on the table. "What do you mean?" his voice was sharp.

Hannah shrugged. "He's not in his room."

Jim nodded slowly, staring across the room at the colorful art decorating the refrigerator.

"Papa?" Hannah climbed onto the chair next to him.

Jim smiled as he closed and folded the newspaper. "Don't worry, Hannah-Banana, he'll turn up."

She scowled back. "Don't call me that."

Jim feigned innocence. "Call you what?"

"Hannah Banana. Cody calls me that and he's…" Her face showed very clearly what she thought of Cody.

"All right, then why don't you hop up here and have your oatmeal. We'll get you ready for school." Hannah was halfway through her cereal when Jim rose to rinse his bowl. Something out the window caught his eye and he stood for a moment, smiling. "Hannah Joy, come here."

"Is it Rick?"

"Come see."

Hannah jumped up from the table and hurried to where Papa stood.

He lifted her up to peer out the window. The smile spread over her face until she fairly glowed.

The vivid colors of sunrise had not yet faded from the sky as the sun illuminated the figures approaching the house, their hands clasped tightly in each other's hands. Kate's profile was visible, as she smiled up into Rick's face, who grinned back. Their long shadows, cast by the rising sun slowly merged while the breeze ruffled their hair, and soft laughter barely reached Jim and Hannah inside the house.

Hannah, who'd been sitting on Kate's lap, slid one foot onto the rung of Rick's chair. She rose, one foot on Rick's chair, the other on her mother's.

"The truth is, Jim, we kind of feel like we need a do-over, a chance to restart our marriage, doing it right."

Kate, still glowing, nodded, while Hannah wiggled and danced, her knees just hidden beneath the hem of her flannel nightgown.

"We might have a vow renewal down the road, after we work through some things," Kate added.

"Maybe after some marriage counselling."

Kate nodded hesitantly. Smiling shyly.

Finally, Rick grabbed Hannah around the waist to pull her into his lap, tickling her. At last, she settled there, her head against Rick's shoulder, his arm cradling her.

Jim leaned back, taking in every detail of the three of them, from Rick's easy demeanor, Kate's obvious happiness, and Hannah's comfort level with both of them. Smiling, he rose to deposit his dirty dishes in the sink.

"It sounds like everything is tied up neatly then. You're spending the day here, Katie?"

She nodded.

He nodded too. "Very good. I shall make myself scarce. Maybe I'll go out this morning, see if Mrs. Williams needs her walk shoveled." He poured himself a second cup of coffee before meandering in the direction of his office. His door closed a second later.

Kate turned to Hannah, still cuddled in Rick's lap, looking extremely happy. "Do you want to stay home from school?"

She nodded vigorously.

"Hannah," Kate began. "You know how I always said you'd meet your father someday?"

"It's Rick, isn't it?" Hannah interrupted.

Kate blinked and met Rick's eyes. "Yes," she whispered.

"Knew it." Hannah grabbed his other arm, wrapping it around herself and settled in, looking extremely smug.

After six and a half years with this story, I'm going to pop a bottle of Champagne open, or maybe sparkling cider, toast the sweetness of the universe, and maybe, eventually, watch the Castle finale.

In lieu of an epilogue, come view a Castle Family Portrait on my facebook group before you go. While there, join up so you can keep track of my future stories. I'll post the link on my twitter account to make it easier.

First, be sure and tell your hard-working author how you liked her story as a whole. Tap that review button….

For news on my future, original stories,

please join my public facebook group, Bren Williams Readers Forum

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