Recovery & Loss Prevention

Author: Cheryl W.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or any rights to NCIS or Numb3rs, nor am I making any profit from this story.

Author's Note: Final Chapter!

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Chapter 11: Second Chances

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Though his conversation with his father had lightened his heart of a weight he had been carrying around for years, the no show of Tony at his own apartment dampened whatever sliver of hopefulness Jethro clung to for reconciliation between them. Heck, at this point even a one sided conversation with Tony over the phone would have been a victory.

So his steps were heavy as he trudged into his dark house, didn't bother turning on the lights as he dumped his keys on the table by the door. And it was a testament to how distracted he was by his raging emotions that he didn't sense that he wasn't alone until Tony spoke.

"Don't think the boat's ever going to be sea worthy."

Jethro stopped mid step, his heart clutching before it pounded away in his chest. Slowly he turned on the lights but didn't move forward, stood there uncertain in his own home, his eyes taking in Tony sitting on his couch, head down, pointedly not looking at him, focusing on the floor instead. Forcing down his stunned reaction to his guest's presence, Jethro replayed Tony's greeting in his head and fought not to flinch. He hadn't planned on anyone, especially not Tony, seeing his boat in the state that he had left it in. It bespoke of things he wanted to keep hidden, of insights he didn't want others to have into his soul, of pain he couldn't shut down and bury.

His voice was raspy as he broke the silence that had fallen in the room for the past minutes. "Didn't expect you would ever come here again."

"Last stop on the farewell tour, I guess," Tony quietly said, eyes still on the floor instead of the man whose house he had stolen into.

Jethro's jaw jumped at thinking that this could be the last time Tony would be there, that they would have this time together, just the two of them. And with everything in him, he wanted to delay the end of this moment. "I'll make coffee," he announced, like he had a hundred times before when Tony showed up at his place after a tough case. He began stalking for the kitchen.

Tony's head jerked up at Gibbs' statement, watched his former boss headed for the kitchen and felt the destruction in the basement hadn't meant a thing after all. This was all he would get from Gibbs, should expect to get from Gibbs: the shut out, the same old 'let's drink coffee and you can spill your guts but you don't get to hear my thoughts'. He hadn't miraculously earned Gibbs' trust just because he left Gibbs and NCIS in a huff six months ago, was never going to be allowed to see the real man under Gibbs' abrasive exterior, to know what Gibbs was thinking, to know why the usually stoic man had destroyed his boat. Nothing had changed, would change between them. Their roles were set in stone…thing was, Tony was done letting the older man play some surrogate big brother/father game, a "game" that had put more scars on Tony than even his father had managed.

Tony suddenly, scornfully, hated himself for harboring some childish wish that Gibbs felt a fatherly affection for him, cared for him even now that he wasn't his agent, had wanted to believe that his relationship with Gibbs went deeper than boss and subordinate. Crushing that dream that a grown man should no longer crave, Tony got up with a bit of struggle with his crutch, tossed over his shoulder as he hobbled toward the door, "Don't bother with the coffee."

Abruptly swinging around at Tony's words, Jethro was stunned to see Tony heading for the door. He felt his heart drop to his feet, knew this was it, that he was somehow messing up his last chance to make amends with the kid he cared so much for. "Wait, just...wait!"

Tony stopped halfway toward the front door but didn't turn around. "Wait for what, huh?" he bitterly challenged, before he left open the floodgates of all the hurt Gibbs had inflicted on him during their time together, hurt that he had swallowed down in silence for years. "For you to stop being a jackass, for you to give me an honest to goodness compliment and not take it back the next second, for you to finally value me, if not me as a person at least admit I was a great agent." Awkwardly he used his crunches to turn around, face the man he was blaming for making him redo the mistakes of his childhood all over again. "That's like waiting for my dad to realize beating me wasn't his god given right, that when I got hurt he was supposed to give a crap. I've naively clung to all these crazy fantasies… but now I'm done. I'm done waiting for things that will never happen." His chest heaving, Tony knew he should turn and go and yet…he stood there doing what he just vowed he wouldn't: waiting, waiting for the miracle he swore he didn't expect, didn't even want anymore.

Coming forward, hands itching to latch onto Tony, to ensure the younger man didn't leave, Jethro shouted in fevered exasperation, "What do you want me to do, Tony?!" Because he couldn't undo all the wrongs he had done to this remarkable, incredibly smart, perceptive, damaged man. He knew that now. You couldn't unhurt someone, you just couldn't. And he hated being lost, being out of control, not knowing how to solve a mystery. He thrived only when he could stack the cards so he held a winning hand every time. And this was the opposite of all that, was so reminiscent of getting that call that his wife and daughter were dead, that awful proof that he was in control of nothing, could lose everything and everyone he cared about and he couldn't do a thing to stop it. So right now he wanted, needed Tony to tell him how to solve this mystery, to ensure that what they had between them didn't die, to stop his world from caving in all over again.

Tony's eyes darkened at Gibbs' shout and his lips turned up into a cruel mockery of a smile. "Do? Nothing. You can't change who you are and I'm done telling myself the times you praised me outshine the times you cut me down, that you hurt me knowingly without the slightest remorse." Then his tone turned bitterly contemplative. "But then, maybe that's the best I deserve: my father's version of fatherly attention, your version of respect."

But something shifted in Tony's eyes then, lightened them and Jethro wished he could take credit, knew the next second when Tony spoke that it hadn't a thing to do with him. "Except… Fornell thought differently, gave me a chance for more. Like the FBI has, like Don has. I'm not stupid enough to walk away from that."

Jealousy surged through Gibbs, made him shake with anger. "But you can walk away from me? From Abby and Ducky and Tim and Palmer and Ziva?"

"I already did. I'm already gone," Tony declared with cold finality. "Fill your Senior Field Agent position because I'm not coming back and Tim either needs to know you believe in him enough to do that job or hire someone else. Your team needs to be complete." And that was all Tony planned on saying, was going to head out the door but Gibbs' next words shocked him into immobility.

"I'll leave." That proposal sucked all the air from the room, left the two men staring at each other neither man breathing for a space of a few heart beats. "You can come back, run the team and I'll retire," Jethro propositioned, took in a shaky breath before he said the hard part, did the real sacrifice, shared the need in his soul. "Just…just don't cut me out of your life."

And it was just like Gibbs to try and manipulate him, to control the situation, to not make it personal but all business. Pointing a finger at his former mentor, Tony growled, "I didn't move to D.C. six years ago to work for NCIS! I moved here to work for you!"

"So what, I'm the reason you came and I'm the reason you're leaving?" Jethro shot back, wished he didn't know the answer already. Because Tony's loyalty to him, it only heaped more coals on his head, only condemned him more for destroying that kind of underserved and prized devotion.

Darkly, Tony smirked. "What can I say? Some people impact your life, good, bad, you learn from it and then you take a different path."

Stepping menacingly into Tony's personal space, Jethro thunderously accused, "You're not even listening to me, giving me a chance to make this right?!"

But Tony didn't back down from Gibbs' rage or the ex-marine's attempt to physically crowd him. "Make it right by what? Some words of apology?!" he scoffed angrily. "By swearing to pat me on the back instead of slap me on the head? To take back all the times you let me down?" Then he was the one closing in the remaining space, lowly hissing into Gibbs' face. "There are no do-overs. Kate didn't get one and she should have. And Paula didn't either. I'm alive when it just as easily could have been me dead instead of them and I have to do something to earn that!" His next words came out breathless, choked, and wretched, "I have to value being alive and I should laugh more than I hurt or their deaths should have been mine."

Jethro stumbled back at Tony's raw pain, at the younger man's so very flawed belief that he didn't deserve to live when two women in his life had tragically been killed inches from him. Jethro's words, when he could finally find them, came out heartbroken, soft and gentle, "Tony, they wouldn't want you to have died in their place. Not Kate and not Paula. I saw Paula push you away to save you. And, maybe it's shameful, but I thank God she did that. That I didn't lose you, that Abby and Tim and Ducky and Ziva didn't lose you."

Tony shook his head, in denial, in shame, Jethro didn't know which but he reached out, seized Tony's chin and gently turned the younger man's face to meet his gaze. "But you're right. Kate and Paula, they would want you to laugh more, to be happy. And they both would kick my butt for hurting you like I have."

Shifting backwards, Tony pulled his chin out of Gibbs' hold, dropped his look to the floor, fought the burning in his eyes of tears he refused to shed because of Gibbs' words. Because of what he knew in his heart of hearts: that both women had tried to protect him from hurt in their own ways. Had gone toe to toe with Gibbs when they thought his mentor was mistreating him. They had acted like he imagined big sisters would do to safeguard their little brother.

Realizing the pain that Tony was in and wanting to do anything to ease some of it, Jethro lightly cupped the back of Tony's bowed head. "They loved you, Tony, and they wouldn't want that love to cause you pain." Here Jethro squeezed his own eyes shut tightly before he exhaled, spoke from his heart, "And I know my love has brought you more pain than it ever brought you joy. And I'm so sorry for that."

Gibbs' declaration had Tony's eyes shooting up to his mentor's, shock and disbelief written all over his face at the older man's utterance of the word love, of his apology. Two very foreign things to ever come out of Leroy Jethro Gibbs' mouth.

Jethro almost laughed at Tony's expression, at the kid's incredulity that Jethro Gibbs knew how to talk about his emotions, his failures, could say he was sorry. But it also hurt too much knowing that Tony perceived him so cold, so untouchable, so unable to love him like he had once loved his daughter. He struggled to make the kid believe him, believe in him, to know him…maybe for the first time in all the years of their partnership/friendship.

Letting his hand fall away from Tony, Jethro fisted it at his side, struggled to get the thoughts in his head, the feelings in his heart to form words. "You said that you naively clung to fantasies of how your relationship with your father would be, should be…well, I had…have those types of thoughts about the type of husband I would have been to Shannon."' Jethro recognized Tony's stance stiffening at the mention of his dead wife, at a topic Gibbs never talked about with Tony, had tried his best to keep separate from the odd family he had created for himself within his NCIS team. "In my head, we would have been happily married even when we were old and grey. No three ex-wives, no alimonies, no regrets. And Kelly…" Jethro had to swallow hard as memories of his daughter flashed behind his eyes, of the dreams of talking to her he had while he was in his coma. "She would have thought I was a cool dad, would have brought all her dates home to get my approval. We would have had father/daughter trips. She would have asked my advice about choices in her life." Jethro paused then, held Tony's gaze meaningfully before he said the rest. "And I would have never hurt her...or pushed her away. She'd never leave and not want me to call her, to no longer want me to be a part of her life."

Knowing the correlation he was supposed to make in Gibbs' story, Tony growled, "I'm not Kelly." But Tony knew he wasn't being honest with Gibbs..or himself. How often had he tried to make Gibbs' whitewash away his own father's faults, had pretended that Gibbs cared for him at least 1%...5% like he would his own kid. That Gibbs thought better of him than his own father did.

Tony's refusal of his comparison hurt, made Jethro prepare himself for his next words to have no effect on the younger man, to confess everything and yet gain nothing. But Tony was worth the risk, had been worth a lot more than he ever gave him and now was the time for him to pay up…even if it was the last time. "No, you're not Kelly…..but, Tony, you filled some of the void she left in my life. And maybe you didn't want that. I sure never planned it. And it scared the hell out of me when I realized that you had done that. I didn't...want anyone to be that important to me, to make me that vulnerable again. Because I knew I couldn't lose someone that I cared that much about again. So I...I guess I ..." But Jethro shook his head, knew he couldn't hold back, not now. Not if he wanted to be sure he did everything he could to not lose Tony. So he bitterly corrected himself, "No, I know I was the worst bastard I could be to you whenever you scared me, when I thought I had lost you or could lose you …like I had Kelly. The time you got drugged and locked in the sewers, that screwed up undercover op with the prison bus escape ...your car bombing...that boat trip you took with Giacchino."

Tony felt overwhelmed at first, not sure if Gibbs' words could be trusted, that this was actually Gibbs talking. Gibbs who thought, "good job" was akin to giving him a freaking parade and a twenty gun salute. But even as disbelief was swayed over to belief, anger surfaced at this Johnny-come-lately, talk show worthy confession of long buried care and concern. "And what am I supposed to say to any of that?" he lowly hissed, eyes blazing into Gibbs. "That 'hey it's ok that I was your personal punching bag because you "care about me"'?! I gotta tell you, free passes for that type of "care" that type of "love", they have long been used up, by you and by my father."

And it hurt, being grouped in with Tony's dad, even as Jethro knew he deserved nothing less. "No, it ...it's not ok and you don't have to ever be ok with it. I just..." Jethro broke off, ran his hand through his hair, then his eyes beseeched Tony. "I'm not good with this..."

But his confession of weakness only garnered contempt from Tony. "Something Jethro Gibbs isn't good at. Wow! What a momentous occasion."

Jethro matched Tony's contempt with exasperated anger, challenged, "Why did you come here if you ...if you already decided to not give me a second chance?!"

Tony shifted uncomfortable on his one leg and crutch at the unanticipated question Gibbs had just thrown his way. And he wanted to lie, go with the 'farewell tour' line again…but couldn't. Didn't want to lie anymore, didn't want the last thing between he and Gibbs to be a lie, his lie. So he steadily met Gibbs' eyes and told the truth, foolishly allowed himself to be vulnerable, gave Gibbs one final…best chance to hurt him. "I didn't think it really mattered that I left. Thought that your lives would go on as before...better than when I was here. But then Abby...she said..." he faltered a moment, drew in a breath and then said the rest. "She made me doubt that. Doubt how I thought you felt...and then your boat..." He stammered to silence, still unconvinced of what he should conclude from the boat's wreckage, what he wanted desperately to conclude.

"How did you think I would feel, Tony?" Jethro achingly asked, his pain and regret shining through the hoarseness of his voice. "You quit, then you up and leave town, cut all ties and I knew it was because of me, the things I said back on that dock...how I treated you then...and before. How I've always treated you: like I valued you one second and with contempt the next. You were gone and I knew that I wasn't getting you back and ..." Jethro broke off, took a few paces around the room before he faced Tony. "You want to know how that felt?"

And Tony knew Jethro had said enough, that he shouldn't want more, couldn't expect more but he did. Even as he knew it would cost Gibbs something, would maybe hurt the older man, Tony quietly insisted, "Yes, I want to know how that felt." Because part of him wanted Gibbs in pain, for the man's pain to match his own.

Jethro stood stock still, felt the cold rush of despair flow over him as memories very old and so very recent played in his head, ripped into his heart. "It felt a lot like losing Kelly again. Losing a child, not from a sniper bullet, but because they hated me and I ...I couldn't bear that. Bear that I was that kind of father….to you, would have been to Kelly. A father just like yours…that hurt his son…instead of protecting him."

Tony didn't have the words, not at first. He was too overwhelmed to formulate any. Was too….humbled and shamed and happy and… astounded for thoughts, let alone speech. And Gibbs, typically, didn't talk either. Which left them there staring at each other like some lame Hallmark movie which Tony would have hated and turned off in three seconds flat. So he had to be the one to break the silence, had to at least make the move to upgrade them to one of those Million Dollar Movies that used to be play on tv at midnight and were guaranteed that you'd need a hanky or two before the credit's rolled. "My dad was glad to see me go. His parting words were: "You'll die in a gutter alone and it'll be just what you deserve."" And for as many times and ways that he had condemned Gibbs for being like his father…Gibbs was nothing like his father where and when it counted.

Jethro's jaw clenched so hard that his teeth felt strained to break, knew that if Tony's dad was there right now, he'd gladly face assault charges to lay the man out on the carpet for daring to wish his own son harm, for not just letting Tony go but wanting him gone. "He's a bigger clueless jackass than I am...to let you go and not do everything in his power to get you back. I'm not going to make that mistake twice." Tony's eyes widened a bit at Gibbs declaration.

Sensing a true weakening in Tony's fortifications against him, Jethro knew he had to keep fighting, set the new ground rules. Eyes holding Tony's, praying the kid had it in him to give him a second chance, Jethro said, "So you be angry with me, Tony, hell, hate me but I'm still going to keep asking you to forgive me, to let me be a part of your life. I'm going to harass Fornell to give me updates about you, going to invite you to my dad's place for holidays and here for steaks, hoping that one day you'll say yes. And I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness, I certainly don't offer much forgiveness to others...but then again… you're a better man than I am." And Jethro yearned for Tony to know how true that was, what type of man he was, in spite of his cruelty to Tony …or Tony's father's.

It was almost more than Tony could process. The smart aleck in him wanted to remark about this conversation containing more words than he thought Gibbs capable of but he knew that was just another coping mechanism of his. Wisecracking instead of letting himself feel something, even if that something was hope. Maybe especially if that something was hope. In his experience, hope always burned brightly and then torched everything inside of him when it was snuffed out.

At Tony's silence, Jethro feared that he had read more into Tony's earlier responses, had let his need, his hope shade the realities of how all this would end. And for as many times as he had signed divorce papers, let someone go that he had once loved…he couldn't bear to do it this time, knew that if it were Kelly standing there instead of Tony, he would feel the same resolution to not let his child turn away from him. And his voice was as close to breaking as it had ever been as he began, "Tony, just…

Tony chose that same moment to speak. "We both know you're wrong."

With those words, all the air was ripped from Jethro. And he relived what it was like to be in a burning building and know there was no oxygen to intake, only fire, heat and death.

But then Tony continued, his lips turning up into a self-chastising smirk, "I hold grudges and I manipulate people and annoy them. Just ask my ex-girlfriends or Ziva or McGee."

Jethro's eyes widened and he drew in a breath with burning lungs. This wasn't Tony shutting him down…it was Tony not believing his earlier statement, not having faith in his own goodness, knowing the man that he truly was. And Jethro could work with that, could show Tony that the people in his life, they saw the good in him, even when he couldn't see it for himself. Because wasn't that what his own father had done for him…what he had done for Kelly in the too short time he had had her in his life?! Eyes holding Tony's, Jethro informed, "McGee was afraid you left because of him, of what he said to you about being unable to get your own team. He practically hyperventilated at his desk when Abby said she couldn't reach you, that you left without your phone or any contact numbers, when he knew he couldn't again apologize to you, try to convince you to come back. And Ziva came to me, offered to transfer to another team if you left because of her. She said that you had more right to the team than she did. To me, that doesn't sound like two people that hate you."

Trying not to react to Gibbs' recounting of Tim and Ziva's response to his departure, Tony sallied, "You didn't mention what my ex-girlfriends think of me."

Gibbs smirked, a bit of a devious gleam in his eyes. "I have ex-wives that feel the same way about me that your ex-girlfriends do about you, so let's not do those comparisons." And Gibbs was silently thinking, 'like father …like son.'

Tony gave a huff of laugh. "Yeah, sounds like a good plan," and a true smile graced his features for the first time since he had returned to D.C.

And even Tony's half measured laugh had managed to brighten the room but it was the younger man's smile that transformed the room into a sanctuary again for the two men instead of a battle ground. Maybe Tony didn't even know what he was offering Gibbs, but Gibbs did. And he planned on grabbing hold of it with both hands and not letting go. Not letting him go.

"Now how about you take a seat before you pass out," Jethro offered with a warm smile, his tone not his usual gruffness but concerned and soft and teasing. Knowingly he spoke the same words Tony did in response to his suggestion.

"DiNozzos don't pass out," they said in synch and then, for a moment, they froze. Knew this was the make it or break it moment. That everything hinged on what they did next. That they had a chance, a chance to get what they both wanted, if they took one final risk.

Slowly but surely, Tony gifted Gibbs with a blazing smile and, for his part, Gibbs grunted like old times but couldn't, didn't choose to hold back his smile a moment later. And somewhere along the line, through the anger and the hurt and the betrayals and the truth and the hope, they had found common ground at last.

Reaching out to take Tony's arm, intending to lead the kid back to the couch, Jethro halted with his fingers close enough to touch Tony's jacket. Silently his eyes asked Tony's permission to touch him, asked the younger man to trust him to not hurt him. Tony didn't answer verbally, instead he took a step forward until his arm brushed against Jethro's hand.

Jethro didn't hesitate, coiled his hand gently around Tony's bicep and guided the man to the couch, felt the trembling in the man's frame as he slipped his hand to Tony's back and guided him into a graceful, easy descent into the contours of the couch. Knew that Tony had pushed himself too far physically, like he always did. And where before, Jethro would have offered up harsh orders for Tony to take care of himself, the man schooled himself to bite back those tendencies. Tendencies that had always done more harm than good. Instead he crouched down in front of Tony, looked up to find the younger man contemplating his actions with uncertainty.

Jethro didn't want to disappoint Tony, to make him regret the renewed trust he was putting in him. He was determined to not hurt Tony in any way. So in a tone some would label timid, especially for Jethro Leroy Gibbs, he asked, "Can I get you something, Tony? Water to take more pain meds?"

Tony could probably count on one hand the number of times Gibbs was this gentle, this nice to him: After Kate died, after Paula died, those days when Tony was sure the plague was going to win, he maybe even wanted it to so the pain would stop. And as much as he had once told McGee that Gibbs being nice wasn't Gibbs….he wanted to be wrong. To know that there was this part of the man that was buried, only peeked out once in a blue moon but that didn't make it any less real. Because that Gibbs, he just might make the cut to play a part in the new version of Tony that Tony had carved out of the old discarded one.

"Don't have my meds on me," Tony confessed, waited for the head slap, the anger. And yeah, maybe he was testing Gibbs…maybe he was testing himself to see how quickly he would fall back on old traits to accept the abuse, to cling to the vain hope of love, of respect, belief…no, need to believe that Gibbs had changed, could change. Could be someone he could trust, not to have his back but to not land psychological blows that score across his soul.

Jethro wanted to rail against the kid's lack of good common sense, of his carelessness toward his own health. Tried to bite his tongue but couldn't. "DiNozzo, you can't keep doing this!"

Though there was a tinge of anger in Gibbs' tone, what had Tony's head snapping up to the older man was the other element in Gibbs' voice: anguish. In a strangled voice, he asked, "Doing what?"

"Putting yourself in pain, seeing if anyone notices…or cares." Reaching out, Jethro put his fisted hand on Tony's uninjured leg and gave it a light tap. "I notice, I care…and I'm not the only one. I never was. Abby, Ducky, McGee, Ziva…they've each come to me worried about you over the years. And I always…" here Jethro faltered, felt foolish and vulnerable.

But Tony was hooked, though he didn't know if he could bear to hear how Gibbs had reacted to his teammates worry for him. "You always what?"

Swallowing hard, Jethro revealed, "Said you'd be ok….because I needed you to be. Couldn't think otherwise. Not any times in the past…and not now."

Shock vibrated through Tony, not just that Gibbs needed him safe but that he was worried about him now…when he was fine, hadn't been hurt that badly. So with his typical showman smile, he assured, "Hey, I'm fine, knee's a little banged up but not much worse than that time I did that unplanned parachute drop from that plane."

Jethro winced at the memories that comparison dredged up: that was the first time he thought he had lost Tony. It was gut wrenching and soul crushing and shocked him to his core to realize how much he cared for his junior agent. This smart mouthed, so intuitive and off the chart brilliant investigator of a kid that he had personally picked to join NCIS solely so he could work on his team. But he didn't think he was attached to DiNozzo…until that "unplanned parachute drop". "Yeah, well you might have just been 'a little banged up' but that was a shitty day for me."

Tony's head tilted in confusion. "But you got the bad guy."

Jethro's eyes narrowed in incredulity. "I thought you were dead, DiNozzo?! I saw you pushed out of that plane and I didn't know if your chute was on right..or if it was tampered with…or if it would open for you..and you'd never jumped before."

For one of the first times, Tony felt the need to calm Gibbs down. Adopting his soothing voice that he used on victim's traumatized family members, he consoled, "Hey, I was fine. Had that little practice time under my belt and my chute did open…it was the landing that I didn't stick right. Well, that and not knowing how to steer the chute away from a tree instead of right into it."

Jethro appreciated Tony's attempt to make light of his near death experience, like he always did. Knew the kid did it for his benefit, yes, but also because part of Tony believed he shouldn't hope that anyone panicked at the thought of him being hurt or worse, killed. "Tony, let's get one thing straight between us."

All the air left Tony's lungs at that forbidding preamble. Found all he was capable of was a nod of his head to consent for Gibbs to say what was on his chest, what Tony feared would break him….or mend him.

Jethro hated that fear sparked in Tony's eyes, that the kid couldn't believe that hurting him was the last thing he wanted to do, swore he would never do again. Reaching out, he cupped the side of Tony's neck. "I'm never been ok with you getting hurt, not on the job, not off the clock, not even on some frat party trip where you got into a bar fight."

"What?! I never told you…." Tony stammered, had thought he had kept that bruised rib under Gibbs' radar.

Giving a little gentle squeeze to Tony's neck, he smirked, "I'm not a half bad observer …or investigator, DiNozzo. I knew. Had a not so pleasant conversation with your frat buddy who was kind enough to lay it all out for me."

"Meaning you called and used your Gibbs growl on him and he crumbled like a fortune cookie," Tony surmised, almost felt sorry for his buddy Terry…except he was the one who started the bar fight…and bailed on Tony when things started going south. "That's why Terry was a no show for our next reunion?"

Jethro gave a smile that was all predatory as he pulled his hand free of DiNozzo. "I might have suggested that if any harm came to you because of him ever again…he'd be sucking food through a straw for six months."

Instead of feeling like his privacy was violated, Tony couldn't help smiling. "Actually, he was a jerk and I didn't miss having him around on our last reunion."

A companionable silence fell as the two men eyed each other, realized that their new footing, it wasn't all that different than their old one, just contained a whole lot more words of things unsaid but always felt.

Though he didn't know if he had the right, Tony said what was clamoring in his heart to be uttered. "Kelly wouldn't have froze you out." At Gibbs' skeptical look that didn't show signs of the older man being enraged that Tony dared to mention his daughter and what she may or may not have been like, Tony clarified, "I've read that, in general, girls are more forgiving of their fathers, especially if their father controls the purse strings."

And let it up to Tony to have insight into father/daughter relationships. "Read where?" Jethro cross examined, not in censure but amusement.

Tony shifted a little on the couch in embarrassment. "Hey, there's not a lot of great reading material in a dentist's office. It was either read Teen Vogue or PC World."

Jethro couldn't hold back his chuckle. "So from this new knowledge you gained from Teen Vogue, how would I have gained Kelly's forgiveness for being a grade A jerk of a father?"

Tony felt his cheeks burn and wished he had for once kept his mouth shut. But Gibbs was patiently waiting for him to impart to him the female point of view on making nice. "A few shopping trips would go a long way in patching up the rough road…that is unless you objected to the super cool guy she was dating." Here Tony interjected, "That last part is from my own personal experience, me playing the role of super cool guy, of course."

Jethro sagely nodded his head as if the advice was unquestionably wise, after all Teen Vogue would never be wrong. But then he reclaimed a seat on the chair across from Tony, asked the question that was burning in his gut with a voice too hoarse to come across as detached. "And sons? How does a father earn his forgiveness?"

It was not where Tony saw the conversation going, caught him off guard, had him struggling to meet Gibbs' eyes and not flinch away. And maybe Teen Vogue had a serious answer for this topic…Tony had only his own heart to lead him…and his smart aleck nature to put it into words. "Eating crow, lots of crow...and throw in a few hundreds to make things go better."

Jethro's eyes crinkled with happiness and amusement. "Hundreds, huh? On a government salary?"

Tony smiled back, was generous enough to relent on some of his terms. "Ok, well some steaks..they do nicely in a pinch."

And as much as Gibbs wanted to take the olive branch Tony was offering, even if he knew he didn't deserve it, he couldn't without a few words he knew he should have said six months ago, hell, years and years ago, every year since he met Tony, every month, every day. "I'm sorry, Tony. It was never about your shortcomings...it was always about mine. My fears, my past, my poor way of coping. When I lost my wife and daughter, it was unbearable and I almost ...wanted to..." But he couldn't load that on Tony that he had contemplating taking his own life, that weight wasn't Tony's to carry…but it had been Tony who had lifted a lot of that crushing despair from his heart, made living worthwhile again. "You should know, Tony, that losing you, your respect...it hurt almost as much."

It seemed inconceivable that him leaving NCIS, leaving Gibbs could wreck that much havoc on the strong man he knew Gibbs to be…but maybe that was part of the problem too. He didn't know Gibbs, not like he thought he did. Certainly not how much the older man valued him. Exhaling a held breath, Tony admitted, "Honestly I wanted to hurt you but I didn't think I could. Pretty childish of me, huh?" shame hueing his words.

But Jethro didn't offer up blame but a pardon. "I think Ducky would say pretty human of you."

"That Ducky, he's a smart one," Tony teasingly goaded Gibbs.

"You looking for a head slap, DiNozzo?' Gibbs mockingly growled.

Tony only smiled in response, knew his days of head slaps were a thing of the past. As were a lot of other poor forms of communication between he and Gibbs. And speaking of communication…he had some of his own to convey. Sobering, he watched as Gibbs read his change in mood and his former boss' shoulders tensed up. "Gibbs, I'm not quitting the FBI. It's a great fit for me."

Though Jethro knew in his gut that this was going to be Tony's decision, it still hurt. But things had to be about more than lessening his own pain…had to be about not causing Tony any further pain. With a sigh, he conceded, "I know." But he couldn't bear to ask if that meant Tony was going to go away and not come back, that all this changed nothing in the long run: his regret, his apology, his honesty...him loving Tony like a son.

Gibbs' easy acceptance, it would have caused Tony all kinds of doubt about how Gibbs felt about him, valued him…if not for all the candid words that had come before. Now Tony knew in his heart of hearts that Gibbs didn't want him to go, didn't want him to be with the FBI instead of NCIS…but Gibbs was not protesting Tony's decision, not because he didn't care but because he did…he cared what Tony wanted, what was good for Tony.

And yeah, the FBI, Epps, Fornell, they were good for Tony…but so were other things, so were other people. People he had almost forsaken because he thought he didn't matter to them. An erroneous thought, he knew that now. "But…the thing is….I couldn't pack up my apartment, not with this brace on and hobbling along with crutches."

Jethro visibly swallowed down his regrets, coached himself to not be petty, knew he needed …no, yearned to help Tony, any way the younger man would allow him to. Even if it was helping Tony leave him for good. "I could help," he offered, knew that so would the rest of his NCIS team but selfishly wanted this time alone with Tony, especially if it was going to be his last.

Tony, however, countered with another idea. "I was thinking maybe keeping my apartment here. My job takes me all over the states, not like any home base would be a better location than the next."

Jethro could hardly let himself hope. Quietly, he tried to sway Tony's vote, "I know a doctor who would make house calls just for you. And a certain goth would make sure your refrigerator was well stocked and any goldfish you get stays alive. And I always have some steaks and cold beer on hand, in case you.."

Tony interjected here with a boyish smirk, "Need advice on my life choices? Crave a father/Daughter outing? Definitely do NOT seek your approval on who I'm dating?"

There was no way Jethro could keep his joy concealed. Was smiling too widely, his eyes shone too brightly and his comeback was way too good-humored, "Considering the number of ex-wives I've racked up, that last thing might be good insight on your part."

"I'm not a bad observer and investigator myself," Tony boasted amid his smirk.

Jethro turned serious for a moment, "No you're not…are the best I've known. Fornell better be grateful every day for having you or I'll do more than give him a black eye this time."

"Why'd you give him a black eye last time?" Tony asked, knowing what his gut was telling him, had been telling him all along and he hadn't dared to hope was true.

Gibbs shrugged, truthfully acknowledged, "I was furious with him. It was easier to think he stole you away from me than you hated me."

"Never hated you," Tony contradicted before he spelled out, "was seriously pissed and…hurt. But I never could work up the hate part."

"Yeah, because you're a good man, Tony," and Tony recognized the pride glowing in Gibbs eyes. Pride in him.

"Had a pretty good mentor," Tony allowed giving as good as he got. Before he tackled on, "Yeah, Ducky…where would I be without his British culture and detailed stories to guide me in this life."

Jethro snorted. "You trying to talk your way out of a steak?"

Tony smirked again. "I would never willingly talk my way out of a steak."

"Good," Jethro announced before he headed into the kitchen returned a few moments later bearing a glass of water, a Tylenol bottle and an ice pack. Handed the items off to DiNozzo with an order of, "Take some Tylenol in place of your prescription meds. And you can ice your knee awhile and we can switch off to a heating pad after an hour."

As Gibbs disappeared back into the kitchen, Tony called out, "How do you know I'm supposed to ice my knee for an hour than put heat on it?" Suspicion in his tone.

"Your doctor told me," Jethro answered as he grabbed steaks from his freezer, smiled when Tony put two and two together and got four.

"You grilled my doctor when you went to the hospital and talked to Don and took on his dad's wrath," Tony surmised aloud. "What happened to doctor patient confidentiality?"

Jethro ducked his head back into the room, his look fixed on Tony. "Family trumps all that."

And Gibbs had made it that simple. They were family and that was it. No matter how far or how long Tony had run…even if he had never stopped running, had never came back, it wouldn't have changed what they were. Just like Gibbs had figured out with his dad. "So is that why you called your dad after so long? Because you're family?'

Jethro knew he shouldn't be surprised by Tony's perceptiveness, it was one of the things he admired about the kid. Stepping fully back into the room, he admitted, "Figured how could I expect you to forgive me when I wasn't forgiving my own father."

That explanation Tony didn't see coming, had him raising his eyebrows in shock. "So…it went ok, your talk with him?"

Jethro smiled contently. "He invited me to Easter so I'm thinking it went pretty good. Fact is, he invited you to."

At that statement, true astonishment contorted Tony's features. "Invited me? To Easter? He doesn't even know me?!"

Holding Tony's gaze, wanting this to sink in with the younger man, Jethro explained his father's motives. "He knows how I feel about you and that was good enough for him. When I told him you were pissed at me and I didn't know if you'd ever forgive me, he said no one who had ever taken a bite of his famous apple pie could continue to hold a grudge against the pie maker…or, by association, the pie maker's stubborn jackass son."

"Mmm, must be some pie," Tony smart mouthed back.

Jethro smiled back. "He swears my mother fell in love with his pie first..and him second."

"Really some pie."

And then Jethro started a fire in the fireplace and before too long the two men were sitting side by side on the couch, eating fire branded steaks in Gibbs' living room like old times.

Amid a bite of steak, Tony allowed, "Your dad might have the pie leverage…but you've got the steak one."

Looking to the younger man at his side, knowing that it wasn't just Tony's stomach he had won over, Jethro earnestly countered, "Good thing you like steak then." Silently tacked on the most important trait of Tony's, 'And have a heart of gold to forgive foolish fathers for their sins against you.'

Meeting Gibbs' gaze, Tony knew they weren't talking about steaks, were talking about bridging the gap between them. But their old relationship, it had not been strong enough to endure the fires of their vulnerabilities and insecurities and hurts, had nearly gone up in smoke. Had burned them both in the process. Tony didn't think he could weather another blaze…and by the looks of Gibbs' boat downstairs, neither could the other man. And it would be safer to call it quits before they hurt each other worse, irreparably maybe. Gibbs was notorious for divorces and Tony had won his emancipation from his dad at fourteen. Cutting their losses was both of their go-to solution.

As if sensing the younger man's indecision, Jethro spoke in the silence. "I can't promise I won't sometimes fall back on old habits, but …Tony, give me a chance to do things better."

"What if I disappoint you?" Tony apprehensively posed, eyes dropping to his hands instead of the man at his side. "I know how to be your agent, what you expect from me. Without the work, maybe we'll have nothing to talk about. Heck, you barely talk now."

Tilting his head down to look up into Tony's face, Jethro quietly prodded, "Is that what you need from me? To talk to you?"

"No, yes…I don't know," Tony huffed out in confusion as his head came up so he could face Gibbs. "It just…shouldn't be all one sided. You shouldn't have to be my counselor, Gibbs. Especially if my mental problems aren't going to negatively affect your cases anymore."

Jethro felt his throat tighten at Tony's self-depreciation, had to force the words out, "That why you think I invited you here after tough cases, when I knew you were hurting?

Sensing Gibbs' anger, Tony stammered, "No…not all the time."

"How about none of the time, Tony," Jethro gently corrected. "The cases would get solved or they wouldn't. My concern was with you, you Tony, not you special agent DiNozzo."

Feeling chagrined at Gibbs words, Tony sighed, leaned back against the couch in defeat, his steak forgotten. "Guess we have a lot to unlearn about each other." And it hurt, to think he was so wrong about so many things he had trusted his instincts to properly interpret.

"I still like building boats and good whiskey," Jethro announced, knew that for all the things they had not known about each other, there were a thousand things they had gotten right. That he knew Tony. And he dared anyone to tell him he didn't. Even Tony himself.

Encouraged by Gibbs' comeback, Tony countered with a smile, "I still like movies and a good chardonnay."

"See, we still know the basics. The rest, we'll figure out as we go along," Jethro promised, hoped that it was enough, that Tony wouldn't decide to throw in the towel, to come to the conclusion that he actually knew him too well to trust him to be able to change.

"So your dad's pie, can I ask for ice cream too or will that insult the chef?" Tony asked, prayed the invite was still open.

Knowing Tony's question was the younger man's way of agreeing to go with him to his father's, that Tony was giving him a chance to be something other than his ex-boss, to be a true declared part of his family, Jethro smiled wholeheartedly. "I'll ask for the ice cream, make it seem like my idea. My dad wants to get insulted, he can yell at me. Not you."

"That sounds awful chancy since you just got things patched up between you two," Tony hedged, and it seemed like a joke but in truth, he didn't want his presence in any way to hinder the reconstruction of Gibbs relationship with his father.

Knowing that true concern was underneath Tony's light words, Jethro earnestly vowed, "You're worth the risk."

Tony's response was a blazing smile. "Well then count me in for Easter at the Gibbs' homestead." Because Gibbs was right, some risks were worth taking, some people were worth giving a second chance to, and some ties, having been recovered from the ashes and reforged in the fire, were miraculously stronger than they were before. But not being one to let seriousness dominate the air, Tony joked, "So do I call your dad Gibbs squared?"

"Not if you want any of his pie," Jethro playful shot back before he instructed, "You can call him Jack and so things don't get confusing, you better get used to calling me Jethro."

Tony tried not to react to the honor Gibbs had never bestowed on him before. Not in all the years he had been an agent under his leadership. Trying not to let his new footing with Gibbs, correction, Jethro, go to his head, Tony said, "Thought your dad calls you Leroy."

And just as Tony wanted, Jethro throw the younger man a glare. "You start calling me that and I'm telling my dad you are allergic to ice cream and shouldn't have any, no matter how much you plead."

"Ok, ok, no need for mean threats. I'll call you Jethro." And it was the best capitulation Tony had made, well, one of the best. Because today, he apparently was on a role of good decision making.

Tony calling him Jethro, Jethro could live with that. After all, Teen Vogue probably had run an article once upon a time about some daughters going through stages of calling their father's by their first name when they thought they were too mature to say 'dad' anymore. And Jethro, he didn't need to be called dad, his ego didn't need that, as long as his kid called him on a regular basis, answered all his phone calls in a prompt manner before he could start worrying for real, promised to stay safe and for Pete sake, stopped scaring years off Jethro's life span by nearly getting himself killed. It didn't seem all that much to ask. He just hoped Tony reasonably agreed to all his terms but then again, just like the rest of the men in Gibbs' family, his adopted son tended to be as stubborn as the day was long. But Gibbs figured he had enough pigheadedness to win out in the long run, after all, when you got something good in your life, you held on tight and didn't let go. He had had to be taught that lesson twice in his life but it had finally sank in this go around.

So right now, Tony wasn't going anywhere…and neither was he. They had time to get things right between them…and along the way, there would be boat building, movie quotes, pies with ice cream, and most definitely steaks over an open flame. And when Tony was back on the job, he'd threaten Fornell until he agreed to give him monthly updates on Tony. Course Jethro wasn't above having Abby track Tony's new cell phone to learn Tony's exact location if/when he got that feeling in his gut that his adopted son was in danger. Because his fatherly instincts…they might have been buried a good long while but they weren't gone, Tony had uncovered them without either of them knowing it six years ago. And for the first time, Jethro wasn't scared by the knowledge of how important Tony DiNozzo had become to him but grateful. He was a father again and that was a gift he knew he didn't deserve. He had treasured Kelly, had been so proud of her…just like he was of Tony. And going forward, he'd be sure his son knew that without any doubts.

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The end!

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Thanks so much for everyone who sent me encouraging reviews and favorited this story and kept tabs on it by alerts. You all were part of me getting this story completed.

Have a great day! And Happy Easter!

Cheryl W.