How frustrating is it to know that if you were only born four years earlier, or even three, you could've helped? I could've been taken seriously. The world shifted into something different before I was born, my sister hadn't existed just as I hadn't. It was different from the world that I had read about. My sister changed the world, and she was determined to make it better. If I had been born at her side… I could've helped her. I would've comforted her and told her she wasn't alone.

What help could I be now?

My presence in this world probably just hindered her own plans… made things worse.

I was too young and too weak. After all I was just starting to learn the shadow possession jutsu and it was hard. Shadow manipulation is nothing to sneeze at. I was beginning to doubt I even had an affinity for it, was I really a Nara?

Clones and replacement jutsu's were easy in comparison. That was the extent the academy taught eight year old students. So I couldn't help be feel it, see it, my siblings were so far ahead and only would continue to grow stronger. They'd get more and more experience out on missions, while I was stuck sitting in a stifling classroom learning things that wouldn't help.

It was pretty damn frustrating.

"What's wrong?" Shikamaru asked, pulling out me out of my thoughts while he pulled out the shogi board.

It was always shogi, and that was just one more thing I had no affinity for. One more doubt that I was truly a Nara, like my soul was too dominant for my body to have influence and fix that.

"I should be out there with you guys," I ended up helping, setting each piece down with a soft 'click'. I probably leaked irritation, and I had no doubt that I was the most impatient Nara come to past. At least people were blaming it on being young and eager, but how long would they over look my behavior?

Shikamaru scoffed, "You still have a lot to learn, little brother."

"Don't patronize me," I snapped unable to hide my scowl, and I had been doing so well up until now.

That earned a raised eyebrow.

My face burned red and I dropped my gaze. I was more than tempted to run away, somewhat more because I knew that he wouldn't hold back in the game. And after I lost, he would make me go over how and why I had lost. I wouldn't be able to get away with things like 'because you're smarter than me'. Dad did the same thing. But dammit dad was a grown man, Shikamaru was just starting to go through puberty.

Yet… how could anyone treat me more than a child if I didn't act like anything else?

One more thing that was just on the list of frustrating.

"There isn't anything you could help with that our teammates couldn't manage." Shikmaru shrugged and made a single hand gesture, I had the first move.

Should I work on defense or offense?

Shogi always gave me a headache. One of the reasons I didn't care for it.

"Its not just that," I grumbled, hand hovering in the air. A split decision and I made my move. A frown pulled at my lips when he mirrored my move. I hated it when he did that It meant that he was toying with me, working to drag out the game for as long as he could manage.

"What is it then?"

How could I properly explain emotions and feelings I struggled with?

Shikako was already on her first life threatening mission, she and her team were going to met up with missing-nin. She needed more than her teammates… she needed more than copy-nin Kakashi. Just because Sakura survived, that didn't ensure the same for Shikako… and what about Shikamaru? His missions would get just as dangerous.

"I don't know," I said leaning to the side against the couch. More than anything I didn't really feel like eloborating more. I needed to focus on the game anyway, or he would never leave me alone. Worse he might end up getting dad or mom on my case.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered but there was a smile to his lips.

"Mom's home," I commented, though Shikamaru probably heard her before I had sensed her. Another thing that I wasn't very good at. Granted Shikako had an amazing sensing range… Maybe someday I could manage half of the things she did.

The headache started creeping up as Shikamaru made the next move.

"Déjà vu," Mom muttered as she set grocery on the dinning room table. I twisted to look at her, she was smiling fondly at us. Shikamaru and I didn't play often, so I didn't really get how she was feeling nostalgic. I shrugged and went back to staring at the board. "Come help me put things away."

"I'll help, Masa needs to consider his next move carefully," Shikamaru said. He still moved slow as a nail, but it was much faster than when he went into thinking mode. Which usually meant he was trying to think his way out of things. He ruffled my hair as he passed.

I grumbled, words inaudible and glared at the board before me.

Why did they make it look so easy?

Would it be easy if I had managed some of those genius genetics?

Is this what Sasuke felt when Itachi had breezed through things so easily… before Itachi had- been too loyal to his village. I don't care what I was ordered to do or what my family had been planning, there was no way in hell I would kill any of them.

I folded my arms and continued to stew in frustration.

Eight years and I was nothing like either of my siblings when they had been my age. Now… even now their progress was exploding. Shikamaru was getting better at his shadow jutsu's though he had always managed them easily. Shikako was making breakthrough with her sealing and every other project she was working on.

Konohamaru was annoying, but now more than ever I understood his reason to prove himself. He too wanted to be recognized, which would only get worse after his grandfather died. I shuddered realizing I was comparing myself with Konohamaru. Sure he would grow out of it, but he was an annoying brat.

Hardly a day passed by when Iruka wasn't shouting at him.

You should be focusing on shogi; I reprimanded myself silently and went back to glaring at the board.

I knew it was a mistake that moment Shikamaru scoffed at me.

Shouldn't he be off on a mission too? Didn't he have better things to do than to torture his little brother?

"Pain in the ass."

WHOMP

"Shikamasa I will not allow such language in my house!"

Heads were not meant to make to make that sound. I clutched at my head willing for it to stay together. The pain of it, it made me think that otherwise it would split apart. Like a coconut.

Sure, I might've had that coming.