I honestly don't know where all this angst came from...

Yuu wasn't smart. Well, not exactly; he didn't have the patient to think about things a lot and analyze them, which is why he let the other think of the finer details in their plans. He? He relied on his instincts. The "follow your heart" advice that seemed to trouble a lot of people seemed ridiculously easy to him. Sure, not thinking things through got him in trouble more times than he cares to count, but that doesn't matter. For him, life – especially in this fucked-up world – was too short to be spent over-thinking things. Doing what felt right was much easier and less complicated.

Or it was supposed to be. But lately Yuu just didn't know what he was feeling. It was weird, he didn't understand it. He had all these weird feelings and he didn't know why. Everything else made sense; he hated the vampires because they killed his family and were assholes, he liked curry because it tasted good. What didn't make sense was why he was feeling like this every time Mika was around.

Thinking about it, trying to figure out when it started, he realized it had been happening ever since they reunited. He remembered how his stomach twisted in knots, how fast his heart beat when he looked at those blue eyes he knew so well. The same eyes that he had been seeing in his nightmares night after night, the same eyes that shined like stars when the blond boy laughed. (He has such a pretty laugh, too.)

Someone's heart beating that fast wasn't normal, but then again, finding out your long-dead best friend is alive and a vampire isn't normal either. Maybe that's why my heart raced like that, he convinced himself. When something like that happens, it's normal to react like that.

And is it also normal to constantly daydream about what you will do with your vampire best friend when you turn him back into a human? That annoying little voice replied, a voice that sounded weirdly enough like Shinoa. (Stupid Asuramaru knew how much she could piss him off.)

Yeah, okay, so maybe he'd daydream about Mika (spending time, spending time with Mika). But that's normal too, right? He hasn't seen him for four years, wanting to spent time together and have fun was normal. Stupidly idealistic considering the world they live in, but normal. And okay, maybe in a lot of those daydreams they held hands, but that didn't mean anything, right?

But then there's what happened in that convenience store in Nagoya. That's when Yuu thought those weird feeling first started when really, it was only when they became so strong he couldn't ignore them. He remembered how desperate, how hungry Mika had looked and how his heart clenched at how much pain he must had been enduring and he wanted to help. He remembered pulling Mika close and surrendering completely, because if it meant keeping Mika alive he would gladly let him suck every last drop of blood from his body.

But what made the black haired boy's cheeks burn just thinking about it was how it had felt when Mika sucked his blood, his lips on his neck and his body so close Yuu could feel what little heat came from his body. Having Mika so close made him feel safe and just… right. (And then there was a part of him that thought "Hey, this actually feels good when Mika does it" but Yuu refused to acknowledge that because it was just too embarrassing.)

Before, he was able to write those things off as normal and just brush them off but ever since Mika had joined their little group he couldn't because it wasn't normal to feel like hundreds of volts went through your body when your friend's hand just so much as brushed against yours or if you blush if they come too close or when you really want to run your hand through their hair because has it always been so fluffy-looking? It wasn't normal to stumble over your words around them and it wasn't normal to wonder if their lips were soft.

So maybe he had overexaggerated his confusion before. It wasn't so much that he didn't know what he was feeling; it was that he didn't want to admit he did. It was obvious what he was feeling, so obvious he had face-palmed when it took him three sleepless nights to figure it out. The realization had surprised him, knocked the air out of his chest, like taking a sharp turn and finding a vampire standing in front of you ready to attack you. Yuu wished that what was troubling him was a vampire. If it was he could just take out his sword and kill it. But he couldn't. All he could do was pretend nothing had happened.

He snorted. Easier said than done. That was the reason why he was on the rooftop of the building they had set up camp in, supposedly keeping watch in case anything approached, doing the thing he always thought was a waste of time: over-thinking things.

"Boo!" Yuu jumped in surprise, letting out a high-pitched scream he would deny ever making later. Behind him stood the she-devil herself, Shinoa, with her trademark shit-eating grin.

"What the fuck, Shinoa?! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Aww, don't be like that, Yuu-san. I merely saw an opportunity and took it!"

"What are you even doing up here?" Yuu asked when Shinoa sat down next to him on the edge of the roof.

"I woke up to get some water and thought to check up on you."

Yuu sighed. "Well, I'm fine so you can go back to sleep."

"Yuu-san, we both know that's not true. What's troubling you?"

"W-what? N-nothing's wrong with me! E-everything is f-fine! J-just f-fine!"

Shinoa raised an eyebrow at him, in a "are you fucking kidding me?" kind of way. Yuu had to admit that he sounded pathetic even to his own ears.

He sighed. He knew he would probably regret what he was about to do. You don't just say potentially embarrassing stuff to Shinoa because she would never let you live it down. But despite how much the short girl got on his nerves, she was still his friend and he trusted her. He had to get this off his chest or he would go crazy.

So he opened his mouth and let the world vomit out. He told Shinoa everything (except for the possible biting fetish he might have because he still had some sense of self-preservation) and she listened quietly.

When he finished he felt strangely drained but satisfied. That shit-eating grin appeared again on Shinoa's face and when she talked Yuu was met once more with that suddenly-seeing-a-vampire feeling.

"Yuu-san, I think you have a crush on Mikaela-san."

How did you react to that? Did he blush and try to deny it? Did he make some cheesy shoujo manga style love confession? Did he jump off the roof? Nope, definitely no, and he was thinking about it but no. He sighed – for what felt like the hundredth time that day – and held his face in his hands.

"What am I going to do now?"

"Well, you could just tell him," Shinoa suggested. "I'm sure it will work out fine. Mikaela-san really cares about you."

"Like you know anything about these things!" Yuu yelled. He didn't know why, Shinoa hadn't said anything wrong, he just needed to yell because all this was too much. From her reaction, she probably understood that. "I doubt you like anything other than teasing me."

"That's funny coming from you, considering I had a crush on you."

…what?

"What?!"

"Quiet down, you'll wake everyone up!" the girl hissed. "And yes, I did have a crush on you but I'm over it. You're too dense for me and after you beloved Mika turned out to be alive I knew I had no chance, especially with the way you talked about him."

"Oh," Yuu said because he felt like an idiot. "Now I feel kinda bad for never noticing. Knowing someone wouldn't like you back must have hurt."

"Yeah, it did, but it's fine. I like someone else."

"Who?"

"Well, we're both into blondes. Although mine has a bigger rack," Shinoa smirked, cupping her hands underneath her basically none-existent breasts.

Yuu stayed silent for a minute, trying to think of any girls they knew that had blonde hair and... big breasts. It couldn't be Inoue from Narumi's squad because Shinoa used present tense, so that leaves…

"Mistuba?"

Shinoa nodded. "So why don't you just tell Mika you like him?"

Yuu sighed (again!) "I can't. We're… we're supposed to be family. That's what he sees me as. If I tell him things will get awkward. At best."

"Well, what's happening now isn't much better."

"What do you mean?"

"That's why I really came up here. I wanted to find out why you have been avoiding Mikaela-san. Guess I did."

"I'm not avoiding Mika."

"Really?" the girl asked. "We've been trying to give you two some time alone but you keep finding excuses. When we go scavenging and leave you and Mika to watch the camp and you all but yell at us that you need to come along in case we encounter vampires!"

"…I was trying to act natural," he muttered.

"Well, you weren't. Mikaela-san noticed. He tries not to show that it's bothering him but we know and we're worried."

"I blew it," Yuu groaned. What kind of family is he supposed to be? First he hurts Mika's feelings and then he doesn't even notice he did it!

"Maybe. But you can still fix things."

He nodded at her with a smile. "Thank you, Shinoa. You're a good listener."

"Well, what can I say. It's one of my many talents." The purple haired girl accompanied that humble statement with a hair flip.

"Like humility?" Yuu smirked and Shinoa punched him on the arm. "Ow."

"Anyway, I better go back to sleep. I'll let you figure out how to sweep your 'Mika' off his feet."

"H-he's not my Mika!"

Although it does have a nice ring to it.

And think about it he did. His mind would wander to different scenarios while doing chores. He'd dream about it when he was asleep. The more he tried not to think about it, the more he did. If he thought acting natural around Mika was hard before now it was even worse.

He tried not to think about what Shinoa had said that night. How it looked like he was avoiding Mika. How it was hurting Mika. Hurting him was the last thing he wanted to do.

If that's the case then why don't you explain him why you've been acting like this? That little voice in his head would ask. Why not just tell him?

Because I'm a fucking coward! He'd answer. Because I can fight vampires ten times stronger than me but I can't talk to Mika.

But I have to do it. As much as it scared him, as much as it made his knees tremble just thinking about it, he had to do it. He hated this tense air around them. He wanted things to be like they were before, when Mika would smile and laugh and maybe tease him a bit (okay, a lot). He wanted things to be clear between them.

So here he was again, on the roof thinking how he'd conf- explain things to Mika. (He refused to use the 'confess' 'cause it made him feel like some blushy teenage girl and made him think of love letters and cherry blossoms and other cheesy romantic stuff he must have seen in some anime at some point.)

Should he wait until Mika is on his own to talk to him or should he ask him to talk in private for a bit? Would that seem suspicious? Should he give him something like flowers or chocolate? (He was pretty sure he saw that in a movie once.) There were no flowers around here, only weeds, and even if they had chocolates a) they're chocolates, so obviously they would have been eaten by now and b) Mika doesn't eat human food. Should he make a joke to break the ice? But what joke then? And how should he start? Should he be more direct or should he-

"Ugh, this is so complicated!" he groaned, at the verge of pulling his hair out in frustration.

He was thinking about getting up and stretching a bit, maybe running around the roof a little to clear his mind, when a white cloaked figure walked out of the door below him.

Yuu got down by the water pipe, thankful that the building was short. What was Mika doing here?

"Mika?"

The figure froze. If it wasn't for the breeze making his cloak move he would have seemed like a statue.

"Mika?" Yuu called out again. "What are you doing out here?"

Silence. And then just two words, two words that made Yuu's blood run cold and his heart plummet to the bottom of his stomach.

"I'm leaving."

"You're… what?" No response from the blonde whatsoever. "Why?"

Mika glared at Yuu over his shoulder and the black haired boy felt overwhelmed by the sheer amount of betrayal and sadness in his eyes. "You, of all people, ask me that? You've been avoiding me for weeks!"

"I wasn't avoiding you…" Yuu said, desperately trying to think of a way to fix things because I fucked up, I fucked up so bad. Yet saying what he did seemed to have the opposite effect.

"Really?" Mika snapped. "Every time we were left alone by your teammates you would find some stupid excuse to leave!"

Yuu was taken aback. He had never heard Mika this angry, this furious, especially at him. His eyes were blazing and despite having seen Mika fight again and again, this was the first time he felt scared of him.

No, not of him, he thought. I'm scared of what I've done. I've fucked everything up. I'm such an idiot.

"It… hurt, you know," Mika said, his voice breaking as he wiped the tears from his eyes. It did no good because they continued falling, big and bright under the moonlight. Yuu's throat fell like he was being strangle and he could feel the familiar sting of tears behind his eyes. The same words bounced back and forth inside his head like a mantra. I fucked up, I fucked up. I'm such an idiot.

"You w-were fine one moment and then – then you'd do anything you could to stay away from me. A-and I'd try to figure out what I did wrong but… I guess I was an idiot, wasn't I? I'm already a monster." Mika tried to play off his last sentence like it was no big deal (when it very obviously was) but his chuckle came out as a strangled sob. The tears he had been trying to hold back started falling again, like water out of a broken dam. Mika certainly felt broken.

"Mika…" Yuu didn't know what to do. He wanted to tell Mika he was wrong, he wanted to make him feel better, but… he was too scared to. It was like Mika was made of glass and if Yuu did or said the wrong thing he would break in thousand little pieces and Yuu would lose him forever.

"I k-knew that al-already, I d-did," Mika continued, despite his words coming out in choked sobs and tears falling down his face no matter how hard he wiped them away. "I have sh-sharp f-fangs and red e-eyes… I d-drink your blood to survive! B-but I guess I just – after what you said in the co-convenience store- I guess I just- I just hoped we could still family."

Mika laughed, like the notion seemed hilarious to him, like he didn't believe how he could have been so stupid, and half way through the laugh turned into a sob. "I guess not. Goodbye, Yuu-ch- Yuuichirou."

Yuu was crying now, the tears making wet trails on his face. Mika doesn't call him by his full name, no matter how much he'd complain when they were kids because "Yuu-can is family now and I use 'chan' for my family!" Mika turned around, about to walk away from their camp, from Yuu, and Yuu moved without thinking because he wasn't going to lose him. Faster than he thought possible without those power-up pills, he ran forward and hugged Mika like his life depended on it.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I didn't want to hurt you. I'm so sorry, Mika! I was – I was just scared!"

Mika held him away at arm's length, a really difficult feat considering how hard Yuu had been holding onto him. "That's why I'm leaving. I know you don't want a vampire around-"

"No! That's not what I meant!" Yuu yelled, stopping Mika from continuing his sentence. Even with his face flushed red from crying and tears running down his face, there was no mistaking the unflinching look in Yuu's eyes. It was that look that had made Mika admire him so much, the look that let the world know that he would give his everything to achieve what he wanted, no matter what it was.

Yuu's eyes softened, abandoning that steel-hard determination and letting all his walls crumble to the ground. He had gotten into this mess by trying to hide things, if he wanted to fix them he'll have to be completely honest.

"I just got you back again. I thought you were dead for four years and then… then you're alive. You're alive and right there and I was so happy. I didn't want to lose you again, especially not because I said something I shouldn't have and messed things up. I couldn't bear the thought of you leaving me."

Yuu's hands clenched onto Mika's shirt desperately. It would have been easy for the vampire to rip the boy's arms off him and leave, but he couldn't. He was rooted on the spot, frozen in place, and even if he wanted to move he would be unable to. As much as a part of him refused to believe what Yuu was saying, he knew it was true. They've known each other for years and could easily tell when the other was lying. Yuu wasn't.

The black haired boy's eyes fell to the ground. "But I guessed I still ruined everything. I tried to act normal and hurt you instead. All because I was a big coward who couldn't say what he felt."

Yuu's eye's snapped back up so fast it took Mika by surprise. That look was back in his eyes, mixed with fear and uncertainty but he didn't look away and Mika found himself mesmerized by those eyes.

"I don't care if you're a vampire because that was never what you were to me. I never thought of you as just a vampire. You're brave and courageous and as big a tease as Shinoa. You do that snorting thing when you laugh too hard and it's the most adorable thing ever. You care about your family so much and you made great curry and I don't know how you manage to look that good in thigh high boots. You're kind and you'd tell the other kids bedtime stories and give them piggyback rides even if your back hurt and you still wanted to be my friend even if I treated you like shit. Your smile is beautiful and your fake one is convincing too but I can always tell the difference. You gave the younger kids goodnight kisses and you drown your cereal in milk and you snore if you're tired but it's not annoying and you're supper clingy when you sleep. You're… Mika. You're my family. And I love you."

"Yuu-chan-"

"A-and I don't mean just as family!" Yuu cut him off, a mad blush on his cheeks. "Knowing you, that's what you'll assume, but that's not what I meant! I meant like-like a couple, like holding hands and going on d-dates and k-kissing. That's why I was acting like that, I was just scared of how you'd react and-"

"Yuu-chan, I know that's what you meant."

"What?" Yuu snapped. "Then why did you let me say those embarrassing things?"

"Well, first of all, you didn't let me speak," Mika explained. "Secondly, you look really cute when you're flustered- ow!"

"I'm not cute," Yuu protested, punching Mika in the arm. He wasn't cute, you don't call a guy cute. (Okay, he might have called Mika's snorting laugh cute but that doesn't count.)

"And lastly," Mika continued, "I liked hearing you say those things."

Yuu's blush deepend, if that was possible. "T-then… what do you say?"

"I love you too, Yuu-chan."

"You…" Yuu mumbled like an idiot, unable to believe his ears.

"I thought you had noticed and were disgusted by it. I… wasn't exactly subtle. All your friends noticed. Shinoa kept dropping innuendos." Mika's cheeks reddened remembering some of them and he scratched his neck awkwardly.

"O-oh."

"Y-yeah." Mika looked nervously around, suddenly self conscious. "S-so, I don't really know what we could do for a date, but… I could keep you company while you keep watch from the roof?"

"That… sounds nice." Yuu's eyes trailed down to Mika's hand and he cautiously intertwined their fingers. "I would like that."