Title: Only Time Will Tell

Rating: T

A/N: Thanks again to everyone who has read/favorited/followed this story so far :) Special thanks to Natascha2Tata, NALEY23alwaysforever, Montelini and for your feedback :) Hope you enjoy reading and please forgive any mistakes (spelling or otherwise). I'm sorry for the delay, but here is the funeral chapter ;) I have decided that it's also going to be the last chapter of this story. It just felt like a good place to end it here and I hope I did it justice :) I couldn't resist making a reference to the deleted scene from 4x04, plus I also like to sleep with at least 4 pillows in my bed :D

PS.: To any of you who are waiting for an update on Love Will Remember: I'm working on it and hope to finish the next chapter in a couple of weeks, so just know I haven't given up on it just yet ;)

PPS.: This chapter is dedicated to my close friend mehtiification.

Cover art by: mehtiification

Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago PD, its characters or the song Beautifully Unfinished by Ella Henderson.

Chapter 5: Beautifully Unfinished

When Erin finally pulls up at the cemetery it's already 10.30 am. The service isn't supposed to start for another half an hour, but a quick scan of the parking lot tells her that the majority of people who are here to honor Justin's life have already arrived.

She gets out of the car, makes her way around and opens the door on the passenger side. When Olive makes no attempt to get out and just stays slumped down in the passenger seat, Erin moves to the back door, opens it and reaches inside to unbuckle Daniel and get him out of his car seat.

The little boy has been fussy all morning. It's as if he knows that something isn't right and that his mom is sad and in distress and he responds to it in his own way.

It takes Erin three attempts to finally free him, because he's wiggling around and kicking his little feet at her, not willing to leave the car while his mom is still inside.

"Danny, no," Erin chides when he starts pulling on her hair, but his grip on the strands caught between his tiny fingers only tightens.

Erin readjusts him on her hip and carefully pries his hold open. Once her hair is free she tugs it behind her ear and makes her way back to the front of the car.

Olive hasn't moved an inch since Erin left her to retrieve Daniel and she doesn't look like she's going to any time soon.

Erin carefully places a hand on the young mother's shoulder and squeezes it lightly.

Olive jumps in her seat and looks at her dead husband's pseudo sister for the first time since they've left the house.

The blonde's eyes are glassy and her gaze is unfocused, it seems like she's seeing right through Erin who is still holding her nephew protectively in her arms.

"Olive," Erin tries again, this time using her voice to provide a much needed anchor to reality for the other woman. "We are here. You have to get out of the car. Your son needs you."

Erin knows it's not fair to bring up Daniel in a moment where Olive is stricken by grief for his dead father, but she needs her to get through today and the mention of her son seems to be the only thing that's able to pull her out of the dark space she was in just seconds ago and Olive finally emerges from Erin's car and reaches out for Daniel who has been watching the whole scene unfolding in front of him with big eyes.

Erin gently transfers the boy into his mother's arms and closes the door before wrapping her arm around Olive's shoulders and guiding her towards the entrance of the cemetery, all the while looking around for Voight's black Escalade, but coming up empty.

Before entering the cemetery grounds she gives one last backward glance over her shoulder but still doesn't spot the car or its owner. She lets out a frustrated sigh, quickening her steps and pulling Olive and Daniel along, hoping against all hope that Voight might've parked around the corner and is already waiting inside the small chapel located in the middle of the cemetery.

Jay only stays at Erin's place for approximately 10 minutes after she's left and makes sure to lock the door on his way out. Even in this neighborhood you don't want to make it easier for someone to rob you, although he reckons that if someone really wanted to break into Erin's apartment the door being locked wouldn't stop them.

He can perfectly recount all the times that it has happened already, the images are still imprinted in his head as if it had been just yesterday.

There's the time after Nadia died and his partner had been held hostage at gunpoint in her own apartment. He still dreams about it sometimes, but his dreams always take a turn for the worse and they don't make it over to her apartment in time and find the apartment ransacked and both Landon and Erin lying on the floor in a pool of their own blood, a gunshot wound to the head, dead eyes staring back at them, at him.

The nightmares change every so often. Sometimes they involve Yates and what went down between him and Erin before she killed him in self-defense. His imagination is running wild although he knows exactly how it went down from the police records and the statements Erin and Voight had to give after their backup had arrived and found Yates and his father dead on the scene.

Sometimes his mind comes up with a scenario in which Yates hides in Erin's apartment and waits for her to come home and doesn't leave her place before she arrives like he has done in reality.

Sometimes his mind wanders back to the day Erin went to check up on Tawny Darrens on her own and almost got hurt and raped because of it and in his dreams he's always a second too late and it's not Ty Henley who ends up dead but Erin because Ty manages to cut her throat before Jay can take the shot that would have saved her life.

Jay shakes his head to clear his thoughts when he gets to his car. He can't keep thinking about all the ways Erin could've gotten hurt or killed now, he has to concentrate on getting home so he can take a shower, get dressed for the funeral and be there on time to pay his last respect to Voight's son and show his support for Erin, Daniel and Olive.

Although he has only met Justin a handful of times and the younger man always seemed a bit weary of him and his intentions, he had come around eventually after he'd seen how happy Erin was when she was around Jay or just talking about him.

One day they had visited Justin and Olive and stayed for dinner and he hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but he'd overheard Justin and Erin while they were doing the dishes in the kitchen after they'd finished dinner and Justin had told her that every time Jay's name came up in conversation her face would light up and despite "still not trusting the guy" Justin was happy that Jay obviously made her happy.

Jay had quickly moved back to the living room and joined Olive who was playing with Daniel and pretended that he hadn't heard a single thing although oddly enough he had to admit he was strangely pleased by what had been said about him.

The young detective blinks when he realizes that he's still standing beside his car, his hand resting on the door handle. If he keeps this up he'll never be at the chapel in time for the funeral service, so he resolves himself to not letting his thoughts drift off again until the day is over. He has to keep it together for Erin's sake. He's seen what all of this has already done to her and he's afraid of what she's gonna do after they've buried Justin.

It seems like all she's done so far is trying to push her feelings down or ignore them, except for these brief moments when she's allowed herself to fall apart in his arms, in favor of trying to be there for Olive and Daniel.

Jay admires her for that, for the strength it has to take to be as composed as she is, go to work every day as if nothing has happened and to hold what's left of Justin's and her family together.

On the drive back to his apartment he wonders whether Voight will show up today. He's always been a constant in their lives ever since Jay joined the Intelligence Unit two and a half years ago. His watchful eyes have never missed anything going on around the district and even in his detectives' personal lives until almost a week ago when his son was murdered and it seems that Voight's dropped off the face of the earth and doesn't plan on coming back.

Jay considers driving by his place to check up on him. He has refrained from doing so until now because he doesn't want to overstep his boundaries, but he's talked to Olinsky and asked him if he's talked to Voight recently since it has become abundantly clear that Erin isn't gonna be the one to do the talking this time. Al has said he's been by Voight's place to drop off some food, but Voight never seemed to be around when he stopped by.

Sighing tiredly, Jay pulls up in front of his apartment complex, parks his car and gets out just as his phone starts ringing.

Wondering who would call him this early when he's taken the day off, he takes out his phone and scrunches up his brows in confusion when he looks at the caller ID.

"Hey Mouse, what's up?"

Erin pays no mind to the few people who have decided to wait at the entrance of the little chapel, mainly because she's too focused on getting Olive and Daniel inside without the former suffering from a complete breakdown before they make it inside.

She just hopes people will refrain from trying to offer the newly widowed woman their condolences for now as that would certainly unsettle the emotional blonde even more.

She almost sighs with relief when they make it inside without any interruptions, only for Olive to catch sight of the casket that's propped up at the end of the aisle and let out a strangled sob.

Luckily it's closed otherwise Erin isn't sure Olive would even be standing right now. It seems to take all of her strength to not just collapse to the ground right there and then and her gaze is frozen, fixated on the massive black box that contains her husband's dead body.

Even though she can't seem to tear her eyes away from it, the blonde addresses Erin, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I think I can't do this Erin. I thought I could. I thought I was stronger, that I had come to terms with…everything that's happened, but it's too much. I'm… I'm not ready," her voice breaks at the end and she has to close her eyes for a moment and focus on what she's trying to say.

When the blonde opens her eyes again she fixes them on the woman standing beside her, still having her arm wrapped around her protectively and quietly admits, "I'm not ready to let him go and I don't know if I'll ever be…"

Standing so close to her, Erin can actually see the emotional turmoil in the younger woman's eyes. It's like a storm of emotions rages inside her soul trying to make its way out.

She knows the feeling - at least she thinks she does. But how would she know how it feels to lose the one person that is supposed to be by your side, stand by you and love you your entire life? She has lost many people in her life and it has been painful and she's wished on more than one occasion that it was her who had died instead of the person who actually did. Camille, Jules, Jin, Nadia, Justin they are all painful reminders that live is short and can be taken away from you much sooner than you ever anticipated and that especially applies to the lifestyle she's leading.

But unlike Olive she hasn't lost the love of her life (yet) and in all honesty after what happened when Nadia was killed she isn't sure she would be able to carry on with her life.

When she looks at the young woman in front of her she's overcome with a wave of immense gratitude that Justin was able to call her his wife and the mother of his son.

She is so proud of him for getting his act together and making something out of his life and that even in his death he tried to protect someone he cared about, just like his father.

Olive's eyes are glassy with unshed tears and Erin can feel her own throat tightening and before she falls victim to her own pain bubbling under the surface and starts crying, she forces herself to clear her throat and commends Olive for being able to make all the important choices that needed to be made after her husband's death, for keeping it together and most importantly for not abandoning her son but taking care of him instead.

She tells the blonde that no matter what happens she will always be able to count on Hank and Erin, that they both will do everything in their power to be there for Olive and her son and that she's not alone in this and that they'll get through it together.

For a brief moment her mind flashes back to the day her own father was taken away from her. She had been older than Daniel and she had been able to understand that her dad wasn't going to come back, even though he didn't die but went to prison.

But it had changed her life and she wonders if maybe her mom had had someone to talk to after it had happened, someone other than her kid daughter, she would've maybe turned her life around and stayed away from the drugs and her and Teddy could actually have had a nice childhood.

It's too late for that now, too late for her own mother to change and frankly Erin knows for a fact that it's not likely that Bunny will ever want to change, she's content living her life like she does and as long as she stays away from her Erin doesn't care how the woman she once used to call 'mom' spends her days.

But for little Daniel and Olive this time is crucial and she really hopes that they'll be able to move on from the tragedy and loss they've suffered and that they'll be able to live their lives without Justin's death hanging over them like a dark cloud, that instead they'll carry him and their happy memories of him and their time as a family with them so that he can live on in their hearts and memory.

"Er," she's startled out of her thoughts by the sound of Jay's voice softly calling her name.

She breaks the eye contact with Olive and turns her head around to come face-to-face with her worried partner.

"Hi Olive …and Danny," Jay makes time to address all three of them and even tickles the little boy resting safely on his mother's hip in an effort to make him smile.

Surprisingly it seems to work, Daniel's face lights up and he squeals in delight when Jay's tickles become a little more insistent.

Remembering where they are after a few seconds, he stops and focuses his attention back on Erin. He came in here for a reason and he thinks it's better to talk to Erin alone about it. He doesn't want to worry Olive, but at the same time he doesn't think leaving her alone would be a good idea.

"I need to talk to you outside," he says and she lets her eyes wander around the room, probably in search of the person he wants to talk to her about, but Voight's not here.

She seems to have reached that conclusion on her own but she doesn't want to leave Olive and Daniel here all by themselves.

Sensing Erin's turmoil Olive assures her that she's gonna be fine and as if on cue one of Olive's close friends approaches them and asks if they need anything.

With one last glance towards Olive and Daniel, the former giving her a small but reassuring smile, Erin follows Jay out of the chapel and they take a few steps away from the small groups of people that are standing outside.

She spots Alvin Olinsky and Trudy Platt among them, although that shouldn't surprise her since Al and Hank have been friends for such a long time and Sergeant Platt has known Voight for more than half of Erin's life. She knows Antonio and the rest of their unit would've shown up too if Crowley had let them, but someone has to make sure that the leads in their current investigation don't run cold and that the victims and their families get justice.

Jay stops when they've rounded a corner and are out of view and earshot, so that none of the other funeral guests can overhear them.

"Have you seen Voight?" Erin asks him before he can even get to telling her why he asked her outside.

"Yeah, actually that's what I wanted to tell you. I saw him arrive about 15 minutes ago, but lost him after we entered the cemetery. I wasn't sure whether my calling him was a good idea and I didn't want to worry you. That's why I didn't tell you earlier."

Erin can tell there's something else on her boyfriend's mind but he seems hesitant to tell her and she thinks she can deal with whatever it is later, first she has to locate Hank and make sure he makes it to the funeral.

She has a pretty good idea of where he might have gone, but thinks that maybe she should try to call him first and see if he is willing to talk.

"Ok, thanks for telling me," she says. "I think I know where he is. Can you go back inside and stay with Olive and Daniel until I get back? I know her friend is with her, but I'd feel better knowing that you are there too."

He understands what she asks of him without her having to voice it out loud and only one look at her is enough to make sure he's got it right. 'Make sure they're ok, keep them safe.'

He simply nods in response and watches her walk of, on a mission to find the person that she's looked up to and respected the most during the past 16 years of her live.

Jay hopes that they'll make it, that their relationship isn't damaged beyond repair and that the trust she had in him can be rebuild. As much as he wants to keep Erin safe and away from any trouble she could face if she still stands by Voight after how he's handled things after Justin's murder, he also wants her to not lose the only constant father figure she's ever known.

The knowledge of what Mouse has told him on the phone earlier this morning weighs heavily on him and he knows he needs to warn Erin, to tell her to watch her steps carefully, but there's nothing he can do about it now and he hopes Commander Crowley has the decency to at least let them mourn Justin in peace before she comes barging in, demanding to know what Voight and Erin were up to at the silos.

Just thinking about what Voight has probably done and the thought of Erin being witness to it makes him sick and even though he has suspected that they'd been there all along Mouse telling him that Crowley had someone tracking the GPS on their phones and that both along with a third unidentified phone were placed at that exact location makes it all the more real and he's aware that Erin has to make a decision. She's either going down with their boss for this or follow Crowley's inevitable request to serve them Voight's head on a platter.

While he makes his way back inside the chapel, he reflexively checks his watch and notices that the service is supposed to start in 15 minutes. For Olive's sake he hopes Erin will be back with Voight in time.

Erin has always been a determined person. The reason for her being determined has changed a lot over the years, but she has never wavered in her determination and now she is determined to locate her mentor and boss and make sure he doesn't miss the funeral of his only son.

She tried calling him several times while she made her way across the cemetery grounds, but it went to voice mail every single time and instead of leaving a message she saves her breath for the confrontation that is about to happen.

She spots him kneeling by a familiar grave, his hand resting on the headstone and slows her pace until she's standing only a few feet away from him.

Although he hasn't acknowledged her presence she knows he's aware that she's there.

He sighs and finally speaks up, still not looking at her, "If you're here to tell me I should be attending the service you could've saved yourself the trouble."

Erin has played over a million scenarios of how this could go on her way over here, but she's still a little shocked by the bluntness of his statement. She's prepared for a fight though and if he even thinks for one second she's gonna leave without him he's dead wrong.

Since pleading with him has gotten her nowhere the last time they spoke, she tries a different approach this time.

"You know what? I actually don't care what you do. It's your son's funeral, so it's your choice. You can stay here and hide out by your wife's grave while your son's wife and your grandson who both are still very much alive mourn their husband and father's death. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things, but I think you owe it to him and to his family to at least be there. I don't know who you are right now, or who you are pretending to be, but the man that saved my life by taking me off the streets and welcomed me into his home and family with open arms all those years ago would never abandon his family like this. But hey what do I know? I'm just the daughter of a drug addict and a criminal so taking advice from me might not be such a good idea anyways. The only thing I really hope for is that after losing his father, Daniel won't lose his grandfather, too. Olive is strong but without guidance she might lose her way and what happens if she chooses to deal with her grief and pain the same way Bunny did? Do you really want your grandson to not only grow up without a father but with a mother who is addicted to drugs?"

She hasn't meant to sound so harsh, but she's just so angry at him in this moment. She can't understand that he's willing to throw it all away, or maybe she can and that's what makes her so angry, because she's been there before and if he's as determined to go down this path as she was she isn't sure anything or anyone can make him come back from it.

In all the years she's known Hank Voight he's never given up on his family, he's always placed them above everything and everyone else, so him actively choosing to stay away from his son's wife and his grandson just doesn't make sense and it breaks Erin's heart to have to stand idly by and watch him let his inner demons win and finally pull him over to the dark side that he's always tried so hard to keep away from the people he loved.

She shakes her head in a mixture of anger, sadness, defeat and disappointment and even though hot angry tears are burning behind her eyes she refuses to let them fall and makes her way back to the chapel. If Hank's not gonna be there for his family, at least she will.

Jay casts another nervous glance at his watch, it's almost 11 and there's no sign of either Erin or Voight. He's currently sitting in the first row with Olive, who is staring at the coffin in front of them, a vacant expression in her eyes. Daniel is snuggled into Jay's arms, his head resting on the detective's shoulder, when Olive suddenly turns her head around and reaches out for her son.

Jay hands him over immediately, he had only taken him because Olive seemed like she needed a small break from her son's attempts to wiggle out of her arms and crawl across the chapel's floor.

He feels like sitting here is not his place and he's also a little afraid of what might happen if Voight spots him next to Olive. Even though his boss has said he doesn't care about Erin and Jay's relationship status and that he's glad to have Jay as a member of his unit, him having a front row seat at his son's funeral service might be a little too much.

He hears the minister clear his throat and just when he thinks Erin's not going to make it she sinks down next to him. Her face is flushed and she's a little out of breath but other than that she seems to be fine, at least physically.

He gets up and is prepared to take a seat in the row behind them when her hand shoots out and stops him. "What are you doing?" she whispers and he's aware that everyone is watching them, trying to see what's the hold up and why the service doesn't start.

"I thought first row meant family only…" he says, unsure of whether he's made the right choice by getting up.

She just looks at him, a mix of emotions swirling through her eyes. He can't decipher every single one of them because there are so many, but he likes to think that what she's trying to tell him is that he is family. He is her family.

Despite her clearly wanting him to stay right where he is, he's torn, but then he remembers how she sat next to him during Terry's funeral and how just her being there right by his side had given him more comfort than she'd ever know and he motions for her to take his vacated seat next to Olive and when she does and gives him a confused look he sits back down next to her and just squeezes her hand once before focusing his attention on the minister who has patiently waited for them to sort things out before he starts with the eulogy.

"We have all come together today to honor the life of Justin Voight…"

Erin tries to focus on what is being said about the man that has been a brother to her for the last 16 years, but all she hears is white noise.

The only thing she can focus on is the black casket that is sitting only a few feet away from her. She feels like she can't breathe and just when she thinks she might pass out from lack of oxygen, she feels the slightest hint of a touch on her left hand, the one that, she hasn't noticed until now, is still intertwined with Jay's.

His thumb is lightly stroking the back of her hand and Erin's gaze is transfixed on the minimal movement. The feeling of Jay's touch is grounding her and providing her with the strength she needs not to cry.

It's funny how the slow movements of his finger are able to calm her. 'Back and forth. Back and forth. Back… and forth…," she repeats it in her head like a mantra and unconsciously reaches over to Olive to take her hand too.

She might not be able to look at her right now, but she can try and give her at least a fraction of the comfort her partner is giving her.

Erin still can't hear anything other than a low mumbling sound which is more of a background sound to her thoughts than anything else.

She thinks about the first time she's met Justin when he was just an 8-year-old boy, no more than a "snot-nosed kid" to put it in his own words. She can't help but smile at how much he's changed over the past years.

He'd always been a bit short-tempered and was quick to act out when something hadn't gone the way he wanted it to, but Camille had always known how to get him back on track and calm him down. His mother's death had hit him hard and with Voight numbed by his own grief there had been no one to keep him in check.

Erin had tried her hardest to keep him away from the wrong crowd, but Justin had been desperate and he hadn't been willing to see the truth until one day he had been in that car accident that had changed his life.

She wouldn't say she was glad it had happened, because someone had gotten hurt and that someone would have to live their life paralyzed from the waist down, but she had been glad that Justin had to face the consequences of his actions for once, even if he'd still acted none the wiser after he had gotten out of prison.

So Hank enlisting him in the Army had been Justin's saving grace. Even if joining the Army had meant that he met the friend whose wife would later come to him asking for help, which in turn had resulted in him getting murdered.

But who knows what might have happened if he had taken a different path, he might have never gotten in touch with Olive again, so they might have never had Danny or gotten married and he might have died while doing a job for one of his so-called friends who only associated with him to let him do their dirty work.

Not wanting to let her thoughts wander back to those days, she simply recalls the last time she's spent time with Justin just a couple of month before his son's first birthday.

They had met up after Erin's shift had ended and gone out to dinner. Just the two of them. Voight had been busy and Olive had been visiting her sister with Daniel. Erin had briefly considered inviting Jay, but hadn't wanted things to get awkward, because Justin had just recently gotten used to idea of the two of them dating, plus Jay had been with her the last time she had visited Olive, Daniel and Justin and she didn't want to give off the impression that they were attached at the hip. She saw him at work and at home after that almost every day so a few hours not spent in his company wouldn't hurt.

She recalls the big smile Justin had on his face when he spotted her coming down the sight walk and how happy he had seemed when he'd talked about his family, his army buddies and that he might get a promotion in a few months, but that he hadn't told his dad about it yet because he didn't want him to be disappointed if it didn't happen.

She's startled out of her thoughts when she feels Jay tugging at her hand and she notices a few of Justin's army buddies moving around the casket, preparing to lift it.

Her gaze follows them carrying the casket to the entrance of the chapel and she realizes the service is over and she has to get up.

People are waiting for her and Olive to make a move and follow after the self-proclaimed pall bearers, so that they can start the funeral procession that will end at Justin's gravesite.

Jay is hesitant to follow Erin and Olive, who is clutching her son to her chest like he's the lifeline she's holding on to. He still thinks it would be better if he hadn't sat in the first row with them, because he can remember the looks Allie had gotten when she'd tried to sit with him at his mother's funeral service and she had basically been a part of their family by then, but things are different now.

He is an adult and they are in a committed relationship. They love each other, even though neither one of them has said it out loud, but he sees it in the way she looks at him and touches him, knows what's going on inside his head even when he can't seem to find the words to say it and he knows she sees it too.

Their hands are still joined when she gets up, even though she's let go off Olive's hand so the young mother can readjust her grip on her son.

He doesn't want her to let go off his hand too though and that's why he tightens his grip on her. Surprisingly she doesn't even try to untangle their fingers but instead opts to put her free arm around Olive supportively and starts walking down the aisle towards the entrance of the chapel.

The young detective almost doesn't notice Voight who is standing in the shadows near the door and it it's only when he makes his way over towards them and Erin steps back so that their boss can guide Olive and Daniel out of the chapel that he realizes that their sergeant must've been there the whole time.

Erin's thoughts are a jumbled mess when they finally come to a stop near Justin's gravesite - the casket has already been lowered inside and an American flag is resting on top of it. Even though he wasn't killed while fighting for his country, he was still a member of the United States Army and the number of people from the military base he'd last been stationed on who came to witness the last celebration of his life are a testament to how well-respected and liked he'd been while working there.

A wave of pride and love overcomes her when she steps forward. She lets a single red rose fall down into the grave and moves back to allow the next person to bid farewell to Justin one last time.

She stands off to the sight, Voight, Olive, Daniel and Jay by her side, while she watches people say their last goodbyes. Most of them she doesn't know, but she's glad that Justin has had so many people in his life that cared about him and wanted to pay their last respect to him.

She can hear Olive sob quietly beside her and turns her head to see that Hank has wrapped an arm around her to shield her from the curious and sympathetic glances that the other funeral guests throw her way, his other arm is wrapped protectively around his grandson who is settled on his hip and looks thoroughly exhausted from the events of this morning.

Erin can't help but wonder why she's not breaking down right now. Maybe it's because Hank showed up and proved that he hasn't given up on life and them just yet or maybe it's because it finally sinks in that she isn't in this alone, that she has people to lean on in this time of grief and sorrow.

She lets her gaze sweep over the other funeral guests, catching Olinsky's eye who gives her an almost imperceptible nod, then letting it fall on Trudy Platt standing next to him, who is offering her a tight-lipped grim smile and finally her head turns so she's able to face the man who is been beside her through all of this and has not once faltered in his unwavering support for her.

He's silent and watches her so intently that she almost can't hold his gaze. She feels like he's able to look straight into her soul and if it were anyone else looking at her like that it would be bound to make her feel uncomfortable, but it's Jay and that alone has her heart starting to beat harder in her chest, the warm feeling of being loved spreading out through her entire being, silent tears running down her face.

She hasn't even noticed she has been crying until Jay gently wipes her tears away with his thumb.

The tender moment is broken by Voight clearing his throat uncomfortably and Erin takes a step back from her boyfriend and turns back around to face her mentor.

"I just wanted to say that I'm gonna take Olive and this little guy here home."

"Just let me get Danny's seat from my car…," Erin starts but Voight cuts her off, "No need, I brought one with me."

If his words surprise her she doesn't show it, but instead gives him a small nod.

"I'll see you in a few then," she offers and watches the three of them leave, clamping her mouth shut before she can add anything that she might end up regret saying later on.

As soon as they've made it back to the parking lot, Jay notices a slight change of behavior in his girlfriend and he can't help but feel slightly alarmed.

"Look," she starts and Jay knows from her body language and her tone of voice that she's going to say something he doesn't want to hear.

"Don't," he says. "Just don't."

He thought they'd made progress, he'd thought she was letting him in and was finally allowing herself to lean on him and not just do everything on her own, but it looks like he's been wrong all along.

"I'll meet you at your place when you get back," he tells her and for her sake tries to keep the hurt out of his voice. He wants to leave, but he doesn't want to leave without her. It feels wrong on so many different levels to part ways like that and once again the words are on the tip of his tongue, but he bites them back.

She's already on her way to shutting him out again if he tells her how he feels now that might be the final straw.

"Jay," her voice is almost broken when she utters his name and it has him rooted to the spot.

"I," she seems to be at a loss for words, but gathers her thoughts and is able to carry on, "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just thought that you might not want to join me after…"

She doesn't finish her sentence and she doesn't need to. Jay realizes she wasn't trying to shut him out, she was only trying to spare him from having to be around her and Voight when it's clear that it's highly likely that it might get uncomfortable between them at any point during the wake held at Olive and Justin's home.

"I'll stand by you. No matter what happens, I'll always be there to have your back. I thought you knew that."

"I do," she whispers and closes the remaining distance between them. "Sometimes it's just hard for me to remember it…"

When they arrive at Olive and Justin's home not much later there's no tension left between them and Erin is prepared to face her boss once again. She just hopes they'll be able to keep it civil for one afternoon.

She doesn't plan on confronting him again and if his showing up at the service and being there for Olive and Daniel after is any indication she thinks that there's some hope left after all.

Before she can enter the house however Jay stops her and simply says, "Thank you," before quickly leaning down to press a chaste kiss against her lips and then proceeding to pull her inside with him.

They have been at the wake for the remainder of the afternoon and by the time they decide to leave and head back to her apartment Erin is emotionally and physically exhausted.

She hasn't talked more than a few words to Voight and has mainly kept herself busy playing with Danny while Jay had made sure that the guests always had enough food and refreshments at their disposal.

Voight has kept mainly in the background, but has always stayed close to Olive as if he was worried she'd suddenly vanish into thin air if he left her side.

Erin has felt his eyes on her and his grandson every once in a while too, but every time he's made his way over to them he's always made sure to avoid stepping on her toes and has just said a few words about Daniel and how big he's gotten and how smart he is.

She's only nodded in response and even if her heart aches to repair the relationship they used to have not long ago, she can't bring herself to make the first step. Everything is still to raw and she needs more time to process things before she can think about trying to forgive him for the choice he's made on that fateful night almost a week ago.

Erin and Jay are one of the last ones to leave. Only Voight and Olinsky are staying behind and Daniel has already been put to sleep in his crib.

Erin embraces Olive in a hug and once again she has to fight tears when Olive tells her that she can never repay her for what she's done for her and her son during the last few days.

She feels a hand on her shoulder and expects to find Jay looking at her, but instead it's Voight. He just gives her a nod and squeezes her shoulder once before he steps back, making room for Olinsky to take his place and envelope her in his arms.

"I'm proud of you, kid," the latter tells her and she has to look away before anyone can see the single tear that is running down her cheek.

"Let's go, Halstead," she calls out in attempt to mask her emotions and practically runs out of the house and towards her car.

On the way over to her apartment Jay thinks of the best way to tell her about what Mouse has told him earlier in the day. The longer he keeps this from her the higher gets the risk of Crowley ambushing her unprepared.

"You've been awfully quiet," Erin prompts when they pull up in front of her apartment complex, "Something on your mind?"

He waits for her to turn off the engine and says, "Mouse called me this morning. I didn't want to tell you with everything that's happened today, but I think you should know…"

He swallows nervously and she looks at him expectantly, "Well, what is it?"

"Maybe it's better if we discuss this inside," he replies, stalling for time. They both know what he's doing, but Erin relents and they get out of the car and make their way up to her apartment.

Jay can't help but think that this feels eerily familiar to the night after Justin's death. He's sitting on the couch in Erin's apartment, but this time he's not waiting hours for her to come. This time she's already here with him, grabbing two bottles of beer from the fridge before she's making her way over to him and settles down next to him, offering him one of the two bottles.

"Thanks," he says and takes a big gulp of the alcoholic beverage before mustering up the courage to say what needs to be said.

"Crowley knows."

Erin visibly tenses up next to him and narrows her eyes ad him before asking, "Knows what exactly?"

"She knows that while the rest of the unit went on a wild goose chase after Justin's murderer at the other end of town, you and Voight were at the silos with him."

He doesn't look at her, but he doesn't need to, her silence is confirmation enough that it's the truth.

"Look, I'm not trying to accuse you of anything here," he says. "I'm just trying to tell you you have to be careful. Mouse told me that after the radio communication stopped that Crowley had the GPS on your phones tracked and that it put both of your phones and a third phone there."

There's another bout of silence before Erin says, "Thank you for telling me. I know it's not easy, especially after what you heard from Mouse, but all I ask of you is to trust me with this."

"I trust you, Er," he says without hesitation. 'It's just Voight and Crowley I don't trust' he adds in his head, but from the look on her face he can tell that she's read what's on his mind and received the message loud and clear.

"You don't have to worry about any of this," she says, "Just trust me to handle it."

He's not happy about it but he's willing to let it go for the moment. They can worry about it tomorrow, because after today all he wants to do is get into bed and hold her, so that he knows she's safe and that no one will be able to get to her without having to go up against him first.

"Let's go to bed," she says and stands up, taking the bottle of beer from him and putting it along with hers into the kitchen sink before moving over towards her bedroom.

He turns of the lights and follows after her, content to just put his mind at rest for the day.

Shortly after they are lying in bed, Erin is using Jay as a body-shaped pillow (he's a really great substitute for the six pillows she's stashed away in her closet- she had really missed them when she'd slept at Olive and Justin's place but now she can really do without) and she is cuddled up against his side, one of her legs thrown over both of his, while her head is resting on his chest and she listens to his heartbeat.

The steady thump-thump soothes her and it's in this moment that she realizes that she wants to have this for the rest of her life. She doesn't want to regret not letting him in all the way and not having gotten the chance to tell him how she feels before it's all over.

She knows life is fragile and that the chance of one or both of them getting killed or her having to face charges as an accomplice to murder if Crowley decides to proceed with the investigation she's apparently already set in motion are real and that she might not have the luxury of enjoying her relationship with Jay as long as she'd like to, but there's one thing she's sure of, she doesn't want to believe that all that they were meant to be is beautifully unfinished.

Jay's breathes are even and his heartbeat is steady when she brings one of her hands up to his chest and places it right above his heart. She isn't sure how everything will end. Only time will tell if they are going to make it or if history repeats itself and they will crash and burn.

That doesn't stop her from thinking the words she hasn't uttered out loud yet, before sleep finally pulls her under.

'Jay, I love you.'