Chapter Eight

Out on the sidewalk in front of The Sapphire Club, chaos reigns supreme. Bar patrons are running, screaming, and crying. Red and blue lights are flashing and swirling. Sirens wail. Police try to calm the situation to no avail.

Sheldon lies on his back, wrestling with something raven black and hairy. His panicked voice is high-pitched.

"Oh, God, oh, God! Don't let it eat me! Get it off me!" His long lanky arms and legs flail in the night.

Amy, Penny and Bernadette rush to his side.

"Sssshh, Sheldon," Amy coos. "Calm down, calm down." She cradles her boyfriend's head as she scans his body for blood.

Penny snickers and holds up the hairy raven black object. "I don't think a wig is going to eat you, Sheldon. Now, where are Leonard and Howard?"

"Oh, my Howie." Bernadette places her hand to her chest as she looks around.

Sheldon turns onto his side and folds himself into a fetal position, head still in Amy's lap. "I don't know," he quivers. "Last I saw them was when the gunshots sounded. Leonard ran one way and Howard the other. I, umm, fainted."

"I hope they're okay," Amy says.

"I woke up and that thing was on me," Sheldon points.

"What about Raj?" Penny asks. "Which way did he go?"

"Are you talking about Raj Krentapushy?" a police officer behind the group asks.

Penny and Bernadette spin in his direction.

"Koothrappali, yes," Bernadette clarifies. "We're all friends of his. Do you know where he is?"

The policeman points to a building a block away. "There's a seafood place there called The Pointe. The ambulance is right beside it in the alleyway."

"Ambulance?" Everyone gasps.

Sheldon struggles to his feet, leaning heavily on Amy. "Who is hurt, sir?"

The officer shrugs. "I'm not sure exactly."

Sheldon and the girls begin running down the sidewalk.

"Everything's cordoned off," the young man yells. "They won't let you in!"

Detectives Donovan and Maxwell stand behind bright yellow caution tape detaining Mika. Blood seeps profusely from her right shoulder, her shirt torn around a ragged hole. She looks different with painfully short red hair, an evil look on her distorted face.

Raj is leaning against the ambulance doors, a paramedic shining a tiny penlight into his eyes.

Leonard and Howard stand next to The Pointe wall, far enough away from the scene so they aren't in the way but close enough to hear the goings-on.

"You've been stealing peoples' identities for years, Carlene. How can you continue to do this to people?" Detective Donovan yells as he wrenches the woman's arms behind her back and places her in handcuffs.

Mika/Carlene purses her lips but doesn't utter a word.

Sheldon and the girls peer over the caution tape, aghast.

"Stealing peoples' identities? Do people really do that sort of thing?" Sheldon asks.

A blood-curdling scream rings in everyone's ears. Mika/Carlene lunges forward, knocking Detective Maxwell to the ground. Several police officers tackle her.

"I bet if she had stolen Howard's identity she would have given it back right away." Sheldon laughs.

Amy hits him in the arm.

Detective Maxwell addresses Leonard and Howard. "Carlene stalks rich men. She changes her name and her appearance. She is a wonderful actress. We are a bit concerned about this latest attempt to bilk money though. She has never actually married one of her targeted victims."

Raj is released by the paramedic and he joins Howard and Leonard.

"What a gold digger." Howard snarls as he watches policeman load Raj's devious bride into the back of the ambulance.

"What is a gold digger?" Raj asks bewilderment and shock tinging his voice.

"A gold digger is like a hooker … only smarter," Howard answers. He looks toward the ambulance. "Did you always want to grow up to be a gold digging psycho?" he screams.

"Howard, please," Leonard tries to shush his friend.

"How has she gotten away with this, sir? Raj asks the detective. "I just, I don't … just how?"

"Any woman can fool a man if she wants to and if he's in love with her." Detective Maxwell places a hand on Raj's shoulder.

Penny, Bernadette, Amy and Sheldon have been allowed to cross the yellow caution tape.

"A man is not a financial plan," Bernadette points out.

"Well said, Bernadette," Sheldon says, "Especially since you make a butt-load more money than your husband Howard."

"Shut up, Sheldon," Howard frowns.

"Did you know that men are generally more law-abiding than women? Women have the feeling that since they didn't make the rules, the rules have nothing to do with them." Sheldon puffs up, proud to pass on this tidbit of information.

"Sheldon Cooper that is one of the most sexist things I have ever heard!" Bernadette screams, taking a step closer to him.

"Can we focus here for a moment?" Raj raises his normally quiet voice. "What about my problem? I just found out my wife was plotting to kill me for my money. Detective, why would she marry me and not the others? You said she's killed four other men?"

Detective Maxwell nods his head. "Yes. One man in Vermont, one man in South Carolina and two in New Mexico. We will be questioning her extensively, of course, believe me. We're curious as to why she's actually married you."

"Aren't we all?" Howard raises a pinky in the air, indicating his friend is a bit on the feminine side.

"If she married me she must really love me." Raj smiles.

"Don't even go there, Raj. You can't be that desperate for love," Leonard states.

"Desperate?" Raj laughs at the word. "I am not desperate; not at all."

"Rajesh, think about what you're saying. She is a murderer; a lying, thieving, conniving criminal," Amy pleads.

"I must talk to her." Raj walks toward the ambulance.

"Raj, don't do this. You don't need someone like that in your life," Penny says.

Raj ignores his friends' protests as they trail behind him. "Mika?" Raj says weakly.

She stares at him, flinching at the pain in her shoulder.

"You married me. You must love me to have done that, correct?"

Nothing.

"I love you too, Mika and to prove my love I will gladly give up all my money and possessions to be with you. Our love will be our riches." Raj is calm, collected, and serious.

Mika spits in Raj's face. "Let me tell you something. There is no nobility in poverty. I've been a very poor little girl and I've been a very rich woman. I will choose rich every damn time."

Raj's face drops as saliva drips down his cheeks. "Get her the Hell out of here."

"Well, this just proves that there are some things that money can't buy, like morals and integrity," Leonard says.

"And friendship," Penny adds.

The group moves in, surrounding Raj in a comforting hug.

"Eeewww, don't touch me," Sheldon advises. "You have killer germs all over your countenance." He turns, running after the ambulance. "Come back! Come back! I've contracted germs!"

Everyone laughs.

THE END