Apologies for the delay, but life is smacking me around a bit lately.

This chapter was tough to write and has a lot of "feels" that are difficult to put into words. This is a pivotal chapter and I hope you all enjoy it, tough though it may be.

Chapter 7

~ Jo ~

Most people have "aha" moments.

I'm not like most people.

I have "oh for fuck's sake, fuck this shit" moments.

Which was the only way I could explain what happened as I watched Owen walk away to find the keys to a car so we could leave, and hopefully stop the vicious, man-eating dinosaur before it killed everyone on the island. I stood there, completely immobile, looking at his retreating back, and asking myself what in the hell I'd been doing the past year and half. Why had I never told this man that I loved him so much it actually hurt sometimes?

Looking at my actions post I-Rex rampage the entire thing felt stupid, ridiculous, absolutely insane. I'm sure it felt like a lot of other things too, but I'm not a walking Thesaurus, and those were the only college words I could use to describe my absurd logic for not being honest with him during the course of our relationship. I'd heard women in the cafeteria profess their love for him when he passed them the coffee creamer, and here I was shacked up with a proverbial wet dream and I was holding back.

It was a slight against womankind, I'll tell you that, and one I intended to remedy, time now.

I couldn't keep it inside me a second longer even if I wanted to. The normal irrational fear that manifested every time the words lodged in my throat dissipated, and my profession came tumbling out, not once, but twice. The first time I said it, he froze mid-stride, but kept his back to me, and I wondered if he'd heard me. The second time, he managed to turn around and look at me, but the expression on his face didn't inspire me with confidence. He looked almost shell shocked.

I tried not to wince at his expression, I'd finally screwed it up by waiting too long. I guess I couldn't blame him. I knew I was too much for people sometimes. I could even understand it. Most people I came across just weren't my kind of people so their dismissals meant little. Sometimes I worried Owen would eventually find his way to that category, but then I saw a subtle shift in his body. Gone was the jolt of surprise my words initially elicited. In its place I saw his trademark sexy smirk that to my perpetual annoyance had real potential to set my panties on fire. It was in that moment I realized Owen would never count himself among the throngs of people who considered me too much.

He was my kind of people.

Initially frozen by disbelief he was now spurred into action, sauntering forward as he closed the distance between us faster than he'd ran from the I-Rex. He didn't slow down, didn't hold back, grabbing my face between his hands and kissing me hard. I stumbled back slightly, but his solid arms wrapped around me instantly, steadying me. I felt the stubble from his beard scratching against my skin, creating a blissful kind of pain. His mouth was hot and demanding as his tongue plunged into my mouth, his hands drawing me closer. This kiss was like being on one of those gigantic roller coasters that were hundreds of feet in the air, all you could do was close your eyes and hold on for dear life.

As we broke apart both breathing hard I leaned my head against his, keeping my eyes closed a second longer. I just wanted to pretend for one more millisecond that everything was normal, and we were just two people disgustingly in love, but unfortunately reality rarely coincided with desire.

Owen kissed my forehead, tucking pieces of hair that had fallen out of my ponytail behind my ear before tipping my head back so I could look him in the eye. "I'm literally thrilled to hear you say that, but I gotta ask, it's not just because we almost died right?"

A valid question, no doubt.

"No," I answered, looking him in the eye, "I think I've loved you since the moment I met you, I just didn't know. Or I didn't want to know. I may be new to relationships, but even I know there isn't any coming back from something like this."

Getting over Owen wasn't something I'd ever be able to do. It was the emotional equivalent of asking me to give up sugar, its simply couldn't be done. I wasn't super human.

He raised his eyebrows at me, not buying my answer hook, line and sinker. I rolled my eyes at him, raising my hands up in surrender. "OK, I'll admit, almost getting eaten by a dinosaur is really motivational, but let's be honest, it's not like that hasn't happened before," I told him flatly.

"That's incredibly disturbing," he responded.

"But not untrue." I shrugged, hugging him tightly. "There are 1,000 reasons why I couldn't tell you before now, but they're all stupid so I'd just as soon forget them." I paused, soaking in the feeling of being held in his arms, his masculine scent engulfing me, his unyielding presence like a balm to my soul. Tipping my head up to look at him I confessed, "I would tell you I'll love you forever, but that just doesn't seem long enough."

He smiled then, a special smile that was only for me, and it damn near made my heart burst. Jesus, we must be revolting to the general public.

"Come on, we gotta go," he said, grabbing my hand as we walked towards the closest fleet vehicle. The doors were unlocked so we both hopped in, finding the keys in the ignition. Owen muttering a "thank god" before cranking the engine and putting the truck in drive.

When he didn't drive away immediately I glanced over at him, only to find him staring at me intently.

"What?" I questioned.

"What do you think the chances are we make it through the day?"

I whistled, shaking my head. I couldn't speak for Owen, but my chances of surviving a normal day were somewhere in the neighborhood of 50/50. Throw in a genetically modified dinosaur on an unauthorized field trip, and the odds plummeted faster than stock during the Wall Street Crash of 1929.

"70/30," I surmised, scrunching up my face in thought before amending me assessment, "Shit, maybe 80/20, that thing has some serious rage issues."

Owen's head fell against the steering wheel as he mumbled under his breath.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "What did I say?"

He picked up his head, looking at me with an expression I couldn't identify. "Lie to me Jo," he said in exasperation.

"Oh, you wanted reassurance? Sorry, I totally missed that signal." Truth was I missed most signals. "We'll be fine. We probably won't even see that thing again in person. We're going to go to headquarters and watch from the safety of the control room as they tactically assist that thing in kicking its oxygen habit."

He frowned at me, shaking his head.

"Was it too much? It felt like too much?"

"It was too much," he agreed.

"Was it the oxygen habit bit? Is that what did it?"

"Pretty much everything after we'll be fine was complete shit," he responded, smiling. I harrumphed, crossing my arms over my chest as I looked out the windshield. This is the thanks I get for tapping into my sensitive side. "I appreciate the effort, and if it's any consolation you're getting better."

"Really?" I asked, turning to face him with hope in my eyes.

He laughed as he smirked at me. "No, not really."

My hopefully face immediately transformed into a scowl.

"You're an asshole sometimes, you know that, right?"

"I do know that, but you love me anyways." When I just shrugged my indifference he only laughed harder, peeling out of the parking lot, hauling ass to headquarters in a manner that made me wish the truck came equipped with barf bags. People who say I'm dangerous clearly haven't seen this man behind the wheel.

Two minutes later (OK, more like 15) we were parking the truck outside headquarters and running inside. The mood in the lobby was tense, and it was obvious everyone and their mother knew about the I-Rex. Owen and I running through the building didn't help the situation, and I was fairly certain I saw someone faint when they took in our disheveled appearances. I tried to look reassuring as we sprinted past the security desk, jumping onto the first elevator we found, but when several people declined to get on with us, instead opting to "take the next one" I knew I'd failed in spectacular fashion.

On the elevator Owen pulled out his phone, sending a quick text before returning it to his pocket. Feeling my stare he turned to look at me, licking his lips before saying, "Barry." My eyes widened when I thought of him and the girls at the paddock, out in the open, essentially unprotected. "I want to make sure my people and the girls are as safe as we can make them until this is resolved."

Nodding I asked, "What did you tell him?"

"Code 19."

Taking a deep breath I returned my gaze to the elevator doors. Code 19, asset out of containment. Shit just got real. Swallowing thickly I steeled myself for what was to come. There was bad, and then there was what we were dealing with at the moment. Add to the fact I didn't think Claire and Simon were prepared to handle something of this magnitude, and you had the making of your very own Greek tragedy.

It wasn't that Simon or Claire were incompetent, quite the opposite in normal circumstances, but their judgment was suspect when it came to making the hard call. My gut told me I was going to find them in the control room trying like hell to contain the situation. And by contain I meant keep it from the press and guests. I was crossing my fingers they wouldn't be laboring under the illusion they could contain the I-Rex without killing it.

Unfortunately, I've never been particularly lucky.

Owen and I both knew there was only one way this could be resolved with no more loss of life, and that required putting a M134 on a bird and filling this thing with lead, lots and lots of lead.

The elevator pinged, the doors opening slowly. I saw Owen clench his fists in my peripheral, and I said a silent prayer no one got in his way right now. The fury wafting off of him was almost tangible on my tongue. His body was rigid with tension, like a lion waiting to pounce on whoever was stupid enough to open his cage.

Once the doors were open Owen stalked off the elevator, his face set with grim determination. I trailed slightly behind him, raising my eyebrows as a security guard attempted to step in his path.

"I need to see a badge," the guard attempted. Owen scowled at him, but offered no other response, marching past him. "Sir…" he tried again.

"What the hell happened out there?" Owen asked Claire, continuing his advance towards her, ignoring the guard completely.

Walking behind Owen I took in Claire's frightened expression and quivering hands. She was holding it together with duct tape and dreams at the moment. I could see she was trying to exude a sense of calm authority for the sake of those in the control room, but she wasn't fooling me. I knew scared shitless when I saw it.

"There are thermal cameras all over that paddock. She did not just disappear," Owen spit out, the security guard physically restraining him now. Unable to hold his gaze under the onslaught of accusations Claire turned back towards the screens at the front of the room. Simon made a motion to the security guard, and he released Owen reluctantly, but stayed nearby.

"Owen," I said quietly. He turned to look at me, anger blazing his in his brilliant, blue eyes. "Easy."

I wanted an explanation as much as the next guy, but ripping each other apart just to play pin the blame on the donkey wasn't going to get us anywhere.

"It must have been a…technical malfunction," Claire attempted weakly, turning to face us.

This is the thanks I get for trying to help a sister out.

"A technical malfunction," I repeated, damn near positive I must have misheard her. When she nodded briskly, her eyes darting away from mine quickly I almost had a significant emotional event right then and there. "You've got to be shittin' me."

"Were you not watching?" Owen accused, advancing towards her once again, his voice rising in volume. Claire glanced at me, her expression clearly asking for me to intervene on her behalf. I raised my eyebrows at her, if "technical malfunction" was the party line on this one she was on her own. "She marked up that wall as a distraction. She wanted us to think she escaped."

Owen and Claire were now nose to nose as she told him, "Hold on, we are talking about an animal here."

"Your inability to change your way of viewing these animals is going get more people killed," I spoke up, Claire's eyes immediately seeking me out as I stood next to Lowery's station.

"What are you talking about?" When I just looked back at her blankly she turned to Owen, "What is she talking about?"

"She means, these are highly intelligent animals," Owen clarified, venom dripping from every syllable.

"400 meters to the beacon," Vivian spoke up to no one in particular.

My eyes shot towards the screens at the front of the room, my head darting back and forth as I inspected each monitor.

"Wait," I began, only to pause with confusion. It was like my brain couldn't process what it was seeing.

The individual pieces of information on each screen I could identify:

Two vehicles traveling down a bumpy, jungle road at a high rate of speed.

Eight vital sign monitors displaying the heart rate and blood pressure of those traveling in the vehicles.

Four different camera angles displaying different sections of each vehicle courtesy of the multiple GoPro's cameras.

The red dot and accompanying beep that displayed on a map of the island the I-Rex's current location.

I understood each individual element I was seeing, but the information refused to stick in my brain. I understood what I was seeing, but I couldn't figure out why I was seeing it.

"Are they…" I stumbled over the words, walking forwards as my arm brushed against Owen's, my eyes locked on one of the screens. My mouth went dry as real, genuine panic set in. "What have you done?"

Claire fumbled for a response, but my eyes never left the screen in front of me. I couldn't stop looking at the man sitting in the passenger seat of the lead vehicle, the man who more than likely had been sent to his death.

Hamada.

The vehicles slamming on their breaks broke me out of my trance. Whipping around towards Lowery I grabbed the first ear comm unit I saw lying on his desk, jamming it into my ear.

"Patch me through to Hamada," I told him.

"OK, one second."

Stepping forward, Simon put a restraining hand on Lowery's shoulder, "Do not connect that unit."

Turning my head slowly I examined the man in front of me. Gone was the caring, compassionate, idealistic Simon I called my friend. In his place was the shrewd businessman I'd never met.

It's funny the sides of people you discover when you least expect it. One minute you think you know someone, and the next you realize you never really knew them at all.

I was an expert at reading people, and I could tell by the manner in which Simon held himself at the moment that he had no intention of allowing me to communicate with the ACU team on the ground. I could hear them getting ready in the background, the slamming of doors and hasty conversations flying from one member to the next as they readied themselves to track the I-Rex. I knew I had little to no time left.

When I heard Owen's next statement I knew my time was up.

"You're going after them with non-lethals?" he asked in horror.

"We have $26 million dollars invested in that asset, we can't just kill it."

The way Simon said it, like it was perfectly logically, made my eye twitch. He had no compassion for the men on the ground. No idea of the risk he'd exposed them all to. No concern for their well-being as he watched this unfold from the safety of headquarters.

In that moment, I hated him.

"Those men are going to die," Owen whispered to him. Simon broke eye contact with me for the first time to look at him with concern. He still didn't accept the reality of the situation. He still didn't understand the danger.

Well, that ended now.

"300 meters to the beacon," Vivian chimed in, her voice shaky with fear.

"Connect me now," I demanded, looking at Simon and not Lowery.

"Uh…" Lowery's head darted back-and-forth between Simon and me, unsure of what to do.

Simon looked less certain than before, but he held fast to his previous command, "No."

"OK, we'll do it your way," I told him as I cracked my neck once, quickly scanning the room, cataloguing every person. Then, faster than he could comprehend I pulled my weapon out of my leg holster, pointing it directly between his eyes as I took a step closer. "I'm not going to ask again, connect the unit."

Simon's eyes went wide as saucers, his hands raised in the air as everyone gasped in shock. Everyone except Owen who I could see keeping a close eye on every single person in the room. He moved protectively towards my back, silently letting the room know if they were going to get to me they'd have to go through him first. He wasn't armed to the teeth like I was, but Owen was filled with blind rage at the moment.

He didn't need a weapon, he was one.

"What are you going to do, shoot me?" Simon asked in disbelief, unable to comprehend the scene playing out in front of him. Turning the gun to the side slightly, I pulled the slide back, chambering a round.

"Care to find out?"

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the security guard try to inch forward, pulling my reserve weapon from the other leg holster I aimed it at him with my left hand.

"I don't think so," I told him calmly, "Stay right where you are."

Looking back towards Simon I raised my eyebrows at him. It was his move. He swallowed thickly, a bead of sweat trailing down the side of his head, his hands shaking as he held them suspended in the air in front of him. He was trying to figure out if I would really shoot him. I hoped for his sake he made the right decision.

While I had faith he would eventually come to the correct conclusion I didn't have time to wait for him to figure it out. So, I decided to help expedite the situation.

"I'm going to count to five," I told him. "One."

"And then what?" he yelled, looking to Owen for help who was shoulder-to-shoulder with me, his head turned in Simon's direction. Whatever help he was expecting from Owen he obviously didn't get as his head swung back to me, his face pale.

"Two."

"Jo, this is madness. Will you take a minute to consider the consequences for once?!"

"Three."

"You honestly expect me to believe that you'll kill me?" I could see the betrayal in his eyes over my actions. Simon wasn't just my boss, he was my friend. Too bad for him Hamada was family.

Tipping my head slightly to the side I studied him before saying, "You're right Simon, I'm not going to kill you."

He looked relieved, his shoulders sagging as he exhaled sharply.

"But I will shoot you, and I hear a round to the knee cap can be quiet motivational." I lowered my aim, putting his right knee between the crosshairs. "Four."

The threat of a shattered knee cap was all the motivation he needed.

"Connect her," Simon told Lowery in a rush to beat the count.

Smiling slightly I holstered the weapon aimed at him, looking towards the guard again, "If you value your knee caps I'd stay right where you are High Speed."

He nodded once at me, clearly wearing a look that said he didn't get paid enough to bum rush an armed, crazy person. Satisfied with his compliance I holstered my other weapon, turning around to face the screens as I waited for Lowery.

"You're insane!" Simon shouted at me once he recovered enough to speak. "When this is over you're fired!"

I waved my hand at him dismissively, "If we survive this you can fire me all you want. Right now I'm not done saving your ass so if you could shut up and color while the adults go to work I'd appreciate it."

I swear I heard Simon's jaw hit the floor, but it barely registered over the tension in my body. My muscled felt coiled, so tight it made my bones hurt as I watched the ACU team gearing up, and moving into the jungle, the distance between them and the ominous red dot shrinking by the second. They were close, too close.

"Lowery," I called out, not bothering to look at him.

"I'm trying, there's signal interference. I can't get the connection to lock."

Billions of dollars invested in resurrecting dinosaurs, but we couldn't make a fucking phone call.

Typical.

"You need to call this mission off right now. Call it off right now!" Owen bellowed at Claire, attempting to sway her into calling the team back herself. How I had no idea since I couldn't get through, but maybe she has some kind of alternative way to communicate with them. If she didn't move quickly we'd need a Ouija board to talk to them.

Her body shook slightly at his words, but she refused to face him. "You are not in control here," she hissed back at him.

"Neither are you." The I-Rex was running this show, we were just spectators at this point. Glancing over my shoulder at Lowery I said, "I don't care what you have to do, get me in touch with Hamada."

His lips compressed in a thin line as he nodded briefly before turning back to his terminal. Vivian leaned over, handing him another manual in an effort to expedite his efforts. I turned back towards the monitors, watching as the ACU team fanned out in the jungle attempting to track down the I-Rex.

"I've got a signal lock, it's weak, but it's the best I can do at the moment," Lowery said.

"Good work," I responded as Owen took a step towards me. "ACU team, this is control, cease and desist with search efforts. Account for all personnel then return to base for further instructions, over."

The static that filled the control room was deafening. Looking up I watched Hamada as he walked forward as the point man. I waited for any kind of indication he'd heard my transmission.

Nothing.

"I say again, ACU team this is control, cease and desist with search efforts. Return to base immediately."

Owen's eyes flicked towards the screen, watching closely. They continued their slow stalk forward, directly into the path of the blinking red dot. With no way to communicate with the team on the ground all we could do was watch as Hamada walked through a small stream before holding up his hand, signaling the men behind him to hold their positions.

He was practically on top of the red dot now, but the I-Rex was nowhere in sight, which was mystifying considering the sheer size of that beast. Hamada glanced around carefully before kneeling down to pick up what looked like a piece of flesh.

"Bloods not clotted yet, it's close." Hamada's voice flooded the control room. I pressed my finger to my ear, trying again to talk to him.

When he didn't respond I rounded on Lowery, "Why can't he hear me?"

Lowery shrugged, looking from his computer to the screen. "One way comms, we can hear him, but he can't hear us. It's got to be the signal interference. He probably has no idea we're even trying to contact him."

I looked at Owen, my breathing coming in shallow pants. He stepped towards me, quickly putting his hands on my shoulders, and instructing me to breathe in through my nose then slowly out through my mouth. I complied, breathing slowly with him as I tried in vain to keep my shit together. I blinked rapidly, water filling my eyes as my brain finally relented to the inevitable.

Hamada and his team were on their own.

"What is that?" Simon asked. Owen squeezed my shoulder once before returning his attention to the screen. I took another minute to collect myself. I didn't need to look at it; I already knew what it was. What's worse, I knew what it meant.

"That's her tracking implant, she clawed it out," Owen answered, walking closer and closer to the screen as if the distance would erase the nightmare displayed on it.

"How would it know to do that?" Claire queried, her voice equal parts horror and astonishment.

Taking one more deep breath I walked forward until I was next to Owen, my eyes locked on the drama unfolding on the screens before telling her, "Because, she remembered where they put it in."

"But, she can't…" Simon started only to trail off.

Even now, when confronted with clear evidence to the contrary they refused to truly see the animal they had created. The endless meetings where I'd rallied against this abhorrent creation, the countless reports that detailed her danger, and now the lives she'd taken, all of it was blood that stained their hands.

"Everything that's about to happen," I began, addressing the room without looking to anyone in particular, "You could have prevented it all."

Slowly, Hamada looked up towards the canopy of trees above him, standing up deliberately as he turned back towards the rest of the ACU team, a puzzled expression on his face. My body jolted as I heard a cracking sound boom out of the speakers in the room.

Branches breaking and leaves rustling was the only warning they had before the enormous hybrid appeared from seemingly nowhere. It took me a minute, but eventually the pieces fell into place.

Camouflage, of course, it made perfect sense.

Not only could she alter her body temperature to fool the thermal sensors, but she could change her appearance based on her surroundings which accounted for our inability to see her earlier at the paddock.

"It can camouflage!" Hamada screamed, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I watched in shock as he tried to escape, bolting forward, only making it a few steps before the enormous clawed hand of the I-Rex closed around his body. She lifted him into the air, the size of her making Hamada look like a toy in the hands of a child. I wanted to look away, needed to look away, but my eyes stayed glued to the screen. No one said a word. I'm not sure anyone was even breathing.

It was like passing a gruesome accident on the highway, and slowing down so you could take in every repulsive detail. You didn't want to see the blood stained highway or the body bags on the gurney, but you looked all the same. Morbid curiosity I guess.

The ACU team futilely fired rounds at the animal as Hamada screamed in agony, slowly being crushed by the pressure exerted on his body. Bile rose in my throat as I listened to the sound of my friend dying before my very eyes. I knew his screams would haunt me for the rest of my days. In my life I'd experienced a lot of things, but until this moment I'd never felt utterly useless. The agonizing desperation to help him made my heart rate flutter painfully fast, my chest squeezing with a kind of stinging ache that made it hard to breathe.

It didn't take long for the ACU team to realize their weapons were no match for the animal, retreating back into the jungle the way they had come. The animal roared in outrage, walking forward as she flung Hamada to the ground, his body submerging in the small stream for an instant. My eyes skirted to his vital signs display waiting to see his heartbeat race across the red line. It took a second too long, but a painfully small red blip sounded, traveling across the screen. He was alive.

I willed him to get up.

To move.

To live.

The I-Rex never gave him the chance as she took one swift step forward, purposely smashing down on top of Hamada's body like she was stepping on a bug. Immediately Hamada's vital signs flatlined, a solid red line and constant beep leaving little doubt he was gone.

My vision blurred, and a painfully loud ringing sounded in my ears, drowning out every sound as I winced, a headache pounding painfully behind my eyes. My body involuntarily shook as I stared at the red line that had only moments ago had represented my friend. That constant red line, painfully bright to my eyes screamed that I would never again hear Hamada's sarcastic replies, listen to him bitch about his recruits, get to see pictures of his kids as they grew up.

In an instant he was just, gone.

The pain coursing through my body made me fold into myself in an effort to find relief from the agony that was everywhere, surrounding me like a suffocating blanket. I'd taken more beatings in my life than I cared to remember, but none of them hurt as bad as what I felt right now. My body was hypersensitive, a live wire that seemed to feel everything, and nothing at all. The crushing feeling in my chest had me convinced there must be a gaping hole in my body, but as my hands grasped mindless at my shirt in an effort to find the injury I came up empty. My legs wobbled unsteadily, and I reached out to steady myself on a nearby console.

I felt pressure on my arm and turned, looking into the face of someone I knew, but couldn't place. His face was as familiar to me as my own, but the pain and sadness etched into the thin lines around his eyes and mouth were foreign. My eyes dipped towards his mouth as I watched his lips move, but I couldn't hear anything over the buzzing in my ears. Shaking my head I tried to stop the incessant ringing, but my headache flared violently, making my stomach roll with queasiness.

The man in front of me took one look at my face and stepped forward, snagging the nape on my neck as he hauled me into his arms. I buried my face in the crook of his neck as he simply held me, the name Owen floating to the surface of my mind. He whispered reassurances that didn't completely register as I took comfort in his arms. I don't know how he managed to do it, but his embrace made the world stopped spinning so fast, and I was able to find solid footing on the ground beneath my feet.

The moment the relief registered I instantly felt guilty.

My heart wanted to revel in the comfort he was providing, but my mind stood firm in the knowledge that I deserved no reprieve from the torment. I didn't deserve comfort. Not when I'd just stood by and watched my best friend die a horrific and painful death. I deserved every stabbing pain of grief and despair assaulting my body.

I pulled out of his arms, and he let me go reluctantly, making a point to keep an eye on me. He turned around, and I glanced briefly behind me as he roared his displeasure to the others in the room. He made a point to stay close to me, it made me feel better, and that made me hate myself a little more with each passing second. Loathing filled my thoughts.

What right did I have to feel better?

None, my mind whispered like a voice lost to the wind.

My eyes drifted back towards the screens, finding the flat red line instantly, and the several others accompanying it now. It felt like the only two things in my world at that moment was the ringing in my ears and those damn red lines. My vision tunneled out, blackness creeping in slowly in my peripheral until the lines were all I could see.

Only minutes earlier I had lamented how Simon's hands were covered in blood, but I was wrong. It was mine that were stained with the blood of innocents. Mine that were covered in the blood of a man whose only mistake was trusting me.

I had failed him.

I had failed his family.

He had been my brother in arms. I should have been there with him; I should have died with him. My thoughts turned morbid as I wondered if maybe Hamada was the lucky one. Life was nothing but a beautiful lie for those who struggled in the aftermath while the dead were lucky enough to feel no more pain. It was a bewildering truth to absorb, but I knew now, standing in front of that screen that life hurt more than death ever would.

Closing my eyes I felt a part of myself breaking, the barriers in my mind, normally strong and steady, crumbling like dust in the wind. The flood of emotions and onslaught of memories poured out without warning, rushing towards me like a tsunami. In my mind I was standing on the shore just waiting, defenseless as the hypothetical wave careened towards me. There was nowhere to run, no way to hide.

The emotional wave hit me with crushing force, knocking me off my feet and dragging me under. A distant part of my brain tried to tell me it wasn't real, that this wasn't happening, but it did little calm my panic. It all felt real. I could feel my lungs straining with a desperate need for air as the undertow pulled me further and further down.

It was so dark I didn't know which way was up or which way was down. Alone in the darkness surrounding me the monster I'd hidden away emerged with a vengeance. I swam weakly against the growing tide, but I was tired of holding back, tired of pushing back against my true nature.

I was sick of pretending to be something I wasn't. Consumed in the depths of my past I realized I was right back where I started, surrounded by hopelessness and anger. There was no reprieve in sight so instead of fighting against the pain I decided to channel it, to use it. I let rage replace sorrow, the need for revenge replacing the guilt. I knew what needed to be done so I hardened myself for the task.

I didn't want consolation. I didn't deserve mercy.

But, revenge, revenge was something I could deliver. Retribution was something I could embrace. It was a language I hadn't used in a while, but would always understand. I may have watched Hamada die, but I'd be damned if there was nothing I could about it. One thought reverberating through my mind, a single focused goal,

Kill the I-Rex.

But how did you kill a monster?

Opening my eyes, I looked at the solid red line, a malicious smile tugging at my lips as I found the answer in the soul of the person I used to be.

To kill a monster you had to become one.

In that moment I was beyond saving.

jahoney: You're right, it's somewhat cliche to do the whole "I love you" right after almost dying, but in this case I thought it worked. I debating putting it in different places, but it just didn't work as well as here. It's the "push" you were talking about. I also think Jo see's the situation differently than most and doesn't have a lot of faith she'll make it through the day so Carpe Diem and all that :) Hope you liked this one, thanks for reading and reviewing!

Reclun: So, what did you think? Jo didn't go with the ACU team, and instead had to sit helpless and watch. I thought it would work better for what is to come in terms of her development. Plus, I couldn't find a way to get her there when since she was at the I-Rex paddock before...the timing just didn't work. No to mention, I'm not sure how she would have survived that and I'm not ready to get rid of Jo yet ;) Hope you liked this one. I'm with you, this chapter is hard for a lot of different reasons, but necessary I think. Hope you agree.

.2016: Well, here it is...was it worth the wait? Sorry for the delay, but things have been hard here lately. Hope this chapter lives up to the hype, and thanks for reading and reviewing!

Aria2302: I can relate to that too. I'm not much of saying it, more on showing it so it is something I find easier to write. I'm glad someone else can see it that way too. I hope you liked the continuation at the beginning of this chapter. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

LaurenMarie814: When I watch the movie now I see Jo there too...so funny! I completely understand the muted reaction given the World Series (sorry by the way), I'm the same way. I'll be honest, I had an absolute blast writing the scene on the way to the paddock between those 3. It cracked me up writing it, which might be weird, but I struggle to fill the days sometimes :) I hope you like this one even though it's heavy. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

angelicedg: I know, the dirty mind thing just seeps in b/c that's how I am...LOL! I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's a doozy! Thanks for reading and reviewing every time...I love it! Keeps me going.

Momochan77: I really loved the beginning of the chapter too. It was so fun to write I almost just wanted to keep going and going. It's nice to add some lightness in a world where so much is life and death. Thanks for reading and reviewing, I hope you like this chapter :)

Gryffindor Rat: That reaction is awesome! I'm so glad you laughed, and hard enough to cry, makes me smile! I agree picking the POV is crucial, and I'm glad you like the way it's gone so far. So, what did you think about her admission? It wasn't just "we almost died", but there was some of that in there. I think of everyone on the island Jo doesn't see this ending well for her, and she wants to make sure she "makes amends" before the end. I hope you liked this chapter, and thanks for reading and reviewing.

MidnightPenguin: Right! I know :) I hope you liked this one and it was long enough for you. I wanted to be in depth enough to convey the point, but no drag it on forever, you know? Thanks so much for sticking with me and reading...it means a lot!

JessieBWriting: I know, it was terrible...poor Nick! Poor everyone in this chapter. Things only get harder from here on out. What did you think? Thanks for reading and reviewing, it keeps me going :)