A.N. Rated K+ for Stupidity

... and mild swearing... and a knife... I guess.

Kind of Crackish...

Also! I do not own Yu-gi-oh! nor any other fandom that I mention in this story.

Gaining the Prime Minister

We are going to die, the Prime Minister was convinced.

It was a Thursday night and he was out to dinner eating at a very nice restaurant, a place with a view at the top of a sky scraper, with a few other select guests of his choosing.

The night was going great. The wine was flowing, talking was easy, relations were good. Everyone was in high spirits.

Of course, that was when two young men, in casual attire, barged in on his formal dinner with some very important guests of the country. It wasn't so much as if they 'barged in,' as it was that they showed up, cropping up out of the shadows of a corner. One minute they weren't there, the next they were.

It was all very confusing and it hurt his head to think about.

"Hey, Prime Minister," he felt a knife graze his skin, "quit daydreaming and start answering."

"Bakura!"

The albino's face dropped as he turned away from the head of state. "What, Marik? Can't you see I'm busy trying to get what we came for?!"

"Yes, but look at this lady's necklace!" The blond poked at it while the lady who was wearing it looked extremely uncomfortable, trying to squirm away. "It looks like she put a little poodle on a string!" He looked at the sparkling, cluster of gemstones with eyes of wonder. "Have you ever seen anything like it, Bakura?!"

"No, and I don't want to-"

"But, Bakura, it's clearly a priceless artifact!" He pulled at the necklace, snapping the chain of it, causing the woman to shriek. He looked down at her, a little perturbed. "What's your problem, lady?"

The white haired man sighed. "Marik, I believe you're the problem."

"What?! Me?!" He appeared highly offended.

"Yes, you, Marik."

"I'm not the one pointing knives at people, Bakura!"

"No, but you certainly could, and it'd do a much more effective job of creating problems."

"Are you criticizing my means of villainy?!"

"Why, yes, I believe that is what you would call it."

"Bakura!" The Egyptian stomped his foot like an irritable child.

Sadly, these two young men were all that it took to get by his security, armed with only knives. They didn't even bother wearing masks.

Didn't they know that attacking the Prime Minister and tying him up, and his guests, was as good as death sentences in the country of Japan? They were both clearly foreigners, the albino appearing as though from British descent and the blond of Egyptian. Did they just lack common sense?

Either way he looked at it, it was rather embarrassing, and terrifying, being tied up at their feet with the rest of his important guests.

His white haired captor turned back toward him, ignoring the cries of his friend. "Now, Mr. Prime Minister," the knife was back out, "I'll ask again nicely. Where is-"

The sound of a shot rang out, the bullet knocking the offending weapon out of his captor's hand.

"I knew you were stupid, but this is just a whole new level of pure stupidity for you two."

All the heads in the room swiveled to look at the speaker.

A dignified man, brown hair and blue-eyed, dressed in all black with a notable trench-coat, stood in the entrance of the room.

Our savior! The Prime Minister hoped with shining eyes.

"What are you doing here, Priest?" the albino asked, glaring.

One of his ministers of state parroted, "Priest?"

The tanned young man helpfully informed them, "Yeah, because he's a virgin to killing. Doesn't do it, if you know what I mean." He gave the minister an exaggerated wink and a nudge.

"He's really just a glammed up hacker who doesn't like to get his hands dirty if he can help it," the Brit put in. "And he puts himself on such a damn high pedestal that people have to beg him for help. Even then, he doesn't always act. He's a modern day Robin Hood, stealing from the rich fat-cats to feed his kittens and that damned brother of his." He turned his attention back toward the black clothed figure, "How's he liking London, by the way?"

The brunet looked up from the phone he'd pulled out, scrolling through something on the screen. "Fine. Making friends, the usual."

"Kills ya' doesn't it," the brunet glared at him with those icy blue-eyes of his,"not being the center of his world?" the albino asked, smirking.

"Oh oh oh!" The midriff exposing one raised his hand, as if he'd just remembered something and had to tell the class. "They also call him 'Blue Eyes'. Do you see?! Do you see!?" He directed the poor woman's face next to him to where he was pointing at the man in the doorway. "They can turn a man to stone," he said solemnly. "It's true! I've seen him do it!"

The Brit snorted; both him and 'Blue Eyes' losing their fuel for glaring in the face of the blond's exuberance. "So, you here to join us?"

"No," came the curt response.

He raised an eyebrow. "Then who sent you?"

"Your siblings."

The albino's eyebrow's drew down. "That Bitch!" he cursed, hands tightening into fists.

The blond just looked mildly annoyed, coming to stand by his partner.

"So you've come to stop us?!" the white haired man inquired.

The Egyptian snorted. "Always biting at the chance to help my sister."

The brunet's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "That crazy bitch and her fates and visions can go to hell for all I care." A pause. "No, she came banging, on my doorstep, demanding I save your asses and turned my brother against me, forcing my hand." The tall young man took a deep breath, taking a few steps towards them. "Now, let's put down the weapons so I can take you two home."

"Fat chance, asshole," the blond replied snootily, nose raised in the air like a royal brat.

"You know," the Brit pondered snidely, "you're always such a sucker for family dilemmas, especially those that involve siblings. You're always doing the noble things in those situations. Such a noble High Priest, a noble dragon you are."

The man in black let out an almost guttural growl.

This seemed to excite the tanned man. "See!" He pointed, slinging his arm around the Prime Minister, drawing him closer. "We also call him the 'Dragon' or the 'Blue Eyed Dragon' because of that. He's so clever!"

The man by the entrance used this distraction to move a few steps closer to them.

Of course, the quicker of his two captors saw this, pushing the Egyptian out of the way to put another knife back to his throat. "Make another move, Priest, and I swear I'll cut him."

The 'Dragon' exhaled, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Fuck this. I don't have time for this." His gaze moved to the blond. "The newest episode of My Little Pony is on at eight."

The Egyptian's hands went to his cheeks in excitement. "Really?" He was practically hopping with excitement. "What time is it now!?"

"7:59."

His eyes widened. "Bakura!" He tugged at the man's arm, throwing it up and down like in some heavy handed shake. "We're not gonna make it! We have to make it!"

"The new episode of Steven Universe airs right after it."

The excitable, midriff-baring teen was practically ripping the Brit's arm off with his movements.

"Would you bloody let go of me!?" His captor yanked his arm away from his partner, separating himself from the Prime Minister with his movements.

The blue-eyed man pulled out a phone and, not long after that, they could all hear the beginning of My Little Pony's theme song.

The blond squealed and ran over to the brunet, grabbing the phone greedily away, shaking with excitement.

"Oh, come on!" His remaining captor sounded put out, pouting. "That's playing dirty. Don't think I'll be so easy." He crossed his arms. "You can shove whatever psychology degree you've been working on to get me. It won't work."

The man clad in black pulled out another phone. "I got the new FNAF."

The albino was over at the brunet's side before the knife even hit the floor. "What?!" He stole the phone away, staring at the game's main menu. "It doesn't come out for another month!?"

"Hacker, remember?"

The teen just absently nodded, eyes zombified, entranced by the game.

The man clothed in darkness rolled his eyes. Seeing as both psychopaths were suitably distracted, he made his way over to the Prime Minister. "I would free you if I didn't think you would attack us or otherwise imprison us on the spot." The dark clad figure's hand went into one of his inner coat pockets to pull out something.

The Prime Minister looked wary.

It was a business card of sorts.

"Here." The young man threw it into his lap.

The Prime Minister stared at it blankly for a second, not fully comprehending the name which it read. How hadn't he seen it sooner? "You're-?"

"Call me when you're being hacked or you need a hacker. God only knows how many times I've saved you're insecure documents and shit free of charge. That candle you call a fire wall is way too easy to jump over, Jack."

The Prime Minister's only response was a confused look.

The brunet smirked, turning away. "These American styled jokes are lost on you." He glanced back at him, nudging his knee with his foot. "Perhaps you should get more cultured."

"Damn, Rabbit!" the albino grumbled, slightly startled by something he saw on the screen.

A sigh left the trench-coat wearing man's lips as he headed towards the door, snagging the two troublemakers by their collars as he passed. Dragging the two, he made it to the door, pausing briefly to offer over his shoulder, "I trust you won't look further into this matter and will take the necessary precautions to make sure that what has happened here tonight does not come into the public eye."

One of his idiot guests tried to set the young man straight. "You can't talk to the Prime Minister that way!"

The Prime Minister hissed, "Quiet!" realizing the gravity of the situation. "He's Seto, Fucking, Kaiba! He can do whatever he damn well pleases with or without my permission."

The rich CEO snorted with a smirk. "At least someone here has elected to use their brain." A beat. "The Kaiba family thanks you for your cooperation. You'll receive appropriate compensation accordingly."

He left without a further word, trench-coat flaring despite the two wannabee thieves being dragged behind him.

"Mr. Prime Minister, what should we do?"

He found he only had one response. "Beg the Priest that this doesn't happen again."

He knew for a fact that My Little Pony only aired new episodes on Thursdays.

A.N.

FNAF- Five Nights at Freddie's - I don't know why I pin Bakura as playing that game, but I do.

Same with Marik being a Brony and a Steven Universe fan.

I also don't know what inspired this. I can't remember... life, I guess? Oh! And fandoms my friends like... sooo yeah...