AN: been a while, but better than never. Have fun!

(^)_(^)

Harry and Havelock were happy just reading the M-Reader between them in their train compartment when the door slid open, a redhead looking in.

'Here we go…' mentally sighed Harry.

"Mind if I sit here? Everywhere else is full." The boy Harry knew to be Ron Weasley asked.

I find that ridiculously hard to believe, though given the more than likely happiness that magicals all over the world were feeling after Voldemort went bye-bye, it's quite possible many couples were doing the nasty in celebration for what you and your mom did ten years ago resulting in a boom in births.

"Yeah ok you can sit here, you best mind Havelock though… he doesn't like to be disturbed from his reading." Harry answered after a moment's consideration, pointing at the floating book and the snake behind it sitting next to Harry. Harry was also mindful to have his Akatsuki cloak on with the collar high.

"That's a snake!" Ron yelped in shock as he got a glimpse over the book hovering over the reptile, halting the boy's querry about what Harry was wearing.

"You have a good eye." Deadpanned Harry.

"But snakes are evil! And aren't allowed at Hogwarts." Ron argued quickly.

"Not allowed as pets, no; but Havelock isn't a pet because I don't own him, he's more of a companion you could say." Harry argued back. Harry was very thankful for the cloak at this point and the brief look into the glowing eyes ability turned out to be an easy one to learn, as he was using it right now.

"Yeah, but snakes are evil!" Harry just sighed.

"Look, you asked if you could sit here and I said you could, if you don't want to because of Havelock that's your problem, you're free to leave."

Ron stood there, his mouth opening and closing unable to decide how to respond before giving up and storming off. Harry just shrugged, from what Harry remembered reading the books Ron had never been a very good friend when it had really mattered so Harry wasn't feeling all that bad at seeing the boat on that particular friendship pass by, or at least the early stages of it, there would be more opportunities.

Well well, decided to forgo the Weasley friendship ey?

"No one said I had to be friends with Ron, besides I could make friends with him later if the chance came by again, and understands that snakes aren't all evil." Harry answered.

Fair enough

"Besides, from reading the books canon Harry was starved for friendship and took it the second he saw it when Ron opened that door. I'm not like canon Harry so I don't see Ron being as easy to stay friends with, canon Harry didn't like his fame, I don't really care about it and that's a big part of how things developed between canon Harry and Ron, I'll use it if it comes in handy whereas canon Harry wouldn't even think of it." Said Harry.

Just remember that means you don't get to bionk the Weasley girl quite as easily

Harry blanched at the thought.

BAHAHAHAHA!

It took a moment for Harry to shake the thought of doing that with Ginny Weasley before he went back to reading his books.

*ET*

BlazedSoulofHate

Yesssss! It's back! Thank the Seven!

Testify! C'mon wave your arms like you just don't care! It's rave time!

*Crickets*

No? Ok then, moving on, ahem.

Hi Harry, more help is on the way! Please give Harry a ledger with the details of his ownership of a major stake in the companies Apple, Microsoft, Facebook, YouTube, Amazon, Google, Sony and Nintendo.

The RDS chimed, though given his current location and time, Harry wasn't going to loot the RDS for his newly acquired ledger.

Trust me Harry in about 25 years sell these and you'll make Malloy look like a pauper haha, oh, and some more food, how about lobster with a butter sauce straight from a three Michelin star restaurant in France.

The smell of lobster exploded about the compartment, extinguishing the last remaining smells of the fun time Harry was forced to endure not that long ago and then erased from his mind.

Enjoy!

You might want to put that into stasis, or share it with the passer-by's.

Oh! You can put up a sign 'Lobster for friendship!' on the door of the compartment! That'd be sure to get things rolling on the social side of things.

"Yeah…no."

Yeah? Well then enjoy this!

*ET*

plums

This was a fun concept at first, but I think you've "gone to the well" too many times at this point with all the review posting.

BUT that's the whole POINT!

It's just not entertaining and become a rather large distraction that I'm finding myself just skipping whenever I see one.

"But that's how I get new things! How and I supposed to get support from you if you tell Al not to post them in the story?!" Harry couldn't help but cry out, before remembering where exactly he was and clapped a hand over his mouth.
You're really going to have to work on that, remember in book 2 Hermione said that hearing voices that no one else could wasn't a good thing.

More plot, less crack!fic

Well then, I see where this is going, I had a feeling that someone might get to that point, maybe I aughta just load all reviews on a virtual screen and have Harry read them on his own, guess I'll wait and see what happens.

"You can't please everyone Al."

Very true Little Grasshopper. But it does raise a good point, reviews take up a significant portion of the posts I put up, so with that in mind…

"Oh fu-"

*ET*ET*ET*ET*ET*ET*ET*ET*ET*ET*ET*ET*

Randomplotbunny

*gifts Al a kiss from his Hollywood Star of choice*

Don't mind me Harry, I'm just going to have some funtastic time with 1995 Pam Anderson.

That was a great save after such an... insane review, no child should have to remember such horrors. (Don't ask Harry, you SO do not want to know.) So thank you.

Harry could only think this referred to the note he left himself about the time he flash erased himself.

'Could it have really been that bad?'

Yes, yes it could.

And I know who StoryLover is- I'm the one who sent them the link to this story in the first place!- so if StoryLover wants to try and out gift me then let them try, I will not be outdone!

Whoo, that was FUN! What's this? Ooh the Gift War Continues!

*gifts Harry with his very own Time Turner, it appears around his neck*

Harry held the trinket reverently in his hand, just a little bit in awe.

Use it well Harry, it'll take you back up to a full week- I suggest hanging out in the Room of Requirement or the Chamber of Secrets if you go back more than a day so you don't chance running into yourself-

'This will be mighty hard to keep hidden.' Thought Harry.

and is charmed so no one else can see it, notice it or even suspect you have it unless you tell them about it and even then no one can remove it from you as only you can take it off

'Oh cool! That's a load of my mind!'

plus no one else can use it if they do somehow get it. This will be your key to learning all you want in a little amount of time, just go through your regular school week then go back and spend the same week on your other projects while hiding from yourself.

"Holy cow, that solves so many problems I was going to have." Harry as ecstatic.

Just don't forget what you were doing before you went back or else you'll get a reputation for being forgetful.

Methinks a liberal use of personalized post it notes will come into practice very soon

And might I suggest trying for Slytherin House? Once they realize your a Parsletongue and have the world's deadliest non-magical snake as your familiar they'll leave you alone, which is more than the other Houses would do.

This particular topic, after being brought back to the forefront of Harry's mind made him pause, his exuberance at his newly acquired Super Time Turner (thusly known as the STT, patent pending) dying a horrific death as the debate on house placement killed it.

The Gryffindors would hound you to be a 'proper' idiotic loudmouth and kill Havelock, the Ravenclaws would bug you constantly to teach them to speak snake or translate snakes they bring in for their research and the Hufflepuffs would smother you in friendship and companionship to prove that their fear of you and your snake isn't stronger than House Loyalty.

You gotta wonder what the Hat will say when it goes on your head… and the whole house system is crap too in my opinion, I even wrote a ficlet about it.

"Didn't get much praise did it?"

No…

StoryLover

I would have found this story on my own eventually, so I don't take kindly to randomplotbunny's insinuation that I'm only here thanks to them! It just may have taken me longer to join the party is all...

Don'y mind me, I'm just eating popcorn, I'm loving this!

And while I may not be able to top a Time Turner (glowers heavily) I can give something just as useful.

Ooh, we have ourselves a good ol' fassion showdown!

So, Harry, meet your new House Elf! *House Elf pops into being wearing a butlers uniform with the Potter House crest and looking keen and well educated instead of abused and ignorant*

Harry gave a started yelp as the aforementioned elf appeared in front of him, looking at him dead in the eye.

"Is this something new I can eat?" Havelock asked curiously, his attention drawn away from his reading at the elf's appearance.

"No you can't eat me, Snakeskin!" The elf hissed back.

His name is Mort and he'll be working as your PA and managing your schedule as well as being your House Elf so you never get confused about when you are and what you're supposed to be doing then or had been doing before(temporal terminology is really confusing)

Tell me about it mate, the stories I coulda come up with using temporal displacement…phew boy…

as well as ensuring you always have something to eat and drink while in one of your secret hideaways. I've also ensured Mort speaks Parsletongue too so you can order him around in front of others without them knowing what you are having him do as well as giving Havelock someone else to talk too. I'm sure they'll have fun comparing notes on your oddities,

"Havelock does not think that!" Harry spoke up, quite affronted by that allusion.

"He does tend to talk to himself a fair bit, so you better get used to that." Havelock hissed to Mort whom was looking at Harry suspiciously.

especially that voice in your head you claim is your God. :-)

OI! I AM his God! I'm the one writing this story so I'm the one decides what happens!

"Yeah but the Real God gave human beings free will, you can write up whatever you want, but I can choose not to go through with it." Harry answered back, sticking out his tongue for good measure.

"I see what you mean." Mort said, agreeing with Havelock.

And since I can't touch you anymore Harry then I'll leave you a large bag of Hugs and Kisses. Enjoy the chocolate!

The bag of delicious goodies popped into existence in front of Harry.

Yoink!

And promptly disappeared again.

"Hey!"

You already have too much as it is

"I can get you some of those if you really want, Master Harry." Mort spoke up. Harry paused a moment from his mini sulking before shaking his head.

"No, that's ok Mort, I still have a whole lobster I have to get through." Harry answered back.

I'm not taking that, I don't eat seafood at all

"Well that's good then." Harry quipped before taking a large section of lobster and breaking it off and eating it.

Eugh

Axc-o

Welkome back from oblivion dearest friend Harry!

Let's go party! DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF DOOF

I'll just say, that I'm honestly sorry you have had to read the heavy parts of your canon story. It is not appropiate for a kid to have to learn about those things and even worse knowing they happened to a Harry that could have been you.

Hey, you spoiled my party with you bringing up all the canon deaths! Shame on you!

I really hope for your best and either hufflepuff or ravenclaw I'll continue to support you with my reviews.

I'm leaning towards putting him in Ravenclaw, think of Luna Harry! DEAR SWEET LUNA!

While I feel you're already as aceptably OP as possible I think, giving you a Silver Swooping Evil yoyo/golem is quite alright. It is a mechanical version of the little mind-wipping reptile. Enjoy!

A blue and green winged mechanical animal popped into being next to Mort, startling the elf.

"What in magic's name?!" the elf yelped.

"Can I eat that?" Havelock asked instantly.

"It's mechanical, so no you can't eat it." Denied Harry.

I'll just come out and say it, I didn't watch the Fanstastic Beasts film so I actually have no idea what what about this thing except for what I find on the net.

"Oh that's just fantastic." Groused Harry before explaining to hisnew elf the how's and why's of what just happened.

"So there is a God and only you can speak to him, ok." Mort said, accepting his master's words as fact.

"And this is all a story that Al the God is writing, and people that read it can post comments and give me stuff, which is where both Havelock and you both came from." Harry added on.

"Ok." Say what you will about their species but they accepted what their masters said and didn't argue without a very good reason.

Ok then, moving on

Guest

Noo, don't ruin the story with Hermione, she's a knowitall cunt the whole series.

No worries there mate, don't much like Hermione either because of the same point

Now that Harry isn't as socially stunted he doesn't need to put up with shitty friends just for the sake of having friends.

Harry snorted at that. That was actually one of the things that Harry found really sad about his canon self, he never grew out of the conditioning from the Dursley's.

Just to fuck with Dumbledore Harry should ignore the stone that he brought in the school as a test for him.

That has possibilities, I will admit, as Harry said though he has free will, I can put the scenario before him but he's the one that has to actually do it.

Make him friends with Susan and Daphne just cuz it's so rare to have them in a pairing with him.

Hey yeah, you're on the train, go mingle with the children, you're not the antisocial brat from canon after everything you've been through

"Don't push me, I'll do something eventually…the train ride's only just started after all.

Verteller

Harry's eyes widened in alarm.

"Oh….crap…"

Hello Harry dear. I'd ask, "miss me?", but it hasn't been that long for you. Well, you already have a bunch of... Things. So, I won't grant you any items this time.

Harry waited on baited breathe, something was about to happen.

I know this'll be a bit hypocritical, considering I started it, but here...

Harry's body tensed up.

Now, whenever you see a nude and/or sexual picture, there will be censor bars over the necessary parts. Also your memory around the previous photos are now altered so you don't know who it was you saw naked.

*FACE PLANT* Verteller you let me down!

Harry let out a sigh of relief he didn't realise he was holding.

Also, Al? Is it harder or easier for you to write this fic, when there are a crap load of reviews? I'm curious.

It's a little bit of both, I have to wait a certain amount of time for enough reviews to come in to use, but if what plums said earlier is more widespread amongst readers I may have to change it up somehow. More reviews means a far bigger impact of our dearest Harry

Harry felt his cheek get pinched.

"Hey, cut it out!" he griped, embarrassed.

"What is he talking about?" asked a disturbed Havelock, who had gone back to reading until just then. Mort shrugged.

"I have no idea, must have been something to do with this God of his."

But since I'm just copying the reviews as they come and pasting them in, as I've said previously, the only thing I have to worry about regarding reviews is readers reviewing past chapters, and the impact of those is lost because they're talking about stuff that has happened and won't change.

Oh and Harry? When your balls drop, you'll be wishing your didn't have this censorship, well, maybe for the guy on guy stuff that'd be ok, but the other stuff you'll be sorry you were given it!

"Yeah yeah, you say that but I don't believe you."

UnKnOwN MaDnEsS

HOLY SHIT this is Glorious and I love it. INFO TIME fairy dust/powder last around 3-5 weeks depending on how much it has to resist/take.

*snicker* you were hoping that stuff was permanent, didn't you? Psych!

"NOOOO! That's not fair!" Harry wailed. By this point Havelock and Mort were content to leave Harry to his madness.

GIFT TIME have fun dealing with this, I give Harry 1 naked Demontour/Voldemort hybrid with a boner good luck also next time I will give kindness instead promises.

An idea struck Harry, who quickly retrieved his RDS and tipped the thing inside it out before putting it back.

"Havelock, you can eat that! Quickly now!" Harry said with due haste. Right no he didn't care that thing came from a reader; that abomination had to go. Havelock didn't need to be told twice and launched himself at the thing in front of him, getting to work eating it.

"Mort, do me a favour and take Havelock and the…thing… he's eating to the Forbidden Forrest. You can stay at Hogwarts kitchens till I call for you again if you want." Harry commanded.

"As you wish, Master Harry." With a pop Havelock, the thing and Mort vanished. Harry let out a sigh of relief.

That was… very rude of you Harry. Shame on you!

"I don't care! That thing had to go!"

Verteller

Oh, I almost forgot. Harry dear, since you have so many things, perhaps you should take inventory and write down a list of everything in order to keep track of it all.

"That's not a bad idea…"

*Pft* of course you'd say that

And, since you have such generous reviewers, you ought to ask us for anything in particular that you feel you might need, such as fast reading glasses, or a "delete an RDS" ticket.

"Well new glasses couldn't hurt…" mused Harry before he was interrupted by the door of the compartment opening revealing Ron and another redhead.

'Best bet, that's Percy the Perfect Prefect.'

"My brother says you have a snake in here, which is not allowed." The bigger redhead stated authoritatively. Harry quirked his brow.

"Do you see a snake in here? And what ever happened to knocking on the door? I could have been changing into my school robes! Show some courtesy, jeez..."

"Well what about that then?" Percy asked, pointing at the swooping evil that was hanging idly on the storage rack with Harry's trunk.

"It's a toy of a Swooping Evil, wanna see?" Harry asked with a grin. Percy blanched hearing this.

"No, no that's alright, sorry to disturb you." Percy apologised before closing the door, getting ready to rip into Ron for making up stories about snakes on the train.

'The things that boy will say to get some attention.' Harry heard from Percy, though he knew that Percy hadn't said them.

"Must be that mind reading thing, that might get tricky to handle if I'm not careful." Harry muttered.

Hellsleep

wow, my review is on a fanfic, i'm ... honored..

Think nothing of it! The honour is all mine, truly

"Quit sucking up to the readers Al, seriously."

well time to go, al can we give harry a book of spell from another world ?

Don't see why not, Harry's already got a buttload of stuff from Final Fantasy 7, whats another fandom gonna do.

like the Daedric magic of the elder scroll world ?

Ok you got me, I have no idea what that is

the demonic magic of the warcraft world ?

or that

or the plasmid of the bioshock world ?

or that

can we give him a xénomorphe ? or a zerg ? or a horse whit lipstick ?

a zenomorph? Well maybe…

(what ? i dont have a problem with animal whit lipstick.).

now i thinking to that, (make appear two chest with the power of my mind) in these two chest there is two gift.
but you can have just one of them, in the right chest there is a time-turner.

Nice gift, but you already have one f those, a supped up one at that.

in the left chest, there is seer ability.

Don't choose this one! It'l take away all the fun of surprise! Think of the readers Harry!

you have to choose, Because if you do not choose, i will do ... bad thing, like take a plastic bottle and put it her in the "not recyclable trash",

*gasp of horror* NO NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! THINK OF THE PLANET!

yes i'm crazy mouahahahahahaha.
choose harry but make the good choice.
it was the crazy french ! bye.
ps give to harry a some rats whit lipstick, eighty rats whit lipstick in a box for avelock

"Well that explains a lot." Harry eyed the box of rats. "I hope Havelock doesn't have problems with the lipstick. Mort!" Harry called. With a pop Harry's house elf appeared.

"Yes Master Harry?" enquired the small creature.

"This is a box of mice for Havelock, take them to him please." Harry instructed.

"As master wishes." With another pop Mort and the box of mice vanished.

Monkeyman89

I don't review on my stories for I feel I have to here.

And I am ever so greatful

"What a suckup…"

This is a great story and I'm getting a lot of laughs from it.

I aim to please!

"Please... stop."

And since I can give things to Harry. I think he needs a nice meat lovers Pizza and an earpiece that makes it so he can understand all languages

As soon as he heard about the earpiece Harry was scrambling to get the RDS.

You could probably use that pizza as an intro tool when you go about the train.

'Free pizza, only costs your time and friendship, come get it'

"Maybe something a little less…salesman like? And not as cheesy."

Bah! What would you know?

"That's not the point." Refuted Harry as he got the earpiece and fitted it to his left ear. It was like a secret service earplug but so much cooler because now he could talk to everything!

How couldn't that be cool?

You are one lucky bastard…

"Hey, you know my parents were married when I was born, so I can't be a bastard." Harry defended.

Maa Maa, you're so touchy.

Wolfoxymy

Hmmm, I honestly hope you can keep yourself from talkin' to Al around people or Really push your Seer angle Harry.

The best fun is had when people think you're crazy though! Quick who said that?!

*casually makes it easier for Harry to keep himself from speaking parseltongue around others*

Aww you have readers so involved in your interactions with your peers, don't you feel oh so special.

Sweet! I can poke god!

Oh shit…

X3c I wonder if you're as short as another Al I know of, you know, from 'Full Metal Alchemist' ?

That depends, it 174 centimetres (because, you know, I'm aussie and we measure length like that, hail the metric system!) considered on the short side? Let me know ey?

*Boops Al's nose*

OW! For the love of-

So, another slightly larger question, that may or may-not help. Are snakes even allowed in Hogwarts, I could've swarn the letter only mentioned owls, frogs, and toads?

"Probably not as pets, but Havelock isn't really a pet, per se so I don't see a problem."

*nursing hurt nose* Ditto

Also don't you already have Hedwig? Or is she still lookin for Moony like I suggested?

(-)_(-) Elsewhere (+)_(+)

A determined snowy white own was determined to deliver this letter for her Harry, no matter how far she had to fly.

(-)_(-) Back to Harry on the Express (+)_(+)

Thanks! *Pats Al harshly on the head, and gives Havelock a rat, waving goodbye*
-Fluffy Shadow Out!

"What's with people and giving Havelock rodents? He's a Black Mumba for crying out loud, you'd think he'd be able to get his own food." Groused Harry.

Very. Good *Pat* Question. But you were the one to give him a lot of things you probably shouldn't have, because they were things given by readers and that is very rude.

"I'm sure they'll get over it." Harry said dismissively.

Entroarox

Ooooh, this is hilarious! But you just went and made poor harry go crazy didn't you...

Everything has a price, besides I'm sure that deep down inside Harry enjoys it, being sane is boring, or so I tell myself.

*Gives harry a identity-locked stopwatch that can stop time for everyone but him*

God almighty…first a super time turner now a Time Stop Watch?! Could we make Harry any more OP?!

There, all the time you could ever want, just remember, it does not stop time for you, so you should remember to eat, sleep, and visit the bathroom... and maybe *other* things, eey ;)

Because we (we meaning you guys, not me) couldn't possibly make him any more OP, could we?

Oh right, you'll age wont you... *Gives harry a identity-locked bracelet that prevents time-travel and time-pausing related aging*, there that fixes that! :)

I *face-plant*had *face-plant* to *face-plant* ask. *face-plant* Didn't *face-plant* I?

Have f~un!

"Should probably learn the shrinking charm so I can carry this thing around with me…"Mused Harry as he retrieved the RDS again for his new time devices. "And now I have the tools to accomplish that, thanks a bunch." Harry grinned manically as he equipped the latest of his space-time continuum bending devices.

I hope those things came with instructions, can't have you breaking the universe that I'm writing up now by wrecking the time-stream by accident.

"What does this button do?" Harry pondered as he looked over his new doodad watch.

I'll make you watch Dexters Lab, just so you never say that again. *shudder*

"Huh?" asked Harry, who was going over the very convenient instructions for his new Time watch and totally missed Al's quasi threat.

*sigh* Just… get back to reading on your new thingamajig.

DoomRiderKing

laughs amused- Hiya harry- sends harry a potion through the rds that upon drinking said potion will give harry Eiditec memeory...perfect recall ...and make it easier for him to control fire based wandless magic-

*FACE-DESK*

I love this story...it's so unique and funny...plus harry keeps getting a lot of awesome stuff...oh wait wanted to send him one more thing- Sends through the rds a needle with a healing factor spliced gene for him to imject himeslef with

*FACE-GROUND*

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

Meanwhile Harry was happily helping himself to near immortality.

He'd just injected himself with the healing factor gene needle when there was, for the first time, a knock on the door. Stashing his needle in his cloaks pocket Harry opened the door.

To meet Hermione Granger.

"Have you seen-" she began.

"A toad, a boy named Neville's lost one. No I haven't seen one, but if you ask a redhead wondering the train they might just help you find it, Hermione Granger." Harry cut her off.

"How did you know that? How did you know my name?" Hermione demanded quickly. Harry looked thoughtful before gesturing for her to come closer.

"Do you really want to know?" he asked in a near whisper. Hermione did so she leaned in eagerly.

"I'm psychic." Deadpan.

"Well I never!"

"It's true, I can even tell you what colour underwear you're wearing." Harry continued making Hermione look at Harry in horror. Stealthily Harry used his Stop Watch to pause time and have a look.

All the perverse things that Harry had been exposed to had definitely had an adverse effect on him.

Resuming his original position Harry pressed his Stop Watch again, starting time again.

"It's green, by the way, side white stripes." Harry answered cheekily with a grin. Hermione looked at him in horror before bolting down the train, running right past a trio of boys.

"Wonder who that was… probably a mud-blood." the blonde Harry identified immediately as Draco Malfoy sneered before walking again, stopping again almost immediately as he saw, meters from him, Harry in his black red cloud cloak.

"You're Draco Malfoy I take it, looking for Harry Potter, I presume to influence him on which families to befriend, hm?" Harry started off, putting Draco on the odd foot.

'How did this weirdo know that?' Harry heard Draco think.

"I'll tell you how, like I told that girl that ran right past you just now that couldn't handle it." Harry paused dramatically.

"Do you want to know Draco? Crabbe? Goyle?" three pairs of stunned eyes looked back at Harry's highly amused ones.
"I'm psychic."

Que cricket noise.

"My father will hear about this!" Harry mirrored Draco in sync throwing the blonde boy off kilter before he turned tail and walked fast, because Malfoy's never ran, back to his compartment.

Harry laughed merrily, returning to his compartment to retrieve his meat lovers pizza and began a trek down the Hogwarts Express.

"Red Cloud Pizza!" he began calling out, casually passing the trolley lady as he did. "Get it while it's hot!"

(-)_(-)

Harry actually managed to sell most of the pizza before the Head Boy, Harry didn't care to hear his name, told him to quit it, go back to his compartment and change into his uniform. He did gain a sum total of 6 knuts from doing so though (he wasn't a savage after all and he had plenty of money to go around).

"If you can even call this a uniform, it's so… baggy." Harry griped as he sat in his compartment in his Hogwarts robes. Deciding on a better use his time Harry, retrieved his M-Reader and looked up the last book he was reading and continued where he left off.

He had said he was never using a wand to use magic and by God he was sticking to it, teachers or no teachers.

He took his mechanical Swooping Evil and began levitating it. After all he was only going to get better by practising it.

And so Harry practised his levitation till he heard someone approaching his compartment door an indiscriminate amount of time later.

'Heh, this'll be fun.' He grinned as it opened.

"Hello again Ms Granger, no I still have not seen Mr Longbottom's toad, or do you not remember asking down this part of the train earlier on?" Harry asked jovially as Hermione watched Harry float his yoyo.

"We're not allowed to use magic on the trai- where's your wand?!" Hermione gaped incredulously as she noticed that Harry wasn't using a wand.

"Oh Ms Granger, how very forward of you to ask such a question, and to think you don't even know my name." Yes readers had definitely destroyed Harry's innocence.

The innuendo swept right over the innocent Hermione's mind, whose mind had caught onto the tail end of Harry's words.

"Who are you?" she finally managed to ask.

"Miss Granger, you may call me Al's Disciple, the psychic, aka The Boy Who Lived, aka Harry James Potter achiever of the impossible." He announced.

Hermione just gaped at Harry, totally missing someone coming down the corridor of the train calling for her.

Turns out, it was Neville.

"Hermione, did you have…any…luck?" the heir of the Longbottom family asked, trailing off as he took note of the gobsmacked look on her face.

"Hermione what's wrong?" he asked, a little afraid of the answer.

"Harry… Potter…" she said in a near whisper, pointing into the compartment door he was holding open. Neville moved to Hermione's side to get a look for himself, and sure enough as he turned his head to look into the compartment, there sat a smiling Harry Potter, scar exposed as he whistled a tune, levitating a Swooping Evil above his head.

"Hi Neville Longbottom, I'm Harry Potter." The grin on Harry's face was…eerie.

(-)_(o)

Harry decided to, at that stage, put Neville out of his misery and summon his pet toad.

"OK Neville, want to see a magic trick?" Harry as having a heck of a good time.

"Sure…" Neville answered a little uneasily, they were wizards, of course they could do magic tricks but the way Harry said it...it as weird. Harry stood up, hands behind his back, hand on his Stop Watch out of sight of his spectators.

"Ok, one two three... Abra... Kedabra…." Harry pressed the button and time stopped, stepping into the middle of the train, cast a summoning charm for Trevor the Toad. Hearing a rustling of noise Harry followed it till he found the toad in question, quickly returning to his compartment, being careful to take position exactly as he'd left, with the toad behind him, with the new eidetic memory it was fairly easy.

And started time again.

"Alakazam!" called Harry, showing Neville his toad. Hermione and Neville gaped comically at Harry.

"That's not a spell!" Hermione managed to get out after a 15 seconds pause as her mind processed what she had just seen.

"Of course it is Hermione Jane Granger, you just saw me do it, didn't you?" Harry answered back with a shit eating grin.

"That's a muggle magician's catchphrase! How can that possibly be a real spell?! I haven't seen it in ANY book, AT ALL!" she demanded.

"You really want to know? It's a secret." Harry said in a hush hush tone to draw both Neville and Hermione in closer.

"I'm Harry Potter, that's how." That grin back in place.

Hermione's scream of frustration could be heard all over the train.

"THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE!"

(o)_(-)

Harry couldn't remember the last time he had ever had so much fun, nor would he ever forget after attaining a Perfect Recall Memory, but like everything his fun came to an end as the Hogwarts Express came to a stop at Hogsmeade Station. Instructed to leave his trunk on the train Harry disembarked the train with Hermione and Neville. It had actually been an absolute riot as Harry explained to Neville why Trevor always fled from him, Harry's Lingo String (patent pending) as it turned out translated every language, even animal ones. If snakes had parseltongue it totally made sense that there was a toad language too.

"…hold him like that and Trevor won't feel the desire to hide from you and would stay put more often." Harry told the nervous boy. Doing as he was told Neville saw a drastic change in Trevor after a matter of seconds, whereas his toad would try to jump out of his hands, now it stayed put without instruction.

"How did you know that?" Neville asked, amazed.

"Trevor told me. Call me… Harry Potter… The Toad Whisperer." Harry declared waving his hand like a mystic showman, whilst grinning like a loon. Hermione, who was tagging along, huffed, she didn't buy that for a second. She was about to call Harry on it when a booming voice sounded over the platform.

"Firs' Years over 'ere! Firs' Years!"

"That would be Rubeus Hagrid, the Keeper of the Keys and Grounds of Hogwarts, he shows the First Years to Hogwarts." Harry answered Neville's just about to be asked question 'Who was that?'

"How can you know that?" Hermione couldn't help herself.

"Hermione…we've been through this already…I'm psychic." Harry told her, only a little patronising. Hermione just huffed as the First Years settled in near Hagrid who led them down a path from the station to a string of boats at a dock.

"Four t' a boa'!" they heard Hagrid call. Harry, uncaring or where he was took a few steps to the left, in the blind spot to other First Years as they loaded into the boats.

"Every'on in! and FORWARD!" Hagrid called again, with a jolt the boats started their smooth trek over the Black Lake towards Hogwarts.

Now, Harry had read the first canon book many times but actually seeing Hogwarts as opposed to reading about it, the experience was incomparable, truly a sight to behold.

"Beautiful…" Harry heard one of the girls he had boarded the boat with whisper in wonder.

"Yeah I know you are, but what about the castle?" quipped Harry. The platinum blonde hair in front of Harry turned to give Harry a 'shut up' look, eyes catching the scar Harry was now displaying for everyone to see. "Nice to meet you Daphne Greengrass, I'm Harry Potter." Harry enjoyed the rest of the journey across the Black Lake with dumbstruck passengers.

Reaching the end of their destination, the boats docked themselves and The First Years disembarked, following Hagrid as he led them all up a long path, to stairs, and more stairs to even more stairs till they made it to the large gates of the Entrance Hall, where Hagrid led them towards the closed doors of the Great Hall, where Professor McGonagall was standing, waiting for them.

"The Firs' Years Professor McGonagall." Hagrid declared.

"Thank you Hagrid, I will take them from here." She replied dismissing the giant man.

'Insert stupid house speech, yada yada yada, house will be your family, points this, cup that, blah blah blah.' Harry mentally droned as Professor McGonagall gave her speech. Then she left for a few moments through the doors behind her.

Nearly as soon as the doors had closed again Harry saw Draco make a move to stand on the top step above everyone else.

'Trying to seat yourself at the top? Na uh.' Harry thought as he made a move and beat Malfoy to the intended spot.

"As some of you may know by now, I am Harry Potter, as some of you may also know, I am a powerhouse." Harry spoke out loudly and with droves of power radiating off of him.

I get knocked out by a ground- plant, wake up, and see you're suddenly at the pre-sorting saying THAT?

HELL NO!

*Wipe*

Harry was being let up the stairs to the Great Hall Entrance by Hagrid again. Harry winced, this meant he's have to listen to McGonagall's House spiel again.

Where to put you, I could always just follow canon and dump you in Griff but you would more than likely tear that place apart as you are now and that would bet dull to write very soon

'Great,' Harry bemoaned internally. 'I traded tuning out one speech on the house system from one person, for another.

Ravenclaw has possibilities, but I'm craptacular at riddles for that blasted Raven statue. But your upgraded memory wold definitely make you Ravenclaw material, and your Time Turners, and your Stop Watch…bugger me, all you'd need now is an Eye of Agamotto equivalent and you'd have the whole spectrum

'Eye of Aga-whata?' Harry thought, confused.

Hufflepuff could work, I suppose… it might teach you how valuable friendship can be, might actually get a friend of two in the process as well; not to mention you're Head of House would care a lot more about you than the others would, because of what Hufflepuff stands for.

Harry's eye twitched at that possibility.

And last but not least, Slytherin…if you went there you'd cause a shitstorm of epic magnitude, what with your Super Harry Status you wouldn't just be great…you would be, dare I say it, Godly.

*Shudder*

McGongall had finished her speech for the second time and departed through the door.

As before, Draco made his move.

"So it's true then, what they're saying on the train; Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts." The son of an aristocrat spoke up, gaining everyone's attention.

Harry clapped mockingly.

"Yes I, Harry Potter, Lord of Time, self-assured psychic and all around powerhouse, has come to Hogwarts. Those that wish to befriend me be warned, I will know if you have something else in mind, I will not be making friends with the wrong sort of people." Harry said clearly so everyone around him could hear.

The clutter of First Years broke out into muttering, from mutterings of 'pompous prat' from Ron to Malfoy's 'we'll see about that.'

All that chatter was broken as the swarm of ghosts descended from above.

AH! I think I've got it! I have a solution!

'Fan-bloody-tastic…'

You'll like it Harry, it's a doozy

Far too slowly for Harry's taste, but McGonagall finally returned and ushered the First Years into the Great Hall.

Like with the first view of Hogwarts on the boats, the Great Hall in person had nothing on the Great Hall in the books.

'Imagination can suck a dick on reality.' Thought Harry as he came to a stop.

"When I call your name, step forward." McGonagall began. "Hannah Abbott."

'Aphabetic last names then, what fun.' Harry thought, absentmindedly counting the floating candles.

He for to 42 when he heard his name called, and the Great Hall fell to a dead quiet so quickly you'd think they'd just seen a man die.

Letting out a sigh Harry approached and sat on the stool, the Sorting Hat placed on his head.

And Time froze.

"That...wasn't me." Harry said, just checking his Stop Watch to be sure. It wasn't him. "Al, what's going on?"

My House solution!

Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls...welcome to the House Auction!

"Oh shit..."

AN: I did say the sorting was going to be in this chapter, but i never said anything about a solution, not an ironed out one at any rate.

So folks, here's how it's gonna work.

the house with the most points wins, 1 review = 1 vote for 1 house and the house with the most votes wins. please do give a reason for your choice too to validate your vote.

Eventually, the votes will close and the answer given at a later date.

If what plum said is more widespread and agreed on, i'll find another way to go about it if i have to but not if it's a minority, like in an election, majority wins.

Until then...

Oh, I only just realised as I was editing this in the document manager that (-)_(-) (+)_(+) these things look like boobs. wooops -_-