Xenografts: the cell, tissue or organ that is transplanted from one species to a different species.

Note: Fleamont Potter is the official, Pottermore name for Harry's grandfather. In addition, I do not own Harry Potter.

Because certain things aren't supposed to make sense, and quite a few do, regardless of contrary persuasion, Harry Fleamont Evans had the unfortunate luck of being stranded, marooned, and all manner of likewise dramatic words, in a hut on a rock, with crisps for rations.

Tummies a-grumbling, sea a-churning, minds a-whirling; thus sat the prior residents of Number Four Privet Drive.

"Vernon, darling, we've been here for two days now," began a horse-faced woman. "Surely…surely they've given up on the boy."

Said boy was yawning something terrible, and felt that yet another year had been wasted with people who couldn't care less that an entire day of his being illustriously eleven had gone by. Perhaps if Dudley hadn't looked two snorts away from an all-out hormonal rampage, he would have poked him in retaliation. As things stood, however, Harry wold have to make do with being utterly bored, hungry, and desperate for a shower.

"No Petunia!" exclaimed a slightly feral obese man, his moustache quivering indignantly. "We can't be one hundred percent certain that—"

"Daddy…" Dudley moaned. "I don't feel so good…"

Now Petunia's own jaw was quivering. "Vernon, maybe Dinky Diddums has food poisoning! Oh, we must take him to the hospital!"

Dudley clutched his stomach, groaning. Harry counted the spiders in the corner of the room, wondering if it was possible to colonise them.

"I…I…" Vernon seemed to be arguing with himself. Harry wondered whether he would lose. "Oh, all right! Come then. There's a little boat—"

Harry suddenly got up. "There's a woman standing at the door."

Sure enough, a windblown woman with greying honey hair, dirt under her nails and shabby clothes stood at the door, staring at the huddled four. "Am I coming at a bad time?" she asked politely.

Petunia shrieked.

"A very bad time, then?" the woman said, smiling apologetically. "I'll leave soon, of course, but I must give Mr Evans his letter. For some strange, all-together incomprehensible reason, he seems not to have read it just yet. I'll be out of your hair soon. Just, a reply would be nice."

"A reply?" squeaked Vernon. "A reply would have rid us of your bloody owls?"

The woman nodded. "It said so in the letter, but I suppose, if Mr Evans hasn't read it, he couldn't very well reply." She chuckled at her little joke. "Now, you must be Mr Evans, correct?"

Harry started when he realised she was staring at him. "Yes, yes I am. Harry, I mean."

The woman nodded. "I see quite well. You have your mother's eyes. I quite liked your mother. Cheeky, and a bit nutty."

"I'm a bit nutty too," Harry informed the woman in confidence.

The woman nodded. "The best people are. Oh my! I haven't introduced myself yet, have I? I'm Professor Lupin, twice initiated into the BCF, and thrice winner of Witch Weekly's Most Ineligible Spinster award. Consecutively, you understand."

Harry nodded. "The BCF?"

Professor Lupin nodded solemnly, with a light glint of mischief in her eyes. "Yes, quite. Would you like your letter, Mr Evans?"

"Just Harry is fine, Professor Lupin."

The woman handed him his letter. Petunia shrieked once more. "He's not going!"

Professor Lupin gave Petunia a polite stare. "Why ever not?"

"Going where?" Harry asked, feeling that he might as well.

"To Hogwarts, of course."

Harry felt that he ought to say, "What is Hogwarts?" and, after some consideration, he did just so.

Professor Lupin gave an even smile to Vernon, who had whipped out a gun and was in the middle of threatening her with it. "Oh, it's the most magical place in the world. We have feasts, and friendly ghosts; a poltergeist that likes to make up silly rhymes, enchanted stairways, a half-giant Gameskeeper, and Quidditch. You'll adore it, if you choose to go."

"Is it an amusement park?" Harry asked.

Professor Lupin pulled out a stick, zapped Vernon with it, and turned to Harry. "No, Mr Evans. It's a boarding school."

Harry stared at the petrified obese man with unseeing eyes. "I don't know…"

Petunia shrieked.

"How much more of this I can take," he finished. "Where do I sign up?"

Professor Lupin gave him a kind smile. "If you'll come with me, Mr Evans, I will take you to the wizarding post office. A domestic owl will do."

Dudley chose to remain silent. Petunia massaged her husband's rotund belly.

"Wizarding?" Harry asked.

Professor Lupin looked put out. "Merlin, Petunia! Not even the bare minimum?"

Petunia puffed up indignantly. "My brother—"

"Your brother was a wizard, and it's high time you stopped being in denial about it," said Professor Lupin with thinned lips. "Honestly woman…how Liam Evans could be related to you, when he was so nice…"

"My father?" asked Harry eagerly. "He was a wizard?"

Professor Lupin looked at him with misty eyes. "Oh, yes, and your mother was a witch too. Both of them were delightfully talented, and magical. I suspect you will be too."

"My mother too?" asked Harry, even more eagerly, getting up off the floor.

Petunia's shrill voice cut in. "Jamielle Potter was a whore! A manipulative whore who married my bastard of a brother and then had a changeling like you—"

Suddenly, after a zap, Petunia had no mouth. Professor Lupin looked livid. "Jamie was a beautiful woman with amusing eccentricities. Nothing about her charm required sexual explicitness! Except that one time in Fiji…but we don't discuss Fiji!"

Harry, who had never heard much about his parents, was liking them more and more. "What happened in Fiji?"

Professor Lupin looked a bit awkward. "Like previously stated, Mr Evans. We don't talk about Fiji, except in passing. Makes for interesting half sentences, if nothing else."

Harry kept that in mind.

I've written out the first book of the series completely, so it's just a matter of uploading the chapters for this story, unlike all my other ones. It's a far more drabbly affair than my other stories, and I enjoyed the experiment. Regardless, I hope you enjoy it! :)