Harley called a towing service for her car, and then made a call to Arkham to ask Dr. Leland if she could have her job back, which Dr. Leland hastily and happily consented to. Harley then called a cab to come pick her up, and opened the back door to see if her box of possessions was still in tact. She saw Crane, and didn't noticeably react, except to calmly say, "Do you want a lift back to Arkham with me?"

"That would be fine," he muttered, crawling out.

"Have you been in there the whole time?" she asked.

"Yes. I thought if I could explain everything to you, I could change things. But I can't change things. I see that now," said Crane.

"What things did you want to change?" she asked.

Crane sighed. "Well, you already think I'm a lunatic, so you might as well know the truth. I came here from another reality. In my reality, you and the Joker are in a romantic relationship, but it's not a healthy one. It's cruel and abusive and based on pain. And I…have loved you from the moment I first laid eyes on you. I wanted to save you from the pain, and hoped you could find happiness with me. So in this reality, I wanted to try and convince you to love me, by using the same tactics on you that the Joker used in my reality. But they didn't work for me. We're two very different men, and I can see now that…the connection you have with him is not something that can be duplicated by me, even using the same strategies. I see that even if things don't work out the same way they do in my reality…you're always fated to end up with him somehow. And it pains me to say it, as a man of science, but there appears to be some destiny that brings you two together, no matter how I try to interfere. Jervis was right – we cannot change what is meant to be. And God knows why, but it seems that you and the monster are meant to be."

Harley nodded slowly. "Even if I believe all this stuff about another reality, which I don't, I don't understand why you thought acting like another man would get me to love you. Unless you were going to spend the rest of your life acting like the Joker. Surely you should want to be loved for yourself. So why wouldn't you just be yourself?"

"Because you don't love me," he said. "And I wanted to be the man you love."

Harley nodded again. "I understand," she said. "I don't know what's going to happen between the Joker and me, but I know what just happened has changed things forever. I felt something with him that I've never felt before with anyone. And just before I met him, as you probably heard, I was ready to give up on anyone ever loving me. Maybe you and I aren't that different in terms of our personalities and experiences of the world. I've been teased and bullied and rejected by people, and I never thought the person I truly was would be good enough for anyone to love. I think I was wrong about that, and I think you are too. There is someone out there who will love you exactly as you are."

She took his hand. "But I don't need someone who's similar to me. I need someone who completes me. I think the Joker does that. I have never felt happiness like the kind he made me feel, and I think that's what being happy is. It's a wholeness, a completeness, a realization that you're who and where you're meant to be. And who you're meant to be with. I'm sorry for your sake that it's not you."

"So am I," agreed Crane. "But it's a fool who doesn't learn from his mistakes, and I'm no fool. I'm a gentleman, and I have no choice but to withdraw like a gentleman. I do hope you and the Joker will be very happy in this reality."

"Are we not in yours?" asked Harley.

Crane thought for a moment. "I suppose…when all is said and done…you are," he admitted, grudgingly. "Though God knows I don't understand why."

"I don't think you need to," replied Harley. "Just as long as the Joker and I do."

"Well, you do…share the same type of madness," said Crane. "I'm just disappointed it's not mine."

"Like I said, I'm sure she's out there," said Harley, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Just try to be patient. And when you meet her, please don't start by dropping your pants," she added with a grin.

"I told you, I was mimicking the Joker's moves!" snapped Crane.

"Yeah…I wouldn't mind him dropping his pants," sighed Harley, with an adoring gleam in her eyes. "Bet he's got a really impressive body. Hope I get to find out soon!" she giggled.

Crane sighed heavily – Dr. Quinzel was back to the Harley he knew. But he realized suddenly that Dr. Quinzel had never laughed, and never smiled, and certainly never giggled until this moment. He might never approve of her choice of partner, but there was no denying the fact that she was much happier now.

The cab arrived at last to take them back to Arkham. "I don't know how you escaped, Jonathan, but thank you for coming back before you had to be dragged back by Batman," said Dr. Leland, as he was returned to his cell. "And thank you for bringing him back, Dr. Quinzel – I would assume after your previous interactions that you'd want nothing more to do with him."

"Well, we had a talk," said Harley, nodding. "And I think we understand each other now. Don't we, Professor Crane?" she asked.

"Yes," he agreed. "I suppose as well as we're ever going to."

"But if you wouldn't mind, Joan, I'd like to take on a new patient," continued Harley, turning to her. "The Joker."

"The Joker?" repeated Dr. Leland, surprised. "I don't know, Harley. We don't like to start the new doctors off with him. He's a tricky one - probably better that the more experienced staff handle him. And you've already been scared off once. The Joker is not the kind of man who's going to convince you to stay."

"I think he might surprise you, Joan," said Harley. "And I promise I'll be very committed to him. Please let me try."

"Well…I guess a few sessions couldn't hurt," admitted Dr. Leland. "And it's the least I can do after your disastrous first experience here. Heck, maybe you'll be the one to finally make a breakthrough. There's no harm in letting you see how you get on with him, is there?"

"Nope, Joan," agreed Harley, following her off down the hall with a smile. "No harm at all."

"Oh, if only she knew," sighed Crane, lying back on his bed. There was a sudden, blinding flash of light, and then Crane awoke to Tetch pulling the alternate reality simulator off his head.

"Joker's coming!" he hissed, shoving the hat under the bed. "I have to hide this, but I can send you back later…"

"No need," sighed Crane, sitting up. "You were right, Jervis. I can't change what happened between them. Nor can I be any sort of substitute for the Joker. I might as well accept that Harley and I are not destined to be together…"

"Well, is that an 'I-told-you-so' I feel coming on?" chuckled Joker, appearing in the cell at that moment with Harley clinging to him.

"What are you doing out of solitary?" demanded Crane.

"I got let out early for good behavior," said Joker.

"You got let out early for good behavior?" repeated Crane.

"No, obviously that's a lie," retorted Joker. "I snapped off bits of the TV antenna while I was out, which I used to pick the lock when I was returned to solitary. Nobody knows I've flown the coop yet, and hopefully they won't come check on me for a good long while."

"Mr. J and me are just heading back to my cell for some well deserved playtime," giggled Harley, gazing at him with that same adoration.

"But we thought we'd stop by and see how my nerd buddy is doing with his little experiment," said Joker with a grin. "Any change in those human romantic behavioral patterns?"

Crane glared at him. "No," he retorted. "The experiment was a complete failure."

"Not a complete failure – I get twenty dollars from Poison Ivy," said Tetch. "Not that that'll pay for a huge amount of equipment, but every little helps."

"Red was in on the experiment too?" asked Harley, confused.

"Yep, and she's gonna be mad as hell that you failed," said Joker, nodding. "Probably confirm her theory that all men are useless, though. Not all men are, of course, just you," he said, smiling at Crane. "Some of us have great success with experiments in human romantic behavioral patterns, don't we, pooh?"

"I…guess," said Harley, who was beyond confused now. "Is someone gonna tell me what this experiment was?"

"It's too complicated for your pretty little blonde brain to understand, pooh bear," said Joker, patting her on the head.

"She's smarter than you – she was a highly capable doctor!" snapped Crane.

"Yep. And now she's a highly incompetent henchwench!" chuckled Joker. "You've really gone up in the world, haven't you, pumpkin pie?"

"I sure have, Mr. J!" exclaimed Harley, beaming at him. "I have my precious puddin' by my side every day, well, every day when he's not in solitary, of course. How could anyone ever top that?"

"I understand, pooh, but not everyone does," said Joker. "But then not everyone appreciates what a genius I am, except for my cute little Harley pie, of course," he cooed, kissing her. "Now let's head to yours so Daddy can give you the revving of a lifetime. I want you to be completely unrestrained in terms of the noises you make – make sure the whole cell block hears how much you love what Daddy does to you, as loudly as possible," he said, grinning at Crane as he and Harley headed for her cell.

"Can you deafen me for the next few hours somehow?" asked Crane, turning to Tetch.

"I should construct some impenetrable earplugs," agreed Tetch. "It would make our lives in here a lot easier, though I suppose it might be a fire hazard if an alarm went off and we didn't hear it or something. I'm just surprised and pleased the Joker didn't smash the alternate reality simulator. One actually survived the experience," he said, picking it up from under the bed.

"He was probably distracted focusing on how much Harley's pleasure is going to irritate me," muttered Crane. "I think he gets off more on the annoyance factor than the actual sexual act."

"I wouldn't be surprised," agreed Tetch. "There is something horribly wrong with him that nobody understands."

"Harley does," said Crane. "Somehow…she does. She's just so kind and intelligent and incisive and…the ironic thing is I'm probably even more in love with her even as I know I can never have her," he sighed. "It's nonsense, isn't it?"

"So is life, my friend," agreed Tetch, nodding.

"Perhaps the Joker is right – perhaps life is all just one big, cruel joke," continued Crane. "A bitter jest played on us by some malevolent god."

"Perhaps," agreed Tetch. "Or perhaps these obstacles to our happiness are put in our way sometimes to enable us to be better people. Sometimes the suffering we experience can change us for the better, and give us a better understanding of who we are and what we want out of life. Every cloud has a silver lining, Jonathan."

Harley began moaning loudly in pleasure at that moment. "Oh, Mr. J! Oh, puddin', you're a god!"

"And what is the silver lining of this particular cloud?" asked Crane dryly, turning to him.

"Like I said, at least the reality simulator is still in one piece," retorted Tetch, nodding at it.

"Oh yes, puddin'! Oh yes! Right there! Punish me, Daddy! Harder, harder, harder! Oh, Jesus Christ, oh God, yes, yes, yes, YEEEEEEEEESSS!"

Harley's high-pitched shriek suddenly shattered the glass components of the reality simulator, which immediately began hissing and sparking. These sparks fanned into flames that quickly consumed the hat entirely. Both Tetch and Crane stared at the remains as the fire alarm began beeping in the cell block.

"I loathe him," said Tetch, looking up.

"Join the club," sighed Crane. "But on the bright side, he'll be back in solitary soon. The guards are going to come running at the alarm."

"There, you see?" said Tetch, beaming. "Silver lining! Although not for poor Harley, I suspect."

"Oh, she's happy enough for the most part," said Crane. "And I suppose that's what really matters. If you love someone, you…want them to be happy," he said, watching as the guards raced into the cell block, seizing the Joker and dragging him, half dressed, out of Harley's cell, who clung on to him desperately. The guards managed to separate them at last, with Joker chuckling hysterically to himself, and Harley gazing after him as he was dragged away, beaming. Seeing her smile was still the most beautiful sight in the world, and Crane couldn't help copying it. "And she is," he said. "She is."

The End