This is posted on ao3 (and I'm already up chap five there) but I wanted to post it here too. I'll be updating the rest of the chaps this week -and I'm going to update there soon- untill we caught with them, lol.

The title means: How to make Keith miserable. It was the fic's joke name in the draft, but I left it because this fic is for a friend and she liked the joke. xD

Como hacer miserable a Keith.

Lance knew he had to be more honest with his parents when they asked how he was doing with his life. He was very aware of that, thank you very much, Shiro didn't had to act like a dad for him to know that, he knew lying to them was not ok. On the other hand, it was the only way to make them feel more calm about him. He was a big man now and he didn't want his parents to take care of him forever. Telling them "everything is ok, my boss isn't a jerk and I'm living the life " was a good way to make them feel proud and at ease with him living in the city. And made them not so worried about him. He was always a troublemaker and his parents knew it.

Dealing with them that way was better for the moment. No, easier. His mother was the kind of woman who was bossy and wanted to help him all the time, and while that was a good thing, he felt overwhelmed with her caring sometimes. If she asked how everything was going, on any regard, he couldn't help but tell her "Everything is alright! I'm killing it there". And that was what he did at his mother sudden call.

"Hey, nene… how are you doing… romantically? is everything ok? because some… something is telling me you're not doing that great. Mother instinct."

Even if he was weirded out by that wording, he answered "yeah I'm dating this really cute guy" without thinking too much. He thought her mother was going to leave it like this and in a few months he could tell her "yeah we broke up, how bad".

He wasn't that lucky.

It wasn't that he couldn't get someone… It was just… for some reason he was failing miserably at romance lately, all his dates were ruined by mysterious reasons, but even if they weren't, he just didn't feel chemistry with anyone. Maybe he was starting to get... expectatives? He trembled at that thought. Was he ready for commitment? No way.

When he was a teen it was weird when he didn't had a girl around him, but now the mere thought of being with a person just for sex was tiresome.

For that reason, when his father called to drop him the bomb like two weeks after that weird talk with his mother, he almost died. He ended that call with fear in his eyes, and stared at the phone, reconsidering his life choices. My parents are coming to visit. Today. They want to met my boyfriend. My imaginary boyfriend that doesn't exist, he thought, and he started to eat his nails.

Damn his dad for never letting him know things on time, he knew his mom probably told his dad like a week ago to let him know but no, he always had to leave everything for the last minute.

Well, at least they didn't plan to bring the teens with them. They probably didn't want to get out of the town because they were busy defeating all the kids of the neighborhood in pokémon go. Besides they were in that ugly teen edgy phase. Lance shivered.

He still had the "no boyfriend" problem. He could tell his parents the truth… or tell them he broke up with his boyfriend… But that would only bring scolding of his mother side.

So asking one of his friends to do him the favor it was!

At this time of the day a Saturday, they were usually all hovering at Hunk and Lance's place. They had been roommates for some time already, since it was easier to split the rent bill; and Pidge and Keith practically lived there, using their places just to sleep.

Pidge most of the time stayed there to sleep because Hunk had a weak spot for her, and Lance complained because they didn't had an extra bed for her. The place only had two bedrooms plus the living room/kitchen, and the bathroom, so it was small, but overall comfortable. They haven't bother to paint the tasteless brown and white walls even though both despised them. They covered them with CDs and book shelves.

Lance considered Allura and Shiro, his neighbors, his closest friends, even if they were older and they were pretty much on their own worlds; both laughing at them for their awful attempts at adulting. They were this perfect domestic couple that helped Lance and Hunk in everything they needed, because they were that awesome and gentle.

Shiro and Allura would think Lance's idea was a bad idea.

Good thing they were visiting Allura's uncle.

When he came out of his room, there was only Hunk and Pidge in the living room, the last one entranced in her laptop, dressed in black shorts with a green sweatshirt. Hunk was wearing pants, but Lance could bet he was just too lazy to undress after going to shop something.

He instead was wearing brown cotton shorts and a purple tank top, and he's starting to wonder when did they got so close they didn't even care how they looked. Keith also had the custom to be around the place in just boxers and a shirt, much to Pidge and Hunk's dismay.

Lance was… oddly fine with it. Keith was a pain in the ass and a conceited jerk, but he had a pretty tight body. Lance could admit his friend was hot as hell, that wasn't weird or anything, right?

Speaking of Keith, it was weird that he wasn't around, but it was a good thing in that case, he could just ask Hunk and not to choose between his friends. Honest to god, choosing which friend is going to be your fake boyfriend is so, so gay. Shaking his head to himself, he placed in front of a Hunk playing an old tomb raider game in a play-station.

"Hunk… my pal… my friend… my man..." he held his hands in a prayer "could you please do me a favor? A big one? I will own you everything."

Hunk was unaware of Lance mischievous looks, and with a smile on his lips he answered:

"Sure dude, what do you need?"

"Hunk are you sure you're gonna accept just like that… it's Lance after all."

"Shut up Pidge! Anyway I need your help man… I need you to be my boyfriend," he said, with puppy eyes.

Suddenly, Lara Croft, who was doing a pirouette in the middle of the air, landed on her face and died. Hunk saw how the game threw him to the last saved point, but he put away the control at looked at Lance with terrified eyes.

"Told you he's crazy."

Lance rolled his eyes at Pidge's words, really, he was a perfectly capable adult. He was not crazy, he was just very very Lance.

"What?!"

"Oh… I'm sorry! I didn't mean for real man! No that's nut! And I would be far more romantic if I had those intentions with you," Lance purred, wiggling his eyebrows.

Both Hunk and Pidge said "yikes."

"Anyway… I want you to be my fake boyfriend to ease my parents. They're sweet, but they kept me asking if I had a partner and I told them "sure, a boyfriend!" but now they come to visit in like, three hours, and I don't have one so… are you in? Just for today!"

Lance smiled, his teeth sparkling.

Hunk sighed, and looked over his shoulder at Pidge. She raised an eyebrow and told him:

"If you're saying yes, do it for something good."

"Sure man, I'm in, but before you start dancing around" Lance stopped his dancing "Pidge is right… I will do it only if you go with me to the Coldplay concert."

"But I don't even like Coldplay that much."

"You don't understand."

"Ugh, ok, I get it. You always say we don't bond, which is something you stole from Shiro by the way. What's up with bonding? Shiro and Allura and Keith are obsessed with that but... I'm in, count with me."

Hunk smiled and Pidge grunted.

"Dude… you have in your power to do whatever you want with Lance! Turn him into your bitch! Make him clean all the apartment! Make him to do all your chores! Choose better Hunk, choose better."

"Now I can do that for myself… I just want to go to a concert with my best friend and now he has to accept," he said smiling shyly.

Sure, now Lance was feeling like shit. He didn't deserve Hunk, he was too good, too pure for this world, which was something Pidge thought too.

"... You DON'T deserve Hunk as a friend, Lance".

"I know…" And with a stupidly warm smile in his face he looked at Hunk and said "You're too cool, man."

"Yeah, yeah, don't sweat it. It's not a big deal is it, what could possibly go wrong?"

Lance sat with him and Hunk turned his game off, so they could plan the operation thoroughly.

"That Lance and Hunk are doing what?"

Keith dropped the tools he was using to work on his motorcycle, and grabbed the phone he had pressed against his shoulder with his hand, tightly, the leather of his fingerless gloves making a sound against the plastic of his cell phone case. He waited for Pidge to repeat what she just said. She had to be kidding. Lance wasn't that much of an idiot.

"They're going to pretend they're dating so that Lance's parents stop nagging him about getting a partner… or something like that. Anyway, they're here trying to see how comfortable they're with each other and is very perturbing. Seeing them holding hands is weird. Want to see a movie or something? Where are you by the way?"

He stood up quickly, ended the call without answering, put on his red jacket, put away the tools, got himself up in his bike, and drove to Hunk and Lance's apartment like a madman.

He almost ran over an old lady and a dog. It was nasty.

"So… kisses too?"

Hunk decided they have to sort the relationship details, something Lance didn't want to do. "If we're gonna trick your parents, we're gonna do it right, Lance, now calm down and let's settle this" he said and Lance had to agree.

After a while they got used to it, Lance was actually focused, and Pidge stopped working on her laptop because she was low-key addicted to drama and she wanted to see how this was going to burst in their faces; and since Keith didn't want to go to the cinema with her, she sat in the floor in front of them with a plate full of popcorn. You know, the usual.

They decided they had two months dating, it all happened suddenly for spending so much time together; and Lance calling Hunk "baby" wasn't as awkward as it was when they started the conversation.

Discussing about the touchy part was ok. Hunk and Lance had been friends for a while and they were pretty comfortable with touching each other, so handholding wasn't really a problem. But Lance said he always kissed his partners in front of his parents and that they didn't had a problem with that, so it was going to be weird if they didn't kiss.

"Unless you really don't want to, of course. I don't want to force you, you're doing enough for me, man. If they ask, we can tell them you're shy."

"C'mon… is just a kiss, you guys should try it."

Both looked at Pidge with big eyes, because they weren't expecting that of her.

"What? I like to be entertained. You guys are being disgusting, and if you're gonna be disgusting, why aren't you disgusting up to eleven, right?"

"I think you're just into yaoi too much."

"Like if you weren't into yaoi. Shut up Lance."

Hunk laughed, while Lance and Pidge glared at each other. Lance had a pout on his mouth that was oddly cute, and Pidge looked cute at every way, so they looked quite endearing fighting like that. Hunk really had a soft spot for all of them. And smiling he replied:

"Ah, sure… it's ok. I mean, it's just a kiss. We could try one now."

They both turned to stare at each other's eyes, trying to prepare for the kiss, and suddenly they burst in laughter.

"You're looking me funny," Hunk said, while covering his face with his hands. Pidge ate more popcorn. "This is embarrassing. You know what. I'm dead now. Not doing this. Take me out of here."

"Ah c'mon dude… just a kiss, and if it is too awful then we drop it, ok?"

Lance grabbed Hunk by the shoulders and kissed him. It was… warm, they both thought. It was also comfortable, on Lance's case, since Hunk had pretty soft lips. It didn't feel particularly romantic, and there wasn't any usual butterfly in their stomachs. It felt intimate, but it wasn't that different that kissing each other on the cheek. They both relaxed and softened their furrowed eyebrows.

Keith entered the house with fire in his eyes. At the scene before him, his right eye twitched, and he had to breath slowly to calm down his wishes to murder everyone in the room. Hunk and Lance didn't tell because they were busy trying to decide if they should call it done or keep trying, and Pidge was too focused on the scene, so when Keith stood right next to her with his arms crossed and coughing loudly, it took everyone with surprise.

"Dude, what the fuck? You scared me," Lance said, glancing at him. Keith looked… angry, very angry, which for some reason made him swallow hard and pray for Diosito to save him.

"Why are you like this Lance? This is not ok." Keith growled while getting close to Lance, uncrossing his arms and clenching his fists.

"Man, if you're worried about me I…"

"It's ok, Hunk. I am worried about you but I know you're a responsible guy… It's him the one I can't stand!"

"Why does it matters anyway!" Lance said, standing up to counter Keith "Pidge, why you told him?"

"I was bored and I like this type of drama."

Both were a true part of her soul but she only told Keith because she wanted to get out of this… which was hilarious in context. She bite her right inner cheek, she usually didn't care about Lance and Keith's fights, but if it were them fighting about their obvious crush on each other (that everyone could tell they had but themselves) she was actually quite amused.

Hunk now realized that Pidge was right, dealing with Lance and Keith in this godforsaken plan was worth of something more than bonding time with Lance. Being between them was going to be a mess. Right now it was a mess.

They were fighting right in front of him and it was very awkward, he didn't know if he should move up and let them be, or if he should do something to calm them down. Pidge didn't precisely help, her smile was a very pleased one and she looked like this was the best thing to happen her in the week. Hunk couldn't really bring himself to think something malicious of his friends, but he kind of wanted for Pidge to chill the fuck off.

"I can't believe you're that shallow! Why don't you just tell your parents the truth?!" Keith shouted, poking Lance in the chest.

"Because I don't want, alright! It would be a mess! And I can do whatever I want!" Lance said, placing his hands on his hips.

"This is a bad idea! You shouldn't do this… you shouldn't... kiss Hunk… that's not… that's not ok…"

"And why isn't that ok? I can kiss whoever I want!"

At this point they were almost breathing in each other lips, snarling at each other closely. Hunk and Pidge exchanged a knowing look and returned their eyes to the boys quickly. Pidge ate more popcorn.

This is going to an interesting place, finally. Was the thought running in her mind when the doorbell interrupted the fight, along with a woman screaming "Lance! Are you there?"

Said boy swallowed hard, hiding his face in his hands and muttered "My parents are here."

Several soundless seconds passed before hearing the doorbell again, and Lance sighed.

"We have to play it cool. Mmmm… Pidge… you can be yourself. More or less. Keith, don't be yourself. Hunk… is it weird if we both go to greet them? too formal right? that would be out of character for me. Yeah I wouldn't do that, I would just introduce you casually, or you think that I should-"

"Go answer the door!" The three screamed, and Lance went running to the door, sighing loudly. This was going to be wild.

He opened the door to find his parents, observing at their surroundings with interest. It was the first time they visited him so they were obviously curious.

His mother was a light skinned woman with brown wavy hair, she was chubby and a bit smaller than him. His father had a swarthy skin, a full beard, and was a bit taller than him. Honestly? In Lance's eyes they were looking better than ever. He spoke a lot of crap about his parents when he was mad, but when everything was said and done, Lance was a family man. Being away of his family was an everyday struggle, and seeing them made his veins pump love and warmth through his body.

"¡Má! ¡Pá! You guys are here!"

His eyes got teary and he hugged his mom intently, a big bear hug. He did the same with his dad, and then the three hugged together.

"I'm happy to see you! Though Dad let me know you were coming today."

"Chismoso."

"Robert! I told you like a week ago to tell Lance we were coming… Ah, you know how he is darling, forgive us." She always apologized for both, which made Lance's mind fill with memories. He shrugged and said:

"Yeah… anyway, I think you guys never came to the apartment before right? Suit yourselves!"

"Of course, if you didn't invite us before…" Lance's mom said and everyone but Lance laughed under their breath. Lance looked at her mom with a pout and she laughed.

"Sorry for that. Anyway, this are my friends. That one over there is Pidge." She stood up and shaked hands with them, they both smiled at her, interchanging a "nice to meet you."

"That one over there that looks like the protagonist of a bad 80s' porno is Keith." The parents laughed at that, though Lance's mother had some scolding on her eyes, and they both waved at Keith, who waved his hand back and turned around, crossing arms, not wanting to be part of that.

They looked at each other with concern, what was wrong with him?

"And that one is Hunk… he's my boyfriend and my roommate, you know about Hunk, right?"

"Oh, you're dating Hunk!" Both of them looked at each other and breathed a sigh of relief.

"We were so worried about who you were dating, since you were so mysterious about it! But this is actually really nice, you've told us he's a wonderful man."

Now this was a weird experience, Lance thought. Their parents almost never agreed on his couple options.

Well, his dad still was looking cautiously at Hunk, but Lance knew he meant no harm, is just that his dad well… he gave him his blessing at the same way many… traditional parents give their blessing to bisexual kids, "Please let him settle down with a girl, please let him settle down with a girl in the end". But it was ok, his dad was not an asshole and he did look a bit happy while watching Hunk. It was truth that out of all his friends, he usually spoke more about Hunk, since they spend more time together. He was now happy with his decision, Hunk was the best option. Could you imagine what would have happened if he had chosen Keith to be his fake boyfriend?

He thought it was funny… but for some reason he felt a shiver go down his spine at the idea of hugging and holding hands and kissing Keith... He didn't analyze those feelings thoroughly.

"I'm happy you think that Ma'am" Hunk said, flustered. Lance's mom hugged him and his dad shaked hands vigorously with him, both smiling deeply.

It was in that moment when Keith left the house, slamming the door loudly on his way out.

"¿Y a este que le pasa?*" Lance's dad said a bit offended. "How rude…"

"Yeah, he's like that sometimes. Maybe he had something to do. Anyway!" Lance tried to redirect the attention to him. "Yes, he's my boyfriend… I told you guys I had a boyfriend. And finally a good one, am I right?"

He grabbed Hunk's hand, and Hunk suddenly felt drops of sweat in his forehead. Lance's parents looked pretty happy, and they started to make all kind of questions while Lance pointed them the couch so they could sit. This was going to be weird. Mentally sighing, he remembered he was doing this for Lance. It couldn't be that bad.

"So do you two sleep in the same room?"

"Mercedes!"

"I'm just asking because I want to spend the night. And honestly mijo, staying in a hotel is expensive. If we could use your room to sleep…"

"Yeah sure! We're… totally sleeping together!"

Lance's dad made a weird grin, but the mom looked quite happy. Lance told them he was going to bring them some coffee, and he dragged Hunk with him.

Pidge smiled at them awkwardly, she had no idea what to do, and both for them were looking at her with that face friends' parents make when they are about to ask everything about your life. This is bad, she thought.

Lance was making the coffee mindlessly, and they started to speak lowly, since the kitchen was in the same room than the living room.

"You didn't tell me they were staying!" Hunk whispered with concern.

"I didn't know ok! Mom just... does that sometimes" He shrugged, but then he smiled "And in her mind, we have an empty room."

"I thought this was going to be for some hours, Lance!" Hunk said placing his hands in the table.

"It is!"

"Lance…"

"Ok, they're saying they will stay for the night. The night . They will probably go away tomorrow. I'm pretty sure they left my little siblings with my big sister and she's… quite temperamental. Comes with being a lawyer."

"But are you sure they're not staying more time? Honestly Lance, I'm ok with sleeping with you but-"

"No homo tho."

"You know what, I will tell them true, wait me here."

"C'mon Hunk! I will sleep in the floor if you want. Just… let's keep it cool. I know we can."

"It's about 5:00 pm. I don't think I will make it. I'm… embarrassed."

"I'm sorry dude but… do you really feel bad? Because…"

Lance looked at him with worried eyes, and they were so honest Hunk grunted and smiled him reassuringly.

"Nah it's ok. I said I will help you and I will. Go and give your parents their coffee."

"Just next to you, baby~"

Hunk giggled and they both went close to the couch only to hear Pidge… weird conversation with Lance's parents.

"Yeah so, I have this girl, right? And she keeps telling me she doesn't know what it happened to her computer. Like she says she's one hundred percent sure she doesn't understand why her computer doesn't turn on. She says, this friend looked at it. Before it just kept freezing but now it doesn't turn on, he says he's not sure what happened . Which is weird, right? So I got into it, open up the computer and... there's nothing. Nothing my friends. Like there is nothing in there. He stole everything. That computer barely had any hardware. He probably sold it online or something. Point here, I'm there, trying to think how the frick do I tell this gorgeous blond woman that her friend totally scammed her when she starts speaking about her friend. Big crush, she had the biggest crush on this dude who totally stole her in her face."

"And what did you do?" Robert said with a hand on his mouth, grabbing the coffee and muttering a thanks to Lance, without taking his eyesight out of Pidge. His wife did the same.

"I did what anyone would have done! I replaced everything and sent the ticket to that dude. It wasn't hard to find because she spoke a lot about him."

"Well, that sounds a bit weird but nothing else happened, al menos."

"What? No ma'am you don't understand, that's not the end. You see, apparently he also had a crush on her so they kind of got together? Months later I get this wedding invitation with the scammer sign saying 'Thanks for not snitching on me'. And that's the story of how I did of matchmaking to a terrible, terrible couple".

"And you didn't told her the truth?!"

"How could I? It was very awkward."

Both parents started to laugh loudly. Pidge kept going:

"And honestly, is not the first time I have to keep secret about people doing… questionable things to their significant other/crushes. I tell you, I have this luck, it just keeps happening. And you're like: should I tell the truth? But then when you tell the truth you get into this icky business and everyone starts screaming at you… So I kind of learnt to kept my mouth shut? But yeah, is totally a mess..."

"Oh god… Lance! Why you never spoke more about this young lady? She's is definitely delightful!"

"Wait… " Lance's dad said, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion "you're a woman?"

Lance's mom looked at her husband with disappointment in her eyes.

"She just introduced herself as a girl, weren't you paying attention?"

"That's ok, your son also made that mistake," she said laughing, Lance and his dad looking embarrassed.

"They're just father and son, aren't they?" Lance's mom said with a proud glint in her eyes.

Lance and his dad shared a clueless look, and shrugged. Hunk laughed loudly and they kept talking without much worries.

Hunk almost thought they could definitely do this. After all, Lance's parents were nosy but they weren't the uncomfortable kind of nosy, and answering to their question was actually pretty cool.

He completely forgot the menace that was Keith Kogane.

*Chismoso= Snitch (more or less).

*¿Y a este qué le pasa? = What's the matter with this guy?

The rest of the Spanish seems very easy for me, but that's because English is not my first language, Spanish is. If you miss something, let me know! And I take this moment to excuse myself for any grammar/spelling mistakes this writing obviusly has.