ALL CAMGIRLS MUST BE PUNISHED FOR THEIR UNABASHED HEATHENISM! I WILL TAME THEM WITH MY CHARMS AND SCULPT THESE HARLOTS INTO MODEST WOMEN OF THE CLOTH.
Before the Creation of the Americaverse (Events Before the Cycle of Time)
- A transcendental race of godlike beings known as the Globalists will themselves into existence.
- The Globalists create both time and space on a whim. An unforeseen byproduct of their experiments known as the human race is also created. The Globalists retreat to their own plane of existence, completely unaware of the sentient life they had spawned.
- Amazon is founded by Jeff Bezos.
- Jeff Bezos happens upon a strange obelisk that was constructed by an ancient civilization. After nearly a decade of research, he discovers that this artefact was the last remnant of said civilization's own attempt to make contact with God. This attempt resulted in their people going extinct. Bezos becomes obsessed with completing their work and witnessing the divine for himself.
- Meadowlark Lemon becomes Amazon's chief researcher. His work is instrumental to building the gateway needed to establish a dialogue with God.
- The gateway is completed, and one of the Globalists emerge. It horrifically mutates everyone present in a misguided attempt to learn more about them. Meadowlark closes the portal before it can fully materialize itself in the real world.
- Meadowlark gains immortal life, but is haunted in every waking moment by the Globalist's ghastly visage. God compels him to rebuild the portal to satiate its lust for knowledge.
- Meadowlark creates his own support group for others who are traumatized by the face of God. They call themselves the New Wave Apostates, or N.W.A. for short.
- The N.W.A. constructs their own gateway to try and kill God to free themselves of their curse. Their attempt was thwarted with ease, and existence itself was obliterated and recreated by the Globalists.
First Age of the Americaverse (Events Before the Communist Wars)
- The omniverse is recreated by the Globalists. They lock causality into a loop known as the "Cycle of Time", where every 4.32 billion years the universe is destroyed and recreated. They then secluded themselves in their own dimension for the rest of time.
- George Washington, a being made of pure patriotism and freedom, is created by the Globalists to act as their protector. He takes on the role of the Americaverse's steward and uses his godlike powers to watch over and guide the new American race. He eventually comes to despise his masters and their boundless cruelty.
- Washington copulates with Lady Liberty herself for seven hundred and seventy-seven days and nights. She gives birth to the Founding Fathers, seven lesser deities destined to protect the United States.
- Washington's heirs go on to create living beings of their own besides the Americans to populate the patriotverse. Biggie Smalls creates Wu-Tang Prime and its inhabitants, Alexander Hamilton creates the Juggalos, Shaquille O'Neal creates the Saiyans, and Benjamin Franklin creates the Russians.
- The Cycle of Time repeats itself hundreds of thousands of times. With each universal reset, reality is altered slightly. Meadowlark Lemon tries over and over again to defy his fate, but is ultimately powerless before the Globalists. The hopelessness of his situation eventually drives him insane.
- Ronald McDonald and his army of McDemons are banished to Jigoku by George Washington. Wendy attempts to usurp Ronald's throne but is defeated and banished from their order.
- An epoch of peace transpires that lasts for thousands of years.
- The N.W.A. becomes increasingly desperate to break their curse and restore their destroyed world. Realizing that Meadowlark had truly lost his sanity, the other members of their pious order turn against him. Disillusioned, they all go their separate ways. John Adams is the only one that stays loyal to Meadowlark.
- Meadowlark Lemon transforms what's left of their group into the "The Harlem Globetrotters", an organization made with the goal of creating the ultimate American warrior to slay the divine. They ally themselves with the American government under the pretense of using their work to help defend the growing new country.
- Larry the Cable Guy is born. His mother is slain after a tragic run-in with Communist berserkers, but he manages to slaughter them all before they can claim any more lives. He becomes viewed as a freak of nature because of his monstrous strength and is ostracized by the Lincoln clan.
- Richard Nixon arrives in the past. He becomes close friends with a young Abraham Lincoln and Tupac Shakur.
- Meadowlark Lemon invents the Patriotic Fission in an attempt to rid John Adams of the dark spirit dwelling within him. The procedure ends in disaster, killing John and spawning Adolf Hitler as a result.
- Hitler then creates the Communist people and begins his campaign to slay the other Founding Fathers for unrivaled rule of the patriotverse.
- Adolf Hitler goes into hiding to begin work on his plans to destroy the Americaverse. Tensions die down, and the Communist people live in peace with the Americans for a few short decades.
- The Space Jam War breaks out between the Looney Tunes and the Monstars from Moron Mountain. The war is ended with the help of Michael Jordan, but Bugs Bunny and his men are tragically killed in the battle. Brendan Fraser is driven insane by the death of his adoptive father and devotes his life to finding a way to bring the Looney Tunes back to life.
- The former N.W.A. members learn of the horrific experiments that the Harlem Globetrotters were committing. They attempt to assassinate Meadowlark, but he kills them all with ease.
- Garfield defeats Nermal as revenge for murdering Lyman. Impressed by his strength, Abe Lincoln asks him to join the Biker Brethren, an offer which he gladly accepts.
- Driven to continue their experiments, the Globetrotters ignite a war between the Americans and Communists in order to further their twisted goals. The Communist Wars would go on to last for fifty million years and claim countless lives.
Second Age of the Americaverse (Events During the Communist Wars)
- Sonic the Hedgehog is born
- Tupac Shakur and his two sons spearhead the American resistance against Hitler's armies. After the tragic death of Madoka Kaname, Michael Jordan leaves the war effort to focus on raising his young son, Charles Barkley.
- Meadowlark spearheads a multitude of projects to create the ultimate super soldiers. He becomes particularly interested in using Adolf Hitler's strength to slay the Globalists. However, as both Sonic the Hedgehog and Richard Nixon shared traces of Hitler's DNA, he couldn't figure out who Hitler's true reincarnation was and his plans were delayed.
- Honest Abe, Donald Trump, and hundreds of other Americans submit themselves to the experimentation of the Globetrotters in order to help their country. A perfected version of the Patriotic Fission is performed upon Lincoln, raising his strength to godlike levels. The negative result of the ritual, Karl Marx, is contained for a short time but manages to escape.
- Donald Trump is court-martialed and sent to prison after slaying one of his fellow soldiers from Tupac Shakur's platoon.
- Adam Sandler forms a pact with the McDemons to destroy the Americaverse when the appointed time arrives. He later infiltrates the Last Alliance of True American Heroes, a resistance movement led by Colonel Sanders, and forces them to carry out his schemes by threatening to kill their loved ones if they disobey.
- Nixon forms an alliance with Colonel Sanders and finally admits the truth of his mission to change his future. Sanders agrees to help prevent the rebirth of Hitler when the time arrives in a few thousand years.
- Thanks to Nixon's knowledge of future events, Adam Sandler is able to avoid his own death at the hands of Hitler and survive to complete his plans. Unlike his other soldiers, Sandler never blackmails Nixon or reveals his true purpose to him in order to maintain his trust. As far as Nixon is concerned, Sandler is just an unassuming fool and a subordinate of the Kentucky Colonel rather than a ruthless tyrant and the true leader of the alliance.
- A Communist android, Anne Frank, is captured by Garfield and reprogrammed to fight for the American cause.
- Tupac kills Adolf Hitler in a duel. He survives, but his injuries proved to be too severe for modern medicine to heal.
- Larry the Cable Guy's squad is betrayed by the American military and exterminated. Larry is the only survivor. He slaughters his own father, Tupac Shakur, as revenge.
- Abraham Lincoln trains for 1,488 years and masters the Patriotic Drive. He faces his own brother and presumably kills him for the act of murdering their father. Stricken by guilt, he vows to never use the ability again.
- The war crimes of the Harlem Globetrotters come to light, and they are forcibly disbanded. Their findings are seized and most of their members are executed. Meadowlark Lemon faked his own death to keep his mission going in secret. He defects to the side of Communism to continue his twisted experiments in secret, using Josef Mengele as his go-between to keep his identity hidden.
- Karl Marx emerges from hiding and becomes the new emperor of the Communist Manifesto in Hitler's place.
- Larry the Cable Guy's life is restored by Meadowlark Lemon. Deeply indebted to him, he decides to join the Harlem Globetrotters as one of its chief enforcers.
- Several Americans are captured by the enemy and experimented upon. Still lamenting the loss of his son's sanity, Karl Marx transforms five innocent patriots into his 'children', brainwashed Americans who work solely for the Communist armies as assassins and elite warriors.
- After slaying his Communist father, a young lad named Sonic the Hedgehog travels the land, vowing to slay every Marxist soldier in his path simply to assuage his raging bloodlust. Also, because genocide turns him on.
- The Communists defeat the American armies, thus beginning the Ameripocalypse.
Third Age of the Americaverse (Events after America's Defeat in the War)
- Billions of Americans are slaughtered during Karl Marx's annihilation campaign. Lincoln goes into hiding, working to build the Biker Brethren to reclaim the Americaverse.
- Wu-Tang Prime is overrun by the Juggalo Armies. Due to the collapse of the American government, the Wu-Tang people are unable to call for aid and lose their war. RZA and a small band of survivors flee from their besieged homeworld, embarking on a quest to gather the strength and funds necessary to liberate their enslaved race.
- Abe Lincoln sets out to find the Communist-Slayer, an artifact stolen by Leon Trotsky during the wars that may be the key to finally defeating Karl Marx.
- Sonic the Hedgehog is invited to join the Biker Brethren after a chance encounter with Honest Abe. He accepts and joins the space bikers on their mission to retrieve George Washington's legendary guitar.
- The events of Sonic the Hedgehog: Defender of America occur.
- After the American forces are slaughtered during Americageddon, Sonic the Hedgehog joins forces with Donald Trump and begins his vengeful rampage across the Americaverse. Over time he becomes known far and wide as the infamous "Communist-Hunter."
- Chaos ensues after the death of Karl Marx. The surviving Marxist lords wage a costly war against each other to fill the power vacuum left behind and take control of his empire and assets. The conflict lasts for only a single year but claims millions of lives.
- The battle comes to a draw with only the ten mightiest "Communist Underlords" left standing. The remaining Communists agree to share joint control of the Americaverse to prevent any further bloodshed. However, many among their ranks still scheme to finish off their competitors to gain complete control over the United States for themselves. Fidel Castro in particular has made many attempts to assassinate his fellow Underlords.
- Anne Frank gives birth to Richard Nixon in the prime timeline.
- Charles Darkley turns against the Harlem Globetrotters by killing Dr. Mengele and escaping their secret base with the help of Snow Miser. Barkley's evil clone would go on to create the Dark Phoenix Suns, a group formed to overthrow the current Communist regime and establish himself as the ruler of the Americaverse.
- Larry the Cable Guy is sent on a special mission by Meadowlark Lemon to infiltrate the new Communist regime. He uses the opportunity to pursue his own secret goal to remake America into a prosperous utopia. Meadowlark knew about this, but allowed it as Larry's goals aligned with his own.
- Larry travels across the Americaverse in search of more members for his legion of Backstreet Boys. He forces them to join his order by breaking their psyches and forcing them into despair, then 'saving' them at their lowest point to ensure their loyalty.
- The Backstreet Boys ally themselves with Fidel Castro and gain his favor by mercilessly crushing every American rebellion they can. To strengthen their powers even more, the Cable Guy trains his pupils in the art of the Patriotic Drive and helps them master this ability over a period of five years.
- Charles Darkley tries to get revenge on the Larry the Cable Guy for torturing him. He succeeds in killing Tony Hawk, but barely escapes with his life after fighting Larry one on one. Half of the Dark Phoenix Suns were killed in this incident.
- Brendan Fraser creates the Terrordome and uses it as a tool to routinely entrap hundreds of innocent patriots and sacrifice them in hopes of resurrecting Bugs Bunny.
- Meadowlark Lemon takes on the new persona of Alex Jones. Now certain that Sonic is Hitler's reincarnation, he pretends to be his ally to gain his trust.
- The events of Sonic the Hedgehog: Make America Great Again occur.
Fourth Age of the Americaverse (After the Dethroning of God)
- Peace is finally restored to the Americavese. Without the Globalists' corrupting influence, the American people are finally free to decide their own destiny.
- Sonic retires to live in peace with his family. He lives to the ripe old age of two billion before finally passing away. He was surrounded by his loved ones as he peacefully ascended to his rightful place in the White House.
- Richard Nixon becomes even more powerful than his father was in his prime. He destroys Antifa with ease, restoring peace to the Americaverse once again.
- Garfield spends the rest of his days spreading the word of Sonic and his patriotism to far-off galaxies. Millions were inspired by his example and followed in the hedgehog's footsteps, mimicking his patriotic lifestyle.
- The United States of America prospers to this day. Even after billions of years, the Biker Brethrens' noble legacy continues to shape the universe.
Alternate Age of the Americaverse (Events Taking Place in Mirai Richard Nixon's Future)
- The Americans finally defeat the Communist Empire. Unlike the Prime Timeline, Abraham Lincoln never merges with Karl Marx. Instead, Marx is slain along with the rest of his subordinates.
- Mercenary Winnie the Pooh, Charles Barkley, and Michael Jordan all survive the wars. Without Nixon's warning from the future to unite them, the Last Alliance of True American Heroes disbanded hundreds of years prior.
- Sonic the Hedgehog never leaves the Biker Brethren. Instead, Sonic stays behind and falls in love with Anne Frank, a Jewish android with particularly large breasts.
- Meadowlark Lemon forces Sonic to transform into Adolf Hitler. With their forces crippled after the assault on Wolfsschanze, the Americans are powerless to stop his carnage.
- Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan give their lives to help their friends escape. Abraham Lincoln fights back, but is tragically slain after the Nazi lord reveals his true strength.
- The American forces are utterly decimated, driving their species to near extinction. Garfield, Anne Frank, and Winnie the Pooh are the only survivors.
- Anne Frank is driven insane by the atrocities she had witnessed. Garfield cares for her for many months afterwards, but is unable to help when she perishes during childbirth.
- Garfield decides to raise Sonic the Hedgehog's son as his own. He names him "Richard Nixon", an ancient American name roughly translating to "Dick Slayer."
- Richard Nixon is trained in the ancient ways of the Americans by his adoptive father, preparing for his eventual confrontation with Adolf Hitler before he even learned to walk. Little did he know, he would eventually fulfill his role and save the Americaverse from Hitler's wrath.
- The events of Sonic: Defender of America Chapter 14 occur.
- Meadowlark attempts to use Hitler to get revenge on the Globalists, but Hitler snaps and kills him instead. He then pursues Richard Nixon into the past to exterminate all life in existence a second time.