PART ONE: LOST

Chapter 1 - Gone

"Maryse," Jace said as his fierce eyes met Maryse's and he stood his ground between her and the crib. "Only over my dead body," he threatened. And the baby chose that precise moment to start crying.

Maryse made sure to let her frustration and anger known through a particularly scathing look. But that didn't have the slightest effect on him except making his muscles tighten in expectation and his Shadowhunter reflexes kick in, ready to respond to any threatening movement.

They were standing in Magnus's living room in the dim light of twilight, surrounded by an almost deadly atmosphere. At the sound of the baby crying, a ragged Magnus appeared from his bedroom. He was in terrible shape; the way his wrinkled clothes, the blue silk shirt and black pants, hung on his body suggested he hadn't changed them for days. His once shiny black hair was unkempt and stuck up in all directions and his black eyeliner was smudged over his face.

"What's this?" He gave Maryse a confused look, who just pretended he wasn't there. "What's happening?" He murmured and fear was written all over his face.

"He is our grandson. He belongs with us, his grandparents," Maryse stated as she continued to ignore him, pretending no one has interrupted her conversation with Jace.

"No, he belongs with his father. Alec would never allow you to take him away," Jace snapped back.

"Alec is gone!" Maryse yelled and Magnus went breathless. "And I am NOT leaving my grandson with this pathetic excuse of a father!"

"Well you don't have a choice!" Jace raised his voice. "Leave now or I swear you'll regret this."

He couldn't believe Maryse had the audacity to show up there and claim the boy for herself. She never made peace with Alec and Magnus getting married, nor with their decision to have a child together. Now that Alec was gone she wanted to take control of things. But Jace wasn't about to let that happen. He would die before he let her take the baby away from Magnus. He would never let her violate Alec's wishes like that.

The door opened and the three of them turned their attention to Clary walking in. Jace knew she immediately sensed the tension in the room and he tried to tell her not to intervene with his eyes. She understood and other than the baby's intense crying they all remained in silence for a few minutes. Then Maryse turned back to Jace.

"This isn't over." She said pointedly, giving Magnus one last reproving look before she stormed out.

Jace closed his eyes for a second and tried to ease himself by letting out a deep sigh. Then he turned around and looked down at the bawling baby. Alec's baby.

"Hey, buddy…" He said in a quiet soothing voice as he leaned down and picked him up. "Aww, I know you're upset. It's okay, she's gone now." He kept talking to him patiently and gave him light caresses to calm him down. Slowly the crying stopped and the baby rubbed his eyes with his tiny hands.

"You're so tired, aren't you?" Jace said and looked into those sleepy blue eyes - Lydia's eyes – as the six month old boy replied with a soft hum. He had dark hair just like Alec, and his eyes were so unique - clear blue with some brown rays surrounding the iris that resembled Alec's eye color. He was the only thing keeping them together, the last string that kept them from falling into the dark pit of insanity. Jace loved this baby like it was his own and he was always going to be there for him, especially now that Alec was gone. Jace rubbed his hand gently on the boy's back and tried to detour his depressive train of thoughts away from his missing parabatai, until the baby let his head fall gently against Jace's shoulder. "Let's take you to bed, sweetie." Jace whispered to him and disappeared into the corridor leading to his bedroom.

In the meantime, Clary approached Magnus carefully, like she feared he would have a nervous breakdown at any second.

"He really is gone, isn't he?" He whispered and let the horror of the thought possess him. His legs gave out, so he leaned against the wall and let himself slide to the floor.

"Magnus…" Clary said and knelt down next to him.

Magnus drew his knees to his chest and stared vacantly at the floor, as if the pain he was experiencing had dried him out of all emotions. He felt dead inside. It had been months since his whole world had crumbled down and he was sure he could never recover from losing Alec. He'd been missing for 3 months now and there was no sign, nor a single drop of hope of finding him.

It all started when Valentine Morgernstern, a respected Shadowhunter, decided it was time to rid the world of all Downworlders. His attempts of pursuing the Clave were unsuccessful, so he took matters into his own hand and welcomed all sympathizers into the Circle. He had gathered as many followers as he could and did everything in his power to form an army of demons against the Clave, who didn't consider him a real threat until it was too late. He had put his years of planning into action and the worst war the Shadow World has ever faced had erupted. The war's briefness was offset by intensity and despite defeating Valentine in the end, it had brought devastating consequences for the Shadowhunters. Hundreds of them were dead – including Lydia Branwell. And many more were missing – one of them being Alexander Lightwood.

Magnus had begged him not to go, it had only been a month since their baby boy was born, but Alec didn't have a choice. All Shadowhunters were recruited to fight. Magnus remembered the day he left crystal clearly; it was one of the most hopeless days of his life. He had been terrified for Alec's safety since before he left, and even though he had promised Magnus he would come back, in the end Magnus's nightmares had come true. Alec was gone, lost somewhere, maybe dead, or perhaps barely alive without even knowing where he was… He couldn't stop thinking about where Alec could be. The infinite possibilities terrified Magnus every hour of every day. The thought of Alec being dead or hurt and lost without anyone to help him was so torturing and addictive Magnus quickly became used to living in a constant state of fear, feeling the never ending pain of heartbreak.

And what made it all worse was that he couldn't reach out to Alec. He couldn't do a thing to find him since he'd given up his magic years ago in order to become mortal, fulfilling his desire to have a family and grow old with Alec. Everything had worked out so perfectly. Magnus had the best time of his life being with Alec without having the curse of his immortality haunting them. They got married and went on a trip to see the world. Magnus was blessed with the best five years of his life. And when they decided to have a biological child Lydia, Alec's best friend, offered to be the mother. Magnus couldn't have been happier with the choice and he'd never been so excited his entire life, he simply couldn't wait for the baby's arrival. The only black spot on their picture perfect life was the growing threat Valentine had come to represent.

But when Matthew Lightwood Bane was finally born Magnus stopped caring about anything else. His world revolved around the baby and Alec and Magnus had naively believed everything would be fine. The war had been cruel to them and Magnus envied those who escaped, like Jace, Clary and Isabelle and all the other lucky Shadowhunters who got away. The selfish part of him even wished one of them was gone instead of Alec. He knew it was a terrible thing to wish for, but the pain that had been ruling over his world had become too strong. He couldn't stop thinking about Alec; he couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat and sometimes he could barely breathe.

He felt Clary's warm hand on his and couldn't keep the tears away any longer. He was grateful for her and Jace's help; they've been the only reason he hadn't completely lost his mind yet. But how was he supposed to move on when his heart was bleeding? How was he supposed to live without Alec? How was he supposed to raise their son alone? Would the world ever stop being so cruel to him?

He had no answers, only cold tears and a broken soul.

A/N: Anyone can guess why I named Alec's baby Matt? ;)Hope you liked it! This is my second Malec story (first one is War of Hearts, in progress, go check it out). I'm planing this to be a longer story. Please let me know what you think, your feedback is too precious! So please PLEASE REVIEW! And thanks for reading, it means a lot to me! :) - Beta read by Holly0114

If you read War of Hearts, there hasn't been an update, because I've been busy with this story. But don't worry, I did not forget about it and I'll update it as soon as I can! And if you don't read it yet… What are you waiting for? :P Lol