Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly. If I did, Freddie and Sam would have never broken up.

Mrs. Benson stood outside of her apartment, shaking her head at how odd her apartment number was. She had begged the Bushwell Plaza Committee to issue her a less sexual looking address. For some reason, the committee thought it was funny how her address number was "8=D," an acronym for the word penis. What would people think of little Marissa Benson when they figured out why her address wasn't filled with actual numbers? Mrs. Benson always thought of herself as a conservative woman, not a woman that took joy in depriving people by labeling rooms with crude symbols. As she looked at the penis - shaped address, she mentally prayed that Freddie's mind wouldn't be corrupted by the sign.

Freddie, don't look at the address, she thought as she taped a piece of paper over the numbers. She held her breath as she wondered if this was enough to maintain his innocence. She felt hot vomit travel up her throat when she thought about how Freddie wasn't her little boy anymore. He had a potty - mouth now. He was saying the most unbelievably vulgar words like "crap," "dang," and "hob knocker" - whatever that meant.

Mrs. Benson knew the real reason for Freddie's bad behavior. Girls.

Ever since Carly persuaded Freddie to become interested in girls, his hormones had been completely out of whack. For years, Mrs. Benson thought that Freddie's crush on Carly was cute and harmless. Carly Shay used to be the warm - hearted girl who lived across the hall with her immature older brother. Once the dark-haired angel forced Freddie to push himself in front of a moving Taco truck, Mrs. Benson knew that Carly manipulated her sweet little boy. Carly was just the typical teenage girl - a maniac from all of her bubbling hormones and boy crazy from all the R&B music she listened to. It was Carly's job as a teenager to entice Mrs. Benson's son to feel affection, speak his mind, and to disagree with his mother. Similarity, it was Mrs. Benson job as Freddie's mother to make sure that he never got too close to a girl. She even bought anti - girl spray to make sure that Freddie didn't give into his hormones and do something that he'll regret.

As the brunette stood outside of her door, she heard a muffled noise coming from inside her apartment. The first thing she thought about was Freddie. Someone must have snuck inside her apartment through the window to kidnap her baby! She felt like mentally slapping herself for standing outside of her place for so long. Freddie needed her constant supervision and she regretted leaving him while she tried to fix the unseemingly apartment number.

Mrs. Benson glanced up at her address again, pulling off the piece of paper she taped onto it. Freddie probably used his computer to find the meaning behind their peculiar address. Mrs. Benson hated how the computer corrupted her son's morality. It was already enough that Mrs. Benson discovered that Freddie was searching for out -of -state colleges to attend next year. If it wasn't for girls or his computer, her son would never think about leaving her.

Mrs. Benson was distracted from her thoughts when she heard a groan from behind her apartment door.

Freddie, mommy's saving you! she thought.

Mrs. Benson opened her apartment, grabbing her spare fencing sword from behind the bookshelf near the front door. She slowly walked around the room, listening for any sounds that were similar to Freddie's muffled screams. The apartment's door was slightly ajar, allowing the hallway's light to peer into the room. She paused for a second, relishing the gleam of her sword in the dimly lit room. She looked over at her couch, her eyebrows raised when she noticed two shapes laying on top of each other. She scrunched her eyes, trying to see if one of the figures were Freddie. She took a step closer, her sword in position as she prepared herself to injure the person that was strangling her son.

She froze at the sound of a smacking noise, followed by the sound of Freddie's groan. She could see his pale hands rubbing the buttocks of the person who was straddling him. The two shifted a little and Mrs. Benson could see the silhouette of a girl's breast. Mrs. Benson couldn't move as she watched the slut bite her son's lip, sucking slightly until her son moaned. The elder woman's mouth dropped when the girl poked her pink little tongue into Freddie's mouth, swirling it around as if she wanted to choke him to death with that filthy tongue. Freddie dug his hands through her hair, pulling her thick locks roughly and eliciting a moan from the girl. The girl raised her bottom in the air as she deepened the kiss. When she lowered her bottom, her hips started moving against his ...

Mrs. Benson ran over to the couch, yanking the girl's hair and pushing her onto the floor. The girl's body hit the floor with such a loud thump that Mrs. Benson wondered if she was unconscious. She half - hoped that the girl was unconscious since it would serve as a punishment for seducing her son. She stared at the girl in the dim lighting, assuming the harlot was Carly Shay. After all, Mrs. Benson had caught Carly forcing her tongue down Freddie's throat when he was injured from saving Carly's life. She knew that Carly was a bad girl now, the type of tramp that tricked boys into getting them pregnant. Mrs. Benson snapped out of her mental rant when she heard a familiar female grunt.

"HEY!" the girl screamed.

"What the hell, mom?" Freddie yelled.

"Watch you language Fredward Benson!" Mrs. Benson yelled back.

Mrs. Benson reached for the lamp, turning the switch on and brightening the room. She gasped when she noticed her son was shirtless, helping up a blond girl in a tight-fitting black graphic tee with capris and sneakers. The girl, Sam Puckett, slowly accepted Freddie's hand and eased herself off the floor. When did Freddie start liking Sam? For the last six or seven years, Freddie prayed every night that he'll grow up and marry Carly Shay. Now he was kissing her best friend. This was all Carly's fault! If she was never friends with Sam, then Freddie would never get to know the blond and fall in love with her!

"What's going on!" Mrs. Benson yelled as she folded her arms. Her voice shrieked when her son closed the front door. He was only wearing his jeans and he made no effort to cover up his bare chest.

"I can explain!" Freddie yelled, his face began turning red. "Look, mom ... I ... uh ... we were ... I mean we weren't but -"

"Me and Freddie are dating!" Sam interrupted.

Mrs. Benson gasped at Sam's statement. Freddie was dating someone and didn't ask his mother for permission. She needed to approve his girlfriend, meet her parents, and her pastors or priests before deciding if she was worthy to date her son. Why didn't he want to tell his mother that he had a girlfriend? It wasn't like she was going to act unreasonable or make Freddie feel uncomfortable. She wasn't going to be one of those crazy mothers who chaperoned every date her son went to. She already had a tracking device implanted in his brain and micro -chips sewn into his backpack straps so she could hear every conversion he had.

"Did I give you permission to date?" she asked.

"Mom, I like Sam," Freddie answered.

Mrs. Benson stared at the desperation on her son's face, remembering the time when he moved out. The last thing she wanted to do was push her son away. It was already enough that he wanted to go to college in Connecticut. She couldn't force him to stop seeing Sam but perhaps she could persuade him to leave the internet sensation. The relationship seemed so sudden, especially since Freddie's heart was so set on Carly. Maybe he needed to remember that he liked someone more than Sam. Although Mrs. Benson didn't prefer Carly over Sam, she just wanted to get through to her son.

"No, you liked Carl-" Mrs. Benson started to say.

"I like him!" Sam interrupted."Look, Mrs. Benson, we make each other happy."

Mrs. Benson turned her attention to the blond. Freddie wasn't ready to talk about this and Sam seemed firm on her admission. She studied the petite blond with the ruffled blond hair and beautiful brown eyes. She sort of admired the girl's strong - willed personality and respected that Sam was ready to convince Mrs. Benson to allow the relationship to continue. She knew that Sam wasn't going to mutter some vague or sweet - sounding promises like Carly would. The iCarly co - host was going to be blunt, straight- forward and sincere.

"And we work good together," she continued. "I'm not going to hurt your son."

Mrs. Benson considered the three things Sam promised Freddie: happiness, partnership, and an uncomplicated relationship. Freddie deserved someone who was willing to make his life easy, always be there for him, and to keep him happy. Although Mrs. Benson would have to put "no touching" rules in place to prevent the incident that she walked in on, she wasn't completely against the relationship. On the bright side, he wasn't dating the whore who lived across the hall. Unlike Carly, Sam wasn't flirty, or clever, or manipulative. Sam just needed a little domestication and Mrs. Benson always wanted to turn Samantha Puckett into the perfect young lady.

Mrs. Benson couldn't let Freddie think that dating someone behind his mother's back should go unpunished.

"Why should I let you date?" Mrs. Benson asked her son.

"Because he'll promise not to go to Yale!" Sam blurted.

"Wait!" Freddie shouted.

"I'm serious," Sam explained. "He'll choose a school close enough to drive to every day like Seattle University or University of Washington."

"Too much, Sam."

"He'll live at home -"

"I'm not agreeing to that."

"Well, you can't date me."

Mrs. Benson held her breath as she watched her son's expression change to look of hopelessness. Freddie had to choose between a motherless lifestyle and love with restraints. As she looked over at her son's girlfriend, Mrs. Benson couldn't hide the smile on her face. Freddie was going to live at home with her for the next few years. After he had moved out last year, Mrs. Benson was afraid that he was going to permanently leave home on his eighteenth birthday. Now Mrs. Benson had a real reason to agree to this unforeseen union.

"Fine," Freddie grumbled. "I'll pick a college in Seattle as long as I get to date whoever I want."

"And allow me to spray you down with anti - girl spray?" Mrs. Benson asked.

"That too."

"Fine, you can date Sam."

Mrs. Benson stared at her shirtless son as she whipped the anti - girl spray out of her back pocket. She placed her sword back behind the bookcase and walked over to her pride and joy. She quickly popped the top and squirted the alcohol scented spray on Freddie. He jerked a little as his skin started to turn red from the spray. He started complaining and begging Mrs. Benson to stop but Mrs. Benson refused to. When Sam started teasing Freddie, Mrs. Benson turned the deadly spray on Sam.

"GET OUT!" Mrs. Benson yelled at Sam as she started chasing the blond with the spray. She chased the girl into the hallway, squirting her as the girl banged on Carly's door. Carly opened the door and started to say something until Mrs. Benson chased Sam into Carly's place. Sam tripped over the coffee table, which gave Mrs. Benson enough time to shower her with anti - girl spray.

"I'm out!" Sam shouted. "Leave me alone!"

Mrs. Benson finally realized that she was in Carly's apartment and started walking away. She could hear Spencer say something behind her but she wasn't going to talk to him today. She needed to go back to Freddie and make sure that he was sprayed all over his body. As Mrs. Benson walked back into the hall, she couldn't help but notice how blatantly perverted her address was. The address number must have subconsciously ruined Freddie's purity and made him aware of liking girls. She wished she came to that conclusion before she blamed Carly for corrupting her son. That was in the past and Mrs. Benson knew what she needed to do to save what was left of her son's innocence.

"Freddie, pack your bags," she uttered. "We're moving."