I'M FINALLY POSTING THIS! YEEEEEEES! SO EXCITED FOR THIS! ahhh... ahem...

Anyway. You can always check my profile for updates on how this is coming along; definitely do so if it seems like I'm going on hiatus. I'd love to promise that wouldn't happen, but I'm in college. I can't make such promises, sadly. Also: it's going to take a little while for the Parental RoyEd to work its way in here. For the time being, Roy isn't present, and while it'll be explained eventually, for the duration of arc 1, he's just not technically going to be here. Technicalllllly. Be patient, everyone :)

1st chapter is just a short teaser- after this, you can expect my usual long chapters. Now: I sincerely hope you all enjoy!

Automail: gone.

Human arm: wrenched up above him, held over his head by the rough knotted rope that scraped painfully against his wrist.

Head: fucking killing him.

Yeah, his life just about sucked.

Ed wondered if it was particularly morbid or disturbing the signs of being kidnapped were so familiar to him he could tell already some new unruly bastard had gotten their hands on him within ten seconds of waking up, then promptly decided there was just no point in continuing that line of thought. Not when he could be pondering how to escape instead. That was number one on his priority list, because escaping meant painkillers for his head, which, at the moment, was all Ed really wanted.

Well, that, and ensuring that his brother was okay.

Ed squeezed his eyes shut tighter, trying to remain motionless to keep his element of surprise. Except his head still really fucking hurt, and it was getting harder and harder not to groan or bite his lip or something (like bash his head against the wall). Fuck, what had happened?

Okay, he thought, fighting to breathe calmly. Okay. He had been at the dorms. Dorms. He'd been... alone? Yeah. Alone. Al had been chasing a kitten. Lonely, poor kitty out in the rain, he'd said, such a sad kitty, but when you're half metal rain just isn't something fun to get stuck in, and Ed could almost remember shouting at his brother that if he was going stray hunting, he was going to do it alone, and stomping inside in a foul, black mood.

Dorms, dorms, dorms. He'd been at the dorms. There was a reason he'd been at the dorms. He'd needed to be there... why the hell had he needed to be there?

God damn there was an army of midgets mining for ore in his skull. They were nested right there in his brain, pounding away on pickaxes, merrily beating him to death from the inside out. He could not think at all over the fucking pounding in his head.

Dorms... dorms, dorms... why the HELL did I need to be in the dorms...?!

A wavering image of a mission folder blurred into existence, along with the irritation that came with being confronted be extreme smugness and arrogance. Mustang, goddamn him. It made him feel like Mustang.

Wait... yeah... yeah, that's right... it was Mustang...

That was why he'd needed to be at the dorms. Something about a new mission and the bastard colonel, and the dorms. He'd needed to be at the dorms, because he was getting a new mission, because... because... what?

God, his head hurt.

But!

Al had definitely not been there with him, and he was reasonably sure Mustang hadn't been, either. He definitely remembered being alone in the dorms, even if he still wasn't exactly positive as to why. Which was good, because it meant whatever mess he'd been forced into this time, he was probably still alone. Definitely good. It meant he didn't have to deal with Mustang whining and, more importantly, Al was still safe.

Meant he could handle this shit on his own without fear for his baby brother's welfare.

Making sure Al was safe was step one of being kidnapped, and said step now complete, Ed moved on to step two: utilize element of surprise and break out.

It had to have been a head injury that had left him here, but he didn't feel dizzy or nauseous. And aside from a general soreness that had camped out in every muscle he had, everything else felt good, too; nothing broken. Good. He wiggled his fingers and toes a little, testing how easy it was to move. His shoulder and leg ports didn't hurt nearly as much as he was expecting them to, but the mild sense of unease that caused would have to go unanswered, for now; that was something would take visual inspection to discern.

Speaking of which, it was definitely time to open his eyes to figure out just where he was, and how bad his situation really was.

"YEEEEEEAK!"

Two-inches-away-from-his-face man blinked, clapped his hands together with the air of a wealthy patron announcing his greatest work, and smiled brilliantly.

"Ah! Wonderful! You have awakened!"

The harsh yelp of surprise tugged uncomfortably at his sore throat, and Ed inched back as far as he could, staring in increasing alarm at the man that still knelt so close to him he could feel him breathing.

"...Any particular reason you're watching a kid sleep, you pervert?"

The eerily bright smile didn't falter in the slightest. His too white teeth glinted in the dim light and Ed tried to inch even further away, uneasy at the way he was still being stared at it with wide, unblinking eyes.

"I was carefully observing your recovery," the man said. "Head injuries are dangerous, after all. Subdural hemorrhaging of the brain can be so slow it is difficult to detect, but fatal if untreated. You can not die, Edward Elric. The People's Alchemist. Fullmetal Alchemist. Ah! A man of many names! For one so young, you are already so distinguished! And oh, my manners, of course- I have you at a severe disadvantage! My name is Kuzon. A great pleasure it is to meet you. Now, please, tell me what you wish to be called?"

Ed stared at the earnest question, his mind completely blank.

Who the hell was this?

By the way he spoke, he was a doctor of some kind, but definitely off his rocker- but where were the threats? The intimidation? The questions about his alchemy or the military?

And why was he still crouched less than a foot away from him?

"...You can call me anything you want if you'll just untie me... and get out of my face."

Blue eyes so pale they were nearly white blinked curiously again. "You wish to be untied?" he asked, as if it was honestly surprising to him.

"What the hell?!" Ed tugged valiantly at the rope binding his hand up above him, fighting to pull it free and kicking at the man with his leg when that did not work. It was mostly just to get the bastard out of his face, and it worked, sending Kuzon stumbling back a few feet to land on his ass, and Ed glared at him, still seething. "What do you mean, you wish to be untied?! Who the hell wouldn't?! And I told you to get out of my face!"

The man hardly seemed upset at all at being kicked violently to the ground. He just lay there for several seconds, blinking, then calmly pulled himself upright again, crossing his legs and folding his hands underneath with chin with a cheery grin. "You wish to be untied!" he repeated, this time an exclamation rather than a question. "Wonderful! So we may trade! You will answer my questions, and I will untie you!"

Ed stared at him, nonplussed. Something was seriously wrong with this guy, and the fact that he was still nearly helpless and trapped in a room with him was beginning to worry him more and more. "Questions?" he spat, trying not to be unsettled when the man only nodded eagerly. "You fucking knocked me out and tied me up! I'm not answering your stupid questions!" He tugged furiously on the rope again; it bit angrily into his wrist, scraping in protest. "Let me go!"

As angry as he was, Ed almost missed the small, weak flicker of irritation in those eyes that had been so cheerful until now.

As it was, he only had a split second of warning, before joyful passivity transformed.

"NO!"

The panicked screech howled so loud it hurt his ears, and his head split in agony as his skull cracked against the wall behind him, one frigid hand curled to grip him at the throat.

"No, no, no! That is not how this will work! You will answer me! You will not be silent!" Vicious eyes dilated with near inhuman range of emotion bored into his own and the hand tightened at his throat again, furious threats spat out in a hiss of rage. "You are the only one who knows, you are the only one, and you will tell me!"

The anguished scream rang in his ears in tandem with the crushing grip abruptly yanking back, the man retreating from his outburst. Ed stared, frozen against the wall and gasping for breath, staring in silent shock as the man shot to his feet and turned way, burying his head in long-fingered, pale palms and trembling violently. "No, no, no," he chorused again under his breath, and Ed continued to stare at him, not daring to even move.

Yeah. This guy was definitely very unbalanced. And in his experience, the unbalanced ones were the most dangerous.

Ed looked him over carefully again, struggling to find some detail that he could clue in on and help him out of this situation. The guy didn't appear to be Amestrian, though he spoke the language perfectly with almost no accent- although just what his nationality was was also uncertain. His eyes ruled out Xing, his skin ruled out Creta, and his waist-length, thin, faded gold hair ruled out Drachma, but he still looked like no Aerugian Ed had ever seen. He swallowed nervously, the pounding in his head long since eased by temporary adrenaline, and licked his lips, trying to stop the knee-jerk response of annoyed insults and say something that wouldn't provoke another attack.

No- that would have to wait until he'd freed himself enough to sock the bastard in the face for this.

And to do that, he was going to have to play nice for a bit.

"Look, uh- Kuzon. Maybe I overreacted. You never told me what you wanted to ask me, after all."

Ed tried, half-heartedly, maybe, but he did still try, to plaster on a convincing smile when the man froze. Slowly, he raised his head out of his hands and turned to look at him again, eyes wide.

"Yes, yes," he chanted briefly, a mere whisper next to previous screamings, and suddenly he spun again, dropping to his knees in a lithe dive to kneel across from him again. "Yes, of course! Overreaction. A terrible overreaction, Edward. So sorry, so sorry. I offer this to you in our custom of equivalent exchange, but I do not explain what the offer even is! I am terribly sorry, Edward! This was so rude of me..." He bowed his head in contrition and clasped his hands before him as an apology.

The outright strange behavior was really starting to worry him. Ed struggled to inch away back against the wall again, fighting to stay calm, even when tied up and at the near mercy of this freak. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to think, his mind racing. Equivalent exchange.. 'our' custom...?

This guy's an alchemist!

Unbalanced alchemist looking at him like that...

Yeah, fuck his luck.

"So, uh," Ed managed, his mouth dry, "...what is it you wanted to ask me?"

Kuzon's bright, foreign eyes gleamed, and his mouth stretched again into an almost otherwordly smile.

"The secret of soul transmutation," he said, and grinned.