Hey guys this is a harry's depressed and he self harms and smokes fanfiction. emo harry potter slytherin harry abused harry enjoy light side bashing oh sirius bashing sorry
"Speeking"
~hissing~
Enjoy not beta'd all mistakes are entirely mine
may not post regularly
All harry's pov

As i feel the sting of the blade reach my arms i can't help but release a sigh and tilt my head back enjoying the pleasurable pain
that courses through my entire body. slice after slice i slowly leave my surroundings and feel the relief that only the little lines of read droplets can give me.
I drop the blade that is covered in blood and as it makes it's way to my cupboard floor it seems as it's falling in slow motion"
but after a few seconds my muddled brain realizes it's just the blood loss that is making my vision go blurry

I look at my arms and sigh in disappointment the feeling of pleasure almost completely dissipated leaving a slow painful throb on my wrist

I know i can't let myself die no matter how much i wish i could
so i slowly use my arm that i haven't cut tonight and grab the shirt in the corner of my cupboard that is covered in blood from continuous usage and expertly wrap it around my wrist stopping the blood from pouring out rapidly

I finally decide that i'm not going to die in my sleep and move from my crouching position and curl into a ball on my makeshift bed
that consists of old comforters that have holes covering the majority of it and clothing to ripped for even me to were them

Fuck schools tomorrow is my final thought before i am taken into a nightmare filled sleep

I wake up to nothing other than nightmares which i guess would not be a normal occurrence if i was anybody else which leads me to believe that i am indeed a level a freak but that's what the dursleys have been telling me so of course i would never admit it and let them win

I look at the floor and move my hand around to try and find my alarm clock that i took out of dudley's trash a while ago after having no success i concentrate on the magic on my hands and say "lumos"

With my hands brightening up the floor i quickly find it and use my hands to see the time in the otherwise pitch black room not that it can even be consider a room, i scuff inwardly

I am about to peak out the slots of my cupboard only for aunt petunia to open the door and give me a suspicious look seeing me so close to the door but ushers me out of the kitchen to make breakfast anyway

I end up walking to the train station after vernan gave me a few punches 'for good luck' good luck indeed i think sarcastically

I can't help but think what my 'friends' are going to think of me but i really don't care

I dyed my hair black and know it swoops creating cool bangs on my forehead and what's cool hair without piercings, i now have a pair of snake bites on my bottom lip and an eyebrow piercing on my left eyebrow. But to top it off i'm wearing my new asking alexandria t shirt with one of my tightest pair of grey skinny jeans followed my kick ass braclets going from the top of my wrist to an inch before my elbow covering all my cuts and scars

I wonder how dumble will react with me wearing my beanie, vans, and riding a skateboard into the train station but i wasn't born to please i was born to be a slytherin and best dressed i think smugly to myself

after i skate through the barrier i get a lot of stairs from wizard family but i ignore them in favor of kicking the bottom of my skateboard and catching it so i can carry it on hogwarts, i walk quickly so i can put my luggage on the train and get a good compartment

I walk right to the back of the train were the slytherins usually sit and sprawl out on the left side of the bench and pass out before i can stop myself

I wake up to the sound of voices but keep my eyes closed trying not to bring attention to myself

"He's so cute"

"Draco is he new"

"No if he is my father never heard about it"

"Who falls asleep in the middle of a compartment"

"He's so emo"

As i open my eyes i hear "He's waking up" followed by silence

I Notice the slytherins are staring at me i slowly sit up and unconsciously bite my lip rings

"Uh hello" i say nervously

"Hello i'm draco malfoy and you are" malfoy says expanding his arm for me to shake

"Harrison evans" i say accepting the handshake

After a pregnant pause i finally break the silence with "shit is their any way i can smoke on this fucking train"

"Uh what's smoke" is the response from who i believe is pansy parkinson

"Wait a sec" i say putting my hand in my back pocket and pulling out my pack of smokes

I pull one out and put it in between my lips and use the lighter that i left in the pack to light it and inhaling greedily "shit" i say in contemptment

I finally realize that i need to ventilate the smoke so i look around and open the one of the windows to my left and blow in that direction after i puff a couple more and am halfway through my smoke blaise zabini finally gets the nerve to ask "what's in it"

I swing my feet so they are touching the ground and say "tobacco and a whole other bunch of shit i can't remember"

"Can i have one" i hear draco say to eagerly

"I'm not sure they're addictive and cost a shit tone oh and fuck up you're lunges"i say evenly not caring the slightest of my health

"never mind then" draco says disappointed

"Don't worry if we stay friends then you'll have another chance to try a smoke, deal" i say

"Deal" he says and we both burst out laughing and in my case giggling

I hope he'll still like me i think to myself when he finds out about how i am harry potter his arch rival

thanks for reading