-CHAPTER THIRTY TWO-

CONVERSATIONS WITH A GRANDMOTHER

Sunday 13th December 2009 continued…

ANASTASIA

"THERE ARE TOO MANY REASONS to explain, Anastasia." Mrs Lincoln replied.

My face fell as my mouth dropped, I was amazed to see this woman on my doorstep for too many reasons, what the hell was going on?

I studied her attire, the designer jacket, and a belt which faintly looked familiar. Surely it's from a large fashion house, but I've never been one to follow trends from Milan or wherever they originate. Unaware of my own subconscious, my eyes wandered addressing my own appearance; an oversized hoodie, leggings which were almost thread bare, and my warm fluffy pink socks. There was nothing to compare. The queen, evil at that, had come to visit the pauper.

Stretching my neck, Mrs Lincoln's lips pursed as if she were going to ridicule me for some mundane reason, instead she remained silent, bluntly staring at the side of my neck. I quickly covered the very spot with my hand. Clearly Christian's parting gift, was going to remain for quite sometime.

"Ana," he pressed kisses across my cheek, then down along my jawline. He was working me into a frenzy unable to think straight. His teeth grazed my supple flesh of my neck and began to suck.

Even though my breasts were aching, he rubbed my sensitive nipples through the several layers of clothing. It was ecstasy, a hormonal cavern of surprises.

Pulling apart, he stared at my neck. "Oh shit, I got carried away." and my hand instantly clamped to my neck.

"I need to watch you mister, you're turning into a vampire." He smiled. I turned my neck to him, "Is it bad?"

"Classify bad?" and I rolled my eyes, pushing my lips to his.

Obviously, she was not too impressed with my purple love bite donning my neck. Still pompous, with a quick flare of her nostrils, she curtly bit out her words, "Well, are you going to give me entry?"

"Give. You. Entry?" I strained my words, "Yes…of course, there's a magic word." I snorted, and she only answered bracing her hips. "It's not a fortress of sorts… Mrs Lincoln."

I wasn't even sure what to address her as? Was Elena or Lincoln fine to most standards or rather Grandmother more proper. Honestly, awful creepy woman seemed the most plausible.

What would Momma say, "light a few incense and burn those bridges. Not everyone you pass deserves to be part of your greater journey. It's time to move on." Okay far from helpful, but tempting.

"I've always had access to Christian's homes." I couldn't help but stare at the woman, "Keys are always cut." she blinked, while nodding, stating her fact, and that somehow I'd ruined her privilege.

"Oh, I'm sorry, this isn't… his home." I hesitated if I should allow her in.

"I'm surprised. Baffled by all this," she placed a hand to her chest, "I was under the assumption you are were both intimate, especially with…" that hand she had placed near her heart quickly went to cover her mouth where the other flapped toward my stomach in disgust.

Proud of my choices, I cupped the swell of my abdomen to accentuate it. And I thank myself for my late lunch of three fish tacos to emphasize it even more.

"You've enlarged," she scoffed.

"I'm having twins, of course I've enlarged. Jesus…" I pulled my head back thinking about all the possible scenarios and then some. "Well… are you coming in or not, the hall is freezing," I pulled my hands into the sleeves of the hoodie and rubbed my legs together, knocking my knees in the process.

Rushing inside I sighed at the apartment, it's not common for it to look so filthy and unkempt, but other priorities are more important I thought, rubbing my belly smiling at my wiggling beans. I tried my best mouthing several words to Kate, but of course, she didn't quite get it. I swear she kept mumbling the word avocados, all I could do was shrug and allow her to huddle back into her blankets again.

Mrs Lincoln began to peel off the numerous layers from her Cruela De Vil disguise, and suddenly, she seemed like any other middled aged woman; pastel blouse, denim high cut pants, of course, probably each worth the entire value of my wardrobe but she seemed friendly with her unusual slight smile.

"Now Anastasia, if I only had access to a key." she held her coat, and scarf, "Do you have somewhere you could—"

"Oh, umm… yes." I fumbled like a bumbling idiot taking her garments and placing them in the entry closet. What the hell? What was I doing… I'm not her help. God dammit! "What… oh no. Nope. I share this apartment with my best-friend." I told her and which I pointed in the direction of Kate.

Kate waved in return with her leg from the head of the couch. I didn't expect much more, she was still feeling under the weather and still bleeding, the poor soul.

"Oh shit, I shouldn't have done that. Excuse me, I'll be right back." Kate groaned and mouthed wardrobe change, and winced.

"Kate, would you be able to give me a bit with…" she dismissed me with a hand wave, holding her waist.

It was the longest fifty seconds. Well I counted to fifty until Kate left the room, both our eyes were locked on the waddling Kate with a blanket wrapped around her waist. It was torturous, the silence. I swear there were crickets, and it wouldn't pass me that a tumble weed rolled by. Awkward wasn't a word which sufficiently described my inner most feelings. I held my breath, hoping she didn't expect me to make the first move in a somewhat conversation.

"Elena, call me Elena." Was this her attempt at peace and reconciliation? An olive branch? "I doubt you would want to call me by anything else."

Clenching my fist, I needed to relax and not get too wound up, "What the hell are you doing here?" I hissed through gritted teeth.

"Is Christian here? His mother said he had to rush over here with that bumbling idiot."

"Excuse me!" My jaw almost locked as it was wide open, "Are you referring to Elliot, his brother? Mrs Lincoln, I don't—"

"Please, call me Elena." she placed a hand onto my own, "I insist." I quickly pulled back my hand, as though I had just touched a burning flame.

I rolled my eyes, "Mrs Lincoln," I said coldly, "It was you, wasn't it?"

Mrs Lincoln stood, with her arms wrapped around herself, studying my apartment. It wasn't the best time, in most cases it was usually at a high grade of cleanliness, but when the guys were over, and my papers took over, chores had been the least of my worries.

"I can explain—"

"Oh, this gets better and better. What do you want to buy? Affection. I'm sorry I can't be bought… it's not, it won't happen."

"You need to understand Ana-sta-sia."

"Ana… my name is Ana." I shouted and she actually flinched at my tone.

Seeing that action shocked me and gave a sense of repeated behavior. A cold chill flowed down my back, and memories flooded my eyes.

"Anastasia… pretty girl." His hands smelled funny, but he wouldn't stop touching my hair, "Ana-sta-sia" momma's new friend stopped singing my name. I didn't like it. Ever.

"Come on pretty girl, just say my name back. Morton, it's easy, I like it when you say my name." I didn't like his name, I didn't like his hair, I didn't like his eyes. I didn't like it when his hand was in his pants and he made groany sounds. "Ana-sta-sia."

"I'm sorry," I winced at my word choice, trying to shake off the thoughts of him. "Let's sit." I walked first to the couch to see there was a large blood stain, and quickly directed Mrs Lincoln to the dining table, if you could call it that. The small four-seat table with miss matched chairs from IKEA.

Visualizing the blood, I didn't realize how much, how real this was for Kate. I hoped she was okay. I've read everything I could get my hands on pregnancy, but not miscarriage.

"Do you need money Ana? I don't want my great-grand children to miss out, or be neglected because their mother denied them the best of what there is to offer."

"El-e-na," I strained, "Sometimes the best comes without a price tag. Money, I had very little of growing up. And I've accomplished some considerable feats."

She looked around the room, "Yes I see," she coughed, "a teenage pregnancy," and she coughed again.

What a bitch.

"Are you constantly going to humiliate the choices I've made, or do you get some kind of sick satisfaction from it, oh God, or is it pleasure?"

"Oh no, I think you are deciphering my verbatim incorrect."

"No. I think it's loud and clear, Elena. But of course humor me, explain away, I have all night." I crossed my arms, wishing for the first time in my life I could slam down a straight whiskey.

"The vicious cycle is happening once again. History repeating itself. I don't want anyone to get hurt, especially Christian."

Puzzled by her words, I had no clue what she was talking about.

"I don't understand… or are you referring to Christian's birth-mother?"

"Partly… and my own personal experience."

"Well, I'm shocked you were a mother at all. You're bitter to the core and quite vindictive."

Elena held her head high and dropped it quick enough, picking her fingernails at the table. Sighing unsteady, the traffic outside grew louder, sirens blared. The world was continuing, but it seemed as though this was dragging on.

"In a way that was called for. But understand this Ana, everything still hurts."

I held back, biting my tongue. It was rude of me, her daughter had passed away, and I was making a mockery of it all, getting some kind of pleasure out of the situation for my own benefit.

"Yes… you were her mother, I'm sure it does hurt."

"That is only part of it. You have no idea how difficult this is. It's something I don't open up to… but I need to change, for the better and this is my starting point."

I released a heavy breath, "Not all cycles are vicious, some are just unavoidable." I said.

"Ana… my experience with Ella… it ruined my future, and only now since my husband passed away several years ago, I've been trying to get back on track with my life and to find the family I lost due to my own selfish choices."

This was the peace offering, her hand, shaky. I looked at the truce, a peace maker, but the niggling thump of my heart told me it could be so much more, some kind of peace, comfort. It was difficult to tell with her blank expression.

"Ana, I truly am trying. I want my grandson back, and a chance to get to know you and these great-grand children. Please."

Hesitating with her hand, I stared at her smooth skin, manicured nails and jewelry which dropped over her fingers and wrist. I put my hand out and then quickly pulled back placing it onto my lap unseen for her eyes. Clenching, my knuckles blanching in the process.

She let out a sigh, a shaky breath evident on her once blank expression, "Obviously a hand shake wasn't going to win you over, I need to earn your trust. That's apparent with Christian, and I expect even more from you."

"I'm pleasantly surprised, you have opened your eyes. You need to understand I'm not a simple girl, Mrs Lincoln." she winced hearing her full name.

"And I'm not stating that. I believe you don't know the truth, and neither does my grandson. Christian denies me access… he knows very little and chooses not to know about his mother, Ella."

"You need to understand he is lost over… everything and is unsure how to go about it."

"Please, let me." she said.

I sat back in my chair, and wish it was more comfortable as my back began to ache, fidgeting with the elastic waist band of my leggings, trying to soothe my aching back.

"Shouldn't you build a strong trust to form a relationship with him, before telling me about your part, family… personal details?" I answered, continuing to rub my back.

"But you're together, well, I had assumed you both were together. Anastasia, he is your boyfriend."

"Significant other," I blurted out, hating the term boyfriend.

She crinkled her nose, and pursed her lips, "Significant other?" and I didn't have time to explain it to her, and shook her off, by waving a hand.

"I appreciate the kind gesture, but you should be discussing this with Christian," I stood up and the chair scraped the floor, and I looked to the door. But she was adamant, shaking her head, no.

"I can't, Ana." She looked at her rings, twisting the diamond around her finger. "My late husband wasn't Christian's grandfather… well… biological grandfather. If you could even call him a grandfather at all." she sighed.

My shoulders sagged, maybe I should tell her to leave, plain and simple.

"I was pregnant with Ella at 18… and Ella… well, can I say I'm 54 years old." My mind was trying to do the math quickly, so that would make Ella—. But she continued, "Some would say, that is quite young being a great-grandmother."

The room was silent, still. I didn't know what to say. She was letting everything go.

"I know you're trying to calculate Ella's age. I'm not proud, but it's fact. She was 14 when she discovered she was pregnant with Christian and gave birth to him at 15."

"Oh," I understand… the vicious cycle. "But I thought wealth made everything perfect, nothing can go wrong in your eyes."

"Love is a tricky thing." she said.

"It can be," I rubbed my belly. Oh my, can it be a challenge, that's for damn sure.

"Just because love is meant unconditionally doesn't mean I'm agreeing with your behavior unconditionally. You are going to learn the difference one way or the other. It's called tough love. Love is just as tough as life. Oh and I know this first hand, it's something we can't take for granted." she told me as her hands slightly shook.

"No it's not. Either are families."

Her eyes peered up from the table, and I couldn't help but sit down in the chair and give her a chance. Christian and I had started on shaky terms, but we work through it. Now it's my turn to give Elena the same chance.

"Please tell me, what happened?" I asked sincerely.

"Family comes first. Always. Those were the words I was brought up on, or should I say the wealth of a family is more important than the members themselves. I was from a family of wealth and stature, old money as some would describe it." her fingers brushed the table back and forth, the motion almost making me nauseous . Time to settle my stomach.

"Would you like some tea?" I suggested.

"Have you got something stronger? With a bite?"

"Are you driving?" she shook her head, I could tell she was already upset, but with alcohol in her system, wouldn't make for a good livid driver.

"I think there's maybe something." I pointed towards the kitchen.

I quickly went through the cupboards. I stumbled across gin, and found some tonic water in the fridge. I hope this will suffice the lady's prerequisite. The kettle went on the boil and adding a splash of milk and I was set.

…..

"I WAS QUIET, BUT I WAS NOT BLIND." Elena said while nursing her drink in her hands.

"Mansfield Park, Austen," my breathing was deep unsure if I'm prepared for the conversation ahead, "What happened to you, Elena?" She smiled on hearing her name, within a heartbeat it dropped to the saddest stare.

Even though a chill suddenly appeared in the room, Elena remained steady, taking two sanity sips from the glass.

"I did love my husband. Just not constantly."

"Sounds like a boyfriend my mother had when I was very young."

"Your mother is unwed?" her voice piqued, where I could only roll my eyes at her inappropriate comment.

"No," I was curt, beyond frustrated, "and this isn't about me, nor my mother. So, please don't change the subject, I'm being highly patient," I crossed my arms, "I'm listening, so speak."

"I fell in love with another man first, somehow by miracle we became pregnant… with Ella." She paused, wiping a tear from her eye, "At the time I was arranged to marry."

"This was only 40 years ago."

"Your words are ageing me, Ana. It's more closer to 35." I snorted at her perfectionism. Five years, please. "It was common. Especially when money, old money was involved." she took another sip and continued to explain, "I was highly impressionable and did as my parents asked, until him. The wedding was delayed and my future husband wasn't impressed with the marriage including a child. I knew he wanted children, just his own flesh. Unfortunately Ella didn't have that choice. The marriage had its good times but the bad outweighed it mostly. It is horrible to admit, I'm relieved he died young."

Thoughts swirled around my past, my mother. Choices which couldn't be changed.

"Did he hurt you?" I blurted out, not bothering with the consequences of the question.

Her lashes fluttered in a worry, blinking hard and fast, "no…"

Her answer showed so much panic, and the further hesitation to continue didn't convince me. I eyed her carefully, studying her subtle eye flicking back and forth. It was when Elena's hand began to shake, I knew. Knew it was bullshit.

"Why would you suggest that, Anastasia?"

I knew that look, oh too well, even if it had been years. Pain never leaves someone. The constant taunts, touching, and looks. I tried my best to shake off the past, and gutless as her, I folded.

"Oh no sorry, I'm sorry to press." I laced my fingers into a fist over my lap, but all I wanted was to slap myself being so weak.

"He resented Ella. She was such a bright girl," a smile painted her face, "Her potential was endless," she sipped from the glass. "But that man pushed her, and she had the anger of a lion. She was fierce. But when those two butted heads she always lost out."

"I can only imagine now where Christian gets his attitude from. His mother." she smiled.

"She would always speak before, thinking and never thought things through with him." Elena sighed. "she ran away for weeks at a time. She was 14. I was petrified. I honestly thought he wasn't bothered since he was traveling more than usual. It was like he egged her on, encouraged her to leave." Elena stopped, downed a large nip of gin in one breath, "I was brainwashed, blind sighted. I was more worried about our name, the perception of the community and business, rather than my daughter's well-being."

"But you said she was gone for a few weeks."

"Yes." and sipped the drink, the ice rattled, and as the glass returned to the table, her fingernails couldn't stop tapping on the table. "Yes… yes." she nodded repeatedly, "she came back pregnant. Only 14. She was still a baby herself. She said she loved him. I could see the look in her eyes, it was true. It was a mirror of my own reflection 15 years prior. But I didn't know a girl… a young woman, teenager could love at that veracity. I could see the look in her eyes, it was true, but I didn't know a person so young could understand love. My husband didn't want her, she was tainted, first not his blood and now with child and she was only a child. I never found her or her child.

"I truly believe he was having an affair the years after Ella never returned. But I never found the evidence. He craved the perfect family. I wouldn't be surprised if he had children with other women." she sighed, "It was only after his death I discovered the tragedy. I gave up my daughter for my husband. I gave up my family. For money and wealth. I'm trying Anastasia. I need to have Christian in my life, and these babies of yours." she begged, the conviction stained on her face.

"Elena, I don't know what to say." What she had to endure, and Christian's mother. "And Christian doesn't know about this?"

"Maybe parts of it after he turned 18 from the state. I've been working with Carrick Grey for the past few months—"

"Christian's dad, Carry? What exactly would you need him for?"

"His legal expertise. I'm trying to find out as much as possible about Ella, and I'm creating a trust fund for those two great-grand babies." she pointed towards my belly.

"What?" I squawked, "No you can't." I sat shaking my head.

"I can, and insist."

"You should speak with Christian," I got up and grabbed my cell, flipping it open, dialing his number, but unable to make the connection, "Elena, you need to speak with him, on so many levels. It's not difficult to talk."

"It is, but like you said, tough love. You are pushing me in the right direction."

"Elena, Christian suffered so much before the Grey's. You need to understand underneath his big exterior there is a broken little boy wanting love. I can only give so much, he needs a whole family."

"I know, " she cried into her palms, "You need to understand I do love him."

"Me too."

We held our hands, unsure if this was a moment or not. The silence was encouraging for the first time, as our small smiles gave comfort to each other, it was the frightened screams from the bathroom which severed our moment.

"ANA… I need…" I didn't hesitate and ran to the door, not bothering to knock.

The room was filled with steam, and the curtain still pulled back. Sliding the curtain open, there was Kate huddled in a ball with a steady trickle of blood swirling down the drain hole.

"Ana… something isn't right… it hurts." Kate's voice was broken as each word hiccupped, strained to be heard. It was her eyes that pleaded for help.

"Holy shit, Kate. No ifs or buts, I'm taking you to the hospital."

I knew Kate would be panicking about her parents finding out but there was more blood from only moments before. I turned off the faucet, and quickly wrapped a towel around her. Her teeth chattered and body trembled something fierce. Each ounce of pain reverberated her loss.

"I'm going to call Ell when we get there." she nodded, continuing to shake uncontrollably.

"I don't feel well…" she stumbled to the toilet, vomiting… her three fish tacos which she had for lunch. I knew this was more than a little bleeding as I saw the red and clotted tissue smeared between her thighs.

"Stay here, I'll get some clothes for you and we are leaving. Don't move!" she strained a smile, looking utterly miserable. Some how she managed a thumbs up and an awkward smile.

As I walked through the bathroom door, Elena bumped into me, "Is she alright? She seems rather distressed." I was a rock in a hard place, biting the insides of my cheeks, and pinching my eyes shut.

What to do, what to do?

"I need to take her to the hospital, no time for questions Elena. We don't have time."

I couldn't break the confidence of my best-friend as Elena didn't have the right to know exactly the truth of the situation.

"I can do it, let me contact my driver and we can be at the closest hospital in under ten minutes." Elena instructed.

"Thank you." I stroked her arm, and quickly dashed for a pad to conceal the bleeding for Kate.

…..

THE DRIVE WAS FAST and efficient as Elena stated. When her driver helped me assist Kate through the emergency department window, Elena requested Kate's surname.

"Kathryn Kavanagh." I blurted out. She went pale.

Kate waited for over fifteen minutes before she was seen by anyone. She rocked back and forth in the chair and I'm thankful I gave her one of my surfboard heavy pads. She huddled into me as the tears fell when we Skyped Elliot. He was petrified and Kate wasn't far behind.

Elena remained quiet throughout the whole ordeal, when Kate was taken through to triage she surprised me.

"I know those symptoms." she whispered, wiping her own eyes.

"Yeah." I released a breath, and rubbing my back, these god dammit chairs are so uncomfortable.

"Is the father Elliot Grey?"

I couldn't say the words and shut my eyes.

"I'm assuming her parents aren't aware." I shook my head, clamping my lips shut, not able to speak, "I know within my circles the Kavanagh's think highly of their daughter. I'll remain silent." she gripped my hand, clenching it tight.

"Thank you." I croaked as I rested my free hand on our newly formed comfort.

"I fell pregnant with my husband early on in our marriage, I prayed every day for it to die since I didn't want a part of him to be part of my children."

"Elena, you don't have other—"

"I miscarried too. I hated myself for it." she looked at our hands gripping a little tighter, "Did I will it on?" she questioned herself with closed eyes, "I can never know for sure, so I ensured to take my birth control every day religiously until the day he died. He never knew about the pregnancy." I gasped.

"Life never goes as planned as I've experienced it. I want to ensure your children, my great-grandchildren never have a problem. I'm sorry Ana, I am not trying to shower you with gifts and money. They are to ensure you all will be okay."

"Elena," I frowned. "Don't confuse possessions as a form of love. Words, appreciation and time are all we need."

"I helped him when he asked… I gave him the start up money for his company."

"And I'm sure Christian appreciates every dollar, but Elena," I paused, ensuring I expressed what was needed, "use your words… talk to him… don't make everything a transaction."

She nodded and we waited to hear news about Kate's condition.

A/N:

Thank you for reading"Misplaced & Found." If you haven't already done so, please favourite, follow, review and PM me regarding any M&F questions or concerns. Hopefully I can get the next chapter written within the next two weeks, but I seem to have a bunny which is taking up my M&F time. Originally it was planned as a one-shot... now 11 chapters plus an epilogue lol. Anyways as always, see you soon for chapter 33.

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