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Team Fortress: Remnant

Chapter I

Pyros and Scouts

Jaune stared at the screen in front of him with such concentration, that those who didn't know of his habit/obsession, they would have thought that it might be a bit too much for a mere game.

His fingers tapped on his keyboard at such a rapid rate, people who didn't know would have thought that his Semblance was super-speed. He muttered under his breath, "How the hell is that Soldier managing to get such good rockets on me?"

"And that fucking Pyro?" He added, as frustration leaked into his voice. The end of the match was near, and the Blue Team were getting the intel, and the Medics on his team were simply not answering his call of help.

When they finally lost, Jaune let out a small growl of anger and punched the first thing that he could find, which was ironically the shield and sword that his dad had gotten him nearly ten years ago. His fist impacted against the weapon, and he moaned in pain as the metal easily resisted against his anger.

"Ow." He moaned loudly, as he shook his hand in attempt to get rid of the pain. After a minute or so, he quickly calculated his K/D for the match and found that for every two kills he got, he died once. And the only class that he had used was the Scout, which was easily his main for nearly all the time that he had played which was easily one thousand hours... And it had only been released six months ago.

It had made the developers, a company called Valve contact him and ask if he'd like to get ten free hats, since he was easily the one who had played the most, and was actually the first person to buy the game. He had of course, accepted.

He shut down his PC, and quickly put on his trainers. He exited his room, and came down to see that his sister were watching TV, and had quickly noticed him.

"I heard that you got that new game that recently came out," his elder (by barely five years which wasn't that big) sister, a girl called Violet, said.

"Yes...?" He replied, suspiciously. "And what does that have to do with anything?"

"And that you somehow managed to be the first to get a thousand hours played, within six months..." She continued, a look entering his eyes.

Despite the fact that he was a somewhat clueless about the feminine anger, and extremely awkward teenager, he still managed to get wary about that look. "Yeah, that's me...?"

"I think that you need some friends." Violet said, which immediately caused a resounding something from the gamer.

"Impossible. Even if I wasn't playing that game, I'd get bombarded by questions about Flora." Jaune answered, a frown entering his face. He loved his sister Flora to pieces, but it was really irritating that everyone kept on ranting about how she was the pinnacle of all aspiring Huntresses.

"...Is it because of Mom and Dad?" She asked, cautiously.

He was silent about that question. Whilst his parents may love him to pieces, he wasn't stupid... He saw their disappointed looks, hushed discussion when they thought that they were being silent, about what he was going to do in life.

His grades whilst not terrible, were barely passable in nearly every subject, he had no chance of going to Signal... Even his eldest sisters did the same, when they thought he wasn't there, or playing TF2.

And he despised it to his core. The only people that didn't do it, were his sisters Flora and Violet, but that was because of the fact that they thought that he had a chance of doing something with his life.

He had hoped so, at the beginning... But it was looking hopeless. He had no friends, nothing of note to his name apart from being the failure of the Arc family. It was slowly catching up to him, mentally and emotionally.

"Yes." The blonde-haired boy answered, looking down at the carpet nervously. "I'm not stupid, I see the... Looks on their faces. And I'm starting to see it on Lucy, Anna and Petra's faces as well. It's getting to me, you know?"

"Jaune. I have a proposition for you." She stated, with a serious expression. "Do you want to try, and get them to see you as somebody who is going to accomplish something?"

"...Yeah." He agreed, after a mere second of thought. But, he wasn't stupid. "Do you want to make me into a Huntsman?"

"Not if you don't want to." Was her simple response.

Whilst he was practically obsessed with video games, he had always been attracted by the thought of being a Huntsman - a hero. But, he had shown no particular talent for it, and due to that, he had drifted to video games, settling the deal that he either didn't want to become one, or that he had given up. The latter was unfortunately true in his case, which he admitted, was ashamed of his decision.

"I... Always wanted to be one. But do you really think, that you'll turn me into Beacon-material in barely a year?" Jaune asked, relatively cynically.

"Not exactly. Anyway, in general you should be nearly constantly training, so you'll catch up relatively easily." Violet said. "At least, that's how Flora told me that's how she did it."

"...I think that I'm going to wait for Flora, to actually get an idea for how it works." He stated, bluntly.

"Well, you called me and you got me. What's up?" asked a voice, that the two Arcs immediately recognized as their sister, the infamous Flora.

"Jaune wants to go to Beacon, and us two are gonna help him!" Violet told her sister, excitedly.

"Okay, he's agreed to it. But, what type of Huntsman do you want to be, Jaune?" His brown-haired sister asked, curiously.

He immediately thought of the Scout in TF2. He was extremely fast, could probably jump over any Grimm, and was his favourite out of all of the TF2 classes.

"Extremely fast, with a shotgun, a pistol and a baseball bat." The blonde listed, not noticing the stupefied stares of his sisters. "What? It's not that weird."

"That's oddly specific, Jaune. But how fast, exactly?" Flora said, cautiously for some reason.

"Fast enough that I could run away from you, without any Aura being used on my part." He answered, easily. "Because, you're one of the fastest Hunters on the planet according to Kotaku."

"I can go 50mph, and the fastest Hunter can go 70mph. Do you really need to go fast?" Flora asked, concernedly.

"Yup." Was his simple answer.

"Then you're going to go through hell on Remnant for that speed and weapons."

"Wha-AHHHHHH!"

Exactly five hundred thousand six hundred minutes in the future...

Jaune looked at the airship, looking slightly terrified at the mere sight of it. "Oh no... We meet again, arch-nemesis."

He was wearing a simple sky blue t-shirt, with black trousers. The weirdest part of his outfit was a headset on his head, that didn't have a mic, but had a bottle of Coca-Cola with a straw going into his mouth.

He sucked on it for a split second, savouring the taste and continued his glaring match. He eventually got on, and as soon as it started, drank out of his bottle. He got a few weird looks, but ignored them with practised ease.

His sickness was being beaten back by the essentially drugged Coca-Cola, for Violet had put in a pill that dissolved as soon as it touched a liquid, that helped him against his airsickness. Didn't erase entirely, but it did stop him from vomiting and all that.

His trusty shotgun was on his back, as was his silver baseball bat, but his pistol was on his left side. All of the other students had their weapons, scrolls but not their luggage, which striked him as weird but he shook it off.

They were all Hunters, they were expected to fight off Grimm or something like that. He merely liked the fact that they hadn't confiscated his hat, for that exact reason.

What did they think that it shot out lightning bolts out of bottles? Actually... That might be an idea, for his SuperHat 5000©... If he ever managed to gain the help of a Schnee or something like that... Was kidnapping an option?

(Weiss suddenly felt as if she'd be pestered by two blonds nearly regularly, but shook it off with ease. It was impossible in her head of that simple event even happening.)

His thoughts eventually grew bored enough until he brought out his scroll, and plugged his headset into the device, and played the Warthog song from Red Vs Blue.

He resisted the urge to snigger, as he remembered the days of blasting this exact music whilst driving a car in nearly every game that featured that feature. It made even serious games, absolutely hilarious. Maybe one day, he'd get to recreate that scene.

After having it repeat for nearly ten times, Jaune eventually got off his nemesis and rapidly drank his Coca. He turned off his scroll, and reluctantly put his headset around his neck.

During this time, he had witnessed the amazing sight of a massive explosion with fire, electricity, and ice. A white-haired girl was starting to shout at the red-tinted girl, only to get interrupted by a black-haired girl.

It all ended when they all left the red-tinted one on the ground, who started lying on the ground.

"Need some help there?" He questioned, casually as he held out an expectant hand.

She helped herself out, and dusted herself off. "...Weren't you that guy who was drinking Coca-Cola in the airship?"

"Yup. Want some? I have a bottle that I haven't drunk out of yet." Jaune asked, easily pulling off a bottle from his headset to which he added as an afterthought, "Crater face."

"Er... Er..." The girl stumbled upon her own words, until accepting the proposed bottle. She drunk from it, and introduced herself in an attempt to regain her confidence. "I'm Ruby Rose."

"I'm Jaune, then. Sweet, short, and cool." He offered, carelessly.

"Is it?" She asked, curiously.

"Might be. It's better then 'the ladies love it', according to my sisters." The boy shrugged.

After a minute or so of awkward silence, Ruby suddenly pulled out a massive scythe from her back. "Well I've got this thing."

"Well, that's a big scythe." Jaune commented. "And I bet that it's also a gun?"

"How did you know that, it's a high impact sniper rifle?" The girl demanded, hugging her weapon against herself.

"Because nearly every weapon that I've seen, doubles as a gun." He replied, stretching and yawning at the same time.

"Oh... Do you know where we're going?" She asked, with a tilt to the head.

"Definitely," The Arc started.

"Cool-"

"Not." He finished, interrupting her. "But, if we miss out on anything, we can ask right?"

"What weapons do you have?" She asked, in an attempt to assuage her nervousness.

"An automatic shotgun that has a grappling hook attached to it, so that I can use to jump onto buildings or trees," Jaune replied, as he pulled out his shotgun. There was an ejector with a claw coming out, and rope wrapped around the gun.

"That... Is... Epic!" exclaimed Ruby, who literally had starry eyes at the sight of it.

Jaune let out a small smile, he liked having his work complimented even if it was about his weapon. "And the rest of my weapons are normal, like a semi-automatic 9mm pistol with armor piercing rounds, and a baseball bat."

"Why a baseball bat of all of the weapons in the world?" The girl asked, a curious expression once more entering her face.

"Because I accidentally broke my weapon... And decided that it's better to fight with a melee weapon, then to get destroyed because I'm so bad at fisting people." The boy replied, noticing his unintentional innuendo but finding the inner troll within himself, giggling in delight. He was just going to roll with it, personally.

"Fisting...?" Ruby whispered to herself, before she quickly realized what he was talking about. "Oh... You're talking about not being good at a fist fight?"

"Yup. There's another definition for fisting, but don't ask me the definition of that word, since that's for a sibling or something like that." The scout answered, with a slight smirk on his face. Whoever was Ruby's sibling, was going to get a surprise.

"Okay." The scythe-user said, so innocently that Jaune felt a bit of his soul dissipate from his body, at his troll. Which was unusual, since he had once managed to get an entire group of around thirty people to delete a specific file, which made the entire PC crash and never start again.

At the very least, he knew what was the cause of a faint scream of anger that echoed all around Vale.

Was Lord Gaben trying to get his soul to return from the depths of the gaming community? He had already lost it when he saw the amount of essentially hentai games, that were being sold for about ten lien, and the fact that his entire friend list had at least one.

And the fact that every game with female characters had at the very least a few fucking porn videos/images.

Essentially, he was the best friend of every Grimm for miles.

He noticed that Ruby was struggling to open the door, that was at least two times his height, and proceeded to kick it open and then at the very exact time, stub his toe and open the door.

"Fuck! Fucking piece of crappiest door! Fuck!" He yelled out in pain, as he jumped around in pain. "Fuck you, shitty-"

"Er... Jaune..." Ruby interrupted his jumping around, nervously prodding her fingers together.

"Wha-" The boy asked, before he noticed that he was interrupting the welcoming thing. He didn't know what to call it. "Oh."

"I'm... Er... Sorry?" He said, as everyone proceeded to stare at him and the small girl hiding behind him. "I'm just going to say that... Ruby didn't do anything."

He quickly pushed the girl forward into the crowd, that quickly accepted her.

"Haha." chuckled Ozpin, before quickly disguising as a cough at the glare that his teacher-in-arms was giving him. "As I was saying... Before I was ever so rudely interrupted."

"And..." Jaune spoke up, before quieting down at the massive glare that Glynda was giving the boy and Ozpin, simultaneously. It was impressive. The boy rapidly dissolved into very rude muttering.

"I see wasted energy that needs direction - preferably towards our main enemy: the Grimm. This energy however is wasted, and thus cannot be used against the Grimm and other enemies that you may encounter. People die in this near constant fight against our mortal enemies, for as long as even I can remember." Ozpin started.

However, a familiar blond menace under the name of Jaune Arc decided to let out a loud mutter of, "Shit. Haven't got enough money for that bet..."

The headmaster of Beacon could easily see what the youngest son of the Arcs was trying to do, augment positivity at his own rather grim speech... See what he did there? He was so smart. Anyway, and troll every other Huntsman/Huntress.

"Before I was once again rudely interrupted - oh. That's the time." The professor stated, smiling directly at Jaune Arc. "I think it's time that everyone gets something to eat, right?"

"Finally," cried out another blonde-haired menace, that he recognized as being Qrow's niece.

He paled as he suddenly realized something.

Two blonds.

With a Schnee.

In one place.

That was his school.

That had all of his caffeine and other less important stuff like school documents.

Gag. Paperwork.

He fainted on the spot, many people thinking that it was because of his caffeine consumption, not the ensuing disaster that was about to unfold.

Jaune was one of the most easily bored people in the history of Remnant. After doing a single training exercise, his sister noticed his twitch of doing something else that was without any context for the thing that they were doing, and had transformed it into another training exercise - reflexes and all that crap.

So, he was either randomly putting out various hilarious/annoying songs for everyone to enjoy (read: try to get through his skull that they were going to kill him any minute now), and absently drinking out of his bottle of soda.

"Would you please stop that music?" A black-haired girl asked, an irritated expression on her face. "I'm trying to read."

"Okay. Should've told me sooner, and I would have stopped." The teenager replied, completely missing the angry glares that nearly the entire room was giving him. Apart from a silver-eyed girl, of course.

"What's your name? I'm Jaune Arc, by the way." He questioned, a bored expression entering his face.

"Blake Belladonna." She replied, trying to get it through his skull that she wanted peace and quiet. Which wasn't going to happen very often, she mused with how bored he looked.

"Seems I beat a bet that my sisters ilmposed on me, that I'd barely get the names of a single person on my first day." He muttered to himself.

"Did your family really bet on that matter?" Blake couldn't help but ask, her curiosity overcoming her.

"Yep. Like the fact that I bet that my sister couldn't beat my score, on Rayman." Jaune replied, easily.

"Did you win?" The bow-wearing girl continued.

"Nope. I of course, destroyed her on how many time we'd die respectively getting to the final boss in Dark Souls 3." The boy answered.

"How did you do it?" She asked, her voice escaping before she could catch up with her mind, sounding desperate. Oh well.

"Easy - I got all of the good pyromancies, got a good amount of FP, faith and intelligence. And there is the fact that I used that thorned armour." Jaune explained, Blake abosrbing the information like a fish to water or a cat to tuna.

"Thanks. I needed that information." The girl stated stoically, despite the fact that she was practically ecstatic at the thought of beating that fucking thing. It killed her so very easily, due to the fact that it got a second life.

"So... Do you only play Dark Souls then?" He continued their conversation, easily. It was definitely easier talking to someone who held at the very least, one game series that he liked.

"Er... No. I've played Pokémon a bit when I was younger, and Team Fortress 2 -" She started, before Jaune got in her face and demanded, "What character do you main?"

"Pyro and Sniper." Blake answered, before narrowing her eyes and adding, "What do you main?"

"Scout and Medic." He replied, before smirking at her. "We'll have to play one day... Noob."

"Says the one who plays Medic." She retorted.

"At least I main a guy who's difficult to play." Jaune stated.

"Wait?" The bow-wearing teenager asked, "Are you seriously saying that Sniper isn't difficult?"

"Er... Actually, no. It's just that Pyro are the most annoying to play against as a Scout or any class that's close range." The gamer replied, scratching his head embarrasedly.

"And what do you main in Overwatch?" She questioned.

"Don't you know that you're supposed to play everyone at the very least decently in that game?" He answered, with an eyebrow raised.

"Everyone mains any character in those type of games, and you know that."

"Fine... I like Reaper, Mei, Genji and Lucio." Jaune admitted, before motioning for her to reply as well.

"Tracer, Winston and Hanzo." She continued, and she heard the boy in front of her chuckle, causing her to ask, "What are you laughing at?"

"Sorry, it's just the fact that we main characters that cancel eachover out, which is rather funny."

"GO TO BED!" A white girl screeched, and Jaune was immediately thrown against a wall, knocking him out.

"Might as well do as extremely tight lady says," Blake told herself, before silently appreciating the fact that the boy had taken the time to try and talk to her.

"Innuendo..." came out of Jaune's mouth, before he officially blacked out.

"Er... Mercury?" A green-haired girl asked her partner, who was currently looking at the flamethrower with sudden attention that was completely out of character for him.

"What?" He asked, distractedly as sudden thoughts of fire that would put even his boss to shame, entered his mind.

"Why are you staring at that flamethrower like it's a piece of meat?" She asked, before her silver-haired partner turned around, his eyes shining with an absolutely maniacal look.

She backed away, slowly.

"Emerald... Are you willing to help me steal something... That is obviously the flamethrower right in front of me?" The assassin asked, as he stalked towards his partner.

"..." She started, before deciding that her partner bringing the entire police force to their doorstep wasn't worth the effort, and started agreeing, albeit reluctantly. "Sure. Let me do it."

As the girl quickly entered the store and started doing her work, Mercury muttered to himself, "Soon the reign of the Pyro shall be supreme!"

AN: I don't even know what I have written.

Jaune and Mercury are set into becoming their idols - the Scout and Pyro respectively?

Please note that this is a completely unserious story, that is a parody at this point.

Also, I'm going to have a laugh with this story.