Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Harry Potter. If I did, there would almost definitely be more than seven books.

A/N ~ 6/17/2019: Um... hi. Yeah... sorry. It's been nearly three years since I last updated... Extra long consolation chapter? I've been busy writing an original story...
Anyways, I have decided to disregard the opinions placed upon the poll that I set up, and have decided to not bash Dumbledore. With what I've already written, it wouldn't work, and there's just too much potential for humor there. Go back through the books, seriously. He can be really funny at times. As such, he will be awesome and witty in this story.

There is a new poll now, asking whether or not I should bash Ron and/or Ginny. As with Dumbledore, I might disregard your opinions, but if you can convince me that there is more comedic value one way or another, I will take your suggestions.

Speaking of suggestions, if you have an idea for a funny plot, you can PM me with it, and I'll consider your thoughts.

Oh, and if there's anyone who wants to make me a better cover for Three Back Two, please do so.

Notice: This contains portions of the original text. Do not be surprised if you recognize specific phrases or paragraphs.

Three Back Two - Chapter Three: It's About Time

The three of them listened closely. They heard footsteps, the soft cursing of the executioner, the snap of the door, and then silence once more.

"Now what?" whispered Luna, looking around. "Should we hide here and wait until they've gone back to the castle, or go over toward the Whomping Willow?"

"Last time, we waited, and that worked out well enough." Hermione replied.

"No, actually, we moved to where we could see the Whomping Willow, it was so we could see what what was going on." Harry countered.

Hermione looked dubious. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Hermione, I'm sure."

She thought for a moment. "Okay, yes, we did. But we need to keep out of sight."

"I believe you said that the last time we did this," he said, grinning.

"Oh, you-"

"We should probably get going," Luna interjected.

"Yes, we were not bickering like third years when we first did this," Hermione agreed.

"Hermione, I hate to break it to you, but we are third years, now," Harry shot back.

"Nevertheless, we should get moving," Luna reminded them.

The three of them slunk through the outer edges of the forest, where they could see, but not be seen. When they settled, Harry asked, "Hermione? Is it just me, or are we directly where Lupin ran into the forest last time?"

"Oh... yes, you're right, we should move."

Suddenly, the Whomping Willow stopped it's whomping, freezing in place, and Luna remarked, "That cat really is smart, Hermione. I daresay it was almost smarter than you, in fact."

"Is that an insult on my intelligence, or a compliment on my choice of pet?"

Luna laughed. "The second one, that's for sure, though he does make for good conversation."

Harry jerked his head around in surprise. "You can talk to animals?"

"Yes, I can," Luna said. "I got the gift from my mother's side of the family, I've been able to talk to animals ever since I was born."

Unlike before, Hermione actually fainted. Shortly after this occurrence, Luna got a small object that was positively foul-smelling from a pocket, and waved it underneath Hermione's nose. The unconscious girl recoiled, awakening, and muttered about "crazy conspiring weirdos," before giving her head a little shake and regaining her wits.

Once she had done so, she wasted no time before demanding to know what had just happened. "What the hell was that!?"

"Language, Hermione," Luna chastised. "And I believe that was me telling you that I can talk to animals."

"No, what was the potion." Hermione clarified.

"Oh, the potion. That was a blend of Stinksap from a Mimbulus mimbletonia and the secretion of a bundimun."

"How do you make it?" Hermione asked curiously.

"All you do is blend them. It doesn't need heat, and it doesn't require a cauldron, either. A muggle blender works fine, actually, and it doesn't require magic, so you can make it anywhere without the Ministry knowing. It has more purposes than you would think. It not only works like the smelling salts you just had the pleasure of experiencing; before the crystallization it works as a potent flea repellent or as toothpaste, when you're in a pinch."

"Sorry, but what is a bundimun?" Harry asked.

Hermione looked scandalized. "Harry, the entry for bundimun is on page five of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them."

"Of course it is. And of course you know that. You know everything," Harry retorted.

"Well, it is. Luna, may I have some of that?"

"Here, take this bottle. I have more." Luna said, passing the bottle to Hermione. "Now, quiet. You, Harry, and the others just came out of the Willow."

∆•∆•∆

They got to their feet. Buckbeak raised his head. They saw Lupin, Ron, and Pettigrew clambering awkwardly out of the hole in the roots, followed by the unconscious Snape drifting weirdly upward. Next came Harry, Hermione, and Black. They all began to walk toward the castle.

As they watched, Sirius took a quick look up, seemingly wary of the clouds above.

"Is it just me, or is he scanning the sky?" Harry asked.

"He went though the veil, remember?" Hermione said. "Maybe he came back, like us."

The moon slid out from behind its cloud. They saw the tiny figures across the grounds stop. Then they saw movement—

"There goes Lupin," Hermione whispered. "And Sirius—"

As they watched, Sirius transformed into his animagus form to stop the werewolf. The two creatures battled, and Harry got the distinct impression that this experience would work well in a book or movie.

All meta thoughts flew from his head a moment later when he noticed that Lupin was running straight for them.

"Run!" he hissed at Hermione and Luna, and the three of them booked it, Buckbeak on their heels. He could hear the breathing and snarling of the monstrous wolf behind them, and picked up his pace.

The whole group continued to run deeper into the woods, until Luna suddenly stopped. Harry stopped too, as did Hermione, Buckbeak, and Lupin, the last of which looked extremely surprised. Harry was about to grab her by the arm and drag her away from the threat, however futile such an action might have been, when Luna raised her wand.

Pointing said stick directly at the werewolf, she opened her mouth and let out a horrendous scream, her eyes glowing a bright white. A beam of energy the same color as her glowing eyes flew from her wand and stuck the beast in the chest. As Harry and Hermione watched, Lupin shrunk, his features reverting from those of a wolf to those of a human, and his eyes lowered as he fell to the ground, unconscious.

Luna fell, too, but Hermione pulled the smelling salts out from the pocket she had stowed them away in, and waved them under Luna's nose. The blonde girl promptly woke up, and, assisted by Harry, got to her feet again.

"Thank you, Hermione," she said. "But I'll need to go to sleep again soon."

"I'll say," Hermione said. "Especially as you just performed the Homorphus Charm."

"The Homorphus Charm?" Harry asked.

"Harry, how did Lockhart get the stories from his books?" Hermione asked him.

"He stole them from other people," he said, helping Luna stay upright when her knees buckled and she nearly fell to the forest floor again.

"Exactly." Hermione said. "He may never have defeated the Wagga Wagga Werewolf, but someone did."

Luna fell asleep again, and Harry nearly staggered under the weight.

"Some help, Hermione?"

Together, the two of them draped the limp girl over Buckbeak, and led him to Hagrid's hut. Before they entered, however, Harry had a brainwave.

"Accio Pettigrew's clothes," he said, pointing his wand into the darkness, hoping that Pettigrew was in human form, and hadn't gotten to the edge of the Hogwarts grounds.

"Harry, what are you—" Hermione began to ask, but she was interrupted when the rat animagus flew screaming into view, being dragged by his clothes.

After pegging Pettigrew with a Stunning Spell, Harry turned to Hermione. "You can't use the Summoning Spell on living beings, so I had to summon his clothing, and hope that it didn't rip."

The two of them shuddered at the mental image, before Hermione bound the man up with a quick "Incarcerous", and levitated him into Hagrid's hut. Harry followed, pulling Buckbeak, Luna still drooped across the hippogriff's back.

After they got the blonde down off of Buckbeak's back, they placed her gently upon Hagrid's bed, and Harry went outside, knowing that Hermione would understand what he was doing.

As he made his way toward the lake he saw his younger self's attempts at a Patronus fail, and raised his wand, incanting "Expecto Patronum."

Prongs leaped out of Harry's wand, charging at the dementors. Harry watched as the stag lowered his antlers and crashed headlong into the pack of pure misery given form, scaring them away with pure happiness. Turning to leave, he saw younger Harry, fall unconscious, and Professor Snape coming upon the scene, Ron floating next to him, and putting the younger Harry and Hermione on conjured stretchers. He hesitated for a moment before doing the same for Sirius.

Going back to the hut, he came across Hermione, who was carrying a still-asleep Luna.

"I have an idea," he told her.

∆•∆•∆

Five minutes later saw Harry, Hermione, and the unconscious bodies of Luna and Pettigrew tied to Buckbeak as they flew toward the window of Professor Flitwick's office.

Hermione leaned over, tapping her wand upon the window with a muttered "Alohamora".

The window sprang open.

"How—how—?" said Sirius weakly, staring at them.

"Help us with this—there's not much time," said Harry, gesturing to the bound Pettigrew.

Sirius hopped to it, pulling Peter off of the Hippogriff and tossing him onto the stone floor of the office. Placing a hand of either side of the window frame, he heaved himself out and placed himself where Pettrigrew had been, lashing himself down with quickly conjured ropes. Hermione locked the window again, and they set off for the other end of the castle.

Arriving there, they quickly ran inside, Buckbeak trotting along behind them, with Sirius and Luna still on his back.

Dumbledore walked out through the hospital wing doors, and was met with the sight of a haggard man and a sleeping girl with him atop a hippogriff, and the pleased faces of Harry and Hermione.

"What is this? I told you about the cave, right?" he asked. "And why do you have an unconscious Miss Lovegood with you?"

"We don't need the cave," Harry said.

"And Luna's helped quite a bit," Hermione added.

The old man gave them a quick once over to ensure that they were all right, before gesturing them inside.

Harry and Hermione set up a circle of energy, like Luna had showed them, to hide the three extras, and quickly got back into their beds as Dumbledore locked the doors. A moment later, Madam Pomfrey came striding back out of her office.

"Did I hear the headmaster leaving? Am I allowed to look after my patients now?"

Four pieces of chocolate later, a distant roar of fury echoed from somewhere above them.

"What was that?" said Madam Pomfrey in alarm.

"Snape is disappointed that he couldn't escalate a grudge beyond healthy levels," Luna said, awake again, walking out of the illusion.

"Where did you—never mind, have some chocolate," said Madam Pomfrey, feeling that it was better to be safe than sorry. Luna eagerly took a piece, and moments later, the doors flew open, Snape screaming his head off, Dumbledore walking in calmly behind him.

The next few minutes served as entertainment for Harry, Hermione, Luna, and Dumbledore as Snape tried to strangle Harry, Hermione and Dumbledore simultaneously.

Their fun ended, though, when Madam Pomfrey couldn't handle it anymore and hit Snape in the head with the chocolate-breaking hammer, effectively knocking him out.

"Sir, where's the Minister?" Hermione asked.

Dumbledore chuckled. "Some new evidence has come to light that suggests that convicted murderer Sirius Black might not be as evil as is currently believed. Where is the man, anyway?"

Harry dropped the illusion covering Sirius and Buckbeak, and Madam Pomfrey fainted from the shock of suddenly seeing the most recent proof of Hogwarts' poor security, and Dumbledore levitated her to a nearby bed.

"Poor woman," he muttered, before turning to the students. "Well done, by the way."

∆•∆•∆

The next few days were a bit of a blur. Sirius was officially pardoned by the Ministry, and Pettigrew was sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban. Cornelius Fudge had personally visited Harry in the hospital wing to extend a formal apology for not believing him, which Harry gratefully accepted. Another highlight was that during their conversation, Harry had been able to suggest that the "dangerous hippogriff" known as Buckbeak may not have been as dangerous as Lucius Malfoy had made out. Fudge was more than happy to oblige Harry, and the day after his talk with the minister, Sirius Black was sighted upon the Hogwarts grounds, helping Hagrid care for the hippogriffs, who were happy to have Buckbeak back again.

Harry, Hermione made a point of accepting Luna as a friend, and Ron tentatively agreed to hang out with her more, if only to keep an eye on her and make sure that she didn't ruin his friendships with Harry and Hermione. At the end of the day, though, she didn't ruin his appetite, so he was satisfied for the time being.

A/N: *wipes forehead*
So, here you go! The third chapter! Not as extra-long as I had hoped, but hopefully enough to keep you all satisfied. What do you think? Please review, and if you like it, like it! If you don't like it, however, there is no need to read it.

Signing off,
Mistivir