A/N: I was bored and the inspiration for my other works has gone into hiding. So I did the only logical thing- started a new story!

Pairing: Fem! Ed x Roy

Warning: Language, sexual activity, and violence.

Rating: M

Disclaimer: Not making a dime.

Summary: A choice. The repercussions. Their solution...If only it were that easy. Fem!Ed x Roy. AU

Hand to the Fire

Prologue

The feeling of his warmth enveloping me as he sleeps, the rhythmic cycles of his breath practically daring me to escape his grasp are the sensations that greet me as I surface from a deep sleep. Blinking rapidly, I focus on the wall, waiting and somewhat hesitant to even shift minutely, knowing that he'd do the same. I don't want this moment to end, this salient peace that neither of us have fully known. The serenity is addictive, luring. It's incomprehensible, even on our slowest days.

Alchemist be thou for the people- that's the military's axiom yet no one takes it as seriously as I do. As the Fullmetal Alchemist, I am to be the people's alchemist, their voice, their strength. It keeps me busy, and more often than not, I find myself in predicaments that would make men tremble. Every day, I flit from one mission to another, every second a testament to a life that is not truly mine to live, not until I cease to be useful. My title, although all together bad ass, is just a reminder that I'm merely a dog of the military and I exist in this capacity only because the powers that be desire such a formidable weapon, one they can wield at a moment's notice. His title...well, his is a bit more complicated.

Hell, our relationship is a shit storm of complications.

I grimace.

If there's nothing more I hate, its complications. Simplicity, logic, tenacity, fortitude- those are the tenets that I strive to adhere to in life. I was never one to heed to the power of stern discipline; I only learned because I wanted to, seeking knowledge to further my own pursuits. I've lived my life on my own terms, never conceding, never waiting- always forging ahead on my own merits. I've fought for what I thought was the good of the people, even though those actions didn't necessarily correspond to the orders given. Yes, I've gotten into a fair share of trouble, and most of the time, my commanding officer would rather dismiss me than deal with me but I've never compromised who I am. Title be damned, I would always be Edaline Elric.

I think that's why he chose me. Out of all of the women in his life, all the opportunities, none of them presents such a challenge as me. Every rebellious word, every obstinate gesture suffuses him with a voracious lust as if my defiance- and his subsequent authoritative posturing- is an aphrodisiac. I'd be lying if I'd said that I didn't do some of these things to tease him. A small part of me relishes the fire that burns within his eyes when he looks at me, the thought that he could eat me alive at a moment's notice. But the other part of me is disgusted that he's come to view me as trivial as a game of comeuppance. As if I'm something to achieve and dominate instead of engage and love but such is our relationship- it defies all conventions. I'm sure he loves me in his own, pea-brained way. The simplicity of this set up was that we thrived on the thrill of testing each other's limits, of toeing that farcical line between decency and debauchery under the mere guise of subordinate and commanding officer.

Now, it's an entirely different story.

The bed shifts suddenly. His embrace tightens and I can feel his breath as it breezes over the outer shell of my ear. His hand drifts downward, those lethal fingers of his dancing delicately across my skin. The heat radiating from his body affects me to the point where I squirm slightly and my ass bumps into his crotch. A feral growl rumbles in my ear and his lethargic caress eases upward, tickling my side before cupping my breast. Gently, he thrums my taut nipple and I shut my eyes tightly, working against the desire to turn around and give him what he's blindly seeking. As the ministrations slow, I bite my lip to stave any sound, hoping that he'll simply go back to sleep and let me have my moment of silence. Thankfully, his breathing returns to that rhythmic cycle and his hand slackens, but just barely. One false move and this serene moment of respite will come to a decisive end.

Don't get me wrong, I love every waking moment with him. Just a glance of that cocky swagger and his arrogant smirk, or hell even the twinkle in his dark blue eyes and I'm reduced to a puddle of wanton desires. Yet, in this moment, in the gloaming of a new day, I relish this time alone. It allows me the time to think about the trappings of life. Of the path that I have taken, the path that still lies ahead. In all those musings, I think about us.

Us.

I never thought that I'd be a part of an us.

A small snicker escapes my lips and I freeze as his arm coils around me even tighter. I've got to be careful or our morning routine will include a heaping dose of sinful pleasure- not that I'm complaining, mind you. I just want to enjoy the solitude while I can. I can return to my duplicitous role, to being a part of something that, at its essence, shouldn't exist later. I can return to being us when the curtains rise- right now, I just want it to be me.

I exhale softly as I watch him, tempted to allow my fingers to trace the lingering furrows in his brow. We're on separate journeys, yet our paths converged. A part of me wonders if trading my life for this was worth it. Watching him slumbering peacefully, feeling his warm arms around me, I know that I made the right decision.

Now, I just have to live with it.

As he settles back down, I stare out at the shafts of sunlight filtering in through the curtains, watching as the dust particles dance in midair. I focus on a singular particle, observing how it twists at the whim of the air around it, inadvertently intermingling with the others. That's a bit how I feel most times; I've always been the lone wolf, never giving credence to others, yet thrust into the maelstrom despite my singular objective. Nothing, no one mattered more than giving my brother his body back and as such, I took to the insular life I'd carved out for myself and never looked back. I'd often thought that I'd be alone in this world and oddly, that thought comforted me. It was as if it were my penance for all of the shit I'd stirred up. I was better off alone.

That was bullshit though.

When Alphonse did get his body back, he wanted to move, to taste the flavors I'd already tasted, and feel the winds of roads that I'd already traveled. He wanted to experience the world on his own merit and I...well, I didn't have any desire to retread over the same path. As such, he took to the rails in search of new discoveries and I finally experienced something new: The magnitude of abject loneliness.

I was heartbroken but willing to forge on. I finally squared with the knowledge that I needed to keep moving; I had no designs on putting down roots, no desires for consistency. Simply put, the wanderlust that had consumed most of my childhood had become superior to everything else and I was more than willing to allow it dominion.

That was until that fateful day.

Yes, as corny as it seems, there's a fateful day. It was as normal as any day; the sun was shining, the temperature comfortable and the people of Central pleasant. I can remember thinking to myself how weird it was to wake up and not have to punch my way out of a situation. I'd awaken peacefully, taken the time to eat breakfast and meandered about the city before deciding to make an appearance at the office.

It was a normal day with the exception of what I carried with me.

That day, I was going to make a change, one that would alter my life's trajectory completely. Clutched in my hand were resignation papers and with a bold step forward, I took the steps two by two, ready and willing to leave my title, my life in the Amestris military, behind. I was on the precipice of a new adventure.

Then I opened the door.

Then the hell that was to become my life revved up to full blast.

In hindsight, I realize that I was powerless to stop it.