tmnt = viacom.

written for bigassmagnet over on tumblr :D

all downhill from here

After Donnie and April finally get together (a long, drawn-out, dragged-out thing that takes, not including the five years Donnie pined over her from not-so-afar, four months and eight days, and involved a Kraang raider-team stealth-invading the city and the turtles trying to root them out, culminating in the Kraang attacking the zoo, Mikey getting food poisoning by daring Casey to eat turtle pellets (also from the zoo), Raph being adopted by a mutated Victoria-Crowned Pigeon, and the aforementioned Kraang sending a signal through the NYC wifi network that, when reversed, somehow through the power of alien science boosted April's powers from vague empathy to just straight-up temporary omniscience.

("Oh," April said, seeing all of Donnie's heart for the first time.

"Yeah," Donnie said, scratching his head awkwardly, at which point Mikey was thrown at them, knocked Donnie off the clock tower, and the moment was gone.)) it takes four weeks and two days for it to really sink in.

Donnie is dating April.

Donnie. Is dating. April.

April. O'Neil. O'Neil.

April O'Neil.

"Has he been like this long?" Leo asks.

Mikey shrugs, tugging on Donnie's arm now out of sibling duty rather than actually trying to get him out from under the kitchen sink. "Eh. Couple hours." Mikey tugs Donnie's arm again. "C'mon, Dee," he says, rubbing Donnie's bicep encouragingly. "Cleansing breaths!"

Donnie doesn't exactly sound like any of the small panicked breaths he's making are cleansing. More like 'just enough to survive'. Leo frowns. "Donnie, come on. Get out from under there." He looks to Mikey again and waves a hand in Donnie's hyperventilating direction, trying to convey what the shit? and what sparked this off? in one gesture.

Mikey, in response, points to where Donnie's phone has been left on the kitchen worktop. Leo eyes it then, when he's sure that Donnie has taken in enough air to not pass out in the five seconds it takes Leo to stand, get Donnie's phone, and unlock it:

From: 💛🌻April🌻💛
Happy 1-month anniversary! See you tonight! :)

"Oh," says Leo, holding the phone out so Mikey can see it.

"Ooooooh," says Mikey.

Donnie says nothing, but his wheezing intensifies.

"Okay," Leo says, "I'm going to get sensei."

Except sensei is a grand total of zero help. He and Raph come in from the dojo, and Raph's eyes light up with glee with Donnie's misery for the three seconds it takes before Splinter realises that Raph, King of the Dumpster, is using this as an opportunity to Gather Shit, and promptly whacks him with his cane. "Raphael! Yametoke!"

Which Raph does, verbally. But as Splinter glides across the kitchen to kneel next to where Mikey is still trying, and failing, to get Donnie out from under the sink, Raph sinks into the stool opposite Leo, rests one hand in his chin and sighs.

"Have you been waiting for this to happen!?" Leo asks, appalled, when he realises just why Raph is so happy — because Raph is only ever this happy when one of his brothers are suffering, or one of his pigeons has just laid an egg.

Raph just smiles, and Leo curses whoever thought that using a concrete block as a kitchen table was a good idea, because right now what he wants, aside from Donnie to stop wheezing like he's just come out of a burning building after failing a Maury test, is to kick Raph in the ankles, so hard that his toenails draw blood.

Across the kitchen, Splinter clears his throat. "My son," he says to Donnie.

Donnie wheezes in response.

"Ah, love. Did I ever tell you of how I first met my wife, Tang Shen?"

There have been several Tales of Tang Shen, and most of them end up with, paraphrased, and then Oroku Saki betrayed us all and murdered her, so Leo thinks it's prudent to interject. "Uh, sensei, maybe now's not the best time—"

"When I was a young man," Splinter begins, and Donnie stops breathing.

Eventually, they get Splinter to stop talking, and Donnie to take in just enough oxygen to not die, and they get enough Dawn squirted over his shell that they can just slide Donnie out of his Safety Space (and results in Raph calling him Dawn-ie for the rest of the day and probably the next ever), and eventually they get Donnie showered off and on the couch, clutching a herbal tea and wrapped in his favourite blankie and hoarsely, Donnie tells them exactly why he is having the worst panic attack since the first time Mikey licked a petri dish.

"— been a month, a whole month, and I didn't screw it up yet but what if I do and I looked all over the internet and apparently this is a big deal, you know, it's been a whole month, so I figured maybe I needed to do something or get her something but the only anniversaries are wedding anniversaries and none of those are based on a timescale of months, and it's too soon to even think about proposing and how would that even work, it's not like I can just walk down an aisle—"

"Technically, the bride does the walking," Leo interrupts. It doesn't help.

"Yeah, bro," Mikey pipes up. "Maybe she doesn't even want to get married!"

Donnie's eyes widen in panic and horror, and takes in a long, ragged, suck of air before Leo manages to shove Mikey away with a hand over his mouth and throws in, "because marriage is an outdated institution that oppresses women and haha didn't April take that Women's Studies class last semester?"

It's just enough, and Donnie nods, wide-eyed, his knuckles white as he grips his blanket.

And then Raph leans over and says, "well I mean, he has to do something, if he wants to make it to two months, right?"

Something not unlike abject terror flashes across Donnie's face, and Leo finally just loses patience. He reaches over, pinching firmly at a nerve in Donnie's shoulder until Donnie's face slackens and he slumps forward, asleep. "Really, Raph?" Leo snaps flatly, making sure that Donnie is breathing slowly and easily, and the lines of stress are gone from his face (even if the Apple Blossom stink of dish soap will cling to his shell for the next week). "You couldn't try to help out, just once?"

"Nah." He picks up his magazine and thumbs to one of the tattier pages. "Besides. Cable's out."

"Hey guys!"

April breezes into the lair during the early evening, two pizza boxes balanced in one arm, and a bag full of sodas in the other. Leo looks up from his book (The Little Zen Book of Destroying Your Enemies, and other leadership tips) and lifts a hand. "Hey April," he says, pleased at how neutral he sounds, and nods at the bags. "You and Donnie hanging out tonight?"

"Yeah," she says, her cheeks flushed. "It's, y'know. It's been a month, so I thought," she hefts the pizzas, and nods towards the lab. "Movie night, or something. Is he around? I texted him, but…"

Donnie's been in his room for the last four hours, passed out, as far as Leo knows. "Yeah, I, uh. I'll go get him." He peels himself off the couch, trying not to feel a tad put-out when April slips into his spot, and ambles off towards Donnie's room.

Even as he approaches, he can hear hushed whispering coming from behind the door, followed by Mikey's whispered, indignant, "Dude!".

He raps a knuckle once against Donnie's door.

"Uh, Don? April's here—" and Donnie flings the door open with a manic smile and terror in his eyes.

"Okay!" he says brightly. "Thanks Leo!"

And then like a man walking to a truly terrifying, terrifyingly-awesome death, Donnie eases past Leo and marches down the steps to where April is waiting for him.

"Awww," says Mikey, leaning against Donnie's doorframe. "I take back most of the mean things I said about them when we were kids."

"What the heck were you two doing in there?" Leo asks, glancing over his shoulder. Donnie has stopped dead in the middle of the lair, fists curled like he's trying to psyche himself up to just say 'hi'. Mikey moves out of the way, revealing where Donnie's usually-Spartan room is a mess, with half of Mikey's dress-up chest thrown across the floor, including several ties, an oversized biker jacket, and Donnie's wizard cape. "Forget it," Leo says. "I don't want to know."

"Apriiiiiil, hiiiiiii!" says Donnie, from somewhere behind Leo, and there is nothing more Leo can do to help, so instead, he, and Mikey, wait at the top of the stairs, and watch, like good brothers should not.

"Hey," she says, walking over to him. She hefts her arm so that the bag of sodas falls into the crook of her elbow, and with her free hand, she clasps Donnie's arm, rubbing her thumb along his bicep. "Just relax, okay."

And just like that, Donnie does. "I am totally relaxed," he lies through his teeth, his shoulders sinking down into something a lot more neutral and composed.

April snorts, like she can see right through him, and leans up, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "C'mon," she says, tilting her head towards the lab. "I brought pizza and terrible movies."

And then they do something truly nauseating, so nauseating that Raph isn't even in the room, and Leo can still feel his disgust rolling through the air: April leans up, Donnie leans down, and they rub noses.

While humming.

Then they turn, and disappear into the lab.

"Well, that's gross," Mikey declares, dusting off his hands. He turns to Leo. "See you next month?"

:D