(19.11 years)

The Long, Long Road

Chapter 1

Peter Burke let himself fall back on the pillow in obvious frustration. He stared up blankly at the ceiling and waited for his wife to give him the usual, humiliating pep talk.

'Honey, it's no big deal' Elizabeth said, her voice full of empathy.

'El, please….' Peter began as he turned away from her and faced the window, arms crossed tightly across his chest.

The fact that he was part of the vast majority of men who struggled with impotence following prostate cancer surgery wasn't much consolation. He wanted his life to be the way it had always been: full and satisfying in every way.

Elizabeth wasn't giving up that easily and she turned towards him, wrapping her arm around his chest and trying to pull him closer - easier said than done. She could feel his muscles tensing under her not so welcome touch.

'El… I just want to sleep' Peter muttered as she finally gave up and returned to her side of the bed.

It had been just over four months since his cancer surgery and although everything looked good on that front, the surgery had left some extremely annoying and lingering side effects. Peter hadn't really considered that this could happen to him; after all, despite his advancing years, performance in the bedroom had never been an issue for the ex-FBI agent. Throughout their thirty-two year marriage, Elizabeth had never had any complaints in that department and even though she wasn't complaining about the turn of events, he couldn't help feeling that he was letting her down - hell, he was letting himself down.

'Honey…' she tried again as Peter dug in his heels and closed his eyes, pretending to be drifting off to sleep.

The only thing worse than not being able to get it up was getting sympathy for not being able to get it up.

WCWCWC

'Grrrr' growled Sara as she set her book down beside her on the bed. 'How are we supposed to concentrate with all this racket!'

Neal brought his chin to his chest and peeked over the top of his reading glasses, eyes moving from the computer screen to his wife's frustrated face.

'You're the one who wanted to stay home while she had the party' he reminded her as she glared back.

'As if we're going to let a bunch of sixteen-year-olds have the run of the house' she declared in that no-nonsense way he knew all too well.

Neal pushed the laptop off his lap and turned in bed to face her, his glasses still on the tip of his nose. He ran his hand over her stomach, settling on her hip and gave her an exaggerated leer.

'We could pass the time by…'

She pushed his hand away playfully. 'Neal, I am not having sex with a houseful of teenagers a few feet away!' she declared.

'Fine…' Neal said, resigned, as he sat back up and reached for the laptop once again.

They had agreed to let Caitlin host her sweet sixteen party at the house and now they were wondering what they could have possibly been thinking when they'd given in to what had seemed to be a reasonable request - at the time. Caitlin Somersby had been living with them less than a year and this was her first birthday since she'd joined the Caffrey family - and a milestone birthday at that. Both Hope and Liam had had parties over the years and it seemed only fair that they would grant their foster daughter the same privilege - except that this was Caitlin and whenever Caitlin was involved, things had a funny way of going awry.

The loud, annoyingly repetitive sound of… something could be heard beneath them and suddenly they heard glass shattering in the distance. Neal was instantly on his feet. He took the time to grab for a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from their bedroom chair as Sara glared back at him.

'What? I don't think going down there wearing nothing but silk sleep pants is going to give me the gravitas I'm going for' Neal mumbled as he zipped up his pants and reached the bedroom door.

He stepped out into the hallway and was instantly aware of some loud giggling nearby; he followed the sound up the hall to Caitlin's room, shocked to find an unidentified couple making out on Caitlin's bed. The teens looked up, eyes wide as Neal stood in the doorway, turning on the bright bedroom light as he stared at them in disbelief.

'Hey! Romeo and Juliet. Downstairs! Now!' he declared as the teens scrambled to stand and make a quick exit.

The noise was increasingly deafening as Neal made his way down the stairs - the combination of music and loud chatter making it impossible to form a single coherent thought. He noticed how the house seemed full, although they had been explicit about limiting the number of guests to twenty or so.

Two young men looked up at Neal as he stepped off the stairs and they gave him an arrogant look - as if they belonged there and he didn't. The sneer on their faces threw Neal off and he looked down, noticing the rolled up dooby in one of the boys' hands. Without hesitation, he made his way over to the young kid and grabbed him by the collar as he dragged him to the nearby front door, depositing him right outside despite the cool March night.

'Out!' Neal added for emphasis as the second kid followed his buddy into the cool night air.

He was on his way back when he heard the all too familiar sound of retching coming from the bathroom by the front door and he glanced in, noticing a young girl kneeling by the toilet while her friend held her hair and watched as she emptied the contents of her stomach in the toilet.

Great! Neal thought, sex, drugs and booze - Caitlin had managed to break the three cardinal rules already. He waited a moment for the vomiter to finish doing her business and she finally looked up, bleary-eyed at the man who had suddenly appeared; she stood, seemingly embarrassed as Neal glared down at the two of them.

'Call your parents. Now.' he said to the least impaired of the two. '…and tell them to come and get you. The party's over.'

The sound of music blaring grew impossibly louder as Neal followed the sound and made his way to the back of the house towards the kitchen and family room where most of the chatter was coming from. It didn't take long for him to realize what that loud, thumping sound had been and he leaned down to pick up the basketball that lay right next to the tiffany lamp in the family room - the very one that had been a gift from June and which was now lying in shattered bits on the hardwood floor.

Neal looked around to see where Caitlin and Liam were, not seeing either one of them at first.

'Do you want a beer?' a young girl asked as she fluttered her eyelashes at him.

Neal stared back in disbelief. 'Do I want a beer?' he repeated. 'No, I do not want a beer… and neither do you!' Neal said as he took the bottle from the young girl's hand, watching as her eyes grew in surprise.

Suddenly, there was deathly silence as Neal killed the music, all eyes turning to see what the problem was. And that's when Neal spotted Caitlin on the couch, in a heavy-duty make-out session with a boy who looked to be at least eighteen.

His jaw dropped and he tried to collect himself as he prepared to call an end to the festivities. There had to be at least fifty kids roaming around the house and any good will on his part had now evaporated.

'Party's over!' he called out loudly above the chatter. 'Everybody out!'

The usual moaning and groaning could be heard as the teens began to collect their things and suddenly Caitlin was standing in front of him, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

'I can't believe you did this to me' she shouted, indignant. 'I'll never forgive you!'

WCWCWC

The house had grown quiet, the guests long gone and Caitlin sat, fidgeting on the family room couch as Neal and Sara sat across from her, staring her down. Nearby, the soft sound of the broom could be heard as Liam cleaned up the remnants of June's heirloom.

'You totally embarrassed me in front of all my friends' Caitlin moaned as Neal swallowed to keep from saying something he'd live to regret.

Instead, he stood and stepping over the mess left behind by the hooligans, he made is way to the fridge, grabbing a sheet of paper which had been hanging there.

'Read it' he said to Caitlin as she tried to focus her eyes.

'It's late…' she complained.

'I don't care how late it is' Neal said as Sara looked on. 'Read it.'

Caitlin gave her foster dad a look of sheer exasperation and turned her eyes to the contract she'd signed the week before in anticipation of the long awaited party.

'I agree to…' she mumbled.

'Louder, Caitlin. We can't hear you' Sara said in exasperation.

'I agree to the following conditions…' Caitlin resumed. 'No more than twenty friends, no alcohol, no drugs and I will do all the clean up.'

Neal pointed to Liam who was busy nearby, putting paper cups and plates in a large garbage bag.

'Liam…' Caitlin said. 'I'll do that.'

'And where were you when all this was going on?' Sara asked as Liam looked down, embarrassed.

'Mom, those kids who brought the beer don't even go to our school' he moaned.

'My point, exactly' Neal said. 'You can't control who's going to show up when you start telling everyone you're having a party.'

'I didn't tell everybody…' Caitlin muttered. 'I just… mentioned it on Twitter, that's all.'

'Well, tomorrow, you can mention this on Twitter. You are grounded for the foreseeable future, you will work off the cost of replacing that lamp and you are never having another party in this house again' Neal said, his voice even.

He stood and put out his hand to Sara. 'Now, Mom and I are going to bed and when we get up tomorrow morning, we expect this place to be just as clean and tidy as it was when we got up this morning. Is that clear?'

Caitlin and Liam exchanged looks and grabbed for the garbage bags.

WCWCWC

Neal sat across from Peter in their usual diner, sharing coffee and looking equally miserable.

'… and then, she had the nerve to say I'd embarrassed her!' Neal complained. He was on a roll as he filled Peter in on the events from the night before in vivid detail.

Peter gave him a pensive look and Neal frowned.

'What's with you anyway? You look like someone stuck their tongue out at you and ran off with your commendation award' Neal said in jest.

Peter rolled his eyes and gave his best friend a forced smile. Suddenly, the little light went on and Neal snapped out of his little Caitlin hissy fit, tuning in to Peter's ongoing woes.

'Naw… it didn't happen again, did it?' Neal asked, glancing up at a very sad looking Peter.

Peter shrugged self-consciously. He didn't like talking about his sex life - thriving or otherwise - but Neal was the only one he could confide in; he certainly couldn't tell El how totally incompetent he was feeling.

'I'm sorry Peter' Neal added.

'I thought I had it this time' Peter admitted sheepishly. 'It started out great, I…' Peter hesitated, weighing his words. '…you know, I was able to get going but…'

Neal looked up at his best friend and gave him a sad smile. He remembered all too well how he'd felt when he was recuperating from his gunshot wound two years before and how the temporary bout of impotence had played havoc with his self-esteem.

'Did you talk about it… with the doctor?' Neal asked.

'He says, chances are, things will all… work out if I just wait a little longer' Peter said, staring down at his coffee cup.

'Well, that sounds encouraging' Neal said in an attempt to cheer his best friend up.

'It's been four months, Neal. I mean, even for me and El, that's… that's a long time.'

Neal could certainly empathize; he'd been called upon to reign in his sexual impulses over the past few months as Sara worked through the ordeal she'd recently suffered at the hands of a couple of thugs. They were both still in therapy, working things out, and they'd recently begun to resume a more normal sex life although Sara still seemed fragile and he was still overly cautious.

Peter seemed to realize Neal's predicament and he gave him a shy smile. 'Sorry, for a minute there, I forgot about what you and Sara have been going through lately…'

'It's okay, Peter' Neal said. 'That's not about me not being able to… you know… but I do know what it's like to get performance anxiety.

Neal thought for a moment, not wanting to overstep; after all, except for a few specific situations in the past, he and Peter weren't 'kiss and tell' kind of guys.

'You know, when I was paralyzed' he began cautiously. 'Sara and I used to… experiment, you know, try new things. It doesn't always have to be about intercourse.'

The waitress returned to fill their cups and they instinctively changed the subject, both slightly embarrassed by the topic of conversation.

'So, when's Hope's study week?' Peter asked. He hadn't seen his goddaughter since Christmas break and he was looking forward to spending some time with her when she came to town.

'Next week' Neal said with a warm smile - thinking of his beautiful daughter always did that to him. 'I think she's coming home a week from tomorrow.'

'Ah, that explains why Cam's been walking around with that goofy smile on his face' Peter said with a laugh.

'Oh, by the way, do you have stuff for Caitlin to do at the gallery?' Neal asked as he took a sip of his coffee. 'She's got a debt to pay off and I've got her helping out with some of the classes at the school but…'

'…you want her to suffer' Peter said, ending Neal's thought.

Neal shrugged and raised his eyebrows in response.

'Yeah, there's always stuff to do around the gallery' Peter responded.

'Good' Neal answered. 'And Peter, make it unpleasant.'

TBC